This is my annual advertisement---which is a bit difficult for me to do. But if I didn't hope my books would be supportive, why did I write them??
As you are considering gifts for those you love, I would like you to consider the two books associated with this blog. Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God-a woman's path to sustained recovery is appropriate for women and families who have issues of addiction. Specific issues of women's recovery are discussed, ultimately encouraging women to acknowledge that long term recovery is sustained in their relationship with God. And Filling the God-Shaped Void-a book of daily meditations is appropriate for all of us who seek daily reminders of living a life of recovery...or simply living the life God wants for each of us.
You can read more about each book on amazon.com. They can be ordered there or on liguori.com.
More importantly on this first Sunday of Advent, let us spend the next weeks considering what Christ's birth means in our daily lives---NOW!
Blessings---Penny
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Happy Thanksgiving and....
I'm cooking turkey and dressing and salads and vegetables for our family gathering here tomorrow. Others will bring additional goodies. It will be a good day. We are thankful for so much. For those of you from countries other than the U.S., you probably know of our Thanksgiving Day---the day we stop to remember the first settlers of our country and say thanks for all we have. We have so much---and yet we complain so much.
I say a special thanks to each of you who check into this blog---either regularly or irregularly. Knowing you are reading it helps me pay extra attention to my days---what might I write about that might have meaning for me and for someone else?
Also there were 2 articles in today's newspaper that caught my attention. One was focused on genome research and though it was not specifically about addiction, it did mention the interaction of brain chemicals that are sensitive and get screwed up in addiction. There is a strong physical component to addiction---a good chance some of it is inherited. The other article was about gambling and the effort to use "harm reduction" rather than absolute abstinence in the treatment. Both ideas are so very important as we address the issue of addiction in our families and communities.
We are thankful for research and progress in the treatment of addictions. There is hope.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Blessings--Penny
I say a special thanks to each of you who check into this blog---either regularly or irregularly. Knowing you are reading it helps me pay extra attention to my days---what might I write about that might have meaning for me and for someone else?
Also there were 2 articles in today's newspaper that caught my attention. One was focused on genome research and though it was not specifically about addiction, it did mention the interaction of brain chemicals that are sensitive and get screwed up in addiction. There is a strong physical component to addiction---a good chance some of it is inherited. The other article was about gambling and the effort to use "harm reduction" rather than absolute abstinence in the treatment. Both ideas are so very important as we address the issue of addiction in our families and communities.
We are thankful for research and progress in the treatment of addictions. There is hope.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Blessings--Penny
Sunday, November 23, 2014
easier said than done
About a year ago I shared concerns about the daughter of a friend. The daughter had been binging and purging and had recently cut herself on purpose. These behaviors had apparently been going on for some time but family had not recognized them. She was hospitalized at that time and has been in and out of treatment centers since then.
More recently she totaled her car, stole oxycotin from her parents' medicine cabinet and this week was arrested for driving a car under the influence (of marijuana). We can see a pattern here but the family is again having difficulty naming it and dealing with it.They are trying the tough love approach but that is difficult with a young woman over 21.
One of the therapists told the mother, "This is your daughter's problem-not yours." On an intellectual level that is true and a valid therapeutic approach. But on an emotional level that is so difficult to take into one's heart. "This is my child...always and forever." As parents we want to spare our children pain, to hold and comfort. And at some level this daughter will always be her child...no matter what age and no matter what well-intentioned therapists say.
I pray these parents can enact the "tough" part of tough love and also continue to demonstrate the "love" that will always be there for "child."
I pray these parents know they are held by God who knows their problem is also His problem-that they are His children forever.
Blessings-Penny
More recently she totaled her car, stole oxycotin from her parents' medicine cabinet and this week was arrested for driving a car under the influence (of marijuana). We can see a pattern here but the family is again having difficulty naming it and dealing with it.They are trying the tough love approach but that is difficult with a young woman over 21.
One of the therapists told the mother, "This is your daughter's problem-not yours." On an intellectual level that is true and a valid therapeutic approach. But on an emotional level that is so difficult to take into one's heart. "This is my child...always and forever." As parents we want to spare our children pain, to hold and comfort. And at some level this daughter will always be her child...no matter what age and no matter what well-intentioned therapists say.
I pray these parents can enact the "tough" part of tough love and also continue to demonstrate the "love" that will always be there for "child."
I pray these parents know they are held by God who knows their problem is also His problem-that they are His children forever.
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, November 20, 2014
another sleepless night
My sleep disorder showed up again last night. The night becomes one of being awake for at least two hours. I'm not certain what triggers the awake period but I sure do fret about things during that time. And I don't have much to fret about!
But last night I thought about and prayed for people I know who do have alot to fret about. One person is someone I don't even know. I saw her 2 days ago as I sat in our car and waited for my husband. We were in a very bad part of town. My husband was counseling a cocaine addict at the addict's apartment--in itself not a very good thing to do--but my husband reaches out when the need is there. Anyway, I was people watching and saw this young family climb into an old, beat up Ford truck. Father, mother, a little boy about 4 years old, a little girl about 3 years old and a baby in the mother's arms. Now we had an old beat up Ford truck like that one and there were only two seat belts. Which makes me pretty sure this truck had no seat belts for the children, and no car seats.
Last night I thought about and prayed for the struggles this family has. Seat belts and car seats are probably not their first concern. Food on the table is probably the first priority. It is so easy not to see the struggles so many people have.
I wonder if that young mother and father have sleepless nights. What do they fret about? How about my many friends who are caretakers of their loved ones who are ill? What are their sleepless nights like? Do they trust in God's love? Do they know that how very dark it is, He holds them?
Do I trust? Do you trust?
Blessings-Penny
But last night I thought about and prayed for people I know who do have alot to fret about. One person is someone I don't even know. I saw her 2 days ago as I sat in our car and waited for my husband. We were in a very bad part of town. My husband was counseling a cocaine addict at the addict's apartment--in itself not a very good thing to do--but my husband reaches out when the need is there. Anyway, I was people watching and saw this young family climb into an old, beat up Ford truck. Father, mother, a little boy about 4 years old, a little girl about 3 years old and a baby in the mother's arms. Now we had an old beat up Ford truck like that one and there were only two seat belts. Which makes me pretty sure this truck had no seat belts for the children, and no car seats.
Last night I thought about and prayed for the struggles this family has. Seat belts and car seats are probably not their first concern. Food on the table is probably the first priority. It is so easy not to see the struggles so many people have.
I wonder if that young mother and father have sleepless nights. What do they fret about? How about my many friends who are caretakers of their loved ones who are ill? What are their sleepless nights like? Do they trust in God's love? Do they know that how very dark it is, He holds them?
Do I trust? Do you trust?
Blessings-Penny
Sunday, November 16, 2014
a quote
"Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. Invite one to stay." Maya Angelou
I would also say 'hope and anxiety cannot occupy the same space.' It seems to me so many people organize their lives around their anxiety--do I have enough money? do I have the right job? do I have the right clothes? do I have the right car? do I have the right house? will I get the right grade? will I get into the right school? We create our own anxiety and then our lives revolve around reducing that anxiety.
What if we started each day with a prayer that we invite "hope" to stay with us that day? ...hope that I make the choices that reduce my anxiety and fear that day... hope that I make the "loving" choices for myself and my family that day.
How would hope look in your life when it replaces fear and anxiety?
Blessings-Penny
I would also say 'hope and anxiety cannot occupy the same space.' It seems to me so many people organize their lives around their anxiety--do I have enough money? do I have the right job? do I have the right clothes? do I have the right car? do I have the right house? will I get the right grade? will I get into the right school? We create our own anxiety and then our lives revolve around reducing that anxiety.
What if we started each day with a prayer that we invite "hope" to stay with us that day? ...hope that I make the choices that reduce my anxiety and fear that day... hope that I make the "loving" choices for myself and my family that day.
How would hope look in your life when it replaces fear and anxiety?
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Communication---again
I know I blog about communication rather frequently but the issue of our problems communicating seem to come up so often.
A few days ago I was on a hike in some pretty spectacular Red Rocks just outside Las Vegas. The group I was with knew each other and one woman inquired about a trip of the wife of one of the other hikers. The husband responded saying something like, "I really don't know. She probably told me but I don't listen very well." Everyone laughed but when he repeated that comment about another question regarding his wife later in the day, I really began to wonder.
Later that weekend I was with another group and one wife complained to her husband that he had put away washed fruit left over from breakfast in the container with unwashed fruit. She said to him, in a very sarcastic voice within earshot of everyone in the room, "So now we have washed and unwashed fruit in the same container."
Now granted we all need to be able to express a better way to do things---AND---there are loving ways to do that.
Do I take time to hear myself and my tone of voice? Do I listen and speak in a loving way? Do I do that with my family?
Blessings-Penny
A few days ago I was on a hike in some pretty spectacular Red Rocks just outside Las Vegas. The group I was with knew each other and one woman inquired about a trip of the wife of one of the other hikers. The husband responded saying something like, "I really don't know. She probably told me but I don't listen very well." Everyone laughed but when he repeated that comment about another question regarding his wife later in the day, I really began to wonder.
Later that weekend I was with another group and one wife complained to her husband that he had put away washed fruit left over from breakfast in the container with unwashed fruit. She said to him, in a very sarcastic voice within earshot of everyone in the room, "So now we have washed and unwashed fruit in the same container."
Now granted we all need to be able to express a better way to do things---AND---there are loving ways to do that.
Do I take time to hear myself and my tone of voice? Do I listen and speak in a loving way? Do I do that with my family?
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, November 6, 2014
power and choices
We attended a lecture last evening that focused on developmental stages. The presenter made the point that we have no choice about the fact that we proceed from infancy, to adulthood, to what he called elder status. Ongoing development is the reality of our lives. He also made the point that when we reach elder status our American culture does not do a good job of honoring that stage. Culture and we,as individuals, try to hold on to adulthood. His point was that again, we, as individuals need to accept the inevitability of that development and enjoy and honor the stage of elder status.
During the question and answer session one man asked,"When do you know it's time to accept that you have moved into the elder status?"
The presenter responded, "When you say to yourself, 'I don't have to do that anymore.' "
We don't have power over whether we move in to elder status but we do have choices how we enjoy and honor that stage.
This response reminded me of the power and choices we have in recovery. Yes, recovery is very very hard, but when we finally "get" that we "don't have to do this anymore," we really begin to move into recovery. We begin to realize the drug is powerful but we are not powerless over our choices and decisions. "We don't have to do that anymore."
We always have choices. Do we ask God daily to lead us in those choices?
Blessings-Penny
During the question and answer session one man asked,"When do you know it's time to accept that you have moved into the elder status?"
The presenter responded, "When you say to yourself, 'I don't have to do that anymore.' "
We don't have power over whether we move in to elder status but we do have choices how we enjoy and honor that stage.
This response reminded me of the power and choices we have in recovery. Yes, recovery is very very hard, but when we finally "get" that we "don't have to do this anymore," we really begin to move into recovery. We begin to realize the drug is powerful but we are not powerless over our choices and decisions. "We don't have to do that anymore."
We always have choices. Do we ask God daily to lead us in those choices?
Blessings-Penny
Monday, November 3, 2014
struggles
Why is recovery so difficult for some people?? Access to the drug of choice is certainly one issue.
Two people I recently met are sure struggling with access issues. One is a man in his middle life. He is a cocaine addict ---lives in a rough part of town--his dealer comes to his apartment door and asks if he wants a bag. He lives where he does because the rent is cheap and he can walk to work. He does sidewalk portraits in the tourist area---no real boss to report to. But when told of a cocaine anonymous meeting a couple of blocks from home, he chooses to say he has to work. The meeting is early evening---his works until midnight. Choices...priorities..."if nothing changes, nothing changes."
The other person struggling with access is a young woman. She is currently living at home because of serious mental health issues. The family really didn't think drugs were a problem so when the dad had recent surgery and was given a prescription for oxycodon, the 60 pills were left in the parents' bathroom. When dad went to take his prescribed dosage, 4 pills were still in the bottle. The young woman was taken to the emergency room and admitted to a psyc unit for a few days. The therapist said this woman "just doesn't want to feel anything." Just a reminder that young people often access drugs from their parents medicine cabinet. They even have parties called "pharm parties" where they pool their drugs.
I remember my early recovery and access to liquor. We had a pretty large assortment of spirits and wine which I accessed earlier and earlier in the day. I finally told my husband we had to put them in a foot locker with a padlock---and don't tell me where the key is. There was simply no way I was able to not drink with access so readily available. The compulsion, the disease was too powerful.
Access is part of the struggle with recovery. Making choices that minimize that access are vital. Making a commitment to recovery is one of those choices...for addicts and their families.
Are you committed to recovery? Do you renew that commitment each day? Do your choices reflect that commitment? Each morning do you ask God to give you the strength and courage to make the recovery choices?
Blessings-Penny
Two people I recently met are sure struggling with access issues. One is a man in his middle life. He is a cocaine addict ---lives in a rough part of town--his dealer comes to his apartment door and asks if he wants a bag. He lives where he does because the rent is cheap and he can walk to work. He does sidewalk portraits in the tourist area---no real boss to report to. But when told of a cocaine anonymous meeting a couple of blocks from home, he chooses to say he has to work. The meeting is early evening---his works until midnight. Choices...priorities..."if nothing changes, nothing changes."
The other person struggling with access is a young woman. She is currently living at home because of serious mental health issues. The family really didn't think drugs were a problem so when the dad had recent surgery and was given a prescription for oxycodon, the 60 pills were left in the parents' bathroom. When dad went to take his prescribed dosage, 4 pills were still in the bottle. The young woman was taken to the emergency room and admitted to a psyc unit for a few days. The therapist said this woman "just doesn't want to feel anything." Just a reminder that young people often access drugs from their parents medicine cabinet. They even have parties called "pharm parties" where they pool their drugs.
I remember my early recovery and access to liquor. We had a pretty large assortment of spirits and wine which I accessed earlier and earlier in the day. I finally told my husband we had to put them in a foot locker with a padlock---and don't tell me where the key is. There was simply no way I was able to not drink with access so readily available. The compulsion, the disease was too powerful.
Access is part of the struggle with recovery. Making choices that minimize that access are vital. Making a commitment to recovery is one of those choices...for addicts and their families.
Are you committed to recovery? Do you renew that commitment each day? Do your choices reflect that commitment? Each morning do you ask God to give you the strength and courage to make the recovery choices?
Blessings-Penny
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