The mother of the relative who was recently hospitalized says she doesn't pray because God never answers her prayers. My response is, "Well I think He answered my prayers. She got the help she needed. The new psychiatrist was able to give her a 2 hour initial appointment immediately. The recommended therapist can see her 3 times a week and get her into individual and group therapy. The college let her continue her studies. Those all seem nothing short of miraculous."
Does it sometimes feel God doesn't answer our prayers? Could it be we aren't open to His answer? Could it be His answer is different than the one I am expecting?
Blessings-Penny
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
"I'm Done"
The young woman family member who was committed over the weekend has been discharged. There is an aftercare plan in place. She says, "I'm done" with that behavior.
How many times those of us who are addicted have said, "I'm done" with that behavior! After the confrontations at work, after the dui, after the family tears, after the mornings of regret. And how difficult is it to stay "done?" The demon of addiction does not say, "Oh, ok. I'll just go away now." The demon of addiction lurks like a tiger in the grass. The demon just waits for us to forget how vicious he is.
The aftercare plan is for therapy 3 times a week for one hour per session. How many hours does that leave for the voices in her head to remind her of the pain that brought her to that place less than one week ago?
How many times do you remind yourself that the demon of addiction is still lurking? What is your plan when the demon says, "Oh go ahead. It wasn't that bad."
Is prayer part of that plan? Do you remind yourself that God is with you? Are you open to His Presence?
Blessings-Penny
How many times those of us who are addicted have said, "I'm done" with that behavior! After the confrontations at work, after the dui, after the family tears, after the mornings of regret. And how difficult is it to stay "done?" The demon of addiction does not say, "Oh, ok. I'll just go away now." The demon of addiction lurks like a tiger in the grass. The demon just waits for us to forget how vicious he is.
The aftercare plan is for therapy 3 times a week for one hour per session. How many hours does that leave for the voices in her head to remind her of the pain that brought her to that place less than one week ago?
How many times do you remind yourself that the demon of addiction is still lurking? What is your plan when the demon says, "Oh go ahead. It wasn't that bad."
Is prayer part of that plan? Do you remind yourself that God is with you? Are you open to His Presence?
Blessings-Penny
Monday, October 14, 2013
crisis
One of our family members had a mental health crisis last week. The crisis was so serious she was committed to a mental health hospital for 72 hours. A commitment of this type is enacted when a health professional (this time an emergency room staff) determined she was a danger to herself.
Her illness is of a compulsive nature and had been a concern for a couple of years but not openly discussed among family members. From my perspective, as a psychiatric mental health nurse of 30 years, it is a prime example of minimization and denial that allows a disease to progress. That is the tragedy of denial. Everybody thinks they are doing the right thing but the disease progresses.
There are several layers to her illness and several layers to the animosity between some family members. So as is typical in any crisis, everybody does more of what is their usual pattern. The mother rushes in to rescue her daughter from this "terrible" mental institution. The father and father-in-law disagree about the situation. The lawyer uncle threatens legal action and tells another member "it's none of her damn business."
If I was writing a case study, this would be a perfect example of the layers of a disease. And yet as a family member, my gut reaction is one of sadness. Sad for the patient---what a trauma for this young woman. Sad for the mother---what a blow to her self image as a caring, loving, competent mother. Sad for the father who feels helpless and excluded. Sad for the father-in-law who feels invalidated. Sad for the uncle and other family members who feel guilty that they didn't say more, confront more when they identified signs of the illness.
The other side of the situation is that it is an opportunity---an opportunity for the woman to get the help she needs---an opportunity for the family to examine their relationships, their definition of family. At best I fear it will all get minimized again and the disease will simply go undercover until the next crisis.
Sadly, there is no prayer life within the family members most affected by this. I pray for them to somehow feels God's presence. He promised to be with us in the dark places.
Are you open to God's presence in your dark places?
Blessings-Penny
Her illness is of a compulsive nature and had been a concern for a couple of years but not openly discussed among family members. From my perspective, as a psychiatric mental health nurse of 30 years, it is a prime example of minimization and denial that allows a disease to progress. That is the tragedy of denial. Everybody thinks they are doing the right thing but the disease progresses.
There are several layers to her illness and several layers to the animosity between some family members. So as is typical in any crisis, everybody does more of what is their usual pattern. The mother rushes in to rescue her daughter from this "terrible" mental institution. The father and father-in-law disagree about the situation. The lawyer uncle threatens legal action and tells another member "it's none of her damn business."
If I was writing a case study, this would be a perfect example of the layers of a disease. And yet as a family member, my gut reaction is one of sadness. Sad for the patient---what a trauma for this young woman. Sad for the mother---what a blow to her self image as a caring, loving, competent mother. Sad for the father who feels helpless and excluded. Sad for the father-in-law who feels invalidated. Sad for the uncle and other family members who feel guilty that they didn't say more, confront more when they identified signs of the illness.
The other side of the situation is that it is an opportunity---an opportunity for the woman to get the help she needs---an opportunity for the family to examine their relationships, their definition of family. At best I fear it will all get minimized again and the disease will simply go undercover until the next crisis.
Sadly, there is no prayer life within the family members most affected by this. I pray for them to somehow feels God's presence. He promised to be with us in the dark places.
Are you open to God's presence in your dark places?
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
planting
It's October 8. I was in the local Home Depot here in Las Vegas, NV and there were tomato plants for sale. I asked the cashier and she said this is the second planting season of the year. It's not as good as spring but the plants will yield tomatoes. I asked when the spring planting season begins. The reply--"February!" Having spent the last 10 years in the state of Vermont (except the 16 months in St. Louis), I was amazed. In Vermont in February we were shoveling feet upon feet of snow off the driveway and sidewalks.
I have lived all over the U.S. including Hawaii and I still can't get over a planting season that begins in February.
Isn't this world an amazing place?? Different planting seasons so food can be grown all year.
What amazing thing have you noticed about the world in the last few days?
Have you thanked God for His amazing work? Have you thanked Him for amazing you?
Blessings-Penny
I have lived all over the U.S. including Hawaii and I still can't get over a planting season that begins in February.
Isn't this world an amazing place?? Different planting seasons so food can be grown all year.
What amazing thing have you noticed about the world in the last few days?
Have you thanked God for His amazing work? Have you thanked Him for amazing you?
Blessings-Penny
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Forgiveness
During the Relevant Radio interview on Tuesday morning, we talked about Anger and Abuse as one of the concepts in my book "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God." I spoke about the anger which results from abuse as a major stumbling block to recovery for both women and men. We also talked about families who are challenged by addiction and the label often used about them as "dysfunctional." I try to refrain from using that label because so very often those families are doing the best they can while struggling with this very complicated and devastating disease. But the residual anger from the resulting abuse and denial has long term effects on many of the other recovery issues of self image, ineffective communication, grief, guilt, depression---and on and on and on.
A major point that we did not have time to discuss on Tuesday's show (but I hope we get back to on Nov. 5) is the recovery issue of forgiveness. While it is vital to acknowledge the abuse in our past, it is equally important to move into forgiveness as part of sustaining our recovery. If we remain stuck in the anger, the triggers for relapse remain lurking like a tiger in the grass.
In the book I use Desmond Tutu's model of forgiveness. In that model he talks about acknowledging the abuse and anger, never forgetting the abuse (it must stop with us), walking in the shoes of the abuser, coming to the reality that that was then and this is my life now. If we hang on to the anger, the abuser continues to win. When we move into forgiveness, we get to write the end of the story. We are no longer the victim.
Another vital piece of forgiveness is remembering God's forgiveness of us---for all the sins we have committed. Because God forgives us, we move into forgiveness of others. He "remembers our sins no more." Can we even imagine forgiving others in that way?
Blessings-Penny
A major point that we did not have time to discuss on Tuesday's show (but I hope we get back to on Nov. 5) is the recovery issue of forgiveness. While it is vital to acknowledge the abuse in our past, it is equally important to move into forgiveness as part of sustaining our recovery. If we remain stuck in the anger, the triggers for relapse remain lurking like a tiger in the grass.
In the book I use Desmond Tutu's model of forgiveness. In that model he talks about acknowledging the abuse and anger, never forgetting the abuse (it must stop with us), walking in the shoes of the abuser, coming to the reality that that was then and this is my life now. If we hang on to the anger, the abuser continues to win. When we move into forgiveness, we get to write the end of the story. We are no longer the victim.
Another vital piece of forgiveness is remembering God's forgiveness of us---for all the sins we have committed. Because God forgives us, we move into forgiveness of others. He "remembers our sins no more." Can we even imagine forgiving others in that way?
Blessings-Penny
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