apology

Rarely do I recommend a television show but I am impressed with the show "Parenthood." It addresses many of the stressors and struggles of parenting, relationships and even careers. Last week, amid other issues and themes, the mother of a teenage boy restricted him harshly for what she saw as defiance of an earlier restriction. Other persons in the family and friends told her they thought she over reacted. After some further thought, the mother went to the boy's room and said, "I think I over reacted."

It is so difficult as a parent to know what are appropriate directions and limits to set our kids. Do we interfere with their need for independence and their need to learn how to make their own decisions when we "over" react? What is over reaction?

But when we do figure out we have over reacted, do we apologize? We have a great opportunity to role model humility and asking for forgiveness when we do. We can simply say, "I think I over reacted. I want us to be able to talk these things through. I trust you. There is nothing we cannot work through together."

Even if the incident was weeks or months ago, we still have the opportunity to say, "Look I think I over reacted. Can we talk about it?" That's the important thing-we don't have to always do this parenting stuff perfectly. But we do need to stay in the relationship and demonstrate our openness.
Think of how powerful that kind of openness and communication is in all our relationships!
Blessings-Penny

our pasts

The impact our pasts, our childhoods, has on us is particularly powerful. This was brought to my attention once again as I watched a tv magazine report with the basketball star, Jerry West. Jerry is now retired and has had a splendid career. He had been an college allstar, an Olympic champion, an NBA star, team owner of the LA Lakers. To all outward appearances he had led a charmed life-lots of talent, lots of money, a lovely family. He has recently written a book which discusses the brutal abuse he received from his coal miner father in the back roads of their West Virginia home. He described frequent beatings with a belt, hiding under his bed only to be pulled out and beaten again.

This talented man, Jerry West, said he attended his father's funeral and the question he would have liked to ask his father was, "Do you think I'm worth anything now?" Jerry said this not in an angry tone but in a sad monotone. Clearly the message he received from his abusive father was that he wasn't worth anything and Jerry took this message through his whole life. He fought depression and a life full of assuming blame for every defeat his teams suffered over the years.

Hopefully most of us did not suffer the terrible abuse Jerry West did-but some of us did. And even those of us who were fortunate enough to have only normally chaotic homes received strong messages about our worth. We received those messages from parents, teachers and other adults in our lives...and later from peers. We take those messages with us for the rest of our lives. They tell us who we are. And it takes alot of work and prayer to sort through who we really are; who we really want to be and then become that person.

Who are you-with all the talents and the warts? How can you use more of those gifts and talents today and become more of the loving person you want to be?

We will talk more about these messages in the next few weeks.
Blessings-Penny

New ways

Last night was a board meeting at our local Turning Point Center. I attend the meetings on a monthly basis and am always impressed with the dedication of the staff and volunteers. Last night the director talked of her connection with the local housing coalition and jobs center. As she said, "We have to connect in new ways. I look at the people who were here when I came a year ago-enthusiastic about their recovery-engaged in the center. Then as the months have progressed they had housing problems, couldn't pay their rent because of no jobs-and manny have slipped back into their addictions."

It is the cycle we sadly have encountered over so many years. Even when the economy is good, recovery is a challenge. The director is right. We do have to connect in new ways. "If we do what we've always done, we'll get what we've always got." Some success but way too many tragic relapses.

What are you doing differently? How are you connecting differently in order to maintain your recovery?
Blessings-Penny

awake at night

I am struggling with the decision regarding the contract I have received to write the book of meditations. The date required for submission of the manuscript is only 4 months away. 365 meditations in 4 months??? I know that I need to feel the material has meaning and that I would be proud for friends and family to read it. I also know that my formal writing process is slow-with lots and lots of rewrites.

On one level I realize that this contract is a gift. Thousands of people are wrestling with terrible, devastating decisions-how to pay their mortgage-how to feed their family-how to care for a loved one. It is mighty self-absorbed of me to even consider this a stress. However I am awake at nights wrestling with this decision. During those awake times I try to get out of my circular thinking and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. God has given me this opportunity to put my thoughts out there-thoughts about living life abundantly, living this new life He has promised. He has given me two friends who have offered to help-one a retired editor-one a retired pastor. Am I listening to this answer?

What keeps you awake at night?
Do you listen for guidance from the Holy Spirit? Are you open to the guidance you hear?

Blessings-Penny

creativity

A recent visit to a neice I see very infrequently was just delightful. It was fun to see her two young boys. It was fun to see the home she has created. And it was wonderful to see her energy. She teaches American History at a large mid western university. As she talked about a course she has created, her face became alive. Her eyes smiled, her voice was animated and her description flowed. One could feel her energy.

We each have places in our lives we can be creative. We can be creative in our homes-cooking a new dish, rearranging a bedroom, painting a wall, playing a new game with our family; at work in simply being geneerous to a co-worker who annoys us; at play in trying a new sport or a new haircut!

In our spiritual lives we can take time for a new prayer-simply asking God to be with us in times of stress.

We are not trapped!

In what small places in your life can you be creative? Can you feel yourself smile both inwardly and outwardly? Can you feel new energy?

Blessings-Penny

Good news and not so good news

I want to share with you that "my publisher" has accepted a proposal for me to write a book of meditations and reflections. On one hand I am delighted-on the other hand I am intimidated. The book will be a daily reflection on things that get in the way of our relationship with God---things that prevent us from living the abundant life God wishes for us. The reflections will focus on our anxieties, our attachments and our addictions.

I am intimidated by the need for 365 reflections by mid February. And even more I am intimidated by the awareness that I may not have 365 meaningful things to say!

However the whole reason for my book on women's recovery from addictions and this blog, is to say we can take chances, we can do things we didn't know we could, we can make changes. I'll keep you posted on how that's working out!!!

What risks do you want to take?

Blessings-Penny

sooth

Our newly adopted lab/golden retriever mix is certainly providing entertainment, energy and dog hair to our home! In looking for something to manage her shedding, I came across a spray-on product that promises "soothing relief for those itchy and irritating spots" on her skin or coat.

I was thinking,wouldn't it be wonderful if we could have a spray-on product for soothing relief of those irritating spots in our lives?

What spot in your life could use some soothing?
How might you provide some soothing? --a deep breath, a phone call to a friend, a whispered prayer?

Blessings-Penny