nightmares

My husband awakened me last night because I was screaming in my sleep. When I awakened I recalled the nightmare-someone was trying to break into our apartment-I could see the door handle turning-I wanted to yell "help-help" but I couldn't get the scream out. 

In attempting to get a sense of where that dream came from, the only thing I can relate it to is an incident in a parking garage a few days ago when 2 pit bull dogs got out of their car and came after my dog (and me). I yelled for help many times until someone came. Neither my dog nor me was harmed-clearly they were not attack dogs- but I did not know that during the incident.

If that incident was the trigger for the nightmare, I am surprised. Clearly the incident impacted me more than I realized. I tend to have a strong denial system for unpleasant things. What other things in my life do I deny and yet they remain in my unconscious and cause anxiety and fear?

What things in your life do you minimize and deny? Do they cause you anxiety and fear? Can you talk with someone about them?
Can you remember Christ is with you in all of it?
Blessings-Penny

little moments

One night recently I took my dog for her last outing before bedtime. I walked through the apartment building's lower garage level and was stopped by a woman who said, "I got your note. Thank you." As the conversation continued I realized she was the woman whose baby died of SIDS last month. She lives on our floor but I had never really met her. When the baby died I slipped a note of condolence under her door.

We talked for several minutes and I was moved by her own grief, confusion and grief for the tears of her 9 year old daughter. I strongly suggested she get counseling for all of them. I told her that not pushing for my family to get counseling after the death of my daughter was the biggest mistake I made in our grieving. Finding a safe place to express feelings of sadness and guilt, which are all part of normal grieving, is one of the most healing things one can do in any crisis or trauma...whether that be death, divorce, any loss.

Those thoughts have remained with me for days. Probably because it is all still part of my grieving---all these years later. The grief is still a part of me. I move on in my life but my daughter is never far from my thoughts and love.

God helps me heal and lets me hold onto the love and memories.
Blessings-Penny

Cut offs

Recently my son "uninvited" us for Thanksgiving. Apparently he had not discussed the family plans with his wife before extending us the spur of the moment invitation. My response to being "uninvited" was mixed. None of it good-hurt, sad, angry. The invitation meant we would have stayed with them and though they have a large home, his wife's parents would have been there also. His wife thought 2 more adults was too many.

As I said, I was hurt, sad, angry. My initial instincts included " In the future, we will visit when we damn well please"..."they can just wait for me to contact them"---followed by all kinds of other comments ---in my head---that expressed my anger and disappointment. In further reflection---and prayer---I realized how immature much of that was. It is ok to acknowledge being hurt and angry but to cut off communiucation leads only to more disappointment and anger. Emotional cut offs are weapons as destructive as IEDs. They devastate relationships and families.

Today ask God to help you heal any emotional cut offs you are a part of. If someone else has cut you off, be courageous and ask why. If you have cut some else off, work on healing the relationship. Think about the relief you will feel when the healing begins.

Blessings-Penny

Trust

How does a parent determine how much to share with their children or teenagers? How much should be shared about financial problems? How much should be shared about the parent's behavior or misbehavior as a teenager? How much should be shared about the parents' relationship issues---reasons for divorce ? How much do we share about our time challenged by addiction?

At a recent family gathering of an extended, blended family I became aware of some things that had not been shared -what some people knew and others did not-how angry perspectives had shaped acceptance or rejection of a new family member.  We all have a right to privacy and certainly these days there is often tmi (as the kids say--too much information) but when do secrets become weapons and when does a secret-later revealed-become an issue of trust?

These are serious  issues for prayerful consideration. We ask God to be with us as we carefully share what is helpful-what is loving-and we leave the rest in God's hands. The rest is between God and us.

Today we pray for an awareness of God with us as we share carefully and build trust within our loving relationships.

Blessings-Penny

your story

I recently finished a book by Frank Delaney entitled The Last Story Teller. I've never been too captivated by "storytellers" but found the background and the story itself very interesting. What captured my attention most was this paragraph.
"Every legend and all mythologies exist to teach us how to run our days. In kind fashion. A loving way. But there's no story, no matter how ancient, as important as one's own. So if we are to live good lives, we have to tell our own story. In a good way."

 I think of my book "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God-a woman's path to sustained recovery" as my own story woven into an approach to long term recovery-a way to run my day. I think it is useful and healing to "tell our story" ---even if I only tell it to myself. How did I arrive in this place? Who was involved and important? How were they involved and important? What choices did I make that impacted where I am today? Is there something I want to 're-decide?'

Can you tell your story in a kind way...in a loving way?

Blessings-Penny

skipping

Walking in downtown St. Louis the other day I watched a mother and daughter cross the street. The daughter was about 8 years old and holding her mother's hand. About halfway across the street the child looked up at her mother and broke into a skip. She smiled and looked so filled with delight. I wondered what the mother had said or what thought had entered the child's head.

When did you last feel like breaking into a skip? When did you last say something that might have filled someone with delight- so they felt like breaking into a skip? To feel like skipping we have to feel "light"-unburdened. Can you lift someone's burden today? Can you give up some of your own burden?

 God shares our burden-He promises. Take time to remember that today. Give it to Him. He would love to see you skip.

Blessings-Penny

Decisions

Within the last month both of my sons have declined major opportunities in their careers. Their decisions to decline those opportunities are based on what is best for their children. In declining those opportunities they have essentially ended their military careers and will retire. One will retire this month, the other sometime later. I am so impressed. For each of them the opportunities offered were things they would have enjoyed d and would have been capstones to their careers.

One son said it was really no decision. It would have meant transferring to another state and leaving his family where they are-no decision. The other son wrestled more-his decision would have meant a family move and with a daughter in high school and a wife with deep family roots where they are- he decided "no."

How do you make decisions? Who do you consider in the process? How do you talk with them? do you pray for God's guidance?

During the time my sons had to make their decisions, I told them I prayed they could feel God's presence with them, that they would be guided by His grace, that they would feel His peace whatever they decided.

I am so very proud of them-no matter their decisions.

Blessings-Penny