Peace

Last week I was needing a place to meditate and pray-someplace safe, quiet, solitary. A few days before Christmas I went to services at a local church and to my great pleasure it had been decorated for the season. The altar was filled with poinsettias, the walls were adorned with wreaths and boughs and large velvet bows. Even the stately pillars had baskets filled with greens. It felt like a cathedral-here in my little Vermont town.

One of the prayers during the service gave me the sense of calm, of Emmanueal-"God with us"- that I was searching for. The prayer-- "If you hear God's voice and open the door, He will come in and supper with you and you with Him."

That is what recovery is for me---listening to His voice--opening the door--sitting and having supper with Him. When things are full of anxiety, I don't hear His voice. It's drowned out by my tenseness. If I am too busy I don't open the door and invite Him in. And I certainly don't enter that supper of prayer and talk with Him.

During this Holiday season, with all its built in expectations and anxieties, are you listening for His voice? Are you opening the door and sitting down and having supper with God? He promises to be with us--Emmanuel!

Blessings-Penny

powerless-ness

Powerless-ness is a concept discussed in many recovery settings. It is important to me as a woman to consider that word from a strong feminine perspective. Many women, even in today's more liberated culture, receive a message that they are powerless-powerless in their job, powerless in their relationships, powerless in their institutions such as in church or in government decisions. When I start feeling powerless, I start feeling anxiety, fear and anger.

A young woman I love left for Paris last Thursday from the Washington DC area. She was headed for a very brief few days with her husband who was already in Paris on business. Because of weather she missed her flight out of Philadelphia. She was rebooked on a flight to Amesterdam the next morning only to arrive to another snowbound airport. She finally made it into Paris late on Saturday. Talk about powerless!

We are powerless over other people, places and things. BUT we are not powerless over our response to those people, those situations that cause us anxiety, fear and anger. We have a choice to respond in an adult, courteous, even loving manner. This young woman started taking care of 2 young sisters stranded with her who were travelling alone to Paris to meet their parents. How relieved those parents must have been!

Everyone has finally arrived in Paris. It is snowing and raining and generally bad weather. The vacation in Paris is shortened. But they are grateful. Grateful to be safe, grateful to be together.

We all need to go the next step...to be grateful to God...to acknowledge it is God who gives us all things...to thank Him/Her for helping us through difficult times in a way that is loving and caring...that we can be pleased that we responded in a loving way.. grateful that He/She gives us power to make the loving decisions.

What is the thing you are most grateful for today? Have you thanked God?

Blessings-Penny

perfect

At an Advent meditation group last night a participant spoke about the message of "be perfect" that was given to her as a young girl. She said she was so very tired of that message ringing in her ears even now as an adult. She used it to criticize herself when she made very human mistakes. Our group facilitator gave some helpful perspective. He said that the Greek word for "perfect" could be interpreted as "whole." He said that the scriptural interpretation of "be perfect" has the meaning of "be whole...bring your life into wholeness where God is the central core/the whole."

Does your recovery begin to feel whole---not "perfect" but a beginning of wholeness with a spiritual and God-centered core? How has that happened? What will strengthen that sense of wholeness?
Blessings-Penny

Chickadee

While sitting at this window yesterday morning the chickadees were on the bird feeder. It seems to me they waste alot of energy. They fly in from the tree, take one seed and fly back to the tree. They do this over and over! Then one flew smack into the window. I could hardly look but after a few minutes I got up from my chair and looked into the snow below the window. Sure enough s/he was there-a little movement and then stillness. I was so sad but knew better than to try to revive him/her. Best to wait a few minutes. And sure enough, a few minutes later when I looked s/he was gone.

The whole scene made me think of recovery. We go along one day at a time -sort of taking one seed from the feeder-thinking all is ok. Then whack-we fly into a window (relapse); knock ourselves out and wake up wondering how did that happen? Well just like the chickadee, we weren't paying attention. The window, the reality of relapse, wasn't something we took seriously.

Relapse is part of this disease. Are you paying attention this holiday season? How?

Blessings-Penny

"Very bad temper"

Two women have recently spoken with me about their "very bad tempers." These are lovely ladies who I would not have believed ever raised their voices. Their tempers lead them to angry exchanges with their spouses and estrangement from friends. I really do believe many women, with addictions or not, have a boatload of anger under their very gracious exteriors.

And for those of us with addictions, we know how our anger can set us up for relapse. After all we know in the past that a drink or drug helped deescalate that anger. We just came down a notch or two emotionally after that first hit. That's a big part of the problem, we know what worked in the past.

What we have to figure out in this new life of recovery is what will deescalate us without that hit. Again this Advent Season has a real message for us. Wait, Be patient. What has offended me so much that I am willing to risk my recovery? Can I walk away from the situation? If not, how can I take care of myself?

Instead of the anger, can I think through the promises of God-one promise of God is the promise of a new life in Him? Is my recovery centered in this promise? Advent is a wonderful time to practice a change in our thinking.

Blessings

Small things

This season of Advent, of watchful waiting,is a splendid time to pay special attention to God's presence in our daily lives. There have been so many "small" or not so small reminders this week. There was a call from a local woman who had read my book,--- "could she come and talk with me?" What a gift of God's presence in my life! Another gift was in a letter from a friend from long ago with a memory of my daughter that made me smile. And then there was the publication of my 'letter to the editor' in our local paper. I'm not much of a political activist but the lack of daily news about this war-the tragedies and the successes-bothers me greatly. So I ranted about it in a letter to the editor--and they published it!! Isn't it wonderful to find our voices?

Where do you notice God's presence in your day?

I pray we each find our voice in thanks for all the times we take notice of God's presence in our daily---and especially for the gift of recovery.

Blessings

Thanksgiving

Thanks for recovery is the core of our prayer today. Recovery is thanks for the courage to address the challenge. We don't always make the perfect decisions but we know we have God's grace. God's grace means knowing and feeling His presence even in our anxieties. If you have stress related to family issues and the availability of alcohol or drugs at gatherings, step back and feel God's presense reassuring you that you can make the recovery decision.

Happy Thanksgiving

Blessings---Penny

In the book "To Kill a Mockingbird" Atticus encourages his 11 year old daughter, Scout, to consider how a situation looks from the other person's vantage point before becoming angry and frustrated. Scout becomes aware of what this really means when, late in the story, she stands on the porch of a reclusive neighbor and realizes how the neighborhood looks from there.

Recently a friend talked about her frustration and anger that her daughter could not hold onto her sobriety. "If she really loved me she would stop. She knows how frightened I am for her," was essentially the mother's exclamation. For those of us who find "sustained" recovery a challenge, a comment like this can cause our own frustration and anger. "She doesn't understand the compulsion of this disease,...how hard I try...how helpless I sometimes feel."

Our addiction directly affects at least 4 other people. We each need to step onto the others "porch" and take a look from their vantage point.

Blessings-Penny

interesting question

In the movie "A Kind of a Funny Story" the therapist for a 15 year old struggling teenager asks the question, "When was a time in your childhood that you felt complete joy--a sense of abandon?" As my husband and I drove home from the movie, we thought about that question for ourselves. (We each grew up in active chaotic homes. Each of us had a parent with the disease of alcoholism.) We had difficulty naming a time of complete joy. There were good times, but in reflection, there was also a sense of anxiety. Someone might learn the secret.

Was there a time in your childhood you felt complete joy? Is there a way to recreate some of that joy in your life of recovery?

For me the sense of freedom that comes with recovery is close to joy.

Blessings-Penny

Anxiety

In a recent issue of Vogue magazine, the writer Nora Ephron wrote an article that talked about the anxiety created by having a mother who had the disease of alcoholism. She wrote of the fear of her mother visiting her in college--the fear that her friends would find out that her mother was alcoholic---the fear that the secret would get out.

So many of us grew up in homes where a parent had the disease of alcoholism and addiction. One consequence of growing up in a home with addiction is an ongoing sense of anxiety. The anxiety that the secret of addiction/alcoholism creates stays with us for the rest of our lives. That anxiety creates a feeling that we need to control everything in our lives and the lives of those around us. For our own recovery and personal growth, it is essential we become aware of where we hold the anxiety---how the anxiety plays out in our daily lives, our relationships with those we love, and our relationship with God.

Where do you hold the anxiety and fear? In your shoulders, in your fists, in the tightness around your mouth, in your clenched jaw? Do you want a drink or drug to relieve the tension? Can you tighten up that part of your body when you become aware of the stress and then relax? Can you smile that you are becoming increasingly aware of where you hold the tension?

Where does the anxiety, the need to control, interfere with your relationships with those you love? Do you yell? Do you tell them how to live their lives? Or do you let them exoerience the logical consequences of their own decisions? Tough to do.

Where does the fear enter your relationship with God? Do you listen? Are you open? Do you read nurturing meditations? Can you trust? Do you reach for His hand? He promises to be with us. He promises!!!

Blessings-Penny

Disease

Do I really, at my core, believe addiction is a disease or do I hold onto the lie that I might have some control over it? If I believe I have heart disease or diabetes, I pay close attention. Each day-several times a day- I monitor my diet; I exercise; I check my blood sugar; I watch my stress levels. Even if I've been diagnosed with these other diseases for several years, I still pay close, daily attention.

But, so very often, with addictions of alcohol or drugs or gambling or sex or shopping or food, after a while I let my thoughts return to the "good times"--before the addiction took over.

Do I monitor daily that I have no power over the addiction--but I do have power over my decisions? If I do what I have always done, I will get what I always got! Do I reach out for the hand God has extended?
Blessings-Penny

amazing

A couple of days ago I was doing some fall yard cleanup. I took an armload of cutback flowers and stuff to the mulch pile and tossed them in. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something green and white in the dark brown mulch. On further inspection here was a gorgeous Easter lily! It's fall here--we've had snow showers! But to my utter amazement an Easter lily is blooming in my mulch pile. We had a lily plant to celebrate Easter and when it was "done" I had tossed it into the mulch pile. Over the summer it had put down roots and bloomed "where it was planted." A delightful, unexpected surprise.

Am I able to "bloom where I am planted?" Am I able to take root even if the surroundings are not ideal? Can I be an unexpected surprise in some "mulch pile?"

Blessings, Penny

Needs

What makes it so difficult for many women to ask for what they need for themselves? Recently I have heard 2 women framing their problems as stress in their lives. When encouraged to explore that "stress," they were each able to articulate a need that they had difficulty expressing to those involved in their stress issue...a need that once fulfilled would at least decrease the stress. Clinically,they were encouraged to use the well known "I statements" when expressing their need rather than the "you statements"that can come across as accusatory.

And on further exploration they each were able to acknowledge that the stress created by not engaging in the difficult, sometimes scary work, of expressing their needs to someone else, they were setting themselves up for an emptiness. That emptiness, that loneliness felt like a spiritual emptiness at times. They were reminded to pray. To seek an intimacy with God. God knows what our needs are and He wants to be with us in the seeking. He promises to be with us in the seeking.

Do we remember to take the hand He offers us?

Blessings-Penny

reaching out

In this morning's paper is a brief article regarding a local woman's conviction and sentence for a DUI received a few weeks ago. She was convicted of driving with a blood alcohol level of over .3 while having 5 children in her car. Several weeks ago was an article about a nurse from a local nursing home accused of diverting drugs from her clients. Her daughter had recently died of cancer.

I feel an incredible empathy and pain for these women. Truly but for the grace of God, go I. I know that fear and shame. What troubles me this morning is why have I not reached out to these women? I think about doing it. They are in my thoughts and prayers as I go through my days. Yes, it will take some time to find some link or connection-someone who can pass along a thought, a prayer, a copy of "my" book. But isn't that what is meant by "love one another?"

Is there someone you have meant to reach out to? Someone in pain or trouble---someone who needs to know they are not alone. Let's both make that effort.

Blessings to you--Penny

Birthdays with zeros

Recently I celebrated a birthday with a zero. You know the ones that tell us life really is moving along. As I reflected on this past decade and the birthdays with zeros before this one, I was struck by the reality that on each of those days of usually quiet celebration, I had no idea of what would occur in my life in the decade that was lying ahead. Absolutely no idea of successes, of set backs, of vacations, of moves, of goals reached, of illness, of losses, of gains. We all know the future is unknown but the stark reality of what that means caught me by surprise.

Then I thought about today. It's early morning as I sit here and look out my window at the mountains and the brook. I have no idea what today will bring. The unknown future is also in the next few minutes and the next few hours. Will I use this future of now in thanksgiving, in contentment or will I waste it in needless anxiety. Will I "trust in things to come?"

Creation

Fall has come to New England. We've had one light freeze and the trees are beautiful burnished oranges and yellows. The reds aren't quite as brilliant as some years but it is so easy to see God's hand at work. We took a few days and went to Acadia National Park in Maine.Again so easy to see God in the ocean's crash against the pink rocks, in the tides, in the stars over the ocean. And then the drive home was on a misty Maine morning with scenes that looked like calendar images...mystical.

It is easy to see God in nature but sometimes I miss seeing His work in my day to day. But then a friend called in real distress over a family member in trouble. How did she think to come to us, to confide in us? How did she know to trust us? It is an honor we take very seriously. It is God working in our day to day.

Where is God in your life TODAY?

Strong.Women.Marines

My older son is a Marine officer serving in Afghanistan. Because we live in a rural area with a newspaper that provides little coverage of the war and our troops, he sends me newspaper articles from a wide range of world newspapers. The articles are compiled by the unit's public affairs officer a couple of times a week and give broad perspectives on all services activities.
An article this week provided a report on a powerful activity by Women Marines.And it speaks to the power of women's relationships! These small groups of specifically selected and trained Marines are tasked with talking with Afghan women to determine their health needs. The ultimate goal of this communication is to establish health clinics for the Afghan women and their families. An underlying premise of this effort is that though Afghan women are not seen publically very often, they have a great deal of information about the activities in their villages.Doesn't that ring true for you in your "village?"It is about establishing relationships and "winning the hearts and minds" of the villagers. There are many obstacles to this goal. The husbands determine to which wives the Women Marines are allowed to talk. In this report the only interpretor allowed was a male family member of the Afghan women. The accuracy of his translation was questionable.
Very interestingly the Afghan women did not initially want to talk about health care needs. They wanted to talk about safety. What will happen when the American troops leave? They expressed fear that the Taliban will return and kill their families. The Women Marines said after this first rather frustrating visit, the goal is to establish relationships with the Afghan women.
Worldwide building strong relationships is how we heal and grow!Grow in our own lives and grow in world peace.

sacred roles

Remember the excitement and the anxiety of the first day of school each year? Now consider those emotions in the context of moving to a large urban high school from a southern town where you have lived all your life. My two granddaughters had this experience this week---and it was not good. They are in different schools. They ate lunch alone. They were ignored by the other kids all caught up in their own excitement and anxiety.

And their mother and I have been in very frequent email contact-commiserating and praying for them--and for each other.I want the girls (and their mother) to know they are not alone---that God is with them as they walk through those new hallways and classes. That is what Kathleen Norris is talking about in "Quotidian Mysteries" when she talks about sacred roles. She says that by framing our everyday tasks as sacred we feel God's presence in walking through our "hallways." Our roles as mothers, spouses, friends, cooks, chauffers, laundress, cheerleader, counselors etc. etc. etc.become sacred when we are able to bring them into our relationship with God. Our role as a recovering woman becomes active and alive in an ogoing conversation and relationship with God.

What roles are you active in today? How can you begin to think of them as sacred?
In what ways is this gift of recovery sacred?

Nancy

In my book, Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God, the story of Nancy runs through each chapter. Nancy called today as she does almost monthly. She had been feeling suicidal but wanted to let me know she was now feeling some better. Her physical health has deterioated and her activity level is limited. She had stopped taking her anti-depressant meds which is a bad idea for Nancy.She was feeling better now that she was back on the meds.

I asked her how she had worked her way through the suicidal feelings. She said she continually reminded herself that she really is "a daughter of God." No matter what the old voices in her head say, she pictures herself sitting at God's feet. She is safe there.

Where are you safe?

Blessings-Penny

adventure

Development of this blog is a new adventure for me. An adventure that I hope you will join me in for support, for laughter, for encouragement. We will explore not only recovery issues but also about meeting life's other adventures as courageous women willing to take risks. I love Paul Tillich's quote, "Here and there in the world and now and then in ourselves is a New Creation." What does that "New Creation" in you look like?" Penny