We traveled to Virginia over the weekend to see family and friends. A very quick trip for all the time on the airplane but so worth it to see children and grandchildren. Adult children busy, busy, busy taking care of their careers, their family and their fun. Wonderful to see the grandchildren all doing well, making good choices, maturing as gentle. loving, caring young adults.
Then we spent an evening with a friend of my husband's. Mike is a friend of about 20 years who 5 years ago started a middle school for kids from a very poor and rough neighborhood in Richmond, VA. The school is doing very well with its focus on preparing these kids for successful further education and responsible citizenship. Mike works his butt off to make the school work. We talked about that for quite a while.
Then we talked about both Mike's and my husband's passion for "the gospel." In the old days, I thought "the gospel" meant Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Fortunately I have come to learn "the gospel" means that through Christ's redemption of us we are assured and promised God's forgiveness and love. We can trust He is always with us---no matter what. As Mike and my husband talked about this mutual passion, their commitment to getting this message to those of us who didn't learn it that way, I watched Mike listen to my husband. I saw a look of love, of interest, of admiration, of "getting" what my husband was saying and who he is. I felt a real surge of love for Mike. It is such a joy to see someone love the someone you love. One of the most precious moments of the trip.
Do you have moments like this? Moments of joy? I hope so.
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
"No"
Still working toward this "peace" thing. Today I was reminded of one of my favorite feminist sentences." 'No' is a complete sentence." Of course that is appropriate for both men and women---all of us who try to do too much and find ourselves tired, angry and stressed. "No."
Way, way too often when someone asks us to do something for them that is very inconvenient for us, or loan them something we don't want to loan them, or support a cause we don't believe in, we are able to say "no" but then feel we have to explain why we are saying "no." Way way too often I go on and on with my explanation that then become excuses.
"No" is a complete sentence. That is all I have to say. I did it today. It ended the conversation. I didn't have to make an excuse. I reduced my stress by taking control. (Or course I felt a little guilty but I'll work on that too.)
Are you able to say "no" when the request will add to your stress, fatigue and anger?
Pray for the peace that your relationship with God can bring. He is walking with you on the road.
Blessings-Penny
Way, way too often when someone asks us to do something for them that is very inconvenient for us, or loan them something we don't want to loan them, or support a cause we don't believe in, we are able to say "no" but then feel we have to explain why we are saying "no." Way way too often I go on and on with my explanation that then become excuses.
"No" is a complete sentence. That is all I have to say. I did it today. It ended the conversation. I didn't have to make an excuse. I reduced my stress by taking control. (Or course I felt a little guilty but I'll work on that too.)
Are you able to say "no" when the request will add to your stress, fatigue and anger?
Pray for the peace that your relationship with God can bring. He is walking with you on the road.
Blessings-Penny
Monday, June 16, 2014
Stress again-anger related
In the blog on mindfulness I talked about the recommendation by the Cleveland Clinic lecturer to spend a few minutes a day on clearing our minds focusing on the moment. This was recommended related to that lecturer's interest in prevention of brain diseases and health for caregivers in the such diseases as Alzheimer's Diseases, Parkinson's Disease and frontal lobe stroke. In today's newspaper is another article recommending the same type of stress reduction. This time the focus was for women with heart disease-especially disease of the small coronary arteries.
A small part of this article mentioned that one of the primary stressors causing this type of heart disease is anger. Unfortunately the article did not expand on the role of anger in creating stress and leading to heart disease but it certainly caught my attention. It caught my attention because I believe anger is such a part of women's addiction. I believe unresolved anger causes a kind of chronic anxiety and tension. And the bad news is some of us deal with that anger by drinking and drugs. And the further bad news is that we learn that the drinking and drugs relieves the anger and stress----at the beginning. Sadly for many the reality is that the drinking and drugging causes its own anxiety, stress and self anger, and self hatred. It becomes the cycle of addiction. Relapse after relapse is so often connected with unidentified and unresolved anger.
Issues related to this continuing spiral of anger and addiction often include the issues of abuse-physical, sexual, emotional. When we are finally able to acknowledge the anger, we have the chance to work through it, to identify what happened, to name the feelings. The anger may return as we continue to "work it through" but we have the opportunity to "write the end of the story."(Read the chapter on "Anger and Abuse" in "Broken by Addiction-Blessed by God.") I also believe this issue of anger is primary in men's addiction. Issues of men's sexual abuse remains a huge, often undisclosed problem in their disease of addiction and relapse.
Again, I truly believe this issue of anger keeps so many trapped in addiction---and leads to other chronic physical and emotional illnesses.
Pay attention to the messages your body gives you. Your body messages are a gift. Are you holding tension in your shoulders, your jaw, your mouth, your legs? Could it be related to anger? Tense it up---release it. Find a few minutes to sit-focus on the moment--release.
Find Peace.
Blessings-Penny
A small part of this article mentioned that one of the primary stressors causing this type of heart disease is anger. Unfortunately the article did not expand on the role of anger in creating stress and leading to heart disease but it certainly caught my attention. It caught my attention because I believe anger is such a part of women's addiction. I believe unresolved anger causes a kind of chronic anxiety and tension. And the bad news is some of us deal with that anger by drinking and drugs. And the further bad news is that we learn that the drinking and drugs relieves the anger and stress----at the beginning. Sadly for many the reality is that the drinking and drugging causes its own anxiety, stress and self anger, and self hatred. It becomes the cycle of addiction. Relapse after relapse is so often connected with unidentified and unresolved anger.
Issues related to this continuing spiral of anger and addiction often include the issues of abuse-physical, sexual, emotional. When we are finally able to acknowledge the anger, we have the chance to work through it, to identify what happened, to name the feelings. The anger may return as we continue to "work it through" but we have the opportunity to "write the end of the story."(Read the chapter on "Anger and Abuse" in "Broken by Addiction-Blessed by God.") I also believe this issue of anger is primary in men's addiction. Issues of men's sexual abuse remains a huge, often undisclosed problem in their disease of addiction and relapse.
Again, I truly believe this issue of anger keeps so many trapped in addiction---and leads to other chronic physical and emotional illnesses.
Pay attention to the messages your body gives you. Your body messages are a gift. Are you holding tension in your shoulders, your jaw, your mouth, your legs? Could it be related to anger? Tense it up---release it. Find a few minutes to sit-focus on the moment--release.
Find Peace.
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Peace
I've been working on this mindfulness theory a bit. Each evening I go out on the deck and sit for a few minutes and work on meditation or a "mantra." The Serenity Prayer" I mentioned in the last blog seems a bit wordy for these sessions so I've changed the mantra to "Peace." One word. It seems to calm me---pushes the clutter in my brain to the side.
The pope recently said "Peacemaking calls for courage much more so than warfare. It calls for courage to say yes to encounter and no to conflict." Those words certainly apply to our daily conflicts in family, at work, in our stressful days. It takes courage to go to a family member, maybe someone we have resented for years, and say, "Can we work through this?"
I am so very touched when I look at the map on the "statistics" page of this blog and see who reads this. If only we could get the leaders in Russia and the Ukraine and the U.S., and all the nations, to really believe that peace takes more courage than conflict. If only we could get ourselves to have the courage to approach that person in our family or at work and say, "Can we work through this?" Those words can lead to Peace.
Blessings-Penny
The pope recently said "Peacemaking calls for courage much more so than warfare. It calls for courage to say yes to encounter and no to conflict." Those words certainly apply to our daily conflicts in family, at work, in our stressful days. It takes courage to go to a family member, maybe someone we have resented for years, and say, "Can we work through this?"
I am so very touched when I look at the map on the "statistics" page of this blog and see who reads this. If only we could get the leaders in Russia and the Ukraine and the U.S., and all the nations, to really believe that peace takes more courage than conflict. If only we could get ourselves to have the courage to approach that person in our family or at work and say, "Can we work through this?" Those words can lead to Peace.
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, June 5, 2014
mindfulness
There is a great deal more to Las Vegas than casinos and heat. The Cleveland Clinic, major health center in the midwest, has an incredible health center here dealing primarily with diseases of the brain. It offers weekly lectures for the public focusing on keeping healthy. Yesterday's lecture was on holistic health---eating well, exercise and meditation. Most of us have the basics of fruits, vegetables, workouts, and reducing stress.
The presenter made a point related to stress that resonated with an important point in recovery and for everyone looking to improve their focus. Her point was that our thoughts create the stress in our lives. How we view a situation, what we think, is what creates the stress. Her additional point was that our thoughts are circular. Today 90% of what occupies our thoughts is what we thought about yesterday. We think the same thoughts over and over! And so often those thoughts are negative-mistakes we made, things we wish we had said or done differently. Over and over and over.
The suggestion the presenter made was mindfulness. The mindfulness can be yoga, meditation, repeating mantra, tai chi, etc. etc. All of that makes sense and is a way to be in the moment... a way to keep the recurring thoughts from upsetting our well being.
A calming mantra known to many of us seems to fit this idea of mindfulness.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
Notice who we are asking for help. When we are saying this "mantra," this prayer, we are in this moment.
Can we sit quietly and say this prayer for 10 minutes each day? Might it help? Worth a try!
Blessings-Penny
The presenter made a point related to stress that resonated with an important point in recovery and for everyone looking to improve their focus. Her point was that our thoughts create the stress in our lives. How we view a situation, what we think, is what creates the stress. Her additional point was that our thoughts are circular. Today 90% of what occupies our thoughts is what we thought about yesterday. We think the same thoughts over and over! And so often those thoughts are negative-mistakes we made, things we wish we had said or done differently. Over and over and over.
The suggestion the presenter made was mindfulness. The mindfulness can be yoga, meditation, repeating mantra, tai chi, etc. etc. All of that makes sense and is a way to be in the moment... a way to keep the recurring thoughts from upsetting our well being.
A calming mantra known to many of us seems to fit this idea of mindfulness.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
Notice who we are asking for help. When we are saying this "mantra," this prayer, we are in this moment.
Can we sit quietly and say this prayer for 10 minutes each day? Might it help? Worth a try!
Blessings-Penny
Sunday, June 1, 2014
together
We've had a lovely weekend. One of my husband's son and family came across country for a visit. Another son and family live here in the city too. A daughter lives in the midwest and was not able to be here so it wasn't "perfect." We did lot of things together and had some times of sitting and talking in quieter groups. Then last night we had dinner together at a restaurant. We were in a large booth with a fair amount of noise around---but we were together. There was my husband, the dad, his two sons, their children (not all of them but a grand representation), wives. I looked around and felt such pleasure at the warmth, the laughter, the one son rubbing his dad's back, the grand kids joking and teasing grand dad.
It has been a long and sometimes difficult journey. Not all his kids and grand kids could be there. But it was a moment of intimacy and warmth. It's difficult to create those. They just happen and they are a gift. Sometimes when I watch other large families laughing and joking together, I feel a real pang of envy. I feel left out. But last night I was "in" and I treasured it.
Are you able to treasure the moments? Or do you wait for it to be "perfect" and miss the best it can be?
Do you thank God for the moments?
Blessings---Penny
It has been a long and sometimes difficult journey. Not all his kids and grand kids could be there. But it was a moment of intimacy and warmth. It's difficult to create those. They just happen and they are a gift. Sometimes when I watch other large families laughing and joking together, I feel a real pang of envy. I feel left out. But last night I was "in" and I treasured it.
Are you able to treasure the moments? Or do you wait for it to be "perfect" and miss the best it can be?
Do you thank God for the moments?
Blessings---Penny
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