Karen is dying

Yes, Karen is dying. In early January she chose to discontinue chemotherapy for her ovarian cancer. She has been courageously fighting this disease for 10 years with multiple rounds of chemo, prayer and resilience.  The last round ravaged her body and she decided to live the rest of her days in rich quality. And that she is doing.

We visited Karen last weekend and spent several days laughing and talking about her life and about dying-her dying and the dying we all will do. Karen has lived her life to the fullest. Every period of her life was spent persuing her writing, editing for others, raising two wonderful sons, and truly doing for others. Since her retirement 13 years ago she has written 8 books, helped others write their own books (mine included) and after Tropical Storm Irene devastated Vermont, she and her husband, John, worked tirelessly to solicit and provide shoes, rugs, appliances, and clothing for those left with nothing. Hard physical and emotional work.

And Karen is dying so now she's writing a book about dying! The working title is "The Divine Art of Dying."
She is going to fill every moment of her life-to the very end- with her love and her passion.

I will be writing several more blogs about my thoughts from the weekend but for now:

How can each of us live our lives to the fullest? Each day? Today? Do we live out our loves and our passions?
Blessings-Penny

freedom

We live in an apartment on the 12th floor of a midsize city. The apartment building is on the edge of the downtown area across the street from a major league baseball stadium on one side and a residential/small business area on the other side. The view to the south is pretty open. Lately we have watched a hawk circle over the area about twice a day. His pattern is a bit above our apartment, over the stadium and then down toward the more open area. He glides so slowly, so gracefully, so peacefully. He glides with such freedom.
Yesterday he had a companion. Their flight was like a lovely ballet-together, apart, gently. They seemed to be so aware of each other, with such ease.

Freedom, ease, gentleness. Isn't that how we all would love to have the pattern of our lives?
How do we move toward that?

Blessings-Penny

Silence

"By our silence we let others define us." I think this is a really profound quote but I'm not quite certain what it means.  I think of my identity as a recovering alcoholic. Now that is only part of my identity but a part I take as very important. If I am silent and do not share that with others, then there is an important part of me that they do not know. Others would define me without knowing that I am challenged by that disease. They would not know the real me.

Do you want people to know the real you? What else are you silent about? How do others define you? What parts of you are private that others do not need to know? How do you decide?

Interesting stuff to think about.

Blessings-Penny

sad

We frequently talk with the maintenance man who keeps things working in our apartment building. A nice guy-walks with a limp-has worked in this building for about 8 years. He looked sad the other day and told us his 18 year old son was just diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. The boy was a big football and baseball high school star and was looking forward to college with a football scholarship. He had broken bones in both sports this year and after he passed out at school and felt a tingling in his fingertips, the multiple sclerosis diagnosis was given.

The son is angry and depressed. He has been answering back to teachers, refusing to go to work, and generally adopting a "why bother" attitude. His father is devastated...this was the "golden boy."

Medication will cost up to $800 per month-not covered under insurance.

I look at this sad, sad situation and realize this is a diagnosis with no options. And then I think of those of us with addictions. We are the lucky ones, We have options. We can choose to make changes and we have choices. Granted those are difficult changes and choices but nonetheless we do have choices.

Are we willing to make those choices and changes? Are we willing to acknowledge the gift God gives us___the gift of choices?

What are you willing to do today to accept this beautiful life God has given you? What choices?

Blessings-Penny

listening room

One of the venues my husband and I love to attend here in St. Louis is Jazz at the Bistro. We are fairly new to jazz so the whole experience is unique. We have always loved the old standards of jazz and try to attend singers and musicians who have those standard qualities. The performances are held in a rather small room. It holds only 149 people so it is all quite intimate.

As the performers are introduced the emcee reminds everyone that this "a listening room. Please turn off your cell phones and keep conversation at your tables low so all can enjoy the performance." Isn't that a wonderful term---a listening room? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could have a "listening room" with those  courtesies at our dining room tables, in our homes, in our conference rooms, with our politicians?

When I was in school we had classes called "Speech." We should have had classes called "Listening." If we could all improve our listening skills what a lovely world it would be.

Can you Listen-really Listen today? Can you listen to a child, listen to a co-worker, listen to someone you disagree with---really listen, not be thinking about what you will say...listen to what they are saying and not saying??

Listen to God??

Blessings-Penny

just fun

I realize a number of followers of this blog are outside the United States. I am incredibly grateful to have you with us and I apologize for some of this blog. I hope you are able to relate given your enjoyment of soccer and your related sports.

Today is opening day of the baseball season here in St. Louis. Our team's name is the Cardinals and the fans here are incredibly devoted-almost to hero worship but it is all in the name of fun.

Our apartment is across the street from the stadium and we have a wonderful view of all the pregame activities in the parking lot below us. It all started about 6 a.m. At this time (about 10:30a.m.) there are hundreds of people at the many booths, playing games, listening to loud music, getting autographs, eating and drinking. They are so excited about the game. My husband can't wait to go over and get hot dogs and bratwurst. The excitement and fun is palpable.

In recovery we need to have fun as part of our plan. We need to have excitement. Recovery is not just about "giving up " something. It is about finding a purpose, meaning and fun. It is about relationships.

What is fun for you today? What do you really look forward to? How can you tap into that?

Blessings-Penny

His spirit is alive

Yesterday I had a medical procedure for my chronic heart condition. Nothing of an emergency nature but at one time there were 4 nurses prepping me for the procedure---it must have been a slow day in that department. As we nurses joked and talked, I mentioned I had written a book (well 2 books) in retirement. When I gave the name of the first book, Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God, the nurse working on the computer stopped what she was doing and looked at me with curiosity. She looked at the other nurses and then said, "I am in recovery-8 years and I am looking for something more-deeper." Needless to say the conversation was fast and intense. We didn't have much time before I was to have the procedure. 

That is what happens when we are open---open to God's spirit working in the world and in our lives. He gives us connections. He gives us people who understand our struggles. 

Today are you open to what God has given you? What is it? Who is it? What or how do they make a difference in your life?

Blessings-Penny