Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God

book

2012-02-16T03:28:00.001-08:00

I have not been posting as much as I would like to. My new book, "Filling the God-shaped Void-a book of daily meditations" was due yesterday. I hope to really have it complete by March 1 but it is consuming most of my writing time.

But I have been thinking of this writing and musing over a couple of things. One is a couple of newspaper articles on child rearing.Since I feel being a good parent is absolutely one of the priorities in life, I'm always interested in the latest trends. One article reviewed a book written by a woman who had lived in France. She was struck by the better behavior of French children than her American children. After talking and observing many French families, she determined that the better behavior of French children was due to the firmer limits that French children have. Parents speak in firmer tones when setting limits. French children have only one snack per day-at 4 pm. The American writer mused, "Are we afraid to make our children unhappy?"It all made sense to me. When I raised my children we certainly had firm schedules and things like good behavior in restaurants or a church was an understood requirement. However I also have been supportive of the newer generations more "at ease" approach to parenting-children included in more gatherings, schedules more flexible.

It is all so very important and I wonder how we find the right balance? It is certainly worth ongoing conversation.
Blessings-Penny

Blessings-Penny

relapse and recovery

2012-02-05T03:23:00.000-08:00

A recent article by a physician involved with the recovery of doctors who abuse drugs and alcohol had an interesting idea. This doctor who was in charge of this physicians' recovery program said that their success and minimal relapse rates indicated that relapse is not necessarily a part of the disease of addiction. He maintained that the physicinas enrolled in their program relapsed at a far lesser rate than the average recovering program. Monitoring, drug urines and support were essential parts of their program.

The reduced relapse rate for those physicians is certainly admirable. However I wonder how applicable that is for the average recovering person. After all look at the incentive for recovery for the physician. If he does not relapse, if he moves into sustained recovery, he returns to a lucrative job, probably a family ready to stand by him (after all they have alot to lose if they don't)and a supportive network.

What does the average person in recovery have? Often the average person has lost a job, has no housing, no transportation, no skills and a probation system that is looking for him or her to screw up.

It seems to me for the average person to sustain recovery it would take the same things physicians have- a job, a home,a supportive network. As the very least, the average person working towards recovery needs to feel their lives are important enoughto save. They need to have enough self esteem to know they are worth saving. They need to know they can change and things in their environment can change. They need to have a spiritual connection that promises them they are loved.

How are we ever going to get there?

Blessings-Penny

Being pleased

2012-02-01T04:33:00.000-08:00

Chistopher Hitchens wrote an article, his final one, in Vanity Fair recently that has great advice for all of us. He was talking about Charles Dickens and Dickens' respect for childhood. The part that spoke to me was Hitchens' suggestion, through his analysis of Dickens, that we all "hang onto our childhood." His perspective was that if we do that we are more apt to be generous in spirit,to have a "freshness and gentleness and a capacity to be pleased."

Isn't that a beautiful phrase-"a capacity to be pleased?" Do you still get pleased at things or is your more general attitude one of criticism and judgment? Criticism and judgment are easy patterns to slide into. After all there is alot to be critical of in today's culture. But Dickens delighted in birthday parties, being lavish about them and celebrating that we were "unborn and now we are launched."

Do you still "have a capacity to be pleased? Do you still delight in lavish birthdays? Wouldn't it be wonderful if friends described you as "gentle and fresh?"

Blessings-Penny

good health

2012-01-27T07:28:00.000-08:00

Joe and I have had a real tangle with the flu virus this week. He wound up going by ambulance to the ER after fainting and such terrible weakness that he couldn't get up. A few days later I had the same flu and fainting feeling but didn't go down.

A bout like this and feeling so badly for several days makes one extremely grateful for good health.When we have good health days-physically, emotionally and spiritually-we need to remember what a gift good health is. We need to cherish it, make a resolution to take care of it, and define ways we are going to do that.

How will you protect your good health-physically, emotionally and spiritually? Today?
Blessings-Penny

windows

2012-01-20T05:56:00.001-08:00

A member of our extended family died recently and I have been talking with his wife frequently. She is grieving and wrestling with all the different emotions associated with her loss. At one point she said she has been telling friends, "He died with grace." I was surprised to hear her use the term grace. I was in the room with her as he drew his last breaths and it was a peaceful death. But this was a man who one might say was "larger than life." He was a successful salesman with all the accompanying bravado and exhuberance of that profession.

And then the widow said, "I wonder why I use the term grace. That's not in my usual vocabulary. It must come from something I learned in bible school a long time ago. Maybe it's something I need to pay attention to."

The words we use can give us a window into our innermost thoughts. If we pay attention to those words, they might tell us of beliefs we hold, things we've learned that we have lost, ideas we once thought important.

Any words that catch you by surprise? Even if they are not your words are there words that touch you-words like peace and gentleness and honesty and grace? Blessings-Penny

thankful

2012-01-16T11:30:00.000-08:00

We visited a friend in the hospital yesterday who usually travels out of Vermont to warm places January-March. He really dislikes the cold and what he describes as the dark, raw days. This year he cannot travel and he is miserable.

As we left the hospital and returned home I noted the temperature was 8 degrees above 0. It had warmed up from 8 degrees below 0 at dawn! Yeah it was cold!

But then I sat at the dining roon table to do a little writing and a little daydreaming out the window. First a fox ran across the field from one woods to another. His fur was thick and his tail fluffy. He wasn't minding the cold. And then as sunset came the alpenglow was on the mountain. Alpenglow occurs on sunny winter days as the sun sets and reflects its pink color on the mountain snow. It is mystical-a wonder.

Yes, we could complain of the winter cold or we can delight in its unique gifts.

Do you complain of your circumstances or note and take pleasure in your gifts? Both are genuine human responses. One just seems more pleasureable.

Blessings-Penny

Epiphany

2012-01-13T03:39:00.000-08:00

Last sunday I attended a church service which celebrated Epiphany-the day the Wise Men arrived at the manger and offered their gifts to the Christ Child.In reality they probably arrived after the Child was out of the manger because the Wise Men had to travel from so far.But that is beside the point.

The minister invited the children at the service to come forward for a few moments of discussion. She pointed to the manger figures and asked the children, "Who was at the manger?" The usual responses of "Mary...Joseph...the shepherds" were given and then one little girl said, "I was there." Isn't that just about the sweetest thing you have heard? "I was there." A parent or maybe a grandparent had helped this child have an image of her presence at the birth of Christ...her presence at the birthday party.

At Christmas did you have an image of yourself at Christ's birthday party? What might that have felt like? Would a sense of being there make a difference in what you do today? You are there-every day.

Blessings-Penny

Denial

2012-01-02T04:23:00.000-08:00

We visited a friend in the hospital yesterday. He had fallen the day after Christmas and broken several vertebrae and a bone in his "neck." His blood alcohol level was
.18. His wife's was .09. He is also now being teated for alcohol withdrawal. I suggested she and I have coffee in the cafeteria.

We have socialized with this couple for several years and my husband and I have commented to ourselves about their alcohol consumption from time to time. But they are very physically active and there were no other signs that alarmed us.

However when I suggested to the wife that her husband has a problem and that she might need to look at her drinking also, she became very defensive. "Well he says he has a problem but that doesn't mean I have to quit. I'm not going to give up my 2 in the evening." When I suggested that it would be extremely difficult for him to quit or even cut back signficantly if she continued to drink in the house or in front of him, she became even more entrenched in her right to drink. "It's how I cope...I look forward to it all day...it wouldn't be fair."

At that point we moved on to another subject. I was not surprised at her reaction. It just reminded me of how powerful this addiction is. I do not know if the wife is an alcoholic but I do know when someones defends their right to drink to the detriment of someone they love, there is a problem.

It was a powerful reminder to me of where I had been in the past and where I do not want to be again. That is a miserable hole to be in.

Do you remember how bad it was? How wonderful it is to be out of that dark hole and up into the light! We never have to be there again!
Blessings-Penny

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T05:46:00.000-08:00

There has been much review in the local newspaper this week about out area's response to the devastation of Tropical Storm Irene. Certainly it was the biggest new's story of our region and the response of individual citizens, the local and federal government and neighboring states has been phenomenal.

There is a new saying or phrase that captures the local efforts and I think it can be applied to our own lives. The saying is VTx2...Vermont times two. The efforts to rebuild are taking twice the effort we thought. Local bridges, roads, rivers and streams need repair that is twice as strong, twice as profound. Part of that is because the infrastructure was old and collapsing before the storm and part of that is because we don't know what climate change will bring in the future. We need to work twice as hard to prevent future devastation.

Doesn't that sound like our lives-especially in recovery? We need twice the effort especially if relapse has been part of our recovery pattern.The old stuff doesn't work and we don't know what the future will bring in triggers, stress etc. etc.

On this New Year's Day think about, make a plan of how you might double your efforts of recovery. How can it be twice as strong?

Happy New Year! and Blessings-Penny

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T08:37:00.001-08:00

"I hear the angels. I see the stars all shining. I believe. I do believe." Anton Chekov

always a mom

2011-12-19T03:16:00.000-08:00

We just returned from a lovely cruise on the Danube River. Beautiful old cities, castles, cathedrals and Christmas Markets. Just splendid.

But the best part of the trip was in a phone call waiting for us when we returned. Our younger son had received a promotion he had not expected-in fact he had been told the promotion would not happen. He had been devasted that his career had hit such a block after being on the "fast track" for several years. As his mother I believe I was as devasted as he was. But now all of that was over. His worth and contributions were recognized. I could hear the deep smile in his voice.

As parents, all of us want our children, no matter what age,to be happy. We want them to be treated fairly. When that doesn't happen we suffer with them. That's part of being a parent. And when the joy comes we get to celebrate with them!

My son's news was a joyous climax to our trip. We can spend money on travel, on bling and on stuff but there is no joy like our children's happiness!

That is part of the Christmas message---recognizing the true gifts in our lives. Take time this last week of Advent, to "Listen" to Christ's gifts in your life.

Blessings-Penny

filter

2011-12-06T04:27:00.000-08:00

Recently I heard a young woman talking about how burned out she is at work. She said, "I know I'm burned out because I hear myself saying things I never said before-critical things in a tone that is most unpleasant, really sharp. I think I've lost my filter. I used to be able to hear myself before I spoke and even if I was thinking something critical, I could modify it so it didn't come across as almost hurtful. I know I still have my filter-I just need to step back and use it."

We have a well for water at our house and it requires a filter that needs changing about every 6 weeks. If we neglect to change the filter, the water gets cloudy and very unappealing. Oil filters in cars need changing or they clog up

If we, as human beings under alot of stress, neglect to monitor our emotional and communication filters, our conversations can be pretty unappealing and clogged up.

Does your filter need changing?

(by the way-I will be out of town for about 2 weeks and will not be posting blogs during that time. "See" you when I return. Thanks so very much to each of you who check in.)
Blessings-Penny

a gift

2011-12-01T13:49:00.000-08:00

Just before Thanksgiving I received a lovely gift. A little background---many years ago I lived in Hawaii for about 5 years with my children and husband who was a Marine pilot. It was Vietnam era and when he went overseas for yet another year tour, the children and I moved off the military base and into a civilian neighborhood. During that year we lived across the street from a lovely family whose children attended the same elementary school as my daughter. We carpooled for that year and so I saw the neighbor children daily. The 8th grade neighbor girl,Susu, also baby sat for my children on the rare occassion I went to a movie or dinner with friends. I corresponded with Susu's parents for several years but lost touch in our many moves.

Well, last week Susu looked us up on the internet. I am not certain how she did it but she located my son who is now an active duty Marine himself. She reminisced about the year we were neighbors and she wrote of her memories of my daughter who was killed in a traffic accident several years later.She even remembered how to spell my daughter's unusual name.

Since very few people in my life here in Vermont knew my daughter, I do not have many conversations about her. Of course she is in my thoughts and prayers daily so to have this woman from our past take the time to find us, to "talk' about some wonderful times and to send her love was an incredible gift.

As this season of Christmas is coming, possibly the most grace filled gift you can give is to search for someone from your past and to tell them how important they were or are in your life. No money required. No Black Friday crowds. Just love.
Blessings-Penny

absolutely

2011-11-26T03:29:00.000-08:00

A term that is overused these days in talk shows and daily conversation is "absolutely." Someone makes a point that the other person agrees with and the response is, "Absolutely."
But recently I asked a friend, a very busy friend, for an hour of her time to talk with me about a problem I was having. When I asked her if she had the time to meet with me, her immediate response was, "Absolutely." It was a wonderful affirmation-an affirmation that I was important to her and she was willing to listen to me. If she had said, "Well, let me look at my schedule---or---gee, I'm really locked in this week," I would have felt very differently about my importance to her.

Does your conversation and response to people and family and friends convey how important they are to you? Or does your own protection of your time create a message and space between you? "Absolutely!"
Blessings-Penny

apology

2011-11-18T05:57:00.000-08:00

Rarely do I recommend a television show but I am impressed with the show "Parenthood." It addresses many of the stressors and struggles of parenting, relationships and even careers. Last week, amid other issues and themes, the mother of a teenage boy restricted him harshly for what she saw as defiance of an earlier restriction. Other persons in the family and friends told her they thought she over reacted. After some further thought, the mother went to the boy's room and said, "I think I over reacted."

It is so difficult as a parent to know what are appropriate directions and limits to set our kids. Do we interfere with their need for independence and their need to learn how to make their own decisions when we "over" react? What is over reaction?

But when we do figure out we have over reacted, do we apologize? We have a great opportunity to role model humility and asking for forgiveness when we do. We can simply say, "I think I over reacted. I want us to be able to talk these things through. I trust you. There is nothing we cannot work through together."

Even if the incident was weeks or months ago, we still have the opportunity to say, "Look I think I over reacted. Can we talk about it?" That's the important thing-we don't have to always do this parenting stuff perfectly. But we do need to stay in the relationship and demonstrate our openness.
Think of how powerful that kind of openness and communication is in all our relationships!
Blessings-Penny

our pasts

2011-11-08T03:42:00.000-08:00

The impact our pasts, our childhoods, has on us is particularly powerful. This was brought to my attention once again as I watched a tv magazine report with the basketball star, Jerry West. Jerry is now retired and has had a splendid career. He had been an college allstar, an Olympic champion, an NBA star, team owner of the LA Lakers. To all outward appearances he had led a charmed life-lots of talent, lots of money, a lovely family. He has recently written a book which discusses the brutal abuse he received from his coal miner father in the back roads of their West Virginia home. He described frequent beatings with a belt, hiding under his bed only to be pulled out and beaten again.

This talented man, Jerry West, said he attended his father's funeral and the question he would have liked to ask his father was, "Do you think I'm worth anything now?" Jerry said this not in an angry tone but in a sad monotone. Clearly the message he received from his abusive father was that he wasn't worth anything and Jerry took this message through his whole life. He fought depression and a life full of assuming blame for every defeat his teams suffered over the years.

Hopefully most of us did not suffer the terrible abuse Jerry West did-but some of us did. And even those of us who were fortunate enough to have only normally chaotic homes received strong messages about our worth. We received those messages from parents, teachers and other adults in our lives...and later from peers. We take those messages with us for the rest of our lives. They tell us who we are. And it takes alot of work and prayer to sort through who we really are; who we really want to be and then become that person.

Who are you-with all the talents and the warts? How can you use more of those gifts and talents today and become more of the loving person you want to be?

We will talk more about these messages in the next few weeks.
Blessings-Penny

New ways

2011-11-03T03:33:00.000-07:00

Last night was a board meeting at our local Turning Point Center. I attend the meetings on a monthly basis and am always impressed with the dedication of the staff and volunteers. Last night the director talked of her connection with the local housing coalition and jobs center. As she said, "We have to connect in new ways. I look at the people who were here when I came a year ago-enthusiastic about their recovery-engaged in the center. Then as the months have progressed they had housing problems, couldn't pay their rent because of no jobs-and manny have slipped back into their addictions."

It is the cycle we sadly have encountered over so many years. Even when the economy is good, recovery is a challenge. The director is right. We do have to connect in new ways. "If we do what we've always done, we'll get what we've always got." Some success but way too many tragic relapses.

What are you doing differently? How are you connecting differently in order to maintain your recovery?
Blessings-Penny

awake at night

2011-10-28T03:29:00.000-07:00

I am struggling with the decision regarding the contract I have received to write the book of meditations. The date required for submission of the manuscript is only 4 months away. 365 meditations in 4 months??? I know that I need to feel the material has meaning and that I would be proud for friends and family to read it. I also know that my formal writing process is slow-with lots and lots of rewrites.

On one level I realize that this contract is a gift. Thousands of people are wrestling with terrible, devastating decisions-how to pay their mortgage-how to feed their family-how to care for a loved one. It is mighty self-absorbed of me to even consider this a stress. However I am awake at nights wrestling with this decision. During those awake times I try to get out of my circular thinking and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. God has given me this opportunity to put my thoughts out there-thoughts about living life abundantly, living this new life He has promised. He has given me two friends who have offered to help-one a retired editor-one a retired pastor. Am I listening to this answer?

What keeps you awake at night?
Do you listen for guidance from the Holy Spirit? Are you open to the guidance you hear?

Blessings-Penny

creativity

2011-10-26T04:16:00.000-07:00

A recent visit to a neice I see very infrequently was just delightful. It was fun to see her two young boys. It was fun to see the home she has created. And it was wonderful to see her energy. She teaches American History at a large mid western university. As she talked about a course she has created, her face became alive. Her eyes smiled, her voice was animated and her description flowed. One could feel her energy.

We each have places in our lives we can be creative. We can be creative in our homes-cooking a new dish, rearranging a bedroom, painting a wall, playing a new game with our family; at work in simply being geneerous to a co-worker who annoys us; at play in trying a new sport or a new haircut!

In our spiritual lives we can take time for a new prayer-simply asking God to be with us in times of stress.

We are not trapped!

In what small places in your life can you be creative? Can you feel yourself smile both inwardly and outwardly? Can you feel new energy?

Blessings-Penny

Good news and not so good news

2011-10-18T04:59:00.000-07:00

I want to share with you that "my publisher" has accepted a proposal for me to write a book of meditations and reflections. On one hand I am delighted-on the other hand I am intimidated. The book will be a daily reflection on things that get in the way of our relationship with God---things that prevent us from living the abundant life God wishes for us. The reflections will focus on our anxieties, our attachments and our addictions.

I am intimidated by the need for 365 reflections by mid February. And even more I am intimidated by the awareness that I may not have 365 meaningful things to say!

However the whole reason for my book on women's recovery from addictions and this blog, is to say we can take chances, we can do things we didn't know we could, we can make changes. I'll keep you posted on how that's working out!!!

What risks do you want to take?

Blessings-Penny

sooth

2011-10-07T04:47:00.000-07:00

Our newly adopted lab/golden retriever mix is certainly providing entertainment, energy and dog hair to our home! In looking for something to manage her shedding, I came across a spray-on product that promises "soothing relief for those itchy and irritating spots" on her skin or coat.

I was thinking,wouldn't it be wonderful if we could have a spray-on product for soothing relief of those irritating spots in our lives?

What spot in your life could use some soothing?
How might you provide some soothing? --a deep breath, a phone call to a friend, a whispered prayer?

Blessings-Penny

anxious and tense

2011-09-28T05:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I become aware of a tension in my body that surprises me. While reading the paper I will notice my shoulders are tight or I'm clenching my jaw. My life is pretty calm. My kids are ok. Money is tight but not alarmingly so. Where does this tension come from?

I think an awareness of this tension is important on several levels. It is important to pay attention to the messages our bodies are telling us. It is important to think through what is going on not only in our external lives but internally. For me the tension has been there for so long in the way I lived my personal and professional life,it's a way of being for me. And it used to be a trigger, the excuse, for drinking. I knew what would relieve that tension---at least short term. An awareness of that tension and thinking it through remains a major part of my ongoing recovery.

And when the tenseness is there, I say Julian of Norwich's prayer-"All will be well, all will be well."

Can you and I really trust that "All will be well?" Do we have that faith?
Blessings-Penny

"Spirited Woman"

2011-09-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

I am delighted to share with you that my book "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God-a woman's path to sustained recovery" has been selected by the "Spirited Women" web site as one of their "Top 12 New Books for Fall 2011." As many of you know, writing a book and finding a publisher are monumental tasks in this day and age. Then there is the whole project of letting people know about the book---as in marketing! Being selected on the Spirited Women website reaches another audience. Hopefully the book will reach some additional women challenged by addiction and give them support and encouragement for their recovery.

The book "Sophia-The Feminine Face of God" written by Karen Speerstra is also featured on Spirited Women this Fall. Karen is a close friend, a prolific, creative writer, a woman who moves beyond her own challenges with energy and enthusiasm to live the life we are called to. Read about her book on the "spirited Women" website also.

I encourage you to visit the "Spirited Women" website and connect with women like yourself-women looking to give and receive support from other courageous women.

Blessings-Penny

"The road is open"

2011-09-17T05:11:00.000-07:00

After 3 weeks of the road to town being totally closed due to horrendous damage from Tropical Storm Irene, the words "the road is open" were shared from neighbor to neighbor with great delight. Smiles and laughter replaced concerns and fears.

Driving into town for the first time since the flooding we are all staggered by the extent of the damage. Whole hillsides are washed away. A once delightful mountain brook is the width of a river-bare on both sides. The total geography of the river road has changed. The work that has been done to create a new road is nothing short of miraculous.

And once again I think of the comparison of the devastation of the flood to the devastation of addiction. Truly for some of us whole parts of our lives are washed away by the consequences of addiction. For some of us the devastation isn't quite so horrendous but the pain of the broken relationships and poor choices remain.

The miracle for all of us is "the road is open." The road to a new life has been built by God's love, God's forgiveness, and the work of many people to build that new road for us.

Do we take the time to acknowledge the devastation and consequences of our addiction--especially when the desire for the drink or the drug returns? Do we use the memory of that pain to make the recovery choices?
Do we thank God and the people who have built the new road for us?

Blessings-Penny

9/11

2011-09-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

We watched several hours of news coverage of the commenoration of the 9/11 tragedy-all the horrific pictures from that day and stories of heroes who saved so many lives. I thought alot about the thousands and thousands of people who did escape. They escaped the World Trade Center Towers. They escaped the Pentagon. And they escaped wherever Flt. 93 was headed...the U.S. Capitol or the White House.

How have their lives changed? Do they treasure this new life they have been given?

How has your life changed in this new life of recovery you have been given? Do you treasure the miracle? How?

Blessings-Penny

more on "the power is back on"

2011-09-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

Recovery is sustained in daily turning on the light switch. If we don't, the darkness gradually deepens until we feel we are helpless and that life is hopeless.

Why don't we flip on the light switch? Often it is because we trust in our own power. We think we can do this by ourselves. And where has that gotten us? --to that sense of hopelessness.

How do we flip on the light switch? We join in fellowship with others-both self help and spiritual. We pray. Sometimes that prayer is as simple as "I could use some help here!" We read scripture. Look at the Psalms. Talk about places people felt hopeless!
We trust in the promises of God. Check out the Apostle Paul's letter to the Ephesians Chapter 3 Verse 20..."the power that is at work in us."

We flip on the light switch by reminding ourselves daily that His power is at work in us---and having our day and our choices illuminated by His power.

Blessings-Penny

"the power is back on"

2011-09-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

An "ah ha" moment as we continue to deal with the effects of Tropical Storm Irene:

We had been without power for about 48 hours. The frozen and refrigerated food had been placed in the cooler. We had plenty of candles and batteries for the radio. However, being without power creates a sense of anxiety. How long? Do we have enough water? etc.

A neighbor and I happened to be on the main road as the power trucks (from Canada!) were allowed up the emergency lane of the washed out road going to town. When we saw those trucks we were cheering like they were the French Liberation tanks in WWII. In about 2 hours the word spread throughout the neigborhood like wildfire-"the power is on---the power is on!"

A bit later I made a connection with those words and recovery. When we begin to recognize that recovery is a gift from God, "the power is back on." The power of God has been with us all along-even in our addiction. We just never turned on the light switch. We sat there in the darkness as though all was lost, as though we had no power. The power is there-the power to make the recovery choices, the recovery decisions. But we must flip the switch to be open to the flow,to let God's power illuminate our lives.

We know that because He has made us that promise. He has promised to "give us a life more than we can imagine."

Is your "power back on?" How do you know that?
Has your life begun to be "more than you can imagine?" Isn't that wonderful?

Give thanks.
Blessings-Penny

Irene

2011-09-01T04:19:00.000-07:00

We are 5 days post Tropical Storm Irene. We live in Vermont. A picture of the washed out road 500 yards from our house made the front page of the New York Times. We remain "trapped on the mountain." We are safe. Our house and property sustained very little damage. The destruction of homes, properties and roads in our area is monumental.

We have a beautiful babbling brook outside out kitchen window. It comes down the Green Mountains, forms little waterfalls as it crosses our yard, passes under the road and further down the mountain joins with other brooks, creeks and streams. Most days it is a delight to listen to and to watch. Sunday it became a raging river. The culvert that takes it under the road could not handle the amount of water from the torrential rains. There were several anxious hours as we watched it rise. We were helpless and almost afraid to speak out loud about "what if it keeps rising." Finally the storm eased and we watched as the water slowly receded.

In the next blogs I will share some of the simple and incredible human connections that continue to take place. But for now:

What are your thoughts and prayers when faced with potential disasters? Those disasters can be personal or national or natural.
Do you prepare or take a attitude of "oh it won't come this way" or "it won't be as bad as they predict."
In your spiritual life where does God fit in all of it? I feel Him in the grace filled neighbors and friends who show their care for us in all of this.

Blessings-Penny

Anger III

2011-08-27T06:22:00.000-07:00

I wish I had titled these last blogs "forgiveness" rather than anger. Forgiveness surely is the goal.

Another consideration that Desmond Tutu says is part of the process of forgiveness is to develop empathy for the person with whom you are angry. In that process we consider what might have happened to the person who has hurt us. What happened in their past that shaped them, their response to us, their interaction with us? We may never know what happened but we can be assured that something or someone has caused them to be who they are with their own anxieties,fears and beliefs.

Are you willing to consider what happened to the person with whom you are angry?
Do you know specifically what happened? Can you consider that they were shaped by something that hurt them and they are reacting to you in a way that feels protective to them?

The Amish say forgiveness is work that never ends.

Blessings-Penny

Forgiveness-II

2011-08-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

"Forgiveness is not forgetting, nor is it overlooking or excusing. In fact forgiveness is just the opposite. Although we may forgive someone, we still hold them acoountable for his or her behavior." p. 162-"Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God." Again this material is from Desmond Tutu's book "No Future Without Forgiveness."

As I think about the issue about which I am working through my anger, I am reassured to hear from Tutu that I needn't feel I must forget this issue or overlook it or excuse it. The person with whom I am angry shared the issue with others in a way that feels like a betrayal of trust. She could have come to me to sort it through. If we could not have sorted it out, she could have told me she was going to take it to others. The atmosphere feels unsafe. She is accountable for her behavior. I am to forgive AND I hold her accountable.

Jesus says I must forgive 70 times 7-I'm working on that!

Blessings-Penny

forgiveness

2011-08-11T13:31:00.000-07:00

I have been very angry with someone in my life for several weeks. I am working on my response and know I must work through the anger for my own peace. My working through it takes me back to my book and the chapter on anger. So for the next few posts I want to focus on the model of forgiveness of Desmond Tutu that is referred to in Chapter 6.

" 'Forgive and forget' is what we are often encouraged to do. But that is not possible-at least the forget part. In fact, we need to remember." p. 180

In discussing the issue and circumstances involved with my anger a couple of people have encouraged me to forget it. They've said things like "You need to move on" or "Maybe we should do a mediation." Both of these responses seem to diminish my feeling. I need to remember because the incident involved someone in power communicating an incident to others in power in an untruthful and demeaning manner. The hurt this has caused felt purposeful. I need to remember so I am careful about what I share with this person both personally and professionally. It is important I acknowledge the pain and not let it fester.

What hurt or pain has been pushed down in your life?
Does the anger set you up for relapse?
Are you willing to begin exploring the issue? It really is important.

Blessings-Penny

selfish actions

2011-08-06T04:25:00.000-07:00

This is from a reflection by Walter Wangerin, Jr. "There are no private choices. There is no such thing as 'your own thing.' All selfish action damages those in love with you."

Who are the people in love with you?
How are they damaged if you choose to drink or drug?

Blessings-Penny

prayer for you

2011-08-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

This came from a friend and I pass to you with love and blessings:

Dear God,
This is my friend whom I love and this is my prayer for her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest of places where it seems impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs You the most, and let her know when she walks with You, she will always be safe.

Amen!

happiness and joy

2011-07-29T12:14:00.000-07:00

Is there a difference for you between happiness and joy?
How do you define them?
When you experience either of those emotions how do they feel? Is there a difference?

Women I have spoken with about these emotions talk about happiness as a "lightness." They experience joy as a deeper emotion, connected to within.

In terms of recovery, for me 'happiness' is when I am successfully working on one of the S.T.I.G.M.A. issues-often the A.=anger! When I am able to negotiate around an incident or issue or person that has made me angry, then I feel pleased, successful, happy. There is a lightness to my day.

On the other hand 'joy" comes when I am aware of being open to a conversation with God. Even in a troubled, stressful time or angry time, if I am able to talk with God about the problem, there is a deep sense of connection, of 'joy.' Of course, God already knows the problem (He knows our prayer before we ask). When I remember to be open to His presence, the sense of being in relationship makes me joyful. I certainly may not hear a clear answer in that conversation but I know I am heard and He is with me. He promised! JOY. That is real recovery!

Blessings-Penny

mistake

2011-07-24T12:57:00.001-07:00

In a group discussion today we were considering the mistakes we make in our lives and if we really learn from them. I was reminded of a twist on that word "mistake" that I learned several years ago. We can break the word "mistake" into two parts and consider a poor decision as a "missed-take." In that way, a decision that does not work out for the best does not need to become, in our eyes,a disaster or even the final word. If I can consider a "mistake" a "missed take", I can return to the decision and work it through again. I can have another "take" at it.

For example, if a person in recovery finds herself at a risky place or even if she uses again, she can consider her decision that got her there a "missed take." It would have been healthier to make another decsion. But it is not a mistake that has to lead her further into shame or guilt. It is not a mistake from which she cannot recover. It is a "missed take." She can make a decision to work through the consequences in a new way.

At times does the regret over old "mistakes" fill you with guilt?
Would it be helpful to think through the "missed take" and consider what you might have done instead? What you might do now?
Can you be open to hear God's promise that He is with you as you make new decisions and "take" new paths? He promises to consider all those old poor decisions as "missed takes." "Nothing in all creation wil ever be able to separate us from the love of God." Isn't that an amazing promise?

Blessings-Penny

Ineffective Communication

2011-07-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

This past week I observed an argument between people at a voluntary organization to which I belong. It was truly an example of "ineffective communication"-chapter 3 of my book.
Without boring you with too many details, it started in a committee meeting. The committe chair said a firm "No" to a committee member. The committee member left after a few minutes and went to the executive director in tears-ready to resign from the organization. After the committee meeting adjourned the exec director strode down the hallway with "guns blazing"-so to speak. In a very angry,confrontive tone, she said to the committee chair, "I heard you had a bad meeting!" Committe chair said, "No, there was one incident that irritated one person but all in all it was a very good meeting."

Well, it went downhill from there. As I have thought about the incident over the days, it seems to me that the whole thing was such an example of persons not listening to each other. If the committee chair had listened to the volunteer a bit longer and not cut off his/her response: if the exec director in talking with the committee chair had just said something like, "I hear there was an unfortunate exchange. I have a new volunteer very upset. Please tell me your perspective of what happened," this could have all been avoided.

But as often happens we are so determined to get our point across, to have it our way, we don't listen. We bring our old anger to a conversation and we attack.

Where have you had a recent disagreement? Did you listen to the other person's perspective? Were you gentle?
Did the stress of the argument trigger an urge to drink or drug? That used to be how I handled stress and anger! That's the risk of ineffective communication.
What can you do to resolve the disagreement?

Christ tells us if we are angry we must make peace with our "brother." Do you listen?

Blessings-Penny

"Morning has broken..."

2011-07-08T05:02:00.000-07:00

"Morning has broken like the first dawning.
Blackbird has spoken like the first song.
God's recreation..."

These are the opening words of one of my favorite hymns and it was the opening hymn of our church service on Sunday.These summer days in Vermont seem like "that first dawning...God's recreation"...clear,fresh air, sunny skies, green, green mountains and hills...and voices raised in praise of His recreation.

There has been other music this week that has touched me. Saturday was chamber music up on the mountain at a summer music school. The instuctors give a Saturday night conert each week while they are in session. I don't know alot about classical music but I know what touches me... a piece written by a Jewish composer to celebrate the Atonement-deep and rich: the talent, gifts, and expertise of the musicians, the soulful depth of the viola. One could hear the longing for a relationship with God.

And last night a symphony concert on the lawn of a mountain resort at sunset. This time there was the music itself, the setting sun painting the sky with streaks of pink, the picknicking and laughter with friends. The music was varied-classical, Broadway and jazz. It all ended with a display of fireworks to which we all reacted with the delight of children...gasping, ooohing and aahing, clapping and cheering. "God's recreation..."

Does music give you pleasure? What about it speaks to you?
No matter what your taste in music, do you hear "God's recreation"-His desire for you to be touched, to have joy?

Blessings-Penny

plow horse

2011-07-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

In Ann Patchett's recent novel "State of Wonder" she describes her heroine's success as not inspired by "bright bursts of inspiration but by the hard labor of a field horse pulling a plow."

That's how it feels much of the time, isn't it? We just put our heads down and place one foot in front of the other-like a plow horse.
But then in recovery there really are the times of "bright bursts of inspiration" when we realize we made the right decision, the loving decision...loving for others and for ourselves.

That's how life is much of the time and that is how recovery is much of the time. We need to remember God is with us, guiding us through the field when the work is heavy and guiding us to the "bright bursts of inspiration." We are never alone.

Do you recognize God's guiding hands? When?

Blessings-Penny

our response-ability

2011-06-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

Recently I have listened to two women friends talk about problems they have encountered with their health care systems. One is my friend Lee, who fell and has multiple serious problems from that fall. She returned last week for follow up to clinics at the county hospital where she was hospitalized and treated. In the orthopedic clinic there were approximately 120 chairs for the approximately 200 patients in the waiting room at the clinic. Each of these persons was an orthopedic patient-no family members allowed in that area. My friend, Lee, now also has atrial fibrillation, a serious cardiac complication of her fall. She had rented her own wheel chair. She said if she had not had her own wheel chair, there would have been no way she could have waited for her appointment.What about the others?

Another friend has been recently diagnosed with Lyme disease. For years she has complained to her primary physician of various symptoms which honestly appear in many popular discussions of Lyme disease. Though multiple tests were done, not once was a blood test for Lyme disease run. Many times the friend left the doctor's office feeling they were telling her she was just being neurotic. This friend now has lesions in her brain because of the progression of the disease. Fortunately she recently changed doctors. The new physician tentatively diagnosed the Lyme disease within 10 minutes of listeneing to her symptoms.She's reluctant to tell the first physician that he missed the diagnosis.

My point in sharing both of these scenarios is to restate my firm belief that we, as women, must speak up when these situations occur. By an overwhelming percentage it is women who make the health care decisions for themselves and our families. When we see these situations where a phone call, letter of email might get the attention of a manager, supervisor or the physician themselves, it is mandatory that we be assertive and take the time, and maybe the risk, to bring it to the appropriate person's attention. Lee will make that phone call or write that letter. After all she is a nurse and understands that a good nurse manager or clinic manager could remedy the inadequate number of chairs fairly easily. My friend with the undiagnosed Lyme disease is reluctant to notify the original physician that he totally missed the diagnosis, allowing the disease to progress to a devastating level. We live in a small town and she is reluctant to make waves. But if we, as customers of this health care system, don't bring issues to the attention of appropriate people, how will it ever get fixed!?

What health care issue leaves you underserved? How do you think it might be fixed?
Who should you notify? Does it have to do with your recovery?
You are the expert on yourself! You have an ability to respond--"response-ability."
If you identify an issue, suggest a different remedy, maybe someone else won't have to suffer your frustration. Finding your voice is part of recovery.
Blessings-Penny

guilt?

2011-06-21T12:13:00.000-07:00

On June 3 I shared the episode of the fall of my friend, Lee, when she was meeting me in Los Angeles. For a couple of weeks her progress has been good. But when I spoke with her a few days ago, the news was alarming. Lee has developed atrial fibrillation (a very rapid heartbeat). She cannot walk 5 feet without severe shortness of breath. Her cardiologist has said the precipitating factor was probably the fall. I do not know how that works from a physiological perspective but I know it must be very frightening and discouraging. Of course they are doing all the medical appropriate procedures but because her jaw remains wired shut from the broken jaw, she cannot have some interventions.

I must tell you that my "guilt factor" has returned. After all she was meeting me at the station when she fell as a favor to me. One thing I find interesting in all of this has to do with "gender differences" in response to my guilt. When I relate this story to women, they respond in empathy for my friend and understanding of why I feel some guilt. When I share the story with men, they understand the seriousness of the fall and the medical consequences. However, to the last one they do not understand my guilt. I have received responses like, "That's the most neurotic thing I've ever heard you say" said somewhat in jest or "You are not responsible. If we are responsible for our own selves, that's the best we can expect."

I do not believe either the women's responses or man's responses is the "right" response. I'm just amazed at the clear differences! It's important to listen to each other. We learn.

Is there some "guilt" you hold onto?
Would there be any benefit in talking that through with a person of the other gender?
Do you listen to men in group settings and honestly explore how they see situations differently? It's worthwhile, I find.

Blessings-Penny

reach out

2011-06-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

An email from a woman I consider a fairly new friend touched me deeply this morning.
It said, "This month of June must be a poignant time for you. I will especially keep you in prayer." This month is the anniversary of my daughter's death. Her accident occured many years ago but as any parent who has lost a child will tell you, the memory never leaves. Though the intensity of the pain lessens (one could not live in that pain forever), the anniversary of her death recreates a visceral nausea and a stab in my heart. Of course it also reminds me of her laughter, her beauty, her faith.

This very loving new friend took the risk to share her concern and empathy with me. Few friends or family take that risk. I am certain they feel they are sparing me the memory but I promise you the memory is always there-every single day of my life.

I encourage you to take the risk of offering a thought, a prayer, a blessing to someone you know who is experiencing a loss or the memory of a loss. I promise you they have not forgotten that loss. Knowing you remember their pain, that you have loving memories of that person or experience is the connection and intimacy which we all long for.

Who might you phone today to say you have a loving memory of someone they have lost?
What friend has lost their job? Pick up the phone and tell them you are praying for them.
Has someone relapsed in their addiction? Will you risk telling them you miss them?

Blessings-Penny

lessons learned

2011-06-11T06:42:00.000-07:00

My husband's adult son is a school administrator in a large western city. He is responsible for curriculum and "empowerment" for a struggling school system. He recently was interviewed for the city newspaper. The following quote in the printed article is a testimony to the deep impact of the role modeling by his father---a testimony to the values and beliefs the son absorbed from watching and listening to his dad's profound example.

"A soft-spoken native of Illinois, Hauser is the son of a Lutheran minister who would leave the Sunday dinner table to 'minister to his flock.' Hauser views his role as having a similar calling, one in which he meshes school with neighborhoods."

No lectures, no "shoulds", just a quiet example of belief and values that moved into the core of the man the son has become.

If your child was interviewed what might he/she say about what he/she has learned from you?
Do your children see the beliefs and values of recovery reflected in your new life?
Do they see a new spirituality? A new way of being?

Blessings--Penny

yearning

2011-06-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in other blogs, I love this word "yearning." It so captures my sense of searching. In a recent Commonweal magazine I read a quote from a book review which says, " Our yearning for God is the force for moving ahead. The yearning itself is a gift." (Gateway to Resurrection)

To sense the yearning for God as a force for moving us ahead-as something positive- is a wonderful reframing of that word. Not a negative feeling of something missing, but a gift in itself.

How does the yearning for God fit into your spirituality?
Is it a force that moves you ahead?
How does that look in your life? In your recovery?

Blessings-Penny

angels?

2011-06-03T05:02:00.001-07:00

Recently I was vacationing in California-hence no postings from me the past 2 weeks. Sorry about that!
During that visit a college friend,Lee, was to pick me and my husband up at Los Angeles Union Train Station around 11 a.m. on a Sunday morning. She was a few minutes late, unusual for her, when I heard my name called over the public address system. Security personnel took me to my friend. She had tripped over a speed bump while walking into the station. Her lip was split wide open, bleeding profusely. By the time I got to her, station personnel were attending to her and within a couple of minutes, the LA County Paramedics arrived. In a real demonstration of caring and problem solving, the paramedics assessed my friend, determined she needed to go to the ER, placed her and me in the ambulance, one of them picked up her car and followed the ambulance, picked up my husband who was sitting in the train station waiting room unaware of the situation, picked up our luggage and took us all to LA County Hospital ER.

As the day progressed and we remained in the ER, Lee was evaluated with MRI, Cat Scan, Xray etc. It was determined her jaw was broken in 2 places and she had a cracked elbow requiring a metal plate and screws. She would be admitted when a bed was available. As it turned out that was 36 hours later.

During the long afternoon and evening of this assessment my husband waited patiently in the waiting room. And during the long afteroon and evening the caring (and incredibly handsome) paramedics returned to check on Lee as they made additional "runs" with other patients to the ER. (About the only smiles of that day came from Lee and me making comments about the movie star looks of these two incredible men.)I did mention in their presence our mounting concern about getting Lee's car back to Santa Monica in the dark given we are Vermonters, not used to LA freeways.

ANYWAY-about 8 p.m. these 2 paramedics returned again! Tyler (we're on a first name basis by now) says, "Ok we've checked with our supervisor and one of us is going to drive Lee's car to Santa Monica and the other will follow in the ambulance to drive both of us back. We can take your husband or you (meaning me) or both. But we are going to at least solve the problem of getting the car to Santa Monica." The tension in my body simply flowed out.

At just this moment Lee's son arrives from his home in central California. So my husband and I leave with the paramedics. They bring Lee's car to the ER door, drive us to Santa Monica, ambulance following, luggage and all, get us into Lee's house which is very very dark, turn off the alarm system, and make certain we feel safe.

Now I am not certain I have ever believed in angels but I must acknowledge that after the time with those 2 paramedics I am moving in that direction. I have never been treated with such a combination of gentleness, thoroughness, humor, and genuine concern by a health professional...by someone who just appeared in my life. We were cared for and cared about. We were held safely and touched. Just like the picture that hung above my bed as a child...the one of the guardian angel sheltering two children crossing a bridge in a storm.

Lee is home after a 6 day hospital stay. Her jaw is immobilized with braces, her elbow pinned. We can't talk on the phone and she can't email but I send her a note frequently and pray for her recovery many, many times a day. Please say a prayer for her too.

Do you have angels in your life?
Are they there frequently or mostly in times of crisis?
Do they touch your recovery?
Did someone extend a hand which led you to recovery? Was she an angel?
Remember recovery is a gift. From where?
I'd love to hear your experiences.

Blessings-Penny

travel

2011-05-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

We are off on another trip. This time it's California-San Francisco, Los Angeles, Carlsbad. I'll present a workshop on "the book;" visit a college friend in L.A. and see my son and his family in Carlsbad. He has recently returned from a year in Afghanistan. It's all good. But I must say it's a stressful,complicated trip. Lots of airplanes, trains, and multiple hotels.

We have travelled 6 times in the past 4 months. Lots of planning. What has been wonderful has been the connecting with old friends and the celebrating with family. For me that is the most meaningful travel...friends and family...not just new sights and places.

And when this trip is complete,I yearn to be here at home. Home where spring is now in full bloom, home where there is time for sitting on the deck looking at the brook, home where we pull weeds and plant flowers, home where I walk beside the waterfall and over the mountain, home where I am at peace, home where God gives me creativity,home where I have a place to be with women in recovery, home where I quietly thank God for all His blessings...my physical home and my spiritual home.

Why wouldn't I yearn for this place?
Where are you today?
Where do you yearn to be-emotionally, physically, spiritually?
Where do you find peace?
What are your blessings?

Blessings-Penny

Parenting

2011-05-16T12:56:00.000-07:00

I have been travelling and visiting friends and family over the last several weeks. I apologize for not submitting new posts. While visiting families with children of varying ages, I was again struck that possibly THE most important role we have is that of mother/parent...being a role model, teaching accountability and responsibility, teaching good communication skills, playing, loving, laughing, teaching how to be a friend, honoring, respecting. The list of what children learn from us is unbelievable whether we are mother or father.

One child was a bit lippy to her mother. How did she learn that was ok?
Another was horrified when she thought she had lost her debit card. How did she learn to problem solve that?
Another was up at 7 a.m. getting ready to run a half marathon. Where did that discipline come from?
A 16 year old boy has a new girlfriend. How will he navigate that terrain?

They will learn by watching their parents.

What will your children learn from you in that informal, day to day role modeling that you do?

Only one of these families has a formal spiritual life.

How will these children learn about God's love?

I worry.

Blessings-Penny

By Name

2011-04-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

One of the parts of the Easter gospel that I particularly love is that Mary Magdalene did not recognize Jesus when she went to the tomb on Easter morning. She thought He was the gardner. It was not until "He called her by name" that she recognized him.

Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to have God call me by name. Wouldn't that be an incredible experience? And then again, I sometimes believe He calls me by name---when there is something beautiful in nature is He saying, "I created this. Look, Penny." When one of my sons phones and says, "Hi, Mom. Just was thinking about you -or-what was that recipe you used to make for prime rib?" Is that God saying, "I created this child, this relationship for you."

How does God call us by name in our recovery? Does He say, "This is a gift for you." Do you hear Him call you by name? Do you answer?

Blessings-Penny

darkness

2011-04-22T05:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Holy Thursday.

I attended a weekly writer's group at the local recovery center. The group is led by a woman who believes in the healing power of writing and who wishes to improve her and others' writing skills. In a brief 10 minute exercise yesterday, each participant took 10 minutes to become aware of the sense of their surroundings-the noise, the smells, the colors, the feeling of the place and to write about that experience.

As each person read their paragraph I realized how much I learned about each of them-their use of their senses, their sense of self and their story. It was a powerful way for them to learn about themselves and for the rest of the group to learn about them. One writer used the term, "Oh know!" What a clever way to phrase her "knowing." A woman new to the group wrote only a few sentences and then was inspired to continue writing---energized by the group. Another wrote of the quiet and a reminder of working on a puzzle with her grand daughter.

The day was Holy Thursday. As I walked to my car I had the sense of the many ways we push back the darkness.

During this Easter season how will you push back the darkness?
Will you "watch one hour" with someone in pain?

Blessings-Penny

second question

2011-04-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

As a therapist and as a person interested in other people's lives, I have learned it's important to "ask the second question." By that I mean that we often ask friends, family, new acquaintances such questions as, "How are you?" or even "What's happening?" They may tell us the facts and give us a response to that question. But to really learn about that person and what's important to them, it's important to ask "the second question?" So once they have responded to that first question, you might ask the seceond question such as "What does that mean for you?" or "How does that impact you?" Then we get to hear not only "the facts" but also the meaning behind the facts. We get to hear what their heart is saying.

In the last blog, I asked you if you feel God transforming you in your recovery. The second question and even the third might be: "How do you feel that transformation?" "What difference do you feel in your life as you become aware of God's grace, God's promise, and God's gift of recovery?"

It seems to me those are really important questions to continue to ask ourselves as we are transformed by God's miracle.

Blessings-Penny

water to wine

2011-04-13T14:04:00.001-07:00

There has been a Lenten discussion series at our church which I have been attending. The series is based on readings by C.S. Lewis and the group leader encourages us to focus on where the readings "intersect with our lives." Unfortunately sometimes the discussions seem to focus more on what the participants disagree with in the readings than how they intersect with our lives.

However last evening I was really touched by something the leader said. It was not even related to the readings. However the leader (a retired pastor) was lamenting that too often Sunday sermons do not speak to the heart of the listener. When the sermon doesn't speak to our heart we don't see how the epistle or gospel "intersect with our lives." He gave this example: "When we hear the gospel lesson of Christ changing the water into wine at the marriage feast at Cana, too often the sermon focuses on things such as the history of Jewish wedding feasts or the fact that it was Christ's first public miracle. What is missed is that this miracle speaks to how Christ can transform our lives. It is a miracle of transformation and the message to us is that Christ can transform our lives."

I've probably heard that gospel 100 times and I never heard that message, that promise.

In recovery the promise to us is that Christ can and will transform our lives!
Are you feeling that miracle??
Blessings-Penny

"unexpected tears"

2011-04-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

Joe and I recently did an adult education class on substance abuse and recovery at a church in Minneapolis. Joe presented first and then I got up to give a brief synopsis of my book. When I came to the front of the room, a woman in the front row was quietly crying. During my talk I also noticed a relative of ours, a young woman who is having a difficult time in her family,was also there. Her eyes looked dead-absolutely without life or even hope.

I continued with my overview of the book and came to the chapter on grief and loss/guilt and shame. I spoke briefly of the death of my daughter but moved over that material pretty quickly. Suddenly I found tears in my eyes and found it difficult to continue with my talk. Joe spoke from the audience. "Penny, read the quote about unexpected tears." I did.

"...But of this you can be sure. Whenver you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next." This is from "Listening to Your Life" p. 237, by Frederick Buechner.

I'm still trying to discern what those tears meant on that Sunday morning.
What do your tears mean? What do they mean in your relationship with God?
Listen.

Blessings-Penny

quote

2011-03-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

"The glory of God is in the human being fully alive." (Sloan Coffin) Isn't that a beautiful thought? When you are fully alive, you are reflecting God's glory.

Do you feel fully alive?
How does that feel? If not yet, how might it feel?
What would it take to make you feel that way?

Blessings-Penny

awe

2011-03-16T09:11:00.000-07:00

I am rereading a book by Sloan Coffin entitled "Letters to a Young Doubter." I thought it might be appropriate for my teenage grandson with his own doubts but I find it somewhat beyond what he is ready for. However,I am enjoying the book again for my own doubts.

And certainly in the past week, there seem reasons for doubt. By that I mean the earthquake and tsunami and deaths in Japan are really beyond my understanding. In this book Sloan Coffin says that if we have yearning along with awe and wonder at the natural world we are in prayer. Well, I certainly have awe and wonder but maybe not in the way God meant for me to have awe and wonder.

But then this morning there were 5 robins around my bird feeder while we were having another March snow shower. I surely don't "get it" sometimes-but I know there is a spiritual yearning. So I will remain in doubt about some things and remain in awe and wonder about others.

How about you? Does the yearning remain even when there are doubts?

Blessings-Penny

a sign?

2011-03-11T03:37:00.000-08:00

The driving turned out to be as stressful as I feared. The map going through a mid sized city was confusing. I turned the GPS off because it had too much information-yak, yak, yak. Sunddenly, in the middle of this very dark part of the city, the road sign said "End of Rt. 61." Just as I feared from looking at the map. We really had no idea of which way to turn. As we had approached this city, we had laughingly said, "Well let's hope God has set up a sign that says, "Joe and Penny,turn here to get on Rt. 10 to Newark, Delaware"-our destination. (Doesn't this all sound like the very end of addiction and the beginning of recovery? You pray for a clear sign)

Well we drove for several more miles, turn right, turn left looking for a gas station to stop and ask directions. No gas stations--don't these people need gas?? (Early recovery-wrong turns-no direction) Suddenly there was a Sunoco. We pulled in. I waited in line to ask the cashier directions-Joe went over to get us some coffee. As I looked over at him, he was talking with a cashier who was making more coffee. She gave us clear directions--"go 10 stoplights, watch for the NMT bank and turn right. It will put you on I76 and go to Rt. 10." (Isn't that again like early recovery? We finally find someone who gives us clear directions about how to move into longer term recovery-where to go for help, how to redirect our thinking and our lives, how to progress to our destination-long term peaceful recovery.)

And those directions were absolutely correct. We got on Rt. 10. It was not easy-speeding traffic to merge into-confusing headlights. Even Rt. 10 had its own concerns of dark turns, speeding cars, unmarked intersections. (Middle recovery)But we knew we were on the right road.

Now the hoped for sign that we laughed about earlier-the one that would say "Joe and Penny turn here" did not appear. But the woman at the gas station gave us precise directions. Was she our "sign?"

Isn't it true that sometimes we miss "the sign" because we think it should say or be something we specifically asked for? Are we open to signs that are different from what we expect? When we open ourselves to the new sign do we smile in relief?

Are we open to God's promise that He will always be with us--even when we are lost?

Blessings-Penny

stress

2011-02-28T13:37:00.000-08:00

In the next week I have to do some pretty stressful driving. We have lived in "rural America" for the last 12 years. Our driving is mostly local with little merging onto major freeways---and if we do have to merge there is very little oncoming traffic. But in the next few days I must drive from rural Vermont to Delaware...big city stuff. That kind of stress used to make me crave a drink--or 3 or 4...even just thinking about it could set up a craving. But now being in recovery doesn't make the stress disappear.

So how will I deal with it differently?
I'll tell my spouse how stressed I feel.
I'll ask for his help and understanding. (He doesn't drive because of vision problems.)
I'll do lots of planning with maps and GPS.
I'll give myself plenty of time to make the trip and arrive on time.
I'll schedule the driving in daylight hours.

And I'll remember last week's Old Testament reading that said, "God has my name inscribed in the palm of His hand." I am

How do you handle stress differently now?

Blessings-Penny

sad news

2011-02-25T10:27:00.000-08:00

A friend shared some devastating news this week. Her wonderful, 54 year old husband, has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. This beautiful man has been an advanced nurse practitioner, nurse researcher, on an oncology unit at a large research hospital for most of his nursing career. He is one of those gentle men who entered nursing because of his love of people, because he cared-not because there was a recession and he needed a job. He has now lost this job because he cannot do the calculations needed for the medications. He is now at home-losing who he is.

My friend is devasted, of course. She grew up in a home with a mother who was an alcoholic, a father who left. She was deeply affected by all of that. She has had a wonderful 20 year marriage to this beautiful man--and now this. She will cope---she's an ultimate caretaker, as many of us are who had parents with alcoholism. But at times she is ovewhelmed with the stress and stuggles-financial, safety, phsyical care, her employment, their 10 year old daughter. The list is unending. She has no choice but to cope with this disease.

I have the disease of alcoholism. I have some choices. I can choose recovery or I can choose the disease of addiction.

How about you?

Blessings-Penny

"Lord of the Dance"

2011-02-13T10:35:00.000-08:00

At the dinner dance celebration of the Bat Mitzvah I recently attended I was privileged and delighted to observe a family I am only getting to know. They are the aunt and uncle and cousins of the young girl celebrated. The aunt and uncle were high school sweethearts who married young and have had successful careers and have incredibly talented teenagers.

What was such pleasure to watch was their enjoyment of each other. They laugh, they joke. They are intimate, never sarcastic. And then they got up to dance! And could they dance! They danced with each other! They danced with grandparents! They pulled others onto the floor and into their circle! They clearly loved to dance as as expression of their joy.

Later I asked about their clear love of dancing. The mother replied, "I have the radio own when I'm cooking. Often we get dancing around the kitchen." Clearly a way to be in joy with each other.

I thought about one of my favorite hymns that makes me want to dance when I hear it at church;
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun
I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun..
I 'll live in you if you'll live in Me
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He!"

Dance this day as an expression of your joy--your joy in your new life.

Blessings--Penny

grief

2011-02-08T09:03:00.000-08:00

A recent issue of Time magazine has an article on a "new" way of thinking about grief and loss. The researchers say that there are no real stages of grief--that people just move. When I think of the process of grief and the process of addiction and recovery, I think the stages of grief identified by Kubler-Ross years ago still hold. Those stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Think about your own addiction and recovery.

Did you "deny" there was a problem?
Were you "anry" when someone told you you had to stop drinking or drugging?
Did you "bargain" by thinking "maybe I can only drink/drug on weekends or switch from the hard stuff to beer or I'll just do marijuana not cocaine."
Did you get "depressed" when you had to stop? or maybe just sad?
Have you moved into an "acceptance" that recovery is your new life? your new normal?

Isn't acceptance the essence of the Serenity Prayer? "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

The Times article doesn't mention spirituality or God as part of the "moving on." Seems to me they miss the most important part of moving on---an acceptance of a new relationship with God.

Blessings-Penny

the tallit

2011-02-04T04:46:00.000-08:00

Recently I attended a Bat Mitzvah. This is a Jewish service that welcomes a young woman (age 13) into her religion as a "daughter of the Commandment." I was deeply touched by the richness of the service, the committment of the Jewish particpants to the history of their peoples. Abby, the girl being honored, read and chanted in Yiddish giving her promise to keep the Mitzvos that all Jewish women are required to keep. Her father prayed that she would always be proud to be Jewish.

At the close of the service Abby was given a "tallit." This is a prayer shawl with fringes at the four corners. "The tallit is said to allow you to feel enclosed or sheltered by God."

When do you feel enclosed or sheltered by God?"

Blessings-Penny

pain

2011-01-24T04:11:00.000-08:00

I heard a reminder recently that I believe rings true for those of us in recovery. Relapse happens when we forget the pain.

When I forget the guilt and shame I felt the morning after a night of heavy drinking; when I forget the arguments triggered by my drinking; when I forget the shame that I drove drunk with children in the car--then I am moving toward relapse. Now I'm not talking of wallowing in shame and remorse but I am talking about relapse being a process with many places where we can turn it around. And one place we can turn it around is when the memories of the "fun" of drinking start creeping in. When I think "maybe it wasn't so bad" or "I need it to get through this"--that is when the relapse process is beginning. That is when I need to remember the pain.

That is when I ask God to be remind me that He is with me in this; that with His help I can remember the pain and make different choices. I have a new life.

Blessings-Penny

here

2011-01-17T09:52:00.000-08:00

Barbara Brown Taylor in "An Altar in the World" says, "When someone asks us where we want to be in our lives, the last thing that occurs to us is to look down at our feet and say, "Here, I guess, since this is where I am."

This is a interesting quote for me. At first blush I think of my wanderlust. I'm often thinking of the next part of the adventure. I'm used to moving frequently and become excited at the thought of new places and new activities. But "where do I want to be" in my life has such a broader significance. Where do I want to be physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally?

Physically I am here in this beautiful place. And recently I (we) have made a decision that we will remain here in thanksgiving and peace. Emotionally, spiritually and relationally I am also here in thanksgiving and peace. AND there is unlimitied potential for growth and new adventures in those areas.

Where do you want to be in your life-physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally? Isn't that a fascinating question?

Blessings-Penny

Again-anger

2011-01-10T07:35:00.000-08:00

Again violence-Columbine-Virginia Tech-now Arizona. Once again a feeling of deep sorrow. Once again powerless. But not powerless in our own lives! Not powerless to keep the angry, destructive, violent rhetoric out of our own lives. We have power to alter the way we speak when we are angry...to our children, to our spouses, to the clerk in the store. If we just pay attention to the words and the tone we use, we set an example to our family and to those who hear us...at the mall, at the grocery store, in the restaurant. Our daughters learn how to speak with friends and acquaintances as they hear us speak to them. One only has to visit a grandaughter to become very aware of that phenomena.

Speaking in loving ways also decreases the internal anger we feel. It is healthy for us. It is a way to take care of ourselves. It is a way we decrease the violence.

A recent meditation-"Prevent us from speaking in any way that hurts another." We have power to change ourselves.

Listen to yourself these next few days.

Blessings-Penny

colors in life

2011-01-03T06:42:00.000-08:00

I recently read an article about Elizabeth Warren, the administration's person appointed to clean up some of the nations's finanacial mess. She is an incredibly accomplished woman who was a Harvard Law Professor until her Washington appointment.At the close of the article there was a paragraph in which she talked about splurging on a pair of shoes. She was quoted as saying, "I want to live my life with color...people who can't enjoy their money are missing the colors of life."

I'd like to amend that a bit. People who can't enjoy their recovery are missing the colors of life. If you are sober and clean and saving some money, splurge a little! Treat yourself to something special---a new sweater, a new hairdo, a pair of shoes. Live your new life this new year with color!!

Happy New Year!! Penny

Peace

2010-12-27T03:35:00.000-08:00

Last week I was needing a place to meditate and pray-someplace safe, quiet, solitary. A few days before Christmas I went to services at a local church and to my great pleasure it had been decorated for the season. The altar was filled with poinsettias, the walls were adorned with wreaths and boughs and large velvet bows. Even the stately pillars had baskets filled with greens. It felt like a cathedral-here in my little Vermont town.

One of the prayers during the service gave me the sense of calm, of Emmanueal-"God with us"- that I was searching for. The prayer-- "If you hear God's voice and open the door, He will come in and supper with you and you with Him."

That is what recovery is for me---listening to His voice--opening the door--sitting and having supper with Him. When things are full of anxiety, I don't hear His voice. It's drowned out by my tenseness. If I am too busy I don't open the door and invite Him in. And I certainly don't enter that supper of prayer and talk with Him.

During this Holiday season, with all its built in expectations and anxieties, are you listening for His voice? Are you opening the door and sitting down and having supper with God? He promises to be with us--Emmanuel!

Blessings-Penny

powerless-ness

2010-12-20T03:49:00.000-08:00

Powerless-ness is a concept discussed in many recovery settings. It is important to me as a woman to consider that word from a strong feminine perspective. Many women, even in today's more liberated culture, receive a message that they are powerless-powerless in their job, powerless in their relationships, powerless in their institutions such as in church or in government decisions. When I start feeling powerless, I start feeling anxiety, fear and anger.

A young woman I love left for Paris last Thursday from the Washington DC area. She was headed for a very brief few days with her husband who was already in Paris on business. Because of weather she missed her flight out of Philadelphia. She was rebooked on a flight to Amesterdam the next morning only to arrive to another snowbound airport. She finally made it into Paris late on Saturday. Talk about powerless!

We are powerless over other people, places and things. BUT we are not powerless over our response to those people, those situations that cause us anxiety, fear and anger. We have a choice to respond in an adult, courteous, even loving manner. This young woman started taking care of 2 young sisters stranded with her who were travelling alone to Paris to meet their parents. How relieved those parents must have been!

Everyone has finally arrived in Paris. It is snowing and raining and generally bad weather. The vacation in Paris is shortened. But they are grateful. Grateful to be safe, grateful to be together.

We all need to go the next step...to be grateful to God...to acknowledge it is God who gives us all things...to thank Him/Her for helping us through difficult times in a way that is loving and caring...that we can be pleased that we responded in a loving way.. grateful that He/She gives us power to make the loving decisions.

What is the thing you are most grateful for today? Have you thanked God?

Blessings-Penny

perfect

2010-12-15T11:31:00.000-08:00

At an Advent meditation group last night a participant spoke about the message of "be perfect" that was given to her as a young girl. She said she was so very tired of that message ringing in her ears even now as an adult. She used it to criticize herself when she made very human mistakes. Our group facilitator gave some helpful perspective. He said that the Greek word for "perfect" could be interpreted as "whole." He said that the scriptural interpretation of "be perfect" has the meaning of "be whole...bring your life into wholeness where God is the central core/the whole."

Does your recovery begin to feel whole---not "perfect" but a beginning of wholeness with a spiritual and God-centered core? How has that happened? What will strengthen that sense of wholeness?
Blessings-Penny

Chickadee

2010-12-10T05:18:00.000-08:00

While sitting at this window yesterday morning the chickadees were on the bird feeder. It seems to me they waste alot of energy. They fly in from the tree, take one seed and fly back to the tree. They do this over and over! Then one flew smack into the window. I could hardly look but after a few minutes I got up from my chair and looked into the snow below the window. Sure enough s/he was there-a little movement and then stillness. I was so sad but knew better than to try to revive him/her. Best to wait a few minutes. And sure enough, a few minutes later when I looked s/he was gone.

The whole scene made me think of recovery. We go along one day at a time -sort of taking one seed from the feeder-thinking all is ok. Then whack-we fly into a window (relapse); knock ourselves out and wake up wondering how did that happen? Well just like the chickadee, we weren't paying attention. The window, the reality of relapse, wasn't something we took seriously.

Relapse is part of this disease. Are you paying attention this holiday season? How?

Blessings-Penny

"Very bad temper"

2010-12-08T06:06:00.000-08:00

Two women have recently spoken with me about their "very bad tempers." These are lovely ladies who I would not have believed ever raised their voices. Their tempers lead them to angry exchanges with their spouses and estrangement from friends. I really do believe many women, with addictions or not, have a boatload of anger under their very gracious exteriors.

And for those of us with addictions, we know how our anger can set us up for relapse. After all we know in the past that a drink or drug helped deescalate that anger. We just came down a notch or two emotionally after that first hit. That's a big part of the problem, we know what worked in the past.

What we have to figure out in this new life of recovery is what will deescalate us without that hit. Again this Advent Season has a real message for us. Wait, Be patient. What has offended me so much that I am willing to risk my recovery? Can I walk away from the situation? If not, how can I take care of myself?

Instead of the anger, can I think through the promises of God-one promise of God is the promise of a new life in Him? Is my recovery centered in this promise? Advent is a wonderful time to practice a change in our thinking.

Blessings

Small things

2010-12-03T04:40:00.000-08:00

This season of Advent, of watchful waiting,is a splendid time to pay special attention to God's presence in our daily lives. There have been so many "small" or not so small reminders this week. There was a call from a local woman who had read my book,--- "could she come and talk with me?" What a gift of God's presence in my life! Another gift was in a letter from a friend from long ago with a memory of my daughter that made me smile. And then there was the publication of my 'letter to the editor' in our local paper. I'm not much of a political activist but the lack of daily news about this war-the tragedies and the successes-bothers me greatly. So I ranted about it in a letter to the editor--and they published it!! Isn't it wonderful to find our voices?

Where do you notice God's presence in your day?

I pray we each find our voice in thanks for all the times we take notice of God's presence in our daily---and especially for the gift of recovery.

Blessings

Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T07:02:00.000-08:00

Thanks for recovery is the core of our prayer today. Recovery is thanks for the courage to address the challenge. We don't always make the perfect decisions but we know we have God's grace. God's grace means knowing and feeling His presence even in our anxieties. If you have stress related to family issues and the availability of alcohol or drugs at gatherings, step back and feel God's presense reassuring you that you can make the recovery decision.

Happy Thanksgiving

Blessings---Penny

2010-11-19T03:45:00.000-08:00

In the book "To Kill a Mockingbird" Atticus encourages his 11 year old daughter, Scout, to consider how a situation looks from the other person's vantage point before becoming angry and frustrated. Scout becomes aware of what this really means when, late in the story, she stands on the porch of a reclusive neighbor and realizes how the neighborhood looks from there.

Recently a friend talked about her frustration and anger that her daughter could not hold onto her sobriety. "If she really loved me she would stop. She knows how frightened I am for her," was essentially the mother's exclamation. For those of us who find "sustained" recovery a challenge, a comment like this can cause our own frustration and anger. "She doesn't understand the compulsion of this disease,...how hard I try...how helpless I sometimes feel."

Our addiction directly affects at least 4 other people. We each need to step onto the others "porch" and take a look from their vantage point.

Blessings-Penny

interesting question

2010-11-08T08:11:00.001-08:00

In the movie "A Kind of a Funny Story" the therapist for a 15 year old struggling teenager asks the question, "When was a time in your childhood that you felt complete joy--a sense of abandon?" As my husband and I drove home from the movie, we thought about that question for ourselves. (We each grew up in active chaotic homes. Each of us had a parent with the disease of alcoholism.) We had difficulty naming a time of complete joy. There were good times, but in reflection, there was also a sense of anxiety. Someone might learn the secret.

Was there a time in your childhood you felt complete joy? Is there a way to recreate some of that joy in your life of recovery?

For me the sense of freedom that comes with recovery is close to joy.

Blessings-Penny

Anxiety

2010-11-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

In a recent issue of Vogue magazine, the writer Nora Ephron wrote an article that talked about the anxiety created by having a mother who had the disease of alcoholism. She wrote of the fear of her mother visiting her in college--the fear that her friends would find out that her mother was alcoholic---the fear that the secret would get out.

So many of us grew up in homes where a parent had the disease of alcoholism and addiction. One consequence of growing up in a home with addiction is an ongoing sense of anxiety. The anxiety that the secret of addiction/alcoholism creates stays with us for the rest of our lives. That anxiety creates a feeling that we need to control everything in our lives and the lives of those around us. For our own recovery and personal growth, it is essential we become aware of where we hold the anxiety---how the anxiety plays out in our daily lives, our relationships with those we love, and our relationship with God.

Where do you hold the anxiety and fear? In your shoulders, in your fists, in the tightness around your mouth, in your clenched jaw? Do you want a drink or drug to relieve the tension? Can you tighten up that part of your body when you become aware of the stress and then relax? Can you smile that you are becoming increasingly aware of where you hold the tension?

Where does the anxiety, the need to control, interfere with your relationships with those you love? Do you yell? Do you tell them how to live their lives? Or do you let them exoerience the logical consequences of their own decisions? Tough to do.

Where does the fear enter your relationship with God? Do you listen? Are you open? Do you read nurturing meditations? Can you trust? Do you reach for His hand? He promises to be with us. He promises!!!

Blessings-Penny

Disease

2010-10-29T04:55:00.000-07:00

Do I really, at my core, believe addiction is a disease or do I hold onto the lie that I might have some control over it? If I believe I have heart disease or diabetes, I pay close attention. Each day-several times a day- I monitor my diet; I exercise; I check my blood sugar; I watch my stress levels. Even if I've been diagnosed with these other diseases for several years, I still pay close, daily attention.

But, so very often, with addictions of alcohol or drugs or gambling or sex or shopping or food, after a while I let my thoughts return to the "good times"--before the addiction took over.

Do I monitor daily that I have no power over the addiction--but I do have power over my decisions? If I do what I have always done, I will get what I always got! Do I reach out for the hand God has extended?
Blessings-Penny

amazing

2010-10-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I was doing some fall yard cleanup. I took an armload of cutback flowers and stuff to the mulch pile and tossed them in. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something green and white in the dark brown mulch. On further inspection here was a gorgeous Easter lily! It's fall here--we've had snow showers! But to my utter amazement an Easter lily is blooming in my mulch pile. We had a lily plant to celebrate Easter and when it was "done" I had tossed it into the mulch pile. Over the summer it had put down roots and bloomed "where it was planted." A delightful, unexpected surprise.

Am I able to "bloom where I am planted?" Am I able to take root even if the surroundings are not ideal? Can I be an unexpected surprise in some "mulch pile?"

Blessings, Penny

Needs

2010-10-19T12:29:00.000-07:00

What makes it so difficult for many women to ask for what they need for themselves? Recently I have heard 2 women framing their problems as stress in their lives. When encouraged to explore that "stress," they were each able to articulate a need that they had difficulty expressing to those involved in their stress issue...a need that once fulfilled would at least decrease the stress. Clinically,they were encouraged to use the well known "I statements" when expressing their need rather than the "you statements"that can come across as accusatory.

And on further exploration they each were able to acknowledge that the stress created by not engaging in the difficult, sometimes scary work, of expressing their needs to someone else, they were setting themselves up for an emptiness. That emptiness, that loneliness felt like a spiritual emptiness at times. They were reminded to pray. To seek an intimacy with God. God knows what our needs are and He wants to be with us in the seeking. He promises to be with us in the seeking.

Do we remember to take the hand He offers us?

Blessings-Penny

reaching out

2010-10-15T04:19:00.000-07:00

In this morning's paper is a brief article regarding a local woman's conviction and sentence for a DUI received a few weeks ago. She was convicted of driving with a blood alcohol level of over .3 while having 5 children in her car. Several weeks ago was an article about a nurse from a local nursing home accused of diverting drugs from her clients. Her daughter had recently died of cancer.

I feel an incredible empathy and pain for these women. Truly but for the grace of God, go I. I know that fear and shame. What troubles me this morning is why have I not reached out to these women? I think about doing it. They are in my thoughts and prayers as I go through my days. Yes, it will take some time to find some link or connection-someone who can pass along a thought, a prayer, a copy of "my" book. But isn't that what is meant by "love one another?"

Is there someone you have meant to reach out to? Someone in pain or trouble---someone who needs to know they are not alone. Let's both make that effort.

Blessings to you--Penny

Birthdays with zeros

2010-10-08T05:19:00.000-07:00

Recently I celebrated a birthday with a zero. You know the ones that tell us life really is moving along. As I reflected on this past decade and the birthdays with zeros before this one, I was struck by the reality that on each of those days of usually quiet celebration, I had no idea of what would occur in my life in the decade that was lying ahead. Absolutely no idea of successes, of set backs, of vacations, of moves, of goals reached, of illness, of losses, of gains. We all know the future is unknown but the stark reality of what that means caught me by surprise.

Then I thought about today. It's early morning as I sit here and look out my window at the mountains and the brook. I have no idea what today will bring. The unknown future is also in the next few minutes and the next few hours. Will I use this future of now in thanksgiving, in contentment or will I waste it in needless anxiety. Will I "trust in things to come?"

Creation

2010-10-05T08:38:00.000-07:00

Fall has come to New England. We've had one light freeze and the trees are beautiful burnished oranges and yellows. The reds aren't quite as brilliant as some years but it is so easy to see God's hand at work. We took a few days and went to Acadia National Park in Maine.Again so easy to see God in the ocean's crash against the pink rocks, in the tides, in the stars over the ocean. And then the drive home was on a misty Maine morning with scenes that looked like calendar images...mystical.

It is easy to see God in nature but sometimes I miss seeing His work in my day to day. But then a friend called in real distress over a family member in trouble. How did she think to come to us, to confide in us? How did she know to trust us? It is an honor we take very seriously. It is God working in our day to day.

Where is God in your life TODAY?

Strong.Women.Marines

2010-09-15T11:48:00.000-07:00

My older son is a Marine officer serving in Afghanistan. Because we live in a rural area with a newspaper that provides little coverage of the war and our troops, he sends me newspaper articles from a wide range of world newspapers. The articles are compiled by the unit's public affairs officer a couple of times a week and give broad perspectives on all services activities.
An article this week provided a report on a powerful activity by Women Marines.And it speaks to the power of women's relationships! These small groups of specifically selected and trained Marines are tasked with talking with Afghan women to determine their health needs. The ultimate goal of this communication is to establish health clinics for the Afghan women and their families. An underlying premise of this effort is that though Afghan women are not seen publically very often, they have a great deal of information about the activities in their villages.Doesn't that ring true for you in your "village?"It is about establishing relationships and "winning the hearts and minds" of the villagers. There are many obstacles to this goal. The husbands determine to which wives the Women Marines are allowed to talk. In this report the only interpretor allowed was a male family member of the Afghan women. The accuracy of his translation was questionable.
Very interestingly the Afghan women did not initially want to talk about health care needs. They wanted to talk about safety. What will happen when the American troops leave? They expressed fear that the Taliban will return and kill their families. The Women Marines said after this first rather frustrating visit, the goal is to establish relationships with the Afghan women.
Worldwide building strong relationships is how we heal and grow!Grow in our own lives and grow in world peace.

sacred roles

2010-09-10T04:49:00.000-07:00

Remember the excitement and the anxiety of the first day of school each year? Now consider those emotions in the context of moving to a large urban high school from a southern town where you have lived all your life. My two granddaughters had this experience this week---and it was not good. They are in different schools. They ate lunch alone. They were ignored by the other kids all caught up in their own excitement and anxiety.

And their mother and I have been in very frequent email contact-commiserating and praying for them--and for each other.I want the girls (and their mother) to know they are not alone---that God is with them as they walk through those new hallways and classes. That is what Kathleen Norris is talking about in "Quotidian Mysteries" when she talks about sacred roles. She says that by framing our everyday tasks as sacred we feel God's presence in walking through our "hallways." Our roles as mothers, spouses, friends, cooks, chauffers, laundress, cheerleader, counselors etc. etc. etc.become sacred when we are able to bring them into our relationship with God. Our role as a recovering woman becomes active and alive in an ogoing conversation and relationship with God.

What roles are you active in today? How can you begin to think of them as sacred?
In what ways is this gift of recovery sacred?

Nancy

2010-07-29T03:27:00.000-07:00

In my book, Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God, the story of Nancy runs through each chapter. Nancy called today as she does almost monthly. She had been feeling suicidal but wanted to let me know she was now feeling some better. Her physical health has deterioated and her activity level is limited. She had stopped taking her anti-depressant meds which is a bad idea for Nancy.She was feeling better now that she was back on the meds.

I asked her how she had worked her way through the suicidal feelings. She said she continually reminded herself that she really is "a daughter of God." No matter what the old voices in her head say, she pictures herself sitting at God's feet. She is safe there.

Where are you safe?

Blessings-Penny

adventure

2010-07-12T13:12:00.000-07:00

Development of this blog is a new adventure for me. An adventure that I hope you will join me in for support, for laughter, for encouragement. We will explore not only recovery issues but also about meeting life's other adventures as courageous women willing to take risks. I love Paul Tillich's quote, "Here and there in the world and now and then in ourselves is a New Creation." What does that "New Creation" in you look like?" Penny