non-jugdmental, trustworthy

My husband shared the following incident. As he was leaving the weekly men's bible study group. one of the members approached him saying, "I see you coming into church at about 10 a.m. each Sunday and I wonder where you are going. I know you're too late for early service and you're too early for late service....I want to go where you're going." (He's going to a study of the scripture readings of that day.)  Then the member asked if he could ask my husband's advice about a personal matter. The member proceeded to share a very personal problem -one with intimate details that one would not want to be public knowledge.

As I considered the whole incident I had a couple of thoughts. Primarily I wondered how this man came to know he could trust my husband so completely. I know my husband---he has strong opinions and he doesn't hold back in sharing those. He tells me about things he has said in this men's bible group and I sometimes wonder how that is received. He is passionate about how we are to live this abundant life Christ has given us; and he makes no bones about what that means to him theologically and in our day to day choices....practically and politically!

And here is a member who has heard this weekly for 6 months. He has come to trust my husband...trusts him to listen, to be non-judgmental, trusts him to keep his confidence, trusts him to give him sound  advice framed in the context of "what is the loving thing to do."

Are there people in your life you can trust that way? How do you know they will be non-judgmental?
Am I a person who others come to with that trust? Are you? How do they know that?
Do I live a life in word and example that reflects my belief in sharing this abundant life?

Blessings-Penny

decisions and mistakes

There are lots of editorials in the papers lately about the Iraq and Afghanistan wars---should we have gone in?---were those wars mistakes?---should we stay out of the conflicts now?---should we be doing more? The only editorial that really made any sense was the question--"what have we learned since and how should that influence our decisions now?"

Since I know absolutely nothing about wars, I can only use that editorial suggestion for my own life. I have certainly made many mistakes in my life. I look back and think of the roads I chose. Some were great adventures and some were really mistakes. Have I learned from those mistakes?

I think these days I do a great deal more reflection on decisions ---past and present. But in the heat of stress with pressure and anxiety running high, I'm not certain I always do a good job of learning from my mistakes. It really is true we are destined to repeat our mistakes if we don't learn from them.

I'm reading a book, "Life After Life" by Kate Atkinson, in which the character has opportunities to make different decisions in her life and how that would have changed her life and maybe even history. My decisions wouldn't change history but they certainly would have changed my life.

How do I learn from those decisions now? How do they influence my current decisions?

Bottom line---new awareness-new perspective----what influences my decisions now?---what have I learned?-----

Answer---Are my decisions framed in my relationship with God? Are they the loving thing to do?

Are yours?

Blessings-Penny

criticism

What do you do when it feels like someone is hypercritical of you? A friend's mother has recently moved in with her. My friend, Carol, feels like her mother criticizes things she never even gave much thought to...the way she parks and drives, the amount of money she chooses to give to her children, the way she cooks. Carol says she knows her mother is having difficulty adjusting to her new living circumstances but it leads to sharp words and heated exchanges. In fact Carol mentioned this because she feels the tension and anxiety are setting her up for relapse---after 3 years of recovery.

When Carol has attempted to talk with her mother about this, her mother says she is "thin-skinned" which causes Carol even more anger. Her mother counters that she is just giving her opinion. "Can't I even have an opinion?"

What do you do if someone is critical and judgmental? Does it put your recovery or even just your good mood at risk?

I suggested that at a time when things are calm, Carol ask her mother what she would like her to do differently in those situations that spark criticism. Though Carol does not seem to think she is doing anything wrong, it might be helpful to hear what suggestions her mother has. Carol then has the choice to make adjustments or not. At least her mother might feel heard. Carol might also anticipate some situations that spark the criticism (in a loving tone!---my tone and sarcasm can escalate things in a hurry!)---"How would you suggest I cook this? What meals would you like to cook for us?...I'll look for the closest parking place so you don't have to walk so far?...Which store should we park closest to?"

It all takes time and energy to think through these situations...to include someone else in decisions. Sometimes we are so used to doing things ourselves, it just seems easier. This happens also with our kids as they grow up. Including them in decisions can head off a tremendous amount of resistance. Most of us just want to be heard! We want some control of our lives.

And then we take time to pray. We ask God for patience and love. We breathe. We place these relationships with mothers, kids, husbands. co-workers in our relationship with God.
We pray to remind ourselves that all good things come from God. He knows what we need before we even ask. We pray to remind ourselves that He is in this with us. He guides us. Situations change when we take time to pray.That is why we pray. To remind ourselves---not Him! He already knows!

Blessings-Penny

serendipity

As I have said, this decision to adopt this 14 year old dog, George, is one I am questioning. However, I must admit there have been two splendid moments I would have missed if I had not been outside with him.

One is not just one moment but an every evening "moment." When I take George out the back door  for his final outing, he insists on walking across to the golf course. In that lovely open space the stars are unbelievably clear. We live west of the city and the ambient light does not significantly interfere with the stars. The trees and streetlights interfere out the front door but with taking the extra steps in back onto the fairway I have an incredible view of the expanse of sky. Venus is like the landing lights on an airplane. Other groups of stars twinkle brightly. Without George I might not have ventured out that far onto the golf course at night.

The other was truly a "one time" moment. Yesterday George and I were again out back where we have a lovely view of these desert mountains. There had been thunderstorms in and out all morning and we were out between the raindrops. Suddenly above the mountains was a beautiful rainbow! Yes, here in Las Vegas in May---a rainbow! First it covered about half the left sky ; then it completed the full arc; and then as the storm clouds moved the right arc was the last part visible.

Thank you, George.

And, mostly, thank you, God, for the wonders of your created world. Thank you for the rainbow sign of your covenant with your ancient people. And more especially thank you for your new covenant in communion and in your promises to be with us always.

Blessings-Penny

identity

I recently saw a quote by a celebrity that said, "My identity changed when I got sober." I think that is true on many levels. ,,almost all of it for the good. When we move into recovery our identity changes for ourselves and for those around us. We become more reliable, less anxious. In the "old" 30 day treatment programs, we saw people progressively change over a month...smile more, stand up straighter, conversations changed, show concern for others...real personal change.

I do have concern with the self help introduction of "I'm ......and I'm an alcoholic." You are so much more than that. "I'm a recovering alcoholic...I'm sober..I'm in recovery" all honor the recovery process...and that is what is to be honored in your identity.

If you are a diabetic or have heart disease, at a support meeting  you don't introduce yourself as "I'm...and I';m a diabetic" or "I'm ... and I'm a heart disease." You say, "I'm ...and I've been managing this disease for ...months or years." My young friend doesn't say, "I'm and I'm a bulemic." She says. "I'm ...and I haven't binged or cut in ....days"

Honor the recovery! Don't identify yourself by your disease. Identify yourself to yourself and others by your recovery.

And thank God for being with you in all this. A line from the sermon last Sunday, "I am the one Jesus loves." What an identity!!!

Blessings-Penny

loving message

I have decided that Mother's Day and most holidays need to be celebrated all year or at least within "the octave of." Sometimes there is an encounter that says more than any Hallmark card.

My daughter-in-law (I really dislike that 'in-law' part---I much prefer the cultural tradition that doesn't use 'in-law'--she is my daughter) and I were talking the day before Mother's Day. I was bemoaning my decision to foster/adopt this 14 yr old cocker spaniel. She generously listened and then said, "You,ll figure it out and you'll make it work. If I've learned one thing from you, it's that you make things work...no matter the situation."

What an affirming response! Here I was spending a fair amount of time wondering what was wrong with me that I had made this crazy decision and yet someone I love sees an indication of a strength...maybe not in the decision itself but in my ability to handle it.

Isn't this what each of us needs in the grit and grind of daily life...someone to affirm that we will make it work...no matter the situation? And the really lovely part is that she feels she "learns" that from me. Of course she sees it in others too-people with courage and endurance--- but I am touched she sees it in me---and is willing to tell me. Thank you, lovely lady.

Do you give that affirming message to people you love?---"You'll figure it out and you'll make it work." That is the message of a loving parent.
Is that a message God gives to you---"You'll figure it out and you'll make it work."

Blessings-Penny

Happy Mother's Day

My best wishes to each and every mother. The deep deep love we feel for our children, the amount of time, energy, strength, endurance that never ends in that lifelong connection is truly a gift and blessing from God. They are never out of our thoughts and prayers...no matter their age...no matter the differences...no matter the pain.  Who else could come up with that emotion?

And in that love we have for our children, we know God's love for us.

Blessings-Penny

"Let go of the little things"

"Let go of the little things" was part of the advice I shared last post. It turns out to be one of the things I'm having most difficulty with this week.

As I mentioned we are fostering/adopting a 14 year old dog. His owner of 14 years is in the military and deployed to Korea. The dog is deaf, almost blind and has some serious digestive issues. We knew about the deafness. He seems to do ok with the vision problems though he bumps into walls and chairs, But the digestive issues are a real problem. I'll spare the details but he has to go outside every 2-3 hours in the daytime and he prefers the grass where there is no fence rather than the enclosed courtyard.

Anyway.....this is clearly not the wisest decision I have made. How do I "let go" of the consequences?
Well, I tell myself  adopting this dog was a "nice" thing to do---he won't wind up in one of those tragic commercials about abused and abandoned dogs. I tell myself he really is sweet--wags his tale to greet us, does a little dance to be fed, is adjusting pretty nicely given his age.

But it really was a decision with some nuisance consequences. Nuisance consequences can be really irritating. They can ruin a whole day---get under my skin, affect my mood.

So I need to be aware of what it is that is affecting my mood. I need to remind myself, it was essentially my decision---and it is only a nuisance...not the end of the world.

And I need to pray to remember to "let go of the little things" so I don't miss an otherwise lovely day.

Is there something you need to "let go of" so you can fully enjoy today? Pray for a little help with that.
Blessings-Penny

an adventurous life? a spiritually adventurous life?

Sunday's paper had a short article about the "adventurous life" of a retired television reporter/writer/journalist named Tom Brokaw. Few of us have the opportunities for travel, interviews, or financial success that Tom has had. He attributes much of his success to luck but the reality is he has made much of his own luck.

A side bar article gave some tips for living an adventurous life and I wondered how useful those tips might be for leading a spiritually adventurous life--one that is interesting, fulfilling, and feels successful.

1. Pay attention-look around --be curious--be flexible--have courage. If we pay attention to the world around us, if we step away from the computer, if we have the courage to name our POWER from God, will we be spiritually adventurous?

2. Open our calendar--if we don't over schedule---if we take time to walk, to meditate, to pray, will we see more opportunities to be involved with others, to live the life God wants us to live?

3.Take risks-try new things--If we try new things (new groups, new volunteer opportunities, new books, an art class, will we have more success--will we feel more adventurous?

4. Let things go---Forget bad experiences--especially the little ones--hanging on to regrets weighs us down. If we hang onto regret over an opportunity missed, we miss the next one.

"Love one another" can be the opportunity for a spiritually adventurous life. Is that the way you hear it--a commandment or an opportunity? Is your spiritual life luck or purposeful? How?

Blessings-Penny

the glory of God

We took a day trip to the west side of the Grand Canyon a few days ago. It's the place where the Hualapai Indian tribe has built the Skywalk out over the canyon. Wow!The enormity of the breadth and depth of the canyon fills me with wonder. The millions of years and the amount of power it took to form that canyon. The fields of red flowers brilliant from the rain of last week---brief but powerful.

This morning an early walk with the new dog we are fostering--(but that's another story). The wonder again of the birds singing and singing and singing. How did robins and finches get to the desert? The blue blue sky,

And the most important creation---US! "The glory of God is in man fully alive."
Are you fully alive? What would that mean in your life? Today?

Blessings-Penny