"You are in remission!"

Those blessed words were said by my friend's doctor. I have mentioned this friend in several blogs. She was given a diagnosis of lymphoma late last summer and has been undergoing almost weekly chemo for about 10 months. It seems to have been effective. The doctor is pleased with her lab work. Signs and symptoms initially decreased and now have disappeared. This friend is realistic that she is not cured but these treatments have given her a chance for further treatment and certainly an improved quality of life. She is encouraged that her next treatment will be at "The City of Hope" hospital in Los Angeles.

In some ways isn't this what we hope for in addiction? No one will say we are "cured" but we certainly pray for "remission" or what we call "recovery." We go through some form of "treatment" even if it is just personal---though self help and programs offer other forms of effective treatments, Like my friend we are never quite certain when "remission" or "recovery" begins but  signs and symptoms  decrease for us too.

My friend is receiving many many congratulations and wishes of continued prayers and hope.
For those of us with the disease of addiction, the signs of remission and recovery are often quite subtle. Wishes of congratulations and prayers are often not quite as evident. But we, too, are in remission from a fatal disease.

We need to live in a "City of Hope." We need to remember God is sending us daily congratulations and the promise of a better "quality of life." We are not alone.

Blessings-Penny

Be Not Afraid"

"Be Not Afraid", one of my favorite hymns, was the Entrance hymn in church Sunday. It gives me such peace. "I go before you always, come follow me." God's promise.

Later in the day I asked a young friend what she might be afraid of. She said she is afraid of failing. She said she has missed a number of opportunities, both professional and spiritual, because she is afraid of failing. When I asked an older friend, she said she is afraid of failing health. Our fears are different at different times in our lives.

I thought of friends, clients, family who are afraid of recovery. They may have "failed" at recovery, --maybe several times!-- and fear failing again. A relapse can be devastating. They may be afraid of recovery itself. Their thinking goes---'What will I do for fun? ...Recovery means I have to change. I don't like change...who will I hang out with?....How will I ease my pain?...this is who I am---I'm the guy with the truck and the swagger---I'm the girl who does shots and everybody laughs with (at)--He might leave me"---  all kinds of excuses. "What if I relapse again?...Why bother?" In the middle of an "urge," we tend to forget the peace that comes with recovery.

"Be not afraid. I go before you always.Come follow me and I will give you rest." God's promise.

Today, let us remember He promises His peace. When we fear failure or health problems, when we fear 'picking up again', whatever we struggle with---whenever--- let us see God before us---come follow Him to His peace. His rest.

Blessings-Penny

Merry Pat

"You never know what may cause them...but of this you can be sure. Whenever you find tears in your eyes,especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest of attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next." F. Buechner

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my daughter's (Merry Pat) death---39 years ago. She was 12 years old -killed in a traffic accident. I still have "unexpected tears." Recently Joe and I have been giving some workshops entitled "Grief and Hope." I give the clinical stuff on grief using Kubler-Ross material on the process of grief--Shock--Denial--Anger---Bargaining--Depression (I call it sadness)---Acceptance. I use examples from my grief process with Merry Pat's death. Joe gives the Hope stuff based in faith in the promises of God---God promises to be with us no matter what!

"the secret of who you are..."One of the things that "catches" me is my "unexpected tears." 39 years and the sadness remains. Long ago I realized this is my "new normal" but sometimes the memories are as painful as if it was yesterday.

And then a dear friend who we will spend tomorrow with (it is Father's Day) sent a note---"I know it is a difficult time for you but know you will be surrounded by people who love and care for you."

Another note from a friend  who held us in the immediate time following Merry Pat's death---"You will be remembered at Mass tomorrow."

"God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from..."

What more can I want? To be surrounded by people who remember and who hold me now.

"...and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next." Listen.

Dear God, Help us be with those who are grieving, those who are struggling....a word to them of our love...of your Promise.

Blessings--Penny

Surprise!

This is our second summer in Las Vegas. We got through the heat of last summer without too much discomfort....as I remember it. But was that heat like childbirth and the memory of the pain fades? We exercised early, ate salad lunches, went to a lot of movies and stayed in side during the hottest of days.

This June seems a bit different! I planted annuals in my front patio in March--- delighting in the early color. May was quite cool (relatively speaking)and even had a couple of showers. And now it's June--not even the first day of summer yet and  I need to replant my annuals (they have wilted)and the 10 day forecast says over 100 every single day. Living in the desert. Our choice.

Just when I'm feeling like whining a delightful surprise appears. A mother grouse and her 10 little little babies appear under our bird feeder. Mama grouse hovers and runs frantically around her babies.  The babies are no bigger than the decorative rocks they are walking on. A pigeon gets a little too close and mama charges at him while babies race to the cover of the nearest bush. How do they survive in this heat? Where do they get their water? How do they know where to hide?

Do you sometimes whine at the consequences of the choices you have made? Seems like a natural thing to do. Take time to notice the delightful surprises in each day. Treasure them.

Thank you, Dear God, for the natural surprises---the early spring colors I enjoyed, the warmth of the sun ( a little dial back would be ok) and mamma grouse and babies.

Blessings-Penny

laughable?

A family member was visiting this week. Her adult daughter remains in active addicted substance abuse--alcohol, marijuana, meth (shooting up.) Our relative is raising this daughter's son and has been most of his young life.

We were discussing favorite television shows and I mentioned one of our favorites is the comedy "Mom." In "Mom" the older "Mom" (maybe in her mid-50's) and the younger "Mom" (maybe in her early-30's) were both substance abusers but are now "mostly"in recovery. The show focuses on their relationship with each, other children, jobs etc. Another strong focus is on their individual recoveries, their attendance at recovery meetings (well done),  recovering friends, their strong triggers and sometimes their relapse. The show seems accurate and funny. It does not laugh at the consequences but the characters are able to laugh at themselves and some of their past struggles.

When I recommended it to our relative she honestly said, "I just can't laugh at jokes about substance abuse...I don't find any part of it funny...Maybe it would be healthier if I could." Her comments are a very accurate representation of addiction. When we find ourselves or someone we love in the middle of addiction,  there is absolutely nothing funny about it. But, as she said, it is healthier when we can begin to laugh--not about the consequences of our behavior--but laugh at ourselves. That's one of the healthiest thing about self help groups--lots of laughter...a real sign of recovery.

Are you laughing? Is it a sign of your recovery?

My prayer for all of us is peace and laughter.
Blessings-Penny

seven fans

Have you ever had the terrible sensation of walking on your dining room carpet and feeling it go squish  with water easing up on both sides of your feet?! I hope not! But that was the awful sensation I had yesterday morning. To make a very long story short(er) the problem was a broken valve on the water source for the ice maker behind the refrigerator. After visits by our handyman with multiple breaks into the wallboard looking for the leak, a "restoration" company which found the leak and identified water soaked carpets in the living room (under the piano) and dining room, and a plumber who repaired it, we now have seven fans running on full. A really bizarre component of this is apparently our insurance is inadequate to cover the expense involved. The insurance adjuster comes this morning so we shall see but yesterday's phone conversations were not hopeful.

Needless to say yesterday was full of tension and anxiety. I think I slept about 3 hours last night.

And in all of this I have another image. On Monday I was waiting for a friend in the main entry lobby of a rather large medical professional building. People were in and out with lots of limps, casts, bumps, bruises, coughs etc. But the image that has stayed with me is of a father carrying a child, holding him tenderly against his chest.. The child was maybe 2 years old, very, thin frail and his color was blueish. The father appeared to have been crying. Their story appeared to be heartbreaking. The sign on the office directory said Children's Heart Clinic-Suite 400.

So if I have wet carpets and some financial concerns I better take another hard look . My prayers need to be for that father and child and whatever their family situation might be.

Dear God, please let them know you are with them and you hold them in your loving arms.
Please let us all know that promise.

Blessings-Penny

thankful

Another day-more reminders
Neighbors came to watch the sunset last evening. They are an older couple---well, older than we are. They married only a few years ago with dreams to spend their retirement years together traveling, singing in a local chorus and enjoying their mutual interests. She had a stroke---months in rehab. Plans changed. No more travel, limited mobility, memory loss. One can sense the tension and frustration between them.

A younger couple with new grandchildren and the dreams of babysitting, outings, games and play. Dreams changed. She was diagnosed with acute lymphoma last year, months and months of chemo, and now the planning for bone marrow transplant. She doesn't complain but one senses there is pain and sadness for her and those who love her.

And a young professional couple. She recently obtained her PhD; he finally found his dream job with an aerospace company; and a 2 year old boy. He passed out at work--brain tumor. Brain surgery, months of week long chemo and radiation 2 hours away from home. They do what they have to do but the emotional toll is devastating for all.

Those of us with the usual aches and pains caused by exercise, aging or whatever need to take a few minutes. We have heard it a million times but we need to stop and look at how quickly life can change---and change drastically. One day all seems fine-the next day we are fighting for our lives. None of the people I've mentioned had any idea of their health problems. All lived good, upstanding, productive lives---took care of themselves, ate well, exercised, got decent sleep. All the things we are told to do. But life changed.

 There's much talk about "mindfulness" these days---stop for 2-3 minutes several times a day and breathe---place your hand on your chest and stomach---breathe. Pay attention to your surroundings.

All good advice AND in that 2-3 minutes do I thank God for the blessings I have?---the blessings in health, family, nature. Am I aware that God promises to be with me in whatever life brings? Do I believe that? Do I stop to sense His Presence? Am I "mindful" of Him in my daily life?

Blessings-Penny

regrets

In the monthly Grief Group we facilitate there was an active discussion of the regrets we all have connected with our grief. Much of the discussion focused on things we wish we had said, things we wished we hadn't said, time we wish we had spent. One young mother wished she had paid attention to her daughter's symptoms earlier. An older gentlemen lamented so many missed opportunities to share feelings with his siblings as their parents died.  A middle aged woman said about her mother's death,"She could be very difficult.I should have been more patient. I didn't know she was going to die so soon."

People in recovery have regrets too. Things we wish we had said, things we wish we hadn't said, time we wish we had spent. Acknowledging those regrets is part of recovery. It is grief work.

And what do we do with all those regrets? We acknowledge them. We share them with someone who is non-judgmental and trustworthy. As in the grief work associated with death, we consider who we were when all this happened. Where did we learn to act the way we did? We take responsibility for our behavior with a gracious understanding of our backgrounds, our feelings, and our imperfections.

And we learn from these regrets. What can we do differently now with those we love? Can we pick up the phone and say I love you? Can we apologize for a cross word? Can we spend time?--play a game?--listen?

Can we place our regrets in our relationship with God? Do we know we are forgiven in His eyes? Do we know if we open the fist that is holding on to  these regrets that God will take our open hand and lead us to peace?

Blessings-Penny