secrets versus privacy

In self help meetings sometimes we hear the admonition "We are as sick as our secrets." I have a word of caution about that.

There is a difference between our right to privacy and keeping a secret. My parents had a huge secret that they never shared with my brother and me. I mean huge! I believe it affected our family in significant ways. The secret came out after they both had died---everyone else in the family knew---aunts, uncles, cousins and once I knew they were more than happy to share details. A wise uncle said, "Penny, people just didn't talk about stuff like that in those days. Today everyone writes a book or goes on tv to tell their story.But they had a right to keep that to themselves."

 I still wrestle with that. Yes, they had a right to their privacy but I believe if they had shared it with my brother and me, we might have healed as a family. Maybe my dad would not have struggled so badly with his alcoholism. Maybe my mom would not have had to control so much in her life. They didn't need to tell everyone, but might many things have been different.

As we talk about forgiveness, it seems to me sharing our stories in which we remain angry or humiliated or want revenge, is helpful. It helps to sort out our feelings, to know we are not alone and to look at our part of the situation. However this can be done in private with someone we trust. No need to share details with lots of people. We have a right to our privacy. As the kids say, sometimes it's "TMI."

And there is One who already knows the story, who already knows the secret, who longs to hear us share our feelings, our hopes, our sadness, our anger. Sharing our secret with Him is prayer.

Blessings-Penny