and then

In the previous blog I criticized a family member for her lack of response to my husband's grief over the death of his sister. Wouldn't you know, the next day there was a note from her. The note acknowledged the death and Joe's sister's sense of humor. Not much else.

And then, kind of out of the blue, a lovely, caring. personal note from a young family member. This  person has been mentioned in this blog. She has struggled with anxiety and bullying and yet has grown into an adventurous, bright, compassionate young woman willing to express her love and concern in a very personal way.

Another phone call from a nephew---concerned about my husband's loss, what it means in his life.

This is all a lesson for me. Don't criticize too early! Don't jump to accusations!! And yet, be deeply touched by the gentleness and love from unexpected people.

Step back, reflect, give thanks, meditate, pray.

Blessings-Penny

Really?

My husband, Joe, and a close family member have had some communication problems lately. This isn't new but a rather serious incident occurred in the last several weeks. Each thinks the other was out of line and needs to apologize and is so often the problem, neither is about to give.

The immediate problem is that the "close family member" has not made any move to send Joe a condolence or message of support as he grieves for his sister. The "close family member" was very involved with Joe's sister as she grew up and would know the significance of her death for Joe.
Joe is hurt and angry. I'm just angry.

I fear the longer the lack of communication the more likely the hurt and anger will get "concretized" and connection will be harder and harder. I've talked with Joe. He says he'll "give it a few more weeks."

Is there anyone in my/your family or circle of friends with whom we might have communication problems? Is there a distance? Do I need to take the first step? What do I have to lose except my anger? Will we feel better if we make that first step---no matter the outcome?

"Love one another as I have loved you."

Blessings-Penny

"faithing"

We have had a sad week.My husband's sister, Jeanette, died unexpectedly on Wednesday. She had had a stroke the week before and malignant masses had been found on her liver and pancreas. I've mentioned Jeanette in this blog before. She was raising her grandson, now age 15, because his mother is a meth addict. My husband always said Jeanette was the hero of his family. My husband and Jeanette telephoned weekly. She visited yearly and in these phone visits and on the porch they would talk and laugh and reminisce for hours. I see him staring out the window and ask what he is thinking. "Jeanette."

Jeanette's biggest concern was she would die before her grandson was grown. She often said, "I pray I live until he's 18." Well, she didn't. The only good thing in this is with the stroke and ensuing coma she didn't have to linger and worry. He is a wonderful young man. She has done a magnificent job in raising him. He has faith. But what losses this kid has had! He will be taken care of by another of Jeanette's sons and his family now.

Coincidentally in our meditations this week there was a devotion on "faithing." The writer gave this word as another word for "grieving." His point was that in times of grief sometimes the only thing is to hold on to our faith. There are no answers to "why Jeanette?"--"why now?" There is only faith that God is with her, with her grandson, and with us. Faith in His promise.

God give us the strength of faith in our loss and grief.

Blessings-Penny

tender moments

Our son shared a moment he had with his almost 3 year old boy a few days ago. It was bedtime and they were at the bottom of the stairs ready to go up for baths. Little Joe reached up and tucked his small hand into his father's large one. He looked up at his dad and said, "When we hold hands, it's like my hand is a bird in its nest." Of course we think this child is almost brilliant to make that kind of analogy...and I love the spiritual framing of it

Years ago my husband gave me a statue from Germany of a very young girl being held in large loving hands. My husband  wants me to think of Merry Pat, my daughter, being held in God's hands.

When I pray, can I think of that time as being held in God's hands? Are you held in His loving hands?

Blessings-Penny

Do it now!

A rather long article in the local paper caught my attention this week. A businessman apparently well known and well respected in this area had died suddenly. This man was to turn 80 years old next month. What the article emphasized and what caught my attention was that he had planned to retire on his 80th birthday and to be married on the same day! On his 80th birthday! Many friends quoted in the article were saddened that he would miss these two major parts of his life---retirement and a new marriage.

Now maybe the man loved what he did and worked so long because he loved his work. Maybe the person he was going to marry was already an intimate partner. But it surely struck his friends and caught my attention that we must never think we have tomorrow. We must do today what sparks our interest and our passion.

Today give some thought about what you don't want to miss. Is there something you need to do...something you need to say to someone you love...if tomorrow doesn't come for you.

Do you need to say something to God today?

Blessings-Penny

a gift from me to me

I just spent the afternoon watching a 3 hour  HBO special on Frank Sinatra. When have I ever watched a 3 hour television show (well maybe a football game!)? It was so good and I have been such a fan of his for so many years. But really!-3 hours? I didn't realize it was 3 hours when I started watching-just thought I'd take a little break and watch what I thought might be an hour special. But it caught me and I loved it.

But as the show continued hour after hour I had pangs of guilt. Should I really be spending time doing this? And then I decided "yes." I would give myself this treat, this pleasure, this delight.

When have you given yourself a treat, a pleasure, a delight? It really is a gift---no guilt necessary. It's what life is supposed to be---times of unexpected treats. Do it!

Blessings-Penny

the bed is gone!

4:30 a.m. and I was wide awake. Unfortunately that is not all that unusual. Happens a few mornings a month. I try to go back to sleep --sometimes successfully-sometimes just lots of random thoughts.

But this morning my thoughts were of a gathering on Friday. My friend (family) who was diagnosed with lymphoma about one year ago had us and other family for dinner. Her father and brother were in town so we ranged in age from 88 years to 6 months. This morning it absolutely struck me, "Her bed was gone!" A hospital bed has been in her living room since she returned from the rehab hospital in October. It was gone ---and I didn't realize it until this morning.

Isn't that the way with miracles in our lives. We hardly notice. Now we have all been aware of this dear lady's progress over the year--the week after week of chemo, the pain she rarely even mentions, her determination to delight in her grandchildren---and even her occasional trips to the casino for a bit of fun. But the bed is gone! What a testament to God's embrace of her.

Dear God-let me be aware of your work in my life---your embrace. Let the signs of my struggles be removed as I heal.

Blessings-Penny