"reaching out"

I recently contacted a friend from years past through Facebook. This friend had been supportive during a challenging time of my life and I wanted to says thanks again and, in honesty, I probably wanted some further support. Life is messy and sometimes old challenges reappear and we try to figure out what worked last time.

The friend replied immediately-this social media stuff can be such fun-and was as supportive as I had hoped. In fact he said he was glad I had "reached out." Isn't that an interesting term? I hadn't really thought of it in that way, but the term really fit. I had "reached"-gone beyond what was easy and in front of me...found something beyond my easy grasp. His support eased some of my concerns and gave me another perspective to consider. Just what I had hoped.

To whom do you "reach out" when there are challenges? Do you have a support system?
Do you "reach out" to God? What would that look like? "HELP!"--is a good place to start.
Blessings-Penny

Forgiveness

We attended a presentation on forgiveness yesterday. One of the significant points was that when there is an old hurt or grudge that we have difficulty forgiving, it is helpful to remember that each time we focus on it and remember it, we are tearing off the healing scab. Each time we rehearse the incident and relive the pain and the anger, we let the incident continue to have its power.

Learning to shift those thoughts takes a very long time. It is so easy to blame the hurts of the past for our behavior in the present. Taking responsibility for the choices we make NOW, taking responsibility for who we are NOW can be a day to day challenge.

Desmond Tutu says that when we forgive we are no longer the victim...we can write the end of the story.

Can you begin to replace the old rehearsal of past grudges and anger with new thoughts of who you want to be NOW? Who do you think God wants you to be?

Blessings-Penny

Visit

Our visit with family was lovely. A new grandbaby was baptized. We felt included and cared for. There was time for connected conversation...conversation one wouldn't have by phone and certainly not by email. Technology is fine but I need to be with people, to gesture and watch their gestures and facial expressions. And I need to hold babies and hug their parents.
A teenage grandson was with us all weekend also. When we entered the church he whispered, "I don't think I've been in a church since I was about 4 years old." During the service he did his best to follow. He read the prayers from the missal. He sang the hymns. He wanted to fit in. I was deeply touched.

Personal visits can change things-can change the intimate relationships. Family is the essence.

Who in your family would you like to have a more intimate connection with? How can you move that relationship forward?
How can you move your relationship with God forward? How can you experience his love and presence?
Blessings-Penny

Drama

Our extended family has its share of drama-created by various members at various times over various issues. I work to stay out of the ensuing discussions but at times find it difficult -especially if I feel someone is being unfairly accused of something.
We are leaving tomorrow for a family gathering that is small enough that it should be without the usual cast of characters that stir things up. The host family has reached out to us in a very loving way and yet some others have made some snide comments about that.
I pray I can keep my mouth shut and simply be loving and supportive of the occasion and the family.

Are there times you need to pray to keep your mouth shut? When is it helpful to pray to do and say only the loving thing? How do you do that?

Blessings-Penny

Power of Addiction Part 2

On January 8 I wrote about the power of addiction and our 2 relatives struggling with their addictions. Yesterday morning we received a phone call that our nephew was in treatment. He was the one who had spent 90 days in jail in the fall for his 3rd DUI---rather than go to a treatment program. He had gone on a binge last weekend-alcohol, meth etc. etc. When he came home following the binge his wife and sons did an intervention and got him into treatment.
Later yesterday afternoon, he called from treatment. It was his first Friday in treatment and he was not liking it---too much hugging, too much this and that. We talked at some length. I reassured him that he can still be who he is. If he's not comfortable with the hugging -say so. If the counselor says he's not open-just say he doesn't even know where to start at this point. He fears they are trying to make him into someone he is not.

Doesn't that all sound familiar? Early recovery is not easy. But we have to start somewhere. At this point we have to remember how bad it was and pray never to go back there. And we pray for God to give us some hope, some encouragement that these new lives he has miraculously given us, will hold.

Addiction is powerful---but God is more powerful.
Are we open to living into his promises -that he is with us, that he forgives us, and that nothing can separate us from him?
Are you open to those promises today?
Blessings-Penny

rogue waves

Last summer I was on the beach with my son and grandchildren lying comfortably soaking up the sun and delighting in the sound of the waves. All of a sudden there were screams and a "rogue wave" washed over us, our cell phones, our cameras, our towels etc. etc. As I read a bit more of Annie Lamott's book, Help, Thanks, Wow, this morning she mentioned the term "rogue wave." She used it as a metaphor for some of the crisis that hit us in life. Those crisis hit us unexpectedly, washing over us, sometimes destroying important parts of our lives. But if we are mindful and careful, our lives can recover. We can return to some peace. We return to that peace when we make some changes, when we ask God to be with us as we work on the changes.

When we were swamped and soaked last summer by our rogue wave, we thought all those belongings were probably destroyed. But my daughter-in-law knows alot about fixing stuff. She placed the cell phones and cameras in bags of rice and sure enough the next morning, the rice had absorbed the water and the cameras worked. The cell phones were not as lucky but daughter-in-law knew how to exchange parts from old cell phones into the newer ones and we really lost only one phone.

That is how our recovery from any of our challenges happens. We find someone who helps us with the repairs, helps us learn new ways of living, and we ask God to be with us in this. We smile when the new ways begin to give us peace.

Does a rogue wave challenge you in your daily life? Does it destroy your peace? Where can you begin to make the changes to lead to a different way of living? Have you asked God today to be with you in the changes?

Blessings-Penny

honesty

A relative who is reading my recently published book, Filling the God-Shaped Void, said she was surprised at my acknowledgement of some of my drinking behavior "for all to see." Since there are some rather critical family members in our extended family, I will admit to some misgivings about their response. But the bottom line is that people who care about me already know the worst. Those who might delight in the nitty gritty are probably those who talk about me no matter what.

The reason those of us in recovery share the honest facts is that it helps us to "own" the behavior. It is part of what keeps us in the process of recovery...to remember how bad it was..and that we don't have to go back there.  We also know that sharing those facts let's others know they are not alone. They are not the only people who have done stupid, hurtful things. When we are in the middle of the guilt and shame, it feels like we are the only ones who have ever done that.

And the message is there is hope...hope for a better life...hope for a new way of being and living.
When we feel no hope, when there is guilt once again over breaking our promise to change, we remember there is a better life. God promises that and promises He is with us in all the mess.

We write about it and we talk about it and we ask God to remind us that He is with us---always.
Have you asked God today to remind you that He is right there with you?
Blessings-Penny