Merry Christmas

"I hear the angels. I see the stars all shining. I believe. I do believe." Anton Chekov

always a mom

We just returned from a lovely cruise on the Danube River. Beautiful old cities, castles, cathedrals and Christmas Markets. Just splendid.

But the best part of the trip was in a phone call waiting for us when we returned. Our younger son had received a promotion he had not expected-in fact he had been told the promotion would not happen. He had been devasted that his career had hit such a block after being on the "fast track" for several years. As his mother I believe I was as devasted as he was. But now all of that was over. His worth and contributions were recognized. I could hear the deep smile in his voice.

As parents, all of us want our children, no matter what age,to be happy. We want them to be treated fairly. When that doesn't happen we suffer with them. That's part of being a parent. And when the joy comes we get to celebrate with them!

My son's news was a joyous climax to our trip. We can spend money on travel, on bling and on stuff but there is no joy like our children's happiness!

That is part of the Christmas message---recognizing the true gifts in our lives. Take time this last week of Advent, to "Listen" to Christ's gifts in your life.

Blessings-Penny

filter

Recently I heard a young woman talking about how burned out she is at work. She said, "I know I'm burned out because I hear myself saying things I never said before-critical things in a tone that is most unpleasant, really sharp. I think I've lost my filter. I used to be able to hear myself before I spoke and even if I was thinking something critical, I could modify it so it didn't come across as almost hurtful. I know I still have my filter-I just need to step back and use it."

We have a well for water at our house and it requires a filter that needs changing about every 6 weeks. If we neglect to change the filter, the water gets cloudy and very unappealing. Oil filters in cars need changing or they clog up

If we, as human beings under alot of stress, neglect to monitor our emotional and communication filters, our conversations can be pretty unappealing and clogged up.

Does your filter need changing?

(by the way-I will be out of town for about 2 weeks and will not be posting blogs during that time. "See" you when I return. Thanks so very much to each of you who check in.)
Blessings-Penny

a gift

Just before Thanksgiving I received a lovely gift. A little background---many years ago I lived in Hawaii for about 5 years with my children and husband who was a Marine pilot. It was Vietnam era and when he went overseas for yet another year tour, the children and I moved off the military base and into a civilian neighborhood. During that year we lived across the street from a lovely family whose children attended the same elementary school as my daughter. We carpooled for that year and so I saw the neighbor children daily. The 8th grade neighbor girl,Susu, also baby sat for my children on the rare occassion I went to a movie or dinner with friends. I corresponded with Susu's parents for several years but lost touch in our many moves.

Well, last week Susu looked us up on the internet. I am not certain how she did it but she located my son who is now an active duty Marine himself. She reminisced about the year we were neighbors and she wrote of her memories of my daughter who was killed in a traffic accident several years later.She even remembered how to spell my daughter's unusual name.

Since very few people in my life here in Vermont knew my daughter, I do not have many conversations about her. Of course she is in my thoughts and prayers daily so to have this woman from our past take the time to find us, to "talk' about some wonderful times and to send her love was an incredible gift.

As this season of Christmas is coming, possibly the most grace filled gift you can give is to search for someone from your past and to tell them how important they were or are in your life. No money required. No Black Friday crowds. Just love.
Blessings-Penny

absolutely

A term that is overused these days in talk shows and daily conversation is "absolutely." Someone makes a point that the other person agrees with and the response is, "Absolutely."
But recently I asked a friend, a very busy friend, for an hour of her time to talk with me about a problem I was having. When I asked her if she had the time to meet with me, her immediate response was, "Absolutely." It was a wonderful affirmation-an affirmation that I was important to her and she was willing to listen to me. If she had said, "Well, let me look at my schedule---or---gee, I'm really locked in this week," I would have felt very differently about my importance to her.

Does your conversation and response to people and family and friends convey how important they are to you? Or does your own protection of your time create a message and space between you? "Absolutely!"
Blessings-Penny

apology

Rarely do I recommend a television show but I am impressed with the show "Parenthood." It addresses many of the stressors and struggles of parenting, relationships and even careers. Last week, amid other issues and themes, the mother of a teenage boy restricted him harshly for what she saw as defiance of an earlier restriction. Other persons in the family and friends told her they thought she over reacted. After some further thought, the mother went to the boy's room and said, "I think I over reacted."

It is so difficult as a parent to know what are appropriate directions and limits to set our kids. Do we interfere with their need for independence and their need to learn how to make their own decisions when we "over" react? What is over reaction?

But when we do figure out we have over reacted, do we apologize? We have a great opportunity to role model humility and asking for forgiveness when we do. We can simply say, "I think I over reacted. I want us to be able to talk these things through. I trust you. There is nothing we cannot work through together."

Even if the incident was weeks or months ago, we still have the opportunity to say, "Look I think I over reacted. Can we talk about it?" That's the important thing-we don't have to always do this parenting stuff perfectly. But we do need to stay in the relationship and demonstrate our openness.
Think of how powerful that kind of openness and communication is in all our relationships!
Blessings-Penny

our pasts

The impact our pasts, our childhoods, has on us is particularly powerful. This was brought to my attention once again as I watched a tv magazine report with the basketball star, Jerry West. Jerry is now retired and has had a splendid career. He had been an college allstar, an Olympic champion, an NBA star, team owner of the LA Lakers. To all outward appearances he had led a charmed life-lots of talent, lots of money, a lovely family. He has recently written a book which discusses the brutal abuse he received from his coal miner father in the back roads of their West Virginia home. He described frequent beatings with a belt, hiding under his bed only to be pulled out and beaten again.

This talented man, Jerry West, said he attended his father's funeral and the question he would have liked to ask his father was, "Do you think I'm worth anything now?" Jerry said this not in an angry tone but in a sad monotone. Clearly the message he received from his abusive father was that he wasn't worth anything and Jerry took this message through his whole life. He fought depression and a life full of assuming blame for every defeat his teams suffered over the years.

Hopefully most of us did not suffer the terrible abuse Jerry West did-but some of us did. And even those of us who were fortunate enough to have only normally chaotic homes received strong messages about our worth. We received those messages from parents, teachers and other adults in our lives...and later from peers. We take those messages with us for the rest of our lives. They tell us who we are. And it takes alot of work and prayer to sort through who we really are; who we really want to be and then become that person.

Who are you-with all the talents and the warts? How can you use more of those gifts and talents today and become more of the loving person you want to be?

We will talk more about these messages in the next few weeks.
Blessings-Penny