Chickadee

While sitting at this window yesterday morning the chickadees were on the bird feeder. It seems to me they waste alot of energy. They fly in from the tree, take one seed and fly back to the tree. They do this over and over! Then one flew smack into the window. I could hardly look but after a few minutes I got up from my chair and looked into the snow below the window. Sure enough s/he was there-a little movement and then stillness. I was so sad but knew better than to try to revive him/her. Best to wait a few minutes. And sure enough, a few minutes later when I looked s/he was gone.

The whole scene made me think of recovery. We go along one day at a time -sort of taking one seed from the feeder-thinking all is ok. Then whack-we fly into a window (relapse); knock ourselves out and wake up wondering how did that happen? Well just like the chickadee, we weren't paying attention. The window, the reality of relapse, wasn't something we took seriously.

Relapse is part of this disease. Are you paying attention this holiday season? How?

Blessings-Penny

"Very bad temper"

Two women have recently spoken with me about their "very bad tempers." These are lovely ladies who I would not have believed ever raised their voices. Their tempers lead them to angry exchanges with their spouses and estrangement from friends. I really do believe many women, with addictions or not, have a boatload of anger under their very gracious exteriors.

And for those of us with addictions, we know how our anger can set us up for relapse. After all we know in the past that a drink or drug helped deescalate that anger. We just came down a notch or two emotionally after that first hit. That's a big part of the problem, we know what worked in the past.

What we have to figure out in this new life of recovery is what will deescalate us without that hit. Again this Advent Season has a real message for us. Wait, Be patient. What has offended me so much that I am willing to risk my recovery? Can I walk away from the situation? If not, how can I take care of myself?

Instead of the anger, can I think through the promises of God-one promise of God is the promise of a new life in Him? Is my recovery centered in this promise? Advent is a wonderful time to practice a change in our thinking.

Blessings

Small things

This season of Advent, of watchful waiting,is a splendid time to pay special attention to God's presence in our daily lives. There have been so many "small" or not so small reminders this week. There was a call from a local woman who had read my book,--- "could she come and talk with me?" What a gift of God's presence in my life! Another gift was in a letter from a friend from long ago with a memory of my daughter that made me smile. And then there was the publication of my 'letter to the editor' in our local paper. I'm not much of a political activist but the lack of daily news about this war-the tragedies and the successes-bothers me greatly. So I ranted about it in a letter to the editor--and they published it!! Isn't it wonderful to find our voices?

Where do you notice God's presence in your day?

I pray we each find our voice in thanks for all the times we take notice of God's presence in our daily---and especially for the gift of recovery.

Blessings

Thanksgiving

Thanks for recovery is the core of our prayer today. Recovery is thanks for the courage to address the challenge. We don't always make the perfect decisions but we know we have God's grace. God's grace means knowing and feeling His presence even in our anxieties. If you have stress related to family issues and the availability of alcohol or drugs at gatherings, step back and feel God's presense reassuring you that you can make the recovery decision.

Happy Thanksgiving

Blessings---Penny

In the book "To Kill a Mockingbird" Atticus encourages his 11 year old daughter, Scout, to consider how a situation looks from the other person's vantage point before becoming angry and frustrated. Scout becomes aware of what this really means when, late in the story, she stands on the porch of a reclusive neighbor and realizes how the neighborhood looks from there.

Recently a friend talked about her frustration and anger that her daughter could not hold onto her sobriety. "If she really loved me she would stop. She knows how frightened I am for her," was essentially the mother's exclamation. For those of us who find "sustained" recovery a challenge, a comment like this can cause our own frustration and anger. "She doesn't understand the compulsion of this disease,...how hard I try...how helpless I sometimes feel."

Our addiction directly affects at least 4 other people. We each need to step onto the others "porch" and take a look from their vantage point.

Blessings-Penny

interesting question

In the movie "A Kind of a Funny Story" the therapist for a 15 year old struggling teenager asks the question, "When was a time in your childhood that you felt complete joy--a sense of abandon?" As my husband and I drove home from the movie, we thought about that question for ourselves. (We each grew up in active chaotic homes. Each of us had a parent with the disease of alcoholism.) We had difficulty naming a time of complete joy. There were good times, but in reflection, there was also a sense of anxiety. Someone might learn the secret.

Was there a time in your childhood you felt complete joy? Is there a way to recreate some of that joy in your life of recovery?

For me the sense of freedom that comes with recovery is close to joy.

Blessings-Penny

Anxiety

In a recent issue of Vogue magazine, the writer Nora Ephron wrote an article that talked about the anxiety created by having a mother who had the disease of alcoholism. She wrote of the fear of her mother visiting her in college--the fear that her friends would find out that her mother was alcoholic---the fear that the secret would get out.

So many of us grew up in homes where a parent had the disease of alcoholism and addiction. One consequence of growing up in a home with addiction is an ongoing sense of anxiety. The anxiety that the secret of addiction/alcoholism creates stays with us for the rest of our lives. That anxiety creates a feeling that we need to control everything in our lives and the lives of those around us. For our own recovery and personal growth, it is essential we become aware of where we hold the anxiety---how the anxiety plays out in our daily lives, our relationships with those we love, and our relationship with God.

Where do you hold the anxiety and fear? In your shoulders, in your fists, in the tightness around your mouth, in your clenched jaw? Do you want a drink or drug to relieve the tension? Can you tighten up that part of your body when you become aware of the stress and then relax? Can you smile that you are becoming increasingly aware of where you hold the tension?

Where does the anxiety, the need to control, interfere with your relationships with those you love? Do you yell? Do you tell them how to live their lives? Or do you let them exoerience the logical consequences of their own decisions? Tough to do.

Where does the fear enter your relationship with God? Do you listen? Are you open? Do you read nurturing meditations? Can you trust? Do you reach for His hand? He promises to be with us. He promises!!!

Blessings-Penny