Peace

Last week I was needing a place to meditate and pray-someplace safe, quiet, solitary. A few days before Christmas I went to services at a local church and to my great pleasure it had been decorated for the season. The altar was filled with poinsettias, the walls were adorned with wreaths and boughs and large velvet bows. Even the stately pillars had baskets filled with greens. It felt like a cathedral-here in my little Vermont town.

One of the prayers during the service gave me the sense of calm, of Emmanueal-"God with us"- that I was searching for. The prayer-- "If you hear God's voice and open the door, He will come in and supper with you and you with Him."

That is what recovery is for me---listening to His voice--opening the door--sitting and having supper with Him. When things are full of anxiety, I don't hear His voice. It's drowned out by my tenseness. If I am too busy I don't open the door and invite Him in. And I certainly don't enter that supper of prayer and talk with Him.

During this Holiday season, with all its built in expectations and anxieties, are you listening for His voice? Are you opening the door and sitting down and having supper with God? He promises to be with us--Emmanuel!

Blessings-Penny

powerless-ness

Powerless-ness is a concept discussed in many recovery settings. It is important to me as a woman to consider that word from a strong feminine perspective. Many women, even in today's more liberated culture, receive a message that they are powerless-powerless in their job, powerless in their relationships, powerless in their institutions such as in church or in government decisions. When I start feeling powerless, I start feeling anxiety, fear and anger.

A young woman I love left for Paris last Thursday from the Washington DC area. She was headed for a very brief few days with her husband who was already in Paris on business. Because of weather she missed her flight out of Philadelphia. She was rebooked on a flight to Amesterdam the next morning only to arrive to another snowbound airport. She finally made it into Paris late on Saturday. Talk about powerless!

We are powerless over other people, places and things. BUT we are not powerless over our response to those people, those situations that cause us anxiety, fear and anger. We have a choice to respond in an adult, courteous, even loving manner. This young woman started taking care of 2 young sisters stranded with her who were travelling alone to Paris to meet their parents. How relieved those parents must have been!

Everyone has finally arrived in Paris. It is snowing and raining and generally bad weather. The vacation in Paris is shortened. But they are grateful. Grateful to be safe, grateful to be together.

We all need to go the next step...to be grateful to God...to acknowledge it is God who gives us all things...to thank Him/Her for helping us through difficult times in a way that is loving and caring...that we can be pleased that we responded in a loving way.. grateful that He/She gives us power to make the loving decisions.

What is the thing you are most grateful for today? Have you thanked God?

Blessings-Penny

perfect

At an Advent meditation group last night a participant spoke about the message of "be perfect" that was given to her as a young girl. She said she was so very tired of that message ringing in her ears even now as an adult. She used it to criticize herself when she made very human mistakes. Our group facilitator gave some helpful perspective. He said that the Greek word for "perfect" could be interpreted as "whole." He said that the scriptural interpretation of "be perfect" has the meaning of "be whole...bring your life into wholeness where God is the central core/the whole."

Does your recovery begin to feel whole---not "perfect" but a beginning of wholeness with a spiritual and God-centered core? How has that happened? What will strengthen that sense of wholeness?
Blessings-Penny

Chickadee

While sitting at this window yesterday morning the chickadees were on the bird feeder. It seems to me they waste alot of energy. They fly in from the tree, take one seed and fly back to the tree. They do this over and over! Then one flew smack into the window. I could hardly look but after a few minutes I got up from my chair and looked into the snow below the window. Sure enough s/he was there-a little movement and then stillness. I was so sad but knew better than to try to revive him/her. Best to wait a few minutes. And sure enough, a few minutes later when I looked s/he was gone.

The whole scene made me think of recovery. We go along one day at a time -sort of taking one seed from the feeder-thinking all is ok. Then whack-we fly into a window (relapse); knock ourselves out and wake up wondering how did that happen? Well just like the chickadee, we weren't paying attention. The window, the reality of relapse, wasn't something we took seriously.

Relapse is part of this disease. Are you paying attention this holiday season? How?

Blessings-Penny

"Very bad temper"

Two women have recently spoken with me about their "very bad tempers." These are lovely ladies who I would not have believed ever raised their voices. Their tempers lead them to angry exchanges with their spouses and estrangement from friends. I really do believe many women, with addictions or not, have a boatload of anger under their very gracious exteriors.

And for those of us with addictions, we know how our anger can set us up for relapse. After all we know in the past that a drink or drug helped deescalate that anger. We just came down a notch or two emotionally after that first hit. That's a big part of the problem, we know what worked in the past.

What we have to figure out in this new life of recovery is what will deescalate us without that hit. Again this Advent Season has a real message for us. Wait, Be patient. What has offended me so much that I am willing to risk my recovery? Can I walk away from the situation? If not, how can I take care of myself?

Instead of the anger, can I think through the promises of God-one promise of God is the promise of a new life in Him? Is my recovery centered in this promise? Advent is a wonderful time to practice a change in our thinking.

Blessings

Small things

This season of Advent, of watchful waiting,is a splendid time to pay special attention to God's presence in our daily lives. There have been so many "small" or not so small reminders this week. There was a call from a local woman who had read my book,--- "could she come and talk with me?" What a gift of God's presence in my life! Another gift was in a letter from a friend from long ago with a memory of my daughter that made me smile. And then there was the publication of my 'letter to the editor' in our local paper. I'm not much of a political activist but the lack of daily news about this war-the tragedies and the successes-bothers me greatly. So I ranted about it in a letter to the editor--and they published it!! Isn't it wonderful to find our voices?

Where do you notice God's presence in your day?

I pray we each find our voice in thanks for all the times we take notice of God's presence in our daily---and especially for the gift of recovery.

Blessings