Saturday, December 24, 2011
Merry Christmas
"I hear the angels. I see the stars all shining. I believe. I do believe." Anton Chekov
Monday, December 19, 2011
always a mom
We just returned from a lovely cruise on the Danube River. Beautiful old cities, castles, cathedrals and Christmas Markets. Just splendid.
But the best part of the trip was in a phone call waiting for us when we returned. Our younger son had received a promotion he had not expected-in fact he had been told the promotion would not happen. He had been devasted that his career had hit such a block after being on the "fast track" for several years. As his mother I believe I was as devasted as he was. But now all of that was over. His worth and contributions were recognized. I could hear the deep smile in his voice.
As parents, all of us want our children, no matter what age,to be happy. We want them to be treated fairly. When that doesn't happen we suffer with them. That's part of being a parent. And when the joy comes we get to celebrate with them!
My son's news was a joyous climax to our trip. We can spend money on travel, on bling and on stuff but there is no joy like our children's happiness!
That is part of the Christmas message---recognizing the true gifts in our lives. Take time this last week of Advent, to "Listen" to Christ's gifts in your life.
Blessings-Penny
But the best part of the trip was in a phone call waiting for us when we returned. Our younger son had received a promotion he had not expected-in fact he had been told the promotion would not happen. He had been devasted that his career had hit such a block after being on the "fast track" for several years. As his mother I believe I was as devasted as he was. But now all of that was over. His worth and contributions were recognized. I could hear the deep smile in his voice.
As parents, all of us want our children, no matter what age,to be happy. We want them to be treated fairly. When that doesn't happen we suffer with them. That's part of being a parent. And when the joy comes we get to celebrate with them!
My son's news was a joyous climax to our trip. We can spend money on travel, on bling and on stuff but there is no joy like our children's happiness!
That is part of the Christmas message---recognizing the true gifts in our lives. Take time this last week of Advent, to "Listen" to Christ's gifts in your life.
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
filter
Recently I heard a young woman talking about how burned out she is at work. She said, "I know I'm burned out because I hear myself saying things I never said before-critical things in a tone that is most unpleasant, really sharp. I think I've lost my filter. I used to be able to hear myself before I spoke and even if I was thinking something critical, I could modify it so it didn't come across as almost hurtful. I know I still have my filter-I just need to step back and use it."
We have a well for water at our house and it requires a filter that needs changing about every 6 weeks. If we neglect to change the filter, the water gets cloudy and very unappealing. Oil filters in cars need changing or they clog up
If we, as human beings under alot of stress, neglect to monitor our emotional and communication filters, our conversations can be pretty unappealing and clogged up.
Does your filter need changing?
(by the way-I will be out of town for about 2 weeks and will not be posting blogs during that time. "See" you when I return. Thanks so very much to each of you who check in.)
Blessings-Penny
We have a well for water at our house and it requires a filter that needs changing about every 6 weeks. If we neglect to change the filter, the water gets cloudy and very unappealing. Oil filters in cars need changing or they clog up
If we, as human beings under alot of stress, neglect to monitor our emotional and communication filters, our conversations can be pretty unappealing and clogged up.
Does your filter need changing?
(by the way-I will be out of town for about 2 weeks and will not be posting blogs during that time. "See" you when I return. Thanks so very much to each of you who check in.)
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, December 1, 2011
a gift
Just before Thanksgiving I received a lovely gift. A little background---many years ago I lived in Hawaii for about 5 years with my children and husband who was a Marine pilot. It was Vietnam era and when he went overseas for yet another year tour, the children and I moved off the military base and into a civilian neighborhood. During that year we lived across the street from a lovely family whose children attended the same elementary school as my daughter. We carpooled for that year and so I saw the neighbor children daily. The 8th grade neighbor girl,Susu, also baby sat for my children on the rare occassion I went to a movie or dinner with friends. I corresponded with Susu's parents for several years but lost touch in our many moves.
Well, last week Susu looked us up on the internet. I am not certain how she did it but she located my son who is now an active duty Marine himself. She reminisced about the year we were neighbors and she wrote of her memories of my daughter who was killed in a traffic accident several years later.She even remembered how to spell my daughter's unusual name.
Since very few people in my life here in Vermont knew my daughter, I do not have many conversations about her. Of course she is in my thoughts and prayers daily so to have this woman from our past take the time to find us, to "talk' about some wonderful times and to send her love was an incredible gift.
As this season of Christmas is coming, possibly the most grace filled gift you can give is to search for someone from your past and to tell them how important they were or are in your life. No money required. No Black Friday crowds. Just love.
Blessings-Penny
Well, last week Susu looked us up on the internet. I am not certain how she did it but she located my son who is now an active duty Marine himself. She reminisced about the year we were neighbors and she wrote of her memories of my daughter who was killed in a traffic accident several years later.She even remembered how to spell my daughter's unusual name.
Since very few people in my life here in Vermont knew my daughter, I do not have many conversations about her. Of course she is in my thoughts and prayers daily so to have this woman from our past take the time to find us, to "talk' about some wonderful times and to send her love was an incredible gift.
As this season of Christmas is coming, possibly the most grace filled gift you can give is to search for someone from your past and to tell them how important they were or are in your life. No money required. No Black Friday crowds. Just love.
Blessings-Penny
Saturday, November 26, 2011
absolutely
A term that is overused these days in talk shows and daily conversation is "absolutely." Someone makes a point that the other person agrees with and the response is, "Absolutely."
But recently I asked a friend, a very busy friend, for an hour of her time to talk with me about a problem I was having. When I asked her if she had the time to meet with me, her immediate response was, "Absolutely." It was a wonderful affirmation-an affirmation that I was important to her and she was willing to listen to me. If she had said, "Well, let me look at my schedule---or---gee, I'm really locked in this week," I would have felt very differently about my importance to her.
Does your conversation and response to people and family and friends convey how important they are to you? Or does your own protection of your time create a message and space between you? "Absolutely!"
Blessings-Penny
But recently I asked a friend, a very busy friend, for an hour of her time to talk with me about a problem I was having. When I asked her if she had the time to meet with me, her immediate response was, "Absolutely." It was a wonderful affirmation-an affirmation that I was important to her and she was willing to listen to me. If she had said, "Well, let me look at my schedule---or---gee, I'm really locked in this week," I would have felt very differently about my importance to her.
Does your conversation and response to people and family and friends convey how important they are to you? Or does your own protection of your time create a message and space between you? "Absolutely!"
Blessings-Penny
Friday, November 18, 2011
apology
Rarely do I recommend a television show but I am impressed with the show "Parenthood." It addresses many of the stressors and struggles of parenting, relationships and even careers. Last week, amid other issues and themes, the mother of a teenage boy restricted him harshly for what she saw as defiance of an earlier restriction. Other persons in the family and friends told her they thought she over reacted. After some further thought, the mother went to the boy's room and said, "I think I over reacted."
It is so difficult as a parent to know what are appropriate directions and limits to set our kids. Do we interfere with their need for independence and their need to learn how to make their own decisions when we "over" react? What is over reaction?
But when we do figure out we have over reacted, do we apologize? We have a great opportunity to role model humility and asking for forgiveness when we do. We can simply say, "I think I over reacted. I want us to be able to talk these things through. I trust you. There is nothing we cannot work through together."
Even if the incident was weeks or months ago, we still have the opportunity to say, "Look I think I over reacted. Can we talk about it?" That's the important thing-we don't have to always do this parenting stuff perfectly. But we do need to stay in the relationship and demonstrate our openness.
Think of how powerful that kind of openness and communication is in all our relationships!
Blessings-Penny
It is so difficult as a parent to know what are appropriate directions and limits to set our kids. Do we interfere with their need for independence and their need to learn how to make their own decisions when we "over" react? What is over reaction?
But when we do figure out we have over reacted, do we apologize? We have a great opportunity to role model humility and asking for forgiveness when we do. We can simply say, "I think I over reacted. I want us to be able to talk these things through. I trust you. There is nothing we cannot work through together."
Even if the incident was weeks or months ago, we still have the opportunity to say, "Look I think I over reacted. Can we talk about it?" That's the important thing-we don't have to always do this parenting stuff perfectly. But we do need to stay in the relationship and demonstrate our openness.
Think of how powerful that kind of openness and communication is in all our relationships!
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
our pasts
The impact our pasts, our childhoods, has on us is particularly powerful. This was brought to my attention once again as I watched a tv magazine report with the basketball star, Jerry West. Jerry is now retired and has had a splendid career. He had been an college allstar, an Olympic champion, an NBA star, team owner of the LA Lakers. To all outward appearances he had led a charmed life-lots of talent, lots of money, a lovely family. He has recently written a book which discusses the brutal abuse he received from his coal miner father in the back roads of their West Virginia home. He described frequent beatings with a belt, hiding under his bed only to be pulled out and beaten again.
This talented man, Jerry West, said he attended his father's funeral and the question he would have liked to ask his father was, "Do you think I'm worth anything now?" Jerry said this not in an angry tone but in a sad monotone. Clearly the message he received from his abusive father was that he wasn't worth anything and Jerry took this message through his whole life. He fought depression and a life full of assuming blame for every defeat his teams suffered over the years.
Hopefully most of us did not suffer the terrible abuse Jerry West did-but some of us did. And even those of us who were fortunate enough to have only normally chaotic homes received strong messages about our worth. We received those messages from parents, teachers and other adults in our lives...and later from peers. We take those messages with us for the rest of our lives. They tell us who we are. And it takes alot of work and prayer to sort through who we really are; who we really want to be and then become that person.
Who are you-with all the talents and the warts? How can you use more of those gifts and talents today and become more of the loving person you want to be?
We will talk more about these messages in the next few weeks.
Blessings-Penny
This talented man, Jerry West, said he attended his father's funeral and the question he would have liked to ask his father was, "Do you think I'm worth anything now?" Jerry said this not in an angry tone but in a sad monotone. Clearly the message he received from his abusive father was that he wasn't worth anything and Jerry took this message through his whole life. He fought depression and a life full of assuming blame for every defeat his teams suffered over the years.
Hopefully most of us did not suffer the terrible abuse Jerry West did-but some of us did. And even those of us who were fortunate enough to have only normally chaotic homes received strong messages about our worth. We received those messages from parents, teachers and other adults in our lives...and later from peers. We take those messages with us for the rest of our lives. They tell us who we are. And it takes alot of work and prayer to sort through who we really are; who we really want to be and then become that person.
Who are you-with all the talents and the warts? How can you use more of those gifts and talents today and become more of the loving person you want to be?
We will talk more about these messages in the next few weeks.
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, November 3, 2011
New ways
Last night was a board meeting at our local Turning Point Center. I attend the meetings on a monthly basis and am always impressed with the dedication of the staff and volunteers. Last night the director talked of her connection with the local housing coalition and jobs center. As she said, "We have to connect in new ways. I look at the people who were here when I came a year ago-enthusiastic about their recovery-engaged in the center. Then as the months have progressed they had housing problems, couldn't pay their rent because of no jobs-and manny have slipped back into their addictions."
It is the cycle we sadly have encountered over so many years. Even when the economy is good, recovery is a challenge. The director is right. We do have to connect in new ways. "If we do what we've always done, we'll get what we've always got." Some success but way too many tragic relapses.
What are you doing differently? How are you connecting differently in order to maintain your recovery?
Blessings-Penny
It is the cycle we sadly have encountered over so many years. Even when the economy is good, recovery is a challenge. The director is right. We do have to connect in new ways. "If we do what we've always done, we'll get what we've always got." Some success but way too many tragic relapses.
What are you doing differently? How are you connecting differently in order to maintain your recovery?
Blessings-Penny
Friday, October 28, 2011
awake at night
I am struggling with the decision regarding the contract I have received to write the book of meditations. The date required for submission of the manuscript is only 4 months away. 365 meditations in 4 months??? I know that I need to feel the material has meaning and that I would be proud for friends and family to read it. I also know that my formal writing process is slow-with lots and lots of rewrites.
On one level I realize that this contract is a gift. Thousands of people are wrestling with terrible, devastating decisions-how to pay their mortgage-how to feed their family-how to care for a loved one. It is mighty self-absorbed of me to even consider this a stress. However I am awake at nights wrestling with this decision. During those awake times I try to get out of my circular thinking and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. God has given me this opportunity to put my thoughts out there-thoughts about living life abundantly, living this new life He has promised. He has given me two friends who have offered to help-one a retired editor-one a retired pastor. Am I listening to this answer?
What keeps you awake at night?
Do you listen for guidance from the Holy Spirit? Are you open to the guidance you hear?
Blessings-Penny
On one level I realize that this contract is a gift. Thousands of people are wrestling with terrible, devastating decisions-how to pay their mortgage-how to feed their family-how to care for a loved one. It is mighty self-absorbed of me to even consider this a stress. However I am awake at nights wrestling with this decision. During those awake times I try to get out of my circular thinking and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. God has given me this opportunity to put my thoughts out there-thoughts about living life abundantly, living this new life He has promised. He has given me two friends who have offered to help-one a retired editor-one a retired pastor. Am I listening to this answer?
What keeps you awake at night?
Do you listen for guidance from the Holy Spirit? Are you open to the guidance you hear?
Blessings-Penny
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
creativity
A recent visit to a neice I see very infrequently was just delightful. It was fun to see her two young boys. It was fun to see the home she has created. And it was wonderful to see her energy. She teaches American History at a large mid western university. As she talked about a course she has created, her face became alive. Her eyes smiled, her voice was animated and her description flowed. One could feel her energy.
We each have places in our lives we can be creative. We can be creative in our homes-cooking a new dish, rearranging a bedroom, painting a wall, playing a new game with our family; at work in simply being geneerous to a co-worker who annoys us; at play in trying a new sport or a new haircut!
In our spiritual lives we can take time for a new prayer-simply asking God to be with us in times of stress.
We are not trapped!
In what small places in your life can you be creative? Can you feel yourself smile both inwardly and outwardly? Can you feel new energy?
Blessings-Penny
We each have places in our lives we can be creative. We can be creative in our homes-cooking a new dish, rearranging a bedroom, painting a wall, playing a new game with our family; at work in simply being geneerous to a co-worker who annoys us; at play in trying a new sport or a new haircut!
In our spiritual lives we can take time for a new prayer-simply asking God to be with us in times of stress.
We are not trapped!
In what small places in your life can you be creative? Can you feel yourself smile both inwardly and outwardly? Can you feel new energy?
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Good news and not so good news
I want to share with you that "my publisher" has accepted a proposal for me to write a book of meditations and reflections. On one hand I am delighted-on the other hand I am intimidated. The book will be a daily reflection on things that get in the way of our relationship with God---things that prevent us from living the abundant life God wishes for us. The reflections will focus on our anxieties, our attachments and our addictions.
I am intimidated by the need for 365 reflections by mid February. And even more I am intimidated by the awareness that I may not have 365 meaningful things to say!
However the whole reason for my book on women's recovery from addictions and this blog, is to say we can take chances, we can do things we didn't know we could, we can make changes. I'll keep you posted on how that's working out!!!
What risks do you want to take?
Blessings-Penny
I am intimidated by the need for 365 reflections by mid February. And even more I am intimidated by the awareness that I may not have 365 meaningful things to say!
However the whole reason for my book on women's recovery from addictions and this blog, is to say we can take chances, we can do things we didn't know we could, we can make changes. I'll keep you posted on how that's working out!!!
What risks do you want to take?
Blessings-Penny
Friday, October 7, 2011
sooth
Our newly adopted lab/golden retriever mix is certainly providing entertainment, energy and dog hair to our home! In looking for something to manage her shedding, I came across a spray-on product that promises "soothing relief for those itchy and irritating spots" on her skin or coat.
I was thinking,wouldn't it be wonderful if we could have a spray-on product for soothing relief of those irritating spots in our lives?
What spot in your life could use some soothing?
How might you provide some soothing? --a deep breath, a phone call to a friend, a whispered prayer?
Blessings-Penny
I was thinking,wouldn't it be wonderful if we could have a spray-on product for soothing relief of those irritating spots in our lives?
What spot in your life could use some soothing?
How might you provide some soothing? --a deep breath, a phone call to a friend, a whispered prayer?
Blessings-Penny
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
anxious and tense
Sometimes I become aware of a tension in my body that surprises me. While reading the paper I will notice my shoulders are tight or I'm clenching my jaw. My life is pretty calm. My kids are ok. Money is tight but not alarmingly so. Where does this tension come from?
I think an awareness of this tension is important on several levels. It is important to pay attention to the messages our bodies are telling us. It is important to think through what is going on not only in our external lives but internally. For me the tension has been there for so long in the way I lived my personal and professional life,it's a way of being for me. And it used to be a trigger, the excuse, for drinking. I knew what would relieve that tension---at least short term. An awareness of that tension and thinking it through remains a major part of my ongoing recovery.
And when the tenseness is there, I say Julian of Norwich's prayer-"All will be well, all will be well."
Can you and I really trust that "All will be well?" Do we have that faith?
Blessings-Penny
I think an awareness of this tension is important on several levels. It is important to pay attention to the messages our bodies are telling us. It is important to think through what is going on not only in our external lives but internally. For me the tension has been there for so long in the way I lived my personal and professional life,it's a way of being for me. And it used to be a trigger, the excuse, for drinking. I knew what would relieve that tension---at least short term. An awareness of that tension and thinking it through remains a major part of my ongoing recovery.
And when the tenseness is there, I say Julian of Norwich's prayer-"All will be well, all will be well."
Can you and I really trust that "All will be well?" Do we have that faith?
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, September 22, 2011
"Spirited Woman"
I am delighted to share with you that my book "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God-a woman's path to sustained recovery" has been selected by the "Spirited Women" web site as one of their "Top 12 New Books for Fall 2011." As many of you know, writing a book and finding a publisher are monumental tasks in this day and age. Then there is the whole project of letting people know about the book---as in marketing! Being selected on the Spirited Women website reaches another audience. Hopefully the book will reach some additional women challenged by addiction and give them support and encouragement for their recovery.
The book "Sophia-The Feminine Face of God" written by Karen Speerstra is also featured on Spirited Women this Fall. Karen is a close friend, a prolific, creative writer, a woman who moves beyond her own challenges with energy and enthusiasm to live the life we are called to. Read about her book on the "spirited Women" website also.
I encourage you to visit the "Spirited Women" website and connect with women like yourself-women looking to give and receive support from other courageous women.
Blessings-Penny
The book "Sophia-The Feminine Face of God" written by Karen Speerstra is also featured on Spirited Women this Fall. Karen is a close friend, a prolific, creative writer, a woman who moves beyond her own challenges with energy and enthusiasm to live the life we are called to. Read about her book on the "spirited Women" website also.
I encourage you to visit the "Spirited Women" website and connect with women like yourself-women looking to give and receive support from other courageous women.
Blessings-Penny
Saturday, September 17, 2011
"The road is open"
After 3 weeks of the road to town being totally closed due to horrendous damage from Tropical Storm Irene, the words "the road is open" were shared from neighbor to neighbor with great delight. Smiles and laughter replaced concerns and fears.
Driving into town for the first time since the flooding we are all staggered by the extent of the damage. Whole hillsides are washed away. A once delightful mountain brook is the width of a river-bare on both sides. The total geography of the river road has changed. The work that has been done to create a new road is nothing short of miraculous.
And once again I think of the comparison of the devastation of the flood to the devastation of addiction. Truly for some of us whole parts of our lives are washed away by the consequences of addiction. For some of us the devastation isn't quite so horrendous but the pain of the broken relationships and poor choices remain.
The miracle for all of us is "the road is open." The road to a new life has been built by God's love, God's forgiveness, and the work of many people to build that new road for us.
Do we take the time to acknowledge the devastation and consequences of our addiction--especially when the desire for the drink or the drug returns? Do we use the memory of that pain to make the recovery choices?
Do we thank God and the people who have built the new road for us?
Blessings-Penny
Driving into town for the first time since the flooding we are all staggered by the extent of the damage. Whole hillsides are washed away. A once delightful mountain brook is the width of a river-bare on both sides. The total geography of the river road has changed. The work that has been done to create a new road is nothing short of miraculous.
And once again I think of the comparison of the devastation of the flood to the devastation of addiction. Truly for some of us whole parts of our lives are washed away by the consequences of addiction. For some of us the devastation isn't quite so horrendous but the pain of the broken relationships and poor choices remain.
The miracle for all of us is "the road is open." The road to a new life has been built by God's love, God's forgiveness, and the work of many people to build that new road for us.
Do we take the time to acknowledge the devastation and consequences of our addiction--especially when the desire for the drink or the drug returns? Do we use the memory of that pain to make the recovery choices?
Do we thank God and the people who have built the new road for us?
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
9/11
We watched several hours of news coverage of the commenoration of the 9/11 tragedy-all the horrific pictures from that day and stories of heroes who saved so many lives. I thought alot about the thousands and thousands of people who did escape. They escaped the World Trade Center Towers. They escaped the Pentagon. And they escaped wherever Flt. 93 was headed...the U.S. Capitol or the White House.
How have their lives changed? Do they treasure this new life they have been given?
How has your life changed in this new life of recovery you have been given? Do you treasure the miracle? How?
Blessings-Penny
How have their lives changed? Do they treasure this new life they have been given?
How has your life changed in this new life of recovery you have been given? Do you treasure the miracle? How?
Blessings-Penny
Saturday, September 10, 2011
more on "the power is back on"
Recovery is sustained in daily turning on the light switch. If we don't, the darkness gradually deepens until we feel we are helpless and that life is hopeless.
Why don't we flip on the light switch? Often it is because we trust in our own power. We think we can do this by ourselves. And where has that gotten us? --to that sense of hopelessness.
How do we flip on the light switch? We join in fellowship with others-both self help and spiritual. We pray. Sometimes that prayer is as simple as "I could use some help here!" We read scripture. Look at the Psalms. Talk about places people felt hopeless!
We trust in the promises of God. Check out the Apostle Paul's letter to the Ephesians Chapter 3 Verse 20..."the power that is at work in us."
We flip on the light switch by reminding ourselves daily that His power is at work in us---and having our day and our choices illuminated by His power.
Blessings-Penny
Why don't we flip on the light switch? Often it is because we trust in our own power. We think we can do this by ourselves. And where has that gotten us? --to that sense of hopelessness.
How do we flip on the light switch? We join in fellowship with others-both self help and spiritual. We pray. Sometimes that prayer is as simple as "I could use some help here!" We read scripture. Look at the Psalms. Talk about places people felt hopeless!
We trust in the promises of God. Check out the Apostle Paul's letter to the Ephesians Chapter 3 Verse 20..."the power that is at work in us."
We flip on the light switch by reminding ourselves daily that His power is at work in us---and having our day and our choices illuminated by His power.
Blessings-Penny
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
"the power is back on"
An "ah ha" moment as we continue to deal with the effects of Tropical Storm Irene:
We had been without power for about 48 hours. The frozen and refrigerated food had been placed in the cooler. We had plenty of candles and batteries for the radio. However, being without power creates a sense of anxiety. How long? Do we have enough water? etc.
A neighbor and I happened to be on the main road as the power trucks (from Canada!) were allowed up the emergency lane of the washed out road going to town. When we saw those trucks we were cheering like they were the French Liberation tanks in WWII. In about 2 hours the word spread throughout the neigborhood like wildfire-"the power is on---the power is on!"
A bit later I made a connection with those words and recovery. When we begin to recognize that recovery is a gift from God, "the power is back on." The power of God has been with us all along-even in our addiction. We just never turned on the light switch. We sat there in the darkness as though all was lost, as though we had no power. The power is there-the power to make the recovery choices, the recovery decisions. But we must flip the switch to be open to the flow,to let God's power illuminate our lives.
We know that because He has made us that promise. He has promised to "give us a life more than we can imagine."
Is your "power back on?" How do you know that?
Has your life begun to be "more than you can imagine?" Isn't that wonderful?
Give thanks.
Blessings-Penny
We had been without power for about 48 hours. The frozen and refrigerated food had been placed in the cooler. We had plenty of candles and batteries for the radio. However, being without power creates a sense of anxiety. How long? Do we have enough water? etc.
A neighbor and I happened to be on the main road as the power trucks (from Canada!) were allowed up the emergency lane of the washed out road going to town. When we saw those trucks we were cheering like they were the French Liberation tanks in WWII. In about 2 hours the word spread throughout the neigborhood like wildfire-"the power is on---the power is on!"
A bit later I made a connection with those words and recovery. When we begin to recognize that recovery is a gift from God, "the power is back on." The power of God has been with us all along-even in our addiction. We just never turned on the light switch. We sat there in the darkness as though all was lost, as though we had no power. The power is there-the power to make the recovery choices, the recovery decisions. But we must flip the switch to be open to the flow,to let God's power illuminate our lives.
We know that because He has made us that promise. He has promised to "give us a life more than we can imagine."
Is your "power back on?" How do you know that?
Has your life begun to be "more than you can imagine?" Isn't that wonderful?
Give thanks.
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Irene
We are 5 days post Tropical Storm Irene. We live in Vermont. A picture of the washed out road 500 yards from our house made the front page of the New York Times. We remain "trapped on the mountain." We are safe. Our house and property sustained very little damage. The destruction of homes, properties and roads in our area is monumental.
We have a beautiful babbling brook outside out kitchen window. It comes down the Green Mountains, forms little waterfalls as it crosses our yard, passes under the road and further down the mountain joins with other brooks, creeks and streams. Most days it is a delight to listen to and to watch. Sunday it became a raging river. The culvert that takes it under the road could not handle the amount of water from the torrential rains. There were several anxious hours as we watched it rise. We were helpless and almost afraid to speak out loud about "what if it keeps rising." Finally the storm eased and we watched as the water slowly receded.
In the next blogs I will share some of the simple and incredible human connections that continue to take place. But for now:
What are your thoughts and prayers when faced with potential disasters? Those disasters can be personal or national or natural.
Do you prepare or take a attitude of "oh it won't come this way" or "it won't be as bad as they predict."
In your spiritual life where does God fit in all of it? I feel Him in the grace filled neighbors and friends who show their care for us in all of this.
Blessings-Penny
We have a beautiful babbling brook outside out kitchen window. It comes down the Green Mountains, forms little waterfalls as it crosses our yard, passes under the road and further down the mountain joins with other brooks, creeks and streams. Most days it is a delight to listen to and to watch. Sunday it became a raging river. The culvert that takes it under the road could not handle the amount of water from the torrential rains. There were several anxious hours as we watched it rise. We were helpless and almost afraid to speak out loud about "what if it keeps rising." Finally the storm eased and we watched as the water slowly receded.
In the next blogs I will share some of the simple and incredible human connections that continue to take place. But for now:
What are your thoughts and prayers when faced with potential disasters? Those disasters can be personal or national or natural.
Do you prepare or take a attitude of "oh it won't come this way" or "it won't be as bad as they predict."
In your spiritual life where does God fit in all of it? I feel Him in the grace filled neighbors and friends who show their care for us in all of this.
Blessings-Penny
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Anger III
I wish I had titled these last blogs "forgiveness" rather than anger. Forgiveness surely is the goal.
Another consideration that Desmond Tutu says is part of the process of forgiveness is to develop empathy for the person with whom you are angry. In that process we consider what might have happened to the person who has hurt us. What happened in their past that shaped them, their response to us, their interaction with us? We may never know what happened but we can be assured that something or someone has caused them to be who they are with their own anxieties,fears and beliefs.
Are you willing to consider what happened to the person with whom you are angry?
Do you know specifically what happened? Can you consider that they were shaped by something that hurt them and they are reacting to you in a way that feels protective to them?
The Amish say forgiveness is work that never ends.
Blessings-Penny
Another consideration that Desmond Tutu says is part of the process of forgiveness is to develop empathy for the person with whom you are angry. In that process we consider what might have happened to the person who has hurt us. What happened in their past that shaped them, their response to us, their interaction with us? We may never know what happened but we can be assured that something or someone has caused them to be who they are with their own anxieties,fears and beliefs.
Are you willing to consider what happened to the person with whom you are angry?
Do you know specifically what happened? Can you consider that they were shaped by something that hurt them and they are reacting to you in a way that feels protective to them?
The Amish say forgiveness is work that never ends.
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Forgiveness-II
"Forgiveness is not forgetting, nor is it overlooking or excusing. In fact forgiveness is just the opposite. Although we may forgive someone, we still hold them acoountable for his or her behavior." p. 162-"Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God." Again this material is from Desmond Tutu's book "No Future Without Forgiveness."
As I think about the issue about which I am working through my anger, I am reassured to hear from Tutu that I needn't feel I must forget this issue or overlook it or excuse it. The person with whom I am angry shared the issue with others in a way that feels like a betrayal of trust. She could have come to me to sort it through. If we could not have sorted it out, she could have told me she was going to take it to others. The atmosphere feels unsafe. She is accountable for her behavior. I am to forgive AND I hold her accountable.
Jesus says I must forgive 70 times 7-I'm working on that!
Blessings-Penny
As I think about the issue about which I am working through my anger, I am reassured to hear from Tutu that I needn't feel I must forget this issue or overlook it or excuse it. The person with whom I am angry shared the issue with others in a way that feels like a betrayal of trust. She could have come to me to sort it through. If we could not have sorted it out, she could have told me she was going to take it to others. The atmosphere feels unsafe. She is accountable for her behavior. I am to forgive AND I hold her accountable.
Jesus says I must forgive 70 times 7-I'm working on that!
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, August 11, 2011
forgiveness
I have been very angry with someone in my life for several weeks. I am working on my response and know I must work through the anger for my own peace. My working through it takes me back to my book and the chapter on anger. So for the next few posts I want to focus on the model of forgiveness of Desmond Tutu that is referred to in Chapter 6.
" 'Forgive and forget' is what we are often encouraged to do. But that is not possible-at least the forget part. In fact, we need to remember." p. 180
In discussing the issue and circumstances involved with my anger a couple of people have encouraged me to forget it. They've said things like "You need to move on" or "Maybe we should do a mediation." Both of these responses seem to diminish my feeling. I need to remember because the incident involved someone in power communicating an incident to others in power in an untruthful and demeaning manner. The hurt this has caused felt purposeful. I need to remember so I am careful about what I share with this person both personally and professionally. It is important I acknowledge the pain and not let it fester.
What hurt or pain has been pushed down in your life?
Does the anger set you up for relapse?
Are you willing to begin exploring the issue? It really is important.
Blessings-Penny
" 'Forgive and forget' is what we are often encouraged to do. But that is not possible-at least the forget part. In fact, we need to remember." p. 180
In discussing the issue and circumstances involved with my anger a couple of people have encouraged me to forget it. They've said things like "You need to move on" or "Maybe we should do a mediation." Both of these responses seem to diminish my feeling. I need to remember because the incident involved someone in power communicating an incident to others in power in an untruthful and demeaning manner. The hurt this has caused felt purposeful. I need to remember so I am careful about what I share with this person both personally and professionally. It is important I acknowledge the pain and not let it fester.
What hurt or pain has been pushed down in your life?
Does the anger set you up for relapse?
Are you willing to begin exploring the issue? It really is important.
Blessings-Penny
Saturday, August 6, 2011
selfish actions
This is from a reflection by Walter Wangerin, Jr. "There are no private choices. There is no such thing as 'your own thing.' All selfish action damages those in love with you."
Who are the people in love with you?
How are they damaged if you choose to drink or drug?
Blessings-Penny
Who are the people in love with you?
How are they damaged if you choose to drink or drug?
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
prayer for you
This came from a friend and I pass to you with love and blessings:
Dear God,
This is my friend whom I love and this is my prayer for her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest of places where it seems impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs You the most, and let her know when she walks with You, she will always be safe.
Amen!
Dear God,
This is my friend whom I love and this is my prayer for her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest of places where it seems impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs You the most, and let her know when she walks with You, she will always be safe.
Amen!
Friday, July 29, 2011
happiness and joy
Is there a difference for you between happiness and joy?
How do you define them?
When you experience either of those emotions how do they feel? Is there a difference?
Women I have spoken with about these emotions talk about happiness as a "lightness." They experience joy as a deeper emotion, connected to within.
In terms of recovery, for me 'happiness' is when I am successfully working on one of the S.T.I.G.M.A. issues-often the A.=anger! When I am able to negotiate around an incident or issue or person that has made me angry, then I feel pleased, successful, happy. There is a lightness to my day.
On the other hand 'joy" comes when I am aware of being open to a conversation with God. Even in a troubled, stressful time or angry time, if I am able to talk with God about the problem, there is a deep sense of connection, of 'joy.' Of course, God already knows the problem (He knows our prayer before we ask). When I remember to be open to His presence, the sense of being in relationship makes me joyful. I certainly may not hear a clear answer in that conversation but I know I am heard and He is with me. He promised! JOY. That is real recovery!
Blessings-Penny
How do you define them?
When you experience either of those emotions how do they feel? Is there a difference?
Women I have spoken with about these emotions talk about happiness as a "lightness." They experience joy as a deeper emotion, connected to within.
In terms of recovery, for me 'happiness' is when I am successfully working on one of the S.T.I.G.M.A. issues-often the A.=anger! When I am able to negotiate around an incident or issue or person that has made me angry, then I feel pleased, successful, happy. There is a lightness to my day.
On the other hand 'joy" comes when I am aware of being open to a conversation with God. Even in a troubled, stressful time or angry time, if I am able to talk with God about the problem, there is a deep sense of connection, of 'joy.' Of course, God already knows the problem (He knows our prayer before we ask). When I remember to be open to His presence, the sense of being in relationship makes me joyful. I certainly may not hear a clear answer in that conversation but I know I am heard and He is with me. He promised! JOY. That is real recovery!
Blessings-Penny
Sunday, July 24, 2011
mistake
In a group discussion today we were considering the mistakes we make in our lives and if we really learn from them. I was reminded of a twist on that word "mistake" that I learned several years ago. We can break the word "mistake" into two parts and consider a poor decision as a "missed-take." In that way, a decision that does not work out for the best does not need to become, in our eyes,a disaster or even the final word. If I can consider a "mistake" a "missed take", I can return to the decision and work it through again. I can have another "take" at it.
For example, if a person in recovery finds herself at a risky place or even if she uses again, she can consider her decision that got her there a "missed take." It would have been healthier to make another decsion. But it is not a mistake that has to lead her further into shame or guilt. It is not a mistake from which she cannot recover. It is a "missed take." She can make a decision to work through the consequences in a new way.
At times does the regret over old "mistakes" fill you with guilt?
Would it be helpful to think through the "missed take" and consider what you might have done instead? What you might do now?
Can you be open to hear God's promise that He is with you as you make new decisions and "take" new paths? He promises to consider all those old poor decisions as "missed takes." "Nothing in all creation wil ever be able to separate us from the love of God." Isn't that an amazing promise?
Blessings-Penny
For example, if a person in recovery finds herself at a risky place or even if she uses again, she can consider her decision that got her there a "missed take." It would have been healthier to make another decsion. But it is not a mistake that has to lead her further into shame or guilt. It is not a mistake from which she cannot recover. It is a "missed take." She can make a decision to work through the consequences in a new way.
At times does the regret over old "mistakes" fill you with guilt?
Would it be helpful to think through the "missed take" and consider what you might have done instead? What you might do now?
Can you be open to hear God's promise that He is with you as you make new decisions and "take" new paths? He promises to consider all those old poor decisions as "missed takes." "Nothing in all creation wil ever be able to separate us from the love of God." Isn't that an amazing promise?
Blessings-Penny
Friday, July 15, 2011
Ineffective Communication
This past week I observed an argument between people at a voluntary organization to which I belong. It was truly an example of "ineffective communication"-chapter 3 of my book.
Without boring you with too many details, it started in a committee meeting. The committe chair said a firm "No" to a committee member. The committee member left after a few minutes and went to the executive director in tears-ready to resign from the organization. After the committee meeting adjourned the exec director strode down the hallway with "guns blazing"-so to speak. In a very angry,confrontive tone, she said to the committee chair, "I heard you had a bad meeting!" Committe chair said, "No, there was one incident that irritated one person but all in all it was a very good meeting."
Well, it went downhill from there. As I have thought about the incident over the days, it seems to me that the whole thing was such an example of persons not listening to each other. If the committee chair had listened to the volunteer a bit longer and not cut off his/her response: if the exec director in talking with the committee chair had just said something like, "I hear there was an unfortunate exchange. I have a new volunteer very upset. Please tell me your perspective of what happened," this could have all been avoided.
But as often happens we are so determined to get our point across, to have it our way, we don't listen. We bring our old anger to a conversation and we attack.
Where have you had a recent disagreement? Did you listen to the other person's perspective? Were you gentle?
Did the stress of the argument trigger an urge to drink or drug? That used to be how I handled stress and anger! That's the risk of ineffective communication.
What can you do to resolve the disagreement?
Christ tells us if we are angry we must make peace with our "brother." Do you listen?
Blessings-Penny
Without boring you with too many details, it started in a committee meeting. The committe chair said a firm "No" to a committee member. The committee member left after a few minutes and went to the executive director in tears-ready to resign from the organization. After the committee meeting adjourned the exec director strode down the hallway with "guns blazing"-so to speak. In a very angry,confrontive tone, she said to the committee chair, "I heard you had a bad meeting!" Committe chair said, "No, there was one incident that irritated one person but all in all it was a very good meeting."
Well, it went downhill from there. As I have thought about the incident over the days, it seems to me that the whole thing was such an example of persons not listening to each other. If the committee chair had listened to the volunteer a bit longer and not cut off his/her response: if the exec director in talking with the committee chair had just said something like, "I hear there was an unfortunate exchange. I have a new volunteer very upset. Please tell me your perspective of what happened," this could have all been avoided.
But as often happens we are so determined to get our point across, to have it our way, we don't listen. We bring our old anger to a conversation and we attack.
Where have you had a recent disagreement? Did you listen to the other person's perspective? Were you gentle?
Did the stress of the argument trigger an urge to drink or drug? That used to be how I handled stress and anger! That's the risk of ineffective communication.
What can you do to resolve the disagreement?
Christ tells us if we are angry we must make peace with our "brother." Do you listen?
Blessings-Penny
Friday, July 8, 2011
"Morning has broken..."
"Morning has broken like the first dawning.
Blackbird has spoken like the first song.
God's recreation..."
These are the opening words of one of my favorite hymns and it was the opening hymn of our church service on Sunday.These summer days in Vermont seem like "that first dawning...God's recreation"...clear,fresh air, sunny skies, green, green mountains and hills...and voices raised in praise of His recreation.
There has been other music this week that has touched me. Saturday was chamber music up on the mountain at a summer music school. The instuctors give a Saturday night conert each week while they are in session. I don't know alot about classical music but I know what touches me... a piece written by a Jewish composer to celebrate the Atonement-deep and rich: the talent, gifts, and expertise of the musicians, the soulful depth of the viola. One could hear the longing for a relationship with God.
And last night a symphony concert on the lawn of a mountain resort at sunset. This time there was the music itself, the setting sun painting the sky with streaks of pink, the picknicking and laughter with friends. The music was varied-classical, Broadway and jazz. It all ended with a display of fireworks to which we all reacted with the delight of children...gasping, ooohing and aahing, clapping and cheering. "God's recreation..."
Does music give you pleasure? What about it speaks to you?
No matter what your taste in music, do you hear "God's recreation"-His desire for you to be touched, to have joy?
Blessings-Penny
Blackbird has spoken like the first song.
God's recreation..."
These are the opening words of one of my favorite hymns and it was the opening hymn of our church service on Sunday.These summer days in Vermont seem like "that first dawning...God's recreation"...clear,fresh air, sunny skies, green, green mountains and hills...and voices raised in praise of His recreation.
There has been other music this week that has touched me. Saturday was chamber music up on the mountain at a summer music school. The instuctors give a Saturday night conert each week while they are in session. I don't know alot about classical music but I know what touches me... a piece written by a Jewish composer to celebrate the Atonement-deep and rich: the talent, gifts, and expertise of the musicians, the soulful depth of the viola. One could hear the longing for a relationship with God.
And last night a symphony concert on the lawn of a mountain resort at sunset. This time there was the music itself, the setting sun painting the sky with streaks of pink, the picknicking and laughter with friends. The music was varied-classical, Broadway and jazz. It all ended with a display of fireworks to which we all reacted with the delight of children...gasping, ooohing and aahing, clapping and cheering. "God's recreation..."
Does music give you pleasure? What about it speaks to you?
No matter what your taste in music, do you hear "God's recreation"-His desire for you to be touched, to have joy?
Blessings-Penny
Saturday, July 2, 2011
plow horse
In Ann Patchett's recent novel "State of Wonder" she describes her heroine's success as not inspired by "bright bursts of inspiration but by the hard labor of a field horse pulling a plow."
That's how it feels much of the time, isn't it? We just put our heads down and place one foot in front of the other-like a plow horse.
But then in recovery there really are the times of "bright bursts of inspiration" when we realize we made the right decision, the loving decision...loving for others and for ourselves.
That's how life is much of the time and that is how recovery is much of the time. We need to remember God is with us, guiding us through the field when the work is heavy and guiding us to the "bright bursts of inspiration." We are never alone.
Do you recognize God's guiding hands? When?
Blessings-Penny
That's how it feels much of the time, isn't it? We just put our heads down and place one foot in front of the other-like a plow horse.
But then in recovery there really are the times of "bright bursts of inspiration" when we realize we made the right decision, the loving decision...loving for others and for ourselves.
That's how life is much of the time and that is how recovery is much of the time. We need to remember God is with us, guiding us through the field when the work is heavy and guiding us to the "bright bursts of inspiration." We are never alone.
Do you recognize God's guiding hands? When?
Blessings-Penny
Monday, June 27, 2011
our response-ability
Recently I have listened to two women friends talk about problems they have encountered with their health care systems. One is my friend Lee, who fell and has multiple serious problems from that fall. She returned last week for follow up to clinics at the county hospital where she was hospitalized and treated. In the orthopedic clinic there were approximately 120 chairs for the approximately 200 patients in the waiting room at the clinic. Each of these persons was an orthopedic patient-no family members allowed in that area. My friend, Lee, now also has atrial fibrillation, a serious cardiac complication of her fall. She had rented her own wheel chair. She said if she had not had her own wheel chair, there would have been no way she could have waited for her appointment.What about the others?
Another friend has been recently diagnosed with Lyme disease. For years she has complained to her primary physician of various symptoms which honestly appear in many popular discussions of Lyme disease. Though multiple tests were done, not once was a blood test for Lyme disease run. Many times the friend left the doctor's office feeling they were telling her she was just being neurotic. This friend now has lesions in her brain because of the progression of the disease. Fortunately she recently changed doctors. The new physician tentatively diagnosed the Lyme disease within 10 minutes of listeneing to her symptoms.She's reluctant to tell the first physician that he missed the diagnosis.
My point in sharing both of these scenarios is to restate my firm belief that we, as women, must speak up when these situations occur. By an overwhelming percentage it is women who make the health care decisions for themselves and our families. When we see these situations where a phone call, letter of email might get the attention of a manager, supervisor or the physician themselves, it is mandatory that we be assertive and take the time, and maybe the risk, to bring it to the appropriate person's attention. Lee will make that phone call or write that letter. After all she is a nurse and understands that a good nurse manager or clinic manager could remedy the inadequate number of chairs fairly easily. My friend with the undiagnosed Lyme disease is reluctant to notify the original physician that he totally missed the diagnosis, allowing the disease to progress to a devastating level. We live in a small town and she is reluctant to make waves. But if we, as customers of this health care system, don't bring issues to the attention of appropriate people, how will it ever get fixed!?
What health care issue leaves you underserved? How do you think it might be fixed?
Who should you notify? Does it have to do with your recovery?
You are the expert on yourself! You have an ability to respond--"response-ability."
If you identify an issue, suggest a different remedy, maybe someone else won't have to suffer your frustration. Finding your voice is part of recovery.
Blessings-Penny
Another friend has been recently diagnosed with Lyme disease. For years she has complained to her primary physician of various symptoms which honestly appear in many popular discussions of Lyme disease. Though multiple tests were done, not once was a blood test for Lyme disease run. Many times the friend left the doctor's office feeling they were telling her she was just being neurotic. This friend now has lesions in her brain because of the progression of the disease. Fortunately she recently changed doctors. The new physician tentatively diagnosed the Lyme disease within 10 minutes of listeneing to her symptoms.She's reluctant to tell the first physician that he missed the diagnosis.
My point in sharing both of these scenarios is to restate my firm belief that we, as women, must speak up when these situations occur. By an overwhelming percentage it is women who make the health care decisions for themselves and our families. When we see these situations where a phone call, letter of email might get the attention of a manager, supervisor or the physician themselves, it is mandatory that we be assertive and take the time, and maybe the risk, to bring it to the appropriate person's attention. Lee will make that phone call or write that letter. After all she is a nurse and understands that a good nurse manager or clinic manager could remedy the inadequate number of chairs fairly easily. My friend with the undiagnosed Lyme disease is reluctant to notify the original physician that he totally missed the diagnosis, allowing the disease to progress to a devastating level. We live in a small town and she is reluctant to make waves. But if we, as customers of this health care system, don't bring issues to the attention of appropriate people, how will it ever get fixed!?
What health care issue leaves you underserved? How do you think it might be fixed?
Who should you notify? Does it have to do with your recovery?
You are the expert on yourself! You have an ability to respond--"response-ability."
If you identify an issue, suggest a different remedy, maybe someone else won't have to suffer your frustration. Finding your voice is part of recovery.
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
guilt?
On June 3 I shared the episode of the fall of my friend, Lee, when she was meeting me in Los Angeles. For a couple of weeks her progress has been good. But when I spoke with her a few days ago, the news was alarming. Lee has developed atrial fibrillation (a very rapid heartbeat). She cannot walk 5 feet without severe shortness of breath. Her cardiologist has said the precipitating factor was probably the fall. I do not know how that works from a physiological perspective but I know it must be very frightening and discouraging. Of course they are doing all the medical appropriate procedures but because her jaw remains wired shut from the broken jaw, she cannot have some interventions.
I must tell you that my "guilt factor" has returned. After all she was meeting me at the station when she fell as a favor to me. One thing I find interesting in all of this has to do with "gender differences" in response to my guilt. When I relate this story to women, they respond in empathy for my friend and understanding of why I feel some guilt. When I share the story with men, they understand the seriousness of the fall and the medical consequences. However, to the last one they do not understand my guilt. I have received responses like, "That's the most neurotic thing I've ever heard you say" said somewhat in jest or "You are not responsible. If we are responsible for our own selves, that's the best we can expect."
I do not believe either the women's responses or man's responses is the "right" response. I'm just amazed at the clear differences! It's important to listen to each other. We learn.
Is there some "guilt" you hold onto?
Would there be any benefit in talking that through with a person of the other gender?
Do you listen to men in group settings and honestly explore how they see situations differently? It's worthwhile, I find.
Blessings-Penny
I must tell you that my "guilt factor" has returned. After all she was meeting me at the station when she fell as a favor to me. One thing I find interesting in all of this has to do with "gender differences" in response to my guilt. When I relate this story to women, they respond in empathy for my friend and understanding of why I feel some guilt. When I share the story with men, they understand the seriousness of the fall and the medical consequences. However, to the last one they do not understand my guilt. I have received responses like, "That's the most neurotic thing I've ever heard you say" said somewhat in jest or "You are not responsible. If we are responsible for our own selves, that's the best we can expect."
I do not believe either the women's responses or man's responses is the "right" response. I'm just amazed at the clear differences! It's important to listen to each other. We learn.
Is there some "guilt" you hold onto?
Would there be any benefit in talking that through with a person of the other gender?
Do you listen to men in group settings and honestly explore how they see situations differently? It's worthwhile, I find.
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, June 16, 2011
reach out
An email from a woman I consider a fairly new friend touched me deeply this morning.
It said, "This month of June must be a poignant time for you. I will especially keep you in prayer." This month is the anniversary of my daughter's death. Her accident occured many years ago but as any parent who has lost a child will tell you, the memory never leaves. Though the intensity of the pain lessens (one could not live in that pain forever), the anniversary of her death recreates a visceral nausea and a stab in my heart. Of course it also reminds me of her laughter, her beauty, her faith.
This very loving new friend took the risk to share her concern and empathy with me. Few friends or family take that risk. I am certain they feel they are sparing me the memory but I promise you the memory is always there-every single day of my life.
I encourage you to take the risk of offering a thought, a prayer, a blessing to someone you know who is experiencing a loss or the memory of a loss. I promise you they have not forgotten that loss. Knowing you remember their pain, that you have loving memories of that person or experience is the connection and intimacy which we all long for.
Who might you phone today to say you have a loving memory of someone they have lost?
What friend has lost their job? Pick up the phone and tell them you are praying for them.
Has someone relapsed in their addiction? Will you risk telling them you miss them?
Blessings-Penny
It said, "This month of June must be a poignant time for you. I will especially keep you in prayer." This month is the anniversary of my daughter's death. Her accident occured many years ago but as any parent who has lost a child will tell you, the memory never leaves. Though the intensity of the pain lessens (one could not live in that pain forever), the anniversary of her death recreates a visceral nausea and a stab in my heart. Of course it also reminds me of her laughter, her beauty, her faith.
This very loving new friend took the risk to share her concern and empathy with me. Few friends or family take that risk. I am certain they feel they are sparing me the memory but I promise you the memory is always there-every single day of my life.
I encourage you to take the risk of offering a thought, a prayer, a blessing to someone you know who is experiencing a loss or the memory of a loss. I promise you they have not forgotten that loss. Knowing you remember their pain, that you have loving memories of that person or experience is the connection and intimacy which we all long for.
Who might you phone today to say you have a loving memory of someone they have lost?
What friend has lost their job? Pick up the phone and tell them you are praying for them.
Has someone relapsed in their addiction? Will you risk telling them you miss them?
Blessings-Penny
Saturday, June 11, 2011
lessons learned
My husband's adult son is a school administrator in a large western city. He is responsible for curriculum and "empowerment" for a struggling school system. He recently was interviewed for the city newspaper. The following quote in the printed article is a testimony to the deep impact of the role modeling by his father---a testimony to the values and beliefs the son absorbed from watching and listening to his dad's profound example.
"A soft-spoken native of Illinois, Hauser is the son of a Lutheran minister who would leave the Sunday dinner table to 'minister to his flock.' Hauser views his role as having a similar calling, one in which he meshes school with neighborhoods."
No lectures, no "shoulds", just a quiet example of belief and values that moved into the core of the man the son has become.
If your child was interviewed what might he/she say about what he/she has learned from you?
Do your children see the beliefs and values of recovery reflected in your new life?
Do they see a new spirituality? A new way of being?
Blessings--Penny
"A soft-spoken native of Illinois, Hauser is the son of a Lutheran minister who would leave the Sunday dinner table to 'minister to his flock.' Hauser views his role as having a similar calling, one in which he meshes school with neighborhoods."
No lectures, no "shoulds", just a quiet example of belief and values that moved into the core of the man the son has become.
If your child was interviewed what might he/she say about what he/she has learned from you?
Do your children see the beliefs and values of recovery reflected in your new life?
Do they see a new spirituality? A new way of being?
Blessings--Penny
Thursday, June 9, 2011
yearning
As mentioned in other blogs, I love this word "yearning." It so captures my sense of searching. In a recent Commonweal magazine I read a quote from a book review which says, " Our yearning for God is the force for moving ahead. The yearning itself is a gift." (Gateway to Resurrection)
To sense the yearning for God as a force for moving us ahead-as something positive- is a wonderful reframing of that word. Not a negative feeling of something missing, but a gift in itself.
How does the yearning for God fit into your spirituality?
Is it a force that moves you ahead?
How does that look in your life? In your recovery?
Blessings-Penny
To sense the yearning for God as a force for moving us ahead-as something positive- is a wonderful reframing of that word. Not a negative feeling of something missing, but a gift in itself.
How does the yearning for God fit into your spirituality?
Is it a force that moves you ahead?
How does that look in your life? In your recovery?
Blessings-Penny
Friday, June 3, 2011
angels?
Recently I was vacationing in California-hence no postings from me the past 2 weeks. Sorry about that!
During that visit a college friend,Lee, was to pick me and my husband up at Los Angeles Union Train Station around 11 a.m. on a Sunday morning. She was a few minutes late, unusual for her, when I heard my name called over the public address system. Security personnel took me to my friend. She had tripped over a speed bump while walking into the station. Her lip was split wide open, bleeding profusely. By the time I got to her, station personnel were attending to her and within a couple of minutes, the LA County Paramedics arrived. In a real demonstration of caring and problem solving, the paramedics assessed my friend, determined she needed to go to the ER, placed her and me in the ambulance, one of them picked up her car and followed the ambulance, picked up my husband who was sitting in the train station waiting room unaware of the situation, picked up our luggage and took us all to LA County Hospital ER.
As the day progressed and we remained in the ER, Lee was evaluated with MRI, Cat Scan, Xray etc. It was determined her jaw was broken in 2 places and she had a cracked elbow requiring a metal plate and screws. She would be admitted when a bed was available. As it turned out that was 36 hours later.
During the long afternoon and evening of this assessment my husband waited patiently in the waiting room. And during the long afteroon and evening the caring (and incredibly handsome) paramedics returned to check on Lee as they made additional "runs" with other patients to the ER. (About the only smiles of that day came from Lee and me making comments about the movie star looks of these two incredible men.)I did mention in their presence our mounting concern about getting Lee's car back to Santa Monica in the dark given we are Vermonters, not used to LA freeways.
ANYWAY-about 8 p.m. these 2 paramedics returned again! Tyler (we're on a first name basis by now) says, "Ok we've checked with our supervisor and one of us is going to drive Lee's car to Santa Monica and the other will follow in the ambulance to drive both of us back. We can take your husband or you (meaning me) or both. But we are going to at least solve the problem of getting the car to Santa Monica." The tension in my body simply flowed out.
At just this moment Lee's son arrives from his home in central California. So my husband and I leave with the paramedics. They bring Lee's car to the ER door, drive us to Santa Monica, ambulance following, luggage and all, get us into Lee's house which is very very dark, turn off the alarm system, and make certain we feel safe.
Now I am not certain I have ever believed in angels but I must acknowledge that after the time with those 2 paramedics I am moving in that direction. I have never been treated with such a combination of gentleness, thoroughness, humor, and genuine concern by a health professional...by someone who just appeared in my life. We were cared for and cared about. We were held safely and touched. Just like the picture that hung above my bed as a child...the one of the guardian angel sheltering two children crossing a bridge in a storm.
Lee is home after a 6 day hospital stay. Her jaw is immobilized with braces, her elbow pinned. We can't talk on the phone and she can't email but I send her a note frequently and pray for her recovery many, many times a day. Please say a prayer for her too.
Do you have angels in your life?
Are they there frequently or mostly in times of crisis?
Do they touch your recovery?
Did someone extend a hand which led you to recovery? Was she an angel?
Remember recovery is a gift. From where?
I'd love to hear your experiences.
Blessings-Penny
During that visit a college friend,Lee, was to pick me and my husband up at Los Angeles Union Train Station around 11 a.m. on a Sunday morning. She was a few minutes late, unusual for her, when I heard my name called over the public address system. Security personnel took me to my friend. She had tripped over a speed bump while walking into the station. Her lip was split wide open, bleeding profusely. By the time I got to her, station personnel were attending to her and within a couple of minutes, the LA County Paramedics arrived. In a real demonstration of caring and problem solving, the paramedics assessed my friend, determined she needed to go to the ER, placed her and me in the ambulance, one of them picked up her car and followed the ambulance, picked up my husband who was sitting in the train station waiting room unaware of the situation, picked up our luggage and took us all to LA County Hospital ER.
As the day progressed and we remained in the ER, Lee was evaluated with MRI, Cat Scan, Xray etc. It was determined her jaw was broken in 2 places and she had a cracked elbow requiring a metal plate and screws. She would be admitted when a bed was available. As it turned out that was 36 hours later.
During the long afternoon and evening of this assessment my husband waited patiently in the waiting room. And during the long afteroon and evening the caring (and incredibly handsome) paramedics returned to check on Lee as they made additional "runs" with other patients to the ER. (About the only smiles of that day came from Lee and me making comments about the movie star looks of these two incredible men.)I did mention in their presence our mounting concern about getting Lee's car back to Santa Monica in the dark given we are Vermonters, not used to LA freeways.
ANYWAY-about 8 p.m. these 2 paramedics returned again! Tyler (we're on a first name basis by now) says, "Ok we've checked with our supervisor and one of us is going to drive Lee's car to Santa Monica and the other will follow in the ambulance to drive both of us back. We can take your husband or you (meaning me) or both. But we are going to at least solve the problem of getting the car to Santa Monica." The tension in my body simply flowed out.
At just this moment Lee's son arrives from his home in central California. So my husband and I leave with the paramedics. They bring Lee's car to the ER door, drive us to Santa Monica, ambulance following, luggage and all, get us into Lee's house which is very very dark, turn off the alarm system, and make certain we feel safe.
Now I am not certain I have ever believed in angels but I must acknowledge that after the time with those 2 paramedics I am moving in that direction. I have never been treated with such a combination of gentleness, thoroughness, humor, and genuine concern by a health professional...by someone who just appeared in my life. We were cared for and cared about. We were held safely and touched. Just like the picture that hung above my bed as a child...the one of the guardian angel sheltering two children crossing a bridge in a storm.
Lee is home after a 6 day hospital stay. Her jaw is immobilized with braces, her elbow pinned. We can't talk on the phone and she can't email but I send her a note frequently and pray for her recovery many, many times a day. Please say a prayer for her too.
Do you have angels in your life?
Are they there frequently or mostly in times of crisis?
Do they touch your recovery?
Did someone extend a hand which led you to recovery? Was she an angel?
Remember recovery is a gift. From where?
I'd love to hear your experiences.
Blessings-Penny
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
travel
We are off on another trip. This time it's California-San Francisco, Los Angeles, Carlsbad. I'll present a workshop on "the book;" visit a college friend in L.A. and see my son and his family in Carlsbad. He has recently returned from a year in Afghanistan. It's all good. But I must say it's a stressful,complicated trip. Lots of airplanes, trains, and multiple hotels.
We have travelled 6 times in the past 4 months. Lots of planning. What has been wonderful has been the connecting with old friends and the celebrating with family. For me that is the most meaningful travel...friends and family...not just new sights and places.
And when this trip is complete,I yearn to be here at home. Home where spring is now in full bloom, home where there is time for sitting on the deck looking at the brook, home where we pull weeds and plant flowers, home where I walk beside the waterfall and over the mountain, home where I am at peace, home where God gives me creativity,home where I have a place to be with women in recovery, home where I quietly thank God for all His blessings...my physical home and my spiritual home.
Why wouldn't I yearn for this place?
Where are you today?
Where do you yearn to be-emotionally, physically, spiritually?
Where do you find peace?
What are your blessings?
Blessings-Penny
We have travelled 6 times in the past 4 months. Lots of planning. What has been wonderful has been the connecting with old friends and the celebrating with family. For me that is the most meaningful travel...friends and family...not just new sights and places.
And when this trip is complete,I yearn to be here at home. Home where spring is now in full bloom, home where there is time for sitting on the deck looking at the brook, home where we pull weeds and plant flowers, home where I walk beside the waterfall and over the mountain, home where I am at peace, home where God gives me creativity,home where I have a place to be with women in recovery, home where I quietly thank God for all His blessings...my physical home and my spiritual home.
Why wouldn't I yearn for this place?
Where are you today?
Where do you yearn to be-emotionally, physically, spiritually?
Where do you find peace?
What are your blessings?
Blessings-Penny
Monday, May 16, 2011
Parenting
I have been travelling and visiting friends and family over the last several weeks. I apologize for not submitting new posts. While visiting families with children of varying ages, I was again struck that possibly THE most important role we have is that of mother/parent...being a role model, teaching accountability and responsibility, teaching good communication skills, playing, loving, laughing, teaching how to be a friend, honoring, respecting. The list of what children learn from us is unbelievable whether we are mother or father.
One child was a bit lippy to her mother. How did she learn that was ok?
Another was horrified when she thought she had lost her debit card. How did she learn to problem solve that?
Another was up at 7 a.m. getting ready to run a half marathon. Where did that discipline come from?
A 16 year old boy has a new girlfriend. How will he navigate that terrain?
They will learn by watching their parents.
What will your children learn from you in that informal, day to day role modeling that you do?
Only one of these families has a formal spiritual life.
How will these children learn about God's love?
I worry.
Blessings-Penny
One child was a bit lippy to her mother. How did she learn that was ok?
Another was horrified when she thought she had lost her debit card. How did she learn to problem solve that?
Another was up at 7 a.m. getting ready to run a half marathon. Where did that discipline come from?
A 16 year old boy has a new girlfriend. How will he navigate that terrain?
They will learn by watching their parents.
What will your children learn from you in that informal, day to day role modeling that you do?
Only one of these families has a formal spiritual life.
How will these children learn about God's love?
I worry.
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
By Name
One of the parts of the Easter gospel that I particularly love is that Mary Magdalene did not recognize Jesus when she went to the tomb on Easter morning. She thought He was the gardner. It was not until "He called her by name" that she recognized him.
Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to have God call me by name. Wouldn't that be an incredible experience? And then again, I sometimes believe He calls me by name---when there is something beautiful in nature is He saying, "I created this. Look, Penny." When one of my sons phones and says, "Hi, Mom. Just was thinking about you -or-what was that recipe you used to make for prime rib?" Is that God saying, "I created this child, this relationship for you."
How does God call us by name in our recovery? Does He say, "This is a gift for you." Do you hear Him call you by name? Do you answer?
Blessings-Penny
Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to have God call me by name. Wouldn't that be an incredible experience? And then again, I sometimes believe He calls me by name---when there is something beautiful in nature is He saying, "I created this. Look, Penny." When one of my sons phones and says, "Hi, Mom. Just was thinking about you -or-what was that recipe you used to make for prime rib?" Is that God saying, "I created this child, this relationship for you."
How does God call us by name in our recovery? Does He say, "This is a gift for you." Do you hear Him call you by name? Do you answer?
Blessings-Penny
Friday, April 22, 2011
darkness
Yesterday was Holy Thursday.
I attended a weekly writer's group at the local recovery center. The group is led by a woman who believes in the healing power of writing and who wishes to improve her and others' writing skills. In a brief 10 minute exercise yesterday, each participant took 10 minutes to become aware of the sense of their surroundings-the noise, the smells, the colors, the feeling of the place and to write about that experience.
As each person read their paragraph I realized how much I learned about each of them-their use of their senses, their sense of self and their story. It was a powerful way for them to learn about themselves and for the rest of the group to learn about them. One writer used the term, "Oh know!" What a clever way to phrase her "knowing." A woman new to the group wrote only a few sentences and then was inspired to continue writing---energized by the group. Another wrote of the quiet and a reminder of working on a puzzle with her grand daughter.
The day was Holy Thursday. As I walked to my car I had the sense of the many ways we push back the darkness.
During this Easter season how will you push back the darkness?
Will you "watch one hour" with someone in pain?
Blessings-Penny
I attended a weekly writer's group at the local recovery center. The group is led by a woman who believes in the healing power of writing and who wishes to improve her and others' writing skills. In a brief 10 minute exercise yesterday, each participant took 10 minutes to become aware of the sense of their surroundings-the noise, the smells, the colors, the feeling of the place and to write about that experience.
As each person read their paragraph I realized how much I learned about each of them-their use of their senses, their sense of self and their story. It was a powerful way for them to learn about themselves and for the rest of the group to learn about them. One writer used the term, "Oh know!" What a clever way to phrase her "knowing." A woman new to the group wrote only a few sentences and then was inspired to continue writing---energized by the group. Another wrote of the quiet and a reminder of working on a puzzle with her grand daughter.
The day was Holy Thursday. As I walked to my car I had the sense of the many ways we push back the darkness.
During this Easter season how will you push back the darkness?
Will you "watch one hour" with someone in pain?
Blessings-Penny
Monday, April 18, 2011
second question
As a therapist and as a person interested in other people's lives, I have learned it's important to "ask the second question." By that I mean that we often ask friends, family, new acquaintances such questions as, "How are you?" or even "What's happening?" They may tell us the facts and give us a response to that question. But to really learn about that person and what's important to them, it's important to ask "the second question?" So once they have responded to that first question, you might ask the seceond question such as "What does that mean for you?" or "How does that impact you?" Then we get to hear not only "the facts" but also the meaning behind the facts. We get to hear what their heart is saying.
In the last blog, I asked you if you feel God transforming you in your recovery. The second question and even the third might be: "How do you feel that transformation?" "What difference do you feel in your life as you become aware of God's grace, God's promise, and God's gift of recovery?"
It seems to me those are really important questions to continue to ask ourselves as we are transformed by God's miracle.
Blessings-Penny
In the last blog, I asked you if you feel God transforming you in your recovery. The second question and even the third might be: "How do you feel that transformation?" "What difference do you feel in your life as you become aware of God's grace, God's promise, and God's gift of recovery?"
It seems to me those are really important questions to continue to ask ourselves as we are transformed by God's miracle.
Blessings-Penny
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
water to wine
There has been a Lenten discussion series at our church which I have been attending. The series is based on readings by C.S. Lewis and the group leader encourages us to focus on where the readings "intersect with our lives." Unfortunately sometimes the discussions seem to focus more on what the participants disagree with in the readings than how they intersect with our lives.
However last evening I was really touched by something the leader said. It was not even related to the readings. However the leader (a retired pastor) was lamenting that too often Sunday sermons do not speak to the heart of the listener. When the sermon doesn't speak to our heart we don't see how the epistle or gospel "intersect with our lives." He gave this example: "When we hear the gospel lesson of Christ changing the water into wine at the marriage feast at Cana, too often the sermon focuses on things such as the history of Jewish wedding feasts or the fact that it was Christ's first public miracle. What is missed is that this miracle speaks to how Christ can transform our lives. It is a miracle of transformation and the message to us is that Christ can transform our lives."
I've probably heard that gospel 100 times and I never heard that message, that promise.
In recovery the promise to us is that Christ can and will transform our lives!
Are you feeling that miracle??
Blessings-Penny
However last evening I was really touched by something the leader said. It was not even related to the readings. However the leader (a retired pastor) was lamenting that too often Sunday sermons do not speak to the heart of the listener. When the sermon doesn't speak to our heart we don't see how the epistle or gospel "intersect with our lives." He gave this example: "When we hear the gospel lesson of Christ changing the water into wine at the marriage feast at Cana, too often the sermon focuses on things such as the history of Jewish wedding feasts or the fact that it was Christ's first public miracle. What is missed is that this miracle speaks to how Christ can transform our lives. It is a miracle of transformation and the message to us is that Christ can transform our lives."
I've probably heard that gospel 100 times and I never heard that message, that promise.
In recovery the promise to us is that Christ can and will transform our lives!
Are you feeling that miracle??
Blessings-Penny
Monday, April 4, 2011
"unexpected tears"
Joe and I recently did an adult education class on substance abuse and recovery at a church in Minneapolis. Joe presented first and then I got up to give a brief synopsis of my book. When I came to the front of the room, a woman in the front row was quietly crying. During my talk I also noticed a relative of ours, a young woman who is having a difficult time in her family,was also there. Her eyes looked dead-absolutely without life or even hope.
I continued with my overview of the book and came to the chapter on grief and loss/guilt and shame. I spoke briefly of the death of my daughter but moved over that material pretty quickly. Suddenly I found tears in my eyes and found it difficult to continue with my talk. Joe spoke from the audience. "Penny, read the quote about unexpected tears." I did.
"...But of this you can be sure. Whenver you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next." This is from "Listening to Your Life" p. 237, by Frederick Buechner.
I'm still trying to discern what those tears meant on that Sunday morning.
What do your tears mean? What do they mean in your relationship with God?
Listen.
Blessings-Penny
I continued with my overview of the book and came to the chapter on grief and loss/guilt and shame. I spoke briefly of the death of my daughter but moved over that material pretty quickly. Suddenly I found tears in my eyes and found it difficult to continue with my talk. Joe spoke from the audience. "Penny, read the quote about unexpected tears." I did.
"...But of this you can be sure. Whenver you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next." This is from "Listening to Your Life" p. 237, by Frederick Buechner.
I'm still trying to discern what those tears meant on that Sunday morning.
What do your tears mean? What do they mean in your relationship with God?
Listen.
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
quote
"The glory of God is in the human being fully alive." (Sloan Coffin) Isn't that a beautiful thought? When you are fully alive, you are reflecting God's glory.
Do you feel fully alive?
How does that feel? If not yet, how might it feel?
What would it take to make you feel that way?
Blessings-Penny
Do you feel fully alive?
How does that feel? If not yet, how might it feel?
What would it take to make you feel that way?
Blessings-Penny
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
awe
I am rereading a book by Sloan Coffin entitled "Letters to a Young Doubter." I thought it might be appropriate for my teenage grandson with his own doubts but I find it somewhat beyond what he is ready for. However,I am enjoying the book again for my own doubts.
And certainly in the past week, there seem reasons for doubt. By that I mean the earthquake and tsunami and deaths in Japan are really beyond my understanding. In this book Sloan Coffin says that if we have yearning along with awe and wonder at the natural world we are in prayer. Well, I certainly have awe and wonder but maybe not in the way God meant for me to have awe and wonder.
But then this morning there were 5 robins around my bird feeder while we were having another March snow shower. I surely don't "get it" sometimes-but I know there is a spiritual yearning. So I will remain in doubt about some things and remain in awe and wonder about others.
How about you? Does the yearning remain even when there are doubts?
Blessings-Penny
And certainly in the past week, there seem reasons for doubt. By that I mean the earthquake and tsunami and deaths in Japan are really beyond my understanding. In this book Sloan Coffin says that if we have yearning along with awe and wonder at the natural world we are in prayer. Well, I certainly have awe and wonder but maybe not in the way God meant for me to have awe and wonder.
But then this morning there were 5 robins around my bird feeder while we were having another March snow shower. I surely don't "get it" sometimes-but I know there is a spiritual yearning. So I will remain in doubt about some things and remain in awe and wonder about others.
How about you? Does the yearning remain even when there are doubts?
Blessings-Penny
Friday, March 11, 2011
a sign?
The driving turned out to be as stressful as I feared. The map going through a mid sized city was confusing. I turned the GPS off because it had too much information-yak, yak, yak. Sunddenly, in the middle of this very dark part of the city, the road sign said "End of Rt. 61." Just as I feared from looking at the map. We really had no idea of which way to turn. As we had approached this city, we had laughingly said, "Well let's hope God has set up a sign that says, "Joe and Penny,turn here to get on Rt. 10 to Newark, Delaware"-our destination. (Doesn't this all sound like the very end of addiction and the beginning of recovery? You pray for a clear sign)
Well we drove for several more miles, turn right, turn left looking for a gas station to stop and ask directions. No gas stations--don't these people need gas?? (Early recovery-wrong turns-no direction) Suddenly there was a Sunoco. We pulled in. I waited in line to ask the cashier directions-Joe went over to get us some coffee. As I looked over at him, he was talking with a cashier who was making more coffee. She gave us clear directions--"go 10 stoplights, watch for the NMT bank and turn right. It will put you on I76 and go to Rt. 10." (Isn't that again like early recovery? We finally find someone who gives us clear directions about how to move into longer term recovery-where to go for help, how to redirect our thinking and our lives, how to progress to our destination-long term peaceful recovery.)
And those directions were absolutely correct. We got on Rt. 10. It was not easy-speeding traffic to merge into-confusing headlights. Even Rt. 10 had its own concerns of dark turns, speeding cars, unmarked intersections. (Middle recovery)But we knew we were on the right road.
Now the hoped for sign that we laughed about earlier-the one that would say "Joe and Penny turn here" did not appear. But the woman at the gas station gave us precise directions. Was she our "sign?"
Isn't it true that sometimes we miss "the sign" because we think it should say or be something we specifically asked for? Are we open to signs that are different from what we expect? When we open ourselves to the new sign do we smile in relief?
Are we open to God's promise that He will always be with us--even when we are lost?
Blessings-Penny
Well we drove for several more miles, turn right, turn left looking for a gas station to stop and ask directions. No gas stations--don't these people need gas?? (Early recovery-wrong turns-no direction) Suddenly there was a Sunoco. We pulled in. I waited in line to ask the cashier directions-Joe went over to get us some coffee. As I looked over at him, he was talking with a cashier who was making more coffee. She gave us clear directions--"go 10 stoplights, watch for the NMT bank and turn right. It will put you on I76 and go to Rt. 10." (Isn't that again like early recovery? We finally find someone who gives us clear directions about how to move into longer term recovery-where to go for help, how to redirect our thinking and our lives, how to progress to our destination-long term peaceful recovery.)
And those directions were absolutely correct. We got on Rt. 10. It was not easy-speeding traffic to merge into-confusing headlights. Even Rt. 10 had its own concerns of dark turns, speeding cars, unmarked intersections. (Middle recovery)But we knew we were on the right road.
Now the hoped for sign that we laughed about earlier-the one that would say "Joe and Penny turn here" did not appear. But the woman at the gas station gave us precise directions. Was she our "sign?"
Isn't it true that sometimes we miss "the sign" because we think it should say or be something we specifically asked for? Are we open to signs that are different from what we expect? When we open ourselves to the new sign do we smile in relief?
Are we open to God's promise that He will always be with us--even when we are lost?
Blessings-Penny
Monday, February 28, 2011
stress
In the next week I have to do some pretty stressful driving. We have lived in "rural America" for the last 12 years. Our driving is mostly local with little merging onto major freeways---and if we do have to merge there is very little oncoming traffic. But in the next few days I must drive from rural Vermont to Delaware...big city stuff. That kind of stress used to make me crave a drink--or 3 or 4...even just thinking about it could set up a craving. But now being in recovery doesn't make the stress disappear.
So how will I deal with it differently?
I'll tell my spouse how stressed I feel.
I'll ask for his help and understanding. (He doesn't drive because of vision problems.)
I'll do lots of planning with maps and GPS.
I'll give myself plenty of time to make the trip and arrive on time.
I'll schedule the driving in daylight hours.
And I'll remember last week's Old Testament reading that said, "God has my name inscribed in the palm of His hand." I am
How do you handle stress differently now?
Blessings-Penny
So how will I deal with it differently?
I'll tell my spouse how stressed I feel.
I'll ask for his help and understanding. (He doesn't drive because of vision problems.)
I'll do lots of planning with maps and GPS.
I'll give myself plenty of time to make the trip and arrive on time.
I'll schedule the driving in daylight hours.
And I'll remember last week's Old Testament reading that said, "God has my name inscribed in the palm of His hand." I am
How do you handle stress differently now?
Blessings-Penny
Friday, February 25, 2011
sad news
A friend shared some devastating news this week. Her wonderful, 54 year old husband, has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. This beautiful man has been an advanced nurse practitioner, nurse researcher, on an oncology unit at a large research hospital for most of his nursing career. He is one of those gentle men who entered nursing because of his love of people, because he cared-not because there was a recession and he needed a job. He has now lost this job because he cannot do the calculations needed for the medications. He is now at home-losing who he is.
My friend is devasted, of course. She grew up in a home with a mother who was an alcoholic, a father who left. She was deeply affected by all of that. She has had a wonderful 20 year marriage to this beautiful man--and now this. She will cope---she's an ultimate caretaker, as many of us are who had parents with alcoholism. But at times she is ovewhelmed with the stress and stuggles-financial, safety, phsyical care, her employment, their 10 year old daughter. The list is unending. She has no choice but to cope with this disease.
I have the disease of alcoholism. I have some choices. I can choose recovery or I can choose the disease of addiction.
How about you?
Blessings-Penny
My friend is devasted, of course. She grew up in a home with a mother who was an alcoholic, a father who left. She was deeply affected by all of that. She has had a wonderful 20 year marriage to this beautiful man--and now this. She will cope---she's an ultimate caretaker, as many of us are who had parents with alcoholism. But at times she is ovewhelmed with the stress and stuggles-financial, safety, phsyical care, her employment, their 10 year old daughter. The list is unending. She has no choice but to cope with this disease.
I have the disease of alcoholism. I have some choices. I can choose recovery or I can choose the disease of addiction.
How about you?
Blessings-Penny
Sunday, February 13, 2011
"Lord of the Dance"
At the dinner dance celebration of the Bat Mitzvah I recently attended I was privileged and delighted to observe a family I am only getting to know. They are the aunt and uncle and cousins of the young girl celebrated. The aunt and uncle were high school sweethearts who married young and have had successful careers and have incredibly talented teenagers.
What was such pleasure to watch was their enjoyment of each other. They laugh, they joke. They are intimate, never sarcastic. And then they got up to dance! And could they dance! They danced with each other! They danced with grandparents! They pulled others onto the floor and into their circle! They clearly loved to dance as as expression of their joy.
Later I asked about their clear love of dancing. The mother replied, "I have the radio own when I'm cooking. Often we get dancing around the kitchen." Clearly a way to be in joy with each other.
I thought about one of my favorite hymns that makes me want to dance when I hear it at church;
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun
I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun..
I 'll live in you if you'll live in Me
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He!"
Dance this day as an expression of your joy--your joy in your new life.
Blessings--Penny
What was such pleasure to watch was their enjoyment of each other. They laugh, they joke. They are intimate, never sarcastic. And then they got up to dance! And could they dance! They danced with each other! They danced with grandparents! They pulled others onto the floor and into their circle! They clearly loved to dance as as expression of their joy.
Later I asked about their clear love of dancing. The mother replied, "I have the radio own when I'm cooking. Often we get dancing around the kitchen." Clearly a way to be in joy with each other.
I thought about one of my favorite hymns that makes me want to dance when I hear it at church;
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun
I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun..
I 'll live in you if you'll live in Me
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He!"
Dance this day as an expression of your joy--your joy in your new life.
Blessings--Penny
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
grief
A recent issue of Time magazine has an article on a "new" way of thinking about grief and loss. The researchers say that there are no real stages of grief--that people just move. When I think of the process of grief and the process of addiction and recovery, I think the stages of grief identified by Kubler-Ross years ago still hold. Those stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Think about your own addiction and recovery.
Did you "deny" there was a problem?
Were you "anry" when someone told you you had to stop drinking or drugging?
Did you "bargain" by thinking "maybe I can only drink/drug on weekends or switch from the hard stuff to beer or I'll just do marijuana not cocaine."
Did you get "depressed" when you had to stop? or maybe just sad?
Have you moved into an "acceptance" that recovery is your new life? your new normal?
Isn't acceptance the essence of the Serenity Prayer? "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
The Times article doesn't mention spirituality or God as part of the "moving on." Seems to me they miss the most important part of moving on---an acceptance of a new relationship with God.
Blessings-Penny
Did you "deny" there was a problem?
Were you "anry" when someone told you you had to stop drinking or drugging?
Did you "bargain" by thinking "maybe I can only drink/drug on weekends or switch from the hard stuff to beer or I'll just do marijuana not cocaine."
Did you get "depressed" when you had to stop? or maybe just sad?
Have you moved into an "acceptance" that recovery is your new life? your new normal?
Isn't acceptance the essence of the Serenity Prayer? "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
The Times article doesn't mention spirituality or God as part of the "moving on." Seems to me they miss the most important part of moving on---an acceptance of a new relationship with God.
Blessings-Penny
Friday, February 4, 2011
the tallit
Recently I attended a Bat Mitzvah. This is a Jewish service that welcomes a young woman (age 13) into her religion as a "daughter of the Commandment." I was deeply touched by the richness of the service, the committment of the Jewish particpants to the history of their peoples. Abby, the girl being honored, read and chanted in Yiddish giving her promise to keep the Mitzvos that all Jewish women are required to keep. Her father prayed that she would always be proud to be Jewish.
At the close of the service Abby was given a "tallit." This is a prayer shawl with fringes at the four corners. "The tallit is said to allow you to feel enclosed or sheltered by God."
When do you feel enclosed or sheltered by God?"
Blessings-Penny
At the close of the service Abby was given a "tallit." This is a prayer shawl with fringes at the four corners. "The tallit is said to allow you to feel enclosed or sheltered by God."
When do you feel enclosed or sheltered by God?"
Blessings-Penny
Monday, January 24, 2011
pain
I heard a reminder recently that I believe rings true for those of us in recovery. Relapse happens when we forget the pain.
When I forget the guilt and shame I felt the morning after a night of heavy drinking; when I forget the arguments triggered by my drinking; when I forget the shame that I drove drunk with children in the car--then I am moving toward relapse. Now I'm not talking of wallowing in shame and remorse but I am talking about relapse being a process with many places where we can turn it around. And one place we can turn it around is when the memories of the "fun" of drinking start creeping in. When I think "maybe it wasn't so bad" or "I need it to get through this"--that is when the relapse process is beginning. That is when I need to remember the pain.
That is when I ask God to be remind me that He is with me in this; that with His help I can remember the pain and make different choices. I have a new life.
Blessings-Penny
When I forget the guilt and shame I felt the morning after a night of heavy drinking; when I forget the arguments triggered by my drinking; when I forget the shame that I drove drunk with children in the car--then I am moving toward relapse. Now I'm not talking of wallowing in shame and remorse but I am talking about relapse being a process with many places where we can turn it around. And one place we can turn it around is when the memories of the "fun" of drinking start creeping in. When I think "maybe it wasn't so bad" or "I need it to get through this"--that is when the relapse process is beginning. That is when I need to remember the pain.
That is when I ask God to be remind me that He is with me in this; that with His help I can remember the pain and make different choices. I have a new life.
Blessings-Penny
Monday, January 17, 2011
here
Barbara Brown Taylor in "An Altar in the World" says, "When someone asks us where we want to be in our lives, the last thing that occurs to us is to look down at our feet and say, "Here, I guess, since this is where I am."
This is a interesting quote for me. At first blush I think of my wanderlust. I'm often thinking of the next part of the adventure. I'm used to moving frequently and become excited at the thought of new places and new activities. But "where do I want to be" in my life has such a broader significance. Where do I want to be physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally?
Physically I am here in this beautiful place. And recently I (we) have made a decision that we will remain here in thanksgiving and peace. Emotionally, spiritually and relationally I am also here in thanksgiving and peace. AND there is unlimitied potential for growth and new adventures in those areas.
Where do you want to be in your life-physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally? Isn't that a fascinating question?
Blessings-Penny
This is a interesting quote for me. At first blush I think of my wanderlust. I'm often thinking of the next part of the adventure. I'm used to moving frequently and become excited at the thought of new places and new activities. But "where do I want to be" in my life has such a broader significance. Where do I want to be physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally?
Physically I am here in this beautiful place. And recently I (we) have made a decision that we will remain here in thanksgiving and peace. Emotionally, spiritually and relationally I am also here in thanksgiving and peace. AND there is unlimitied potential for growth and new adventures in those areas.
Where do you want to be in your life-physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally? Isn't that a fascinating question?
Blessings-Penny
Monday, January 10, 2011
Again-anger
Again violence-Columbine-Virginia Tech-now Arizona. Once again a feeling of deep sorrow. Once again powerless. But not powerless in our own lives! Not powerless to keep the angry, destructive, violent rhetoric out of our own lives. We have power to alter the way we speak when we are angry...to our children, to our spouses, to the clerk in the store. If we just pay attention to the words and the tone we use, we set an example to our family and to those who hear us...at the mall, at the grocery store, in the restaurant. Our daughters learn how to speak with friends and acquaintances as they hear us speak to them. One only has to visit a grandaughter to become very aware of that phenomena.
Speaking in loving ways also decreases the internal anger we feel. It is healthy for us. It is a way to take care of ourselves. It is a way we decrease the violence.
A recent meditation-"Prevent us from speaking in any way that hurts another." We have power to change ourselves.
Listen to yourself these next few days.
Blessings-Penny
Speaking in loving ways also decreases the internal anger we feel. It is healthy for us. It is a way to take care of ourselves. It is a way we decrease the violence.
A recent meditation-"Prevent us from speaking in any way that hurts another." We have power to change ourselves.
Listen to yourself these next few days.
Blessings-Penny
Monday, January 3, 2011
colors in life
I recently read an article about Elizabeth Warren, the administration's person appointed to clean up some of the nations's finanacial mess. She is an incredibly accomplished woman who was a Harvard Law Professor until her Washington appointment.At the close of the article there was a paragraph in which she talked about splurging on a pair of shoes. She was quoted as saying, "I want to live my life with color...people who can't enjoy their money are missing the colors of life."
I'd like to amend that a bit. People who can't enjoy their recovery are missing the colors of life. If you are sober and clean and saving some money, splurge a little! Treat yourself to something special---a new sweater, a new hairdo, a pair of shoes. Live your new life this new year with color!!
Happy New Year!! Penny
I'd like to amend that a bit. People who can't enjoy their recovery are missing the colors of life. If you are sober and clean and saving some money, splurge a little! Treat yourself to something special---a new sweater, a new hairdo, a pair of shoes. Live your new life this new year with color!!
Happy New Year!! Penny
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)