This past week I observed an argument between people at a voluntary organization to which I belong. It was truly an example of "ineffective communication"-chapter 3 of my book.
Without boring you with too many details, it started in a committee meeting. The committe chair said a firm "No" to a committee member. The committee member left after a few minutes and went to the executive director in tears-ready to resign from the organization. After the committee meeting adjourned the exec director strode down the hallway with "guns blazing"-so to speak. In a very angry,confrontive tone, she said to the committee chair, "I heard you had a bad meeting!" Committe chair said, "No, there was one incident that irritated one person but all in all it was a very good meeting."
Well, it went downhill from there. As I have thought about the incident over the days, it seems to me that the whole thing was such an example of persons not listening to each other. If the committee chair had listened to the volunteer a bit longer and not cut off his/her response: if the exec director in talking with the committee chair had just said something like, "I hear there was an unfortunate exchange. I have a new volunteer very upset. Please tell me your perspective of what happened," this could have all been avoided.
But as often happens we are so determined to get our point across, to have it our way, we don't listen. We bring our old anger to a conversation and we attack.
Where have you had a recent disagreement? Did you listen to the other person's perspective? Were you gentle?
Did the stress of the argument trigger an urge to drink or drug? That used to be how I handled stress and anger! That's the risk of ineffective communication.
What can you do to resolve the disagreement?
Christ tells us if we are angry we must make peace with our "brother." Do you listen?
Blessings-Penny
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