parents' anquish

I smiled and empathized with the television tape of the parents of a USA Olympic gymnast as she performed her routine on the balance beam. The mother absolutely covered her eyes, writhed and contorted in stress as the daughter jumped and twisted and spun. The father too leaned and stretched with his daughter. Their stress was palpable. That's how we are with those we love.

I think that must be what God looks like as we attempt to live our lives. when we are in tough times. I think He must cover His eyes and lean and contort with us...praying we don't fall and if we do that we get back up and try it again.

Another gymnast when questioned why she was attempting to defend her gold medal against very strong odds said, "I hate regret more than anything." Do we try again even when we fail because to not try would lead to regret?

Some of the choices I have made over the past 20 years have not turned out as happily as I had hoped. But I do not regret them. I took risks. I tried. No regrets....well, not many.  I pray He has covered His eyes at a few of my choices and leaned and contorted with me at others.

Do you know He is there with you?
Blessings-Penny

the best they can

Not infrequently I get irritated, frustrated, saddened that friends or relatives seem to let me down. I met with a friend recently who expressed the same sadness and frustration. She was off to give a presentation at a conference and it was a big deal. She had donated many times over the years to her company's sunshine fund and yet had had no personal health or big events to receive any recognition from the club. She was secretly hoping that the club would give her flowers or at least a card to celebrate her big day. Nope-nothing. She acknowledged the lack of recognition was a disappointment and took a little of the shine off her departure.

I know from a "therapeutic" perspective that our "secret" hopes and expectations are a major part of our disappointments. Other people can't read our minds. If we need something, we need to ask, be clear. So on one level I want to tell myself, "People are doing the best they can. If I need or want something, tell them." On the other hand, surprise phone calls, cards, flowers---in recognition of an event---or just because someone is thinking of you---are such a delight.

Who would love a phone call or flowers from you---just because you are thinking of them?

That's one way to do the best you can---to be the best you can be---to live in the kingdom of God---really!!!
Blessings-Penny

praying in disappointment

In yesterdays' meditation Fred Buechner isn't really talking about disappointment but he is talking about sadness and need for healing. I thought of my family with their sadness and disappointment yesterday. Buechner says, ""But there are other times--often the most unexpected, unlikely times--when strong as life itself comes the sense there is holiness deeper than shabbiness and horror (sadness and disappointment) and at the very heart of darkness a light unutterable..and in that room of thanksgiving and remembering there is peace."

In our disappointments and darkness we pray to remember God's wonderful work in our lives---to feel that light unutterable---peace.

Blessings-Penny

disappointment

Some of our family had a big trip planned for 2 days ago. It was a plane trip to "home" (across country) and family where the parents had grown up and also their now adult daughter. The mom had recently completed 2 years of chemo/bone marrow transplant and very very difficult recovery. She had missed trips "home" for 2 years though her large family had visited here. For her it was to be sort of a victory lap.
Along with their adult daughter were daughter's husband, mom's own husband  and two grand children--ages 3 and 1 1/2 years. Mom had agreed to use a wheelchair---kids needed stroller and car seat---and seven suitcases. Not an easy trip.

As they waited to check the car seat at the gate, the screen flashed to "flight cancelled." Can  you imagine??!! I've had difficult trips but this one was an absolute nightmare. Finally after several hours and very little help from the airline, they simply cancelled. The arrangements the airline suggested were absolutely not do-able.

They drove home amidst many tears, without luggage, without a new plan. When they arrived home the 3 year old (who had really been prepped for this trip) said, "Mommy, I didn't like that trip."

Now in the old days, that would have been a real excuse for a couple of shots of bourbon for me. It made me think about how we respond to disappointment in recovery. In recovery we need new strategies. It has to be part of our recovery plan---can't wait for the disappointment  and then figure it out.

What is your recovery plan for disappointment---even the small everyday disappointments?
Does it include prayer? Does it include remembering God is always with us to help us through?

Blessings-Penny

the computer, the robins and family

My computer crashed! Holy shamoly the frustration! ...buy which replacement? how to pay bills while no internet? how to work the new one? no link to printer-yet----touch pad-no mouse! no Microsoft word!
I can really get worked up about all of this.

Then I sat on the patio this morning and watched the robins feeding the babies in the nest in the tree at the edge of the patio. Peaceful---full of peace, a gift.

Then a friend called with much sadness---family struggles, difficult situation, difficult communication, the possibility of a deep split.

Life can be so hard---the little stuff, the big stuff---making certain we know what is big stuff and what is little stuff It seems to me the big stuff is the family stuff-the relationships. The rest of it is really trivial.

Dear God, today let me be mindful that I don't waste your or my time on the trivial. Let me pray for the friend and her family. Let me take great pleasure in the robins. Let me not get so stressed by the computer. Remind me to be thankful I can buy a new one---for heavens sake!!!

Blessings-Penny

does it make a difference in how you live your life?

The story of "doubting Thomas" was the focus of a recent meditation we have been reading. We know the story---the disciple Thomas was told of Jesus resurrection but said if he didn't see the holes in Christ's hands or place his hand in the gash in Christ's side, he would not believe in the resurrection. The writer of our meditation said that this is our story---that it is so very hard for us to believe in Christ's resurrection in a way that "affects how we live our lives."

That seems so very true. If we really believed in Christ's resurrection how different would our lives be? Would we leave all---everything---and live our lives differently?

Do you believe?

Even now on a daily basis would that belief make a difference in how you live your everyday---more patient with your spouse, children, co-workers? More generous to those in need---with your time, your money? Take more time to pray---to talk with God? Thank God for his gifts---your recovery?What difference?

Interesting to think about.

Blessings-Penny

the back yard again

About 6 a.m. I take our boxer dog out for her first "outing" of the day. Usually we go out front for a quick 'relief" and then back in for breakfast before our morning walk. However the last few days, because of the intense heat here in Las Vegas (112 degrees!) other dog owners are up early also ---and some without dogs on leash. Izzy does not do well with other dogs---so we have been going out back on the golf course for the first "outing" of the day. Probably not legal in homeowner rules but no one has said anything -yet.

The point is the temperature in the back yard on the golf course is unbelievably cooler than on the front street side of the house. Now we've all been aware that cities hold their heat even overnight--- and a lot of that is due to asphalt streets holding their heat. But I never realized how much that would be true even in a suburb such as we live in. Probably some of that retained heat is because of the unbelievable daytime temperatures here-- (I sure wasn't aware of this is Vermont!). But nonetheless it really does make a point of what urban/suburban growth has done to our planet. No lectures here on global warming but wow---what a lesson.

I will continue to enjoy my early mornings on the golf course---and be aware of man's impact.

God gave us this beautiful planet. Are we caring for it? Are you?

Blessings-Penny