Another lesson

So often when we hear of someone's crisis, a crisis such as an illness, an accident, a job loss or  a family death, it is difficult to pick up the phone and call them. We'd rather send a quick email or text. We want to let them know we are thinking of them but we "don't want to bother them." At least that's what we tell ourselves---and that's how we maintain a comfortable distance. We fear we won't know what to say. We are afraid we will cause them more pain---"maybe they are doing alright at this moment and if I call I'll only remind them."

My husband, who has a gentle soul and a pastor's heart, received news of the death of a long time friend this week. Within a couple of hours he was phoning the man's wife. They talked about old times. They talked about the friend's illness. They talked about how she was doing---her children, her sadness, her spiritual place. He had no hesitation about phoning her. He knew in his heart he wouldn't be "bothering her." He knew in his soul she could use his comfort.

Another lesson for me. Don't procrastinate. Ask the second question---don't just hit the surface feelings. Ask, "how is that for you?...what are the things you miss?"

That is what community means. Reaching out---touching. Holding someone-even from a distance.
For those of us who are believers, it is "the kingdom of God on earth."

How's your community? How is "the kingdom of God" in your place on earth?

Blessings-Penny

at the end of the day

On my birthday a few days ago I closed the day by taking dinner to our church. Twice a year the church sponsors families from the consortium, Family Promise. These families are homeless and Family Promise works with churches in Las Vegas to provide sleeping space, food, and companionship to them. Each church sponsors families for a couple of weeks. Family Promise also provides work related support such as resume writing, nutrition counseling, health screening and works with the families to find transitional housing. It is a national organization.

There were two families being sponsored this week at our church...a father with 3 young boys ages 2, 3 and 4 years...and a set of grandparents with three children ages 6 and 8 years, and a teenage girl.After we all had eaten I watched and played with the children -especially the 2 year old. He was clearly able to take care of himself--ate by himself (messy but he got the food in his mouth), able to make his needs known (words not fully formed but clear enough). The 3 year old had significant behavioral problems and dad struggled to manage them. The 4 year old ate hardly a thing. The teenage girl played with the others in her family and looked sweet but sad. What does she tell her friends about where she lives? How does she manage in school?

I left that evening with even more reflection. If we believe Maslow's hierarchy of needs ( and I do)---that the basic needs of all of us are 1. food, shelter, clothing
.                                                       2.  safety and security
                                                        3. love and belonging
                                                        4. self esteem
                                                        5. self actualization
then what chance do the children caught in homelessness have? The children I was with that evening had some of the basics but what is their sense in the uncertainty, the new place every couple of weeks. And these are the fortunate ones!--the ones with some resources!

I was a psychiatric nurse for 30 years. I've seen the outcome of people with unmet basic needs. They struggle to fill those needs their whole lives.
What do we do about income equality? The haves and the have nots?
We reach out in love. At the end of each day we get involved in whatever way we can. We are response-able--responsible. We really are!
 Blessings-Penny

How did this happen???

OR---how did I get this old??? This is a really big birthday for me. Like most of my friends this age, we all wonder how this happened. Weren't we 40 just a few years ago?? Well, maybe 50 but surely we aren't in our 70's---even 75!!! Yoweee!

We also are acutely aware of how lucky we are. Most of us are in reasonable health. Maybe we've had a few health scares but basically still pretty independent. Joe and I continue to enjoy friends, family, reading, writing, give a few workshops a year, travel a little, and even a little adventure at the casinos! Why live in Vegas if not??!! Life is certainly quieter---thank heaven. I hope not to complicate it---but knowing me that's not a promise.

I spent Saturday morning with two younger women friends. One challenged by "what now?" Now that the kids are grown and off to professional careers. Another challenged by incredible work stress---harassment, threat of discipline. It all takes me back to "then."

And given it's my birthday weekend I found myself in reflection---the days of pure joy---the days of incredible sorrow---the successes---the disappointments---the adventures. That's how I got this old. One day at a time.

The pleasure of now is the quieter days...the days to sit on the porch---look at the mountains---reflect---plan (whoops!)---and mostly to be mindful---to let it all be---to place it all in God's loving hands.

Let it be---place it all in God's loving hands.

Blessings-Penny

a little more on mindfulness

The author I quoted a few blogs ago, David Foster Wallace, also has some thoughts on mindfulness.

" The really important kind of freedom involves attention, awareness, and discipline, and effort and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways every day...The only thing that capital -T-True is that you get to decide how you are going to try to see it. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't...the trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness."

That is the trick---keeping the truth up-front---every day. It does take attention, awareness, intentionaltiy. Keeping what's important up-front. Focus, prayer.

Getting up each morning with a prayer that the Holy Spirit is with me in the day helping me sort out what is important, what is the truth, what has meaning and what doesn't. Freedom!

How's that going?

Blessings-Penny

"mindfulness"

The television news program "60 Minutes" had a piece on "mindfulness." This is a "new" therapeutic approach based in meditation to help focus one's awareness on what is going on in one's life at that moment. It is about calming our anxieties that tend to focus on the past or on what's coming next---missing the moment.

Mindfulness was a major part of the therapeutic approach to help our young relative with her borderline cutting and eating disorder. The goal was to help her reduce her anxiety when the voices in her head told her feelings from the past or fears of the future are terrifying. In "mindfulness" she is encouraged to relax and focus on her breathing. It's part yoga, part relaxation, part spiritual. It seems to work. The news reporter said the practice has changed his life.

One of the keys to success in mindfulness is to remember to focus on the now-remember to focus on the breathing. It takes an "intentionality." Remember in the morning upon awakening that "mindfulness" needs to a priority.

Mindfulness and intentionality are important and really required for recovery.

A member of our bible class used the term "intentionality" to discuss how he makes Christ the priority in his life. The Spirit works in our lives every day but only if we are open to its work. If we close it out because of our focus on the past, the future, our anxiety, we miss the loving message of peace from the Spirit NOW.

Be "mindful" of Christ's work NOW---this minute---today.

Blessings-Penny

worth considering

In her book, Lit, the author Mary Karr tells of her slide into addiction and her move into recovery. There is much enjoyable writing in this book. One quote that particularly caught me, "Being who you are is not a diagnosis." In our culture we diagnose addiction, alcoholism, chemical dependency etc. etc. And we should diagnose them. They are chronic diseases which can lead to death.

But I've always resisted the required introduction in self help groups of "I'm Penny and I'm an alcoholic." That makes me my diagnosis....Webster "the process of deciding the nature of the diseased condition" That makes me my disease. It may be a fine point but I prefer the second definition of "diagnosis" in Webster's dictionary---"a careful investigation of the facts to determine the nature of the thing." Yes-that was a major part of my recovery. "A careful investigation of the facts to determine the nature of the thing." And the investigation was that I was drinking way too much and it was leading me to be a person I did not want to be. It was getting in the way of what I wanted to do with my life.

"Being who I am" is in recovery---not the perfect recovery as defined by self help groups but no longer interfering with who I want to be. "In recovery" is not a diagnosis.

"In recovery" for me means placing my recovery in my relationship with God--living my life as a child of God---not "perfectly" by a long shot---but "being who I am" in this relationship changed everything.

Who are you?

Blessings-Penny

"old parts"

We recently saw a movie about the writer, David Foster Wallace. He was a prolific writer who tried to make sense out of life and the everyday, simple things. I think of him as having an existential core---sort of "what's it all about?" He committed suicide in his mid-forties after struggling with severe depression for many decades.

And though much of his writing was about everyday questions, he also had some answers. One of the quotes from the movie was talking about his struggle with alcohol and alcoholism. "No, I don't drink...The old parts of me are still here but I don't let them drive anymore."

I think that fits for many of us who have had our struggles, no matter what the addiction...and no matter how "imperfectly" we may be in recovery.  The old parts are still here but we work on not letting them drive anymore.

I call that recovery. What do you call it?

Dear God--help me remain in recovery---whether or not it is "perfect" recovery. Don't let the addiction drive.

Blessings-Penny