pain

I heard a reminder recently that I believe rings true for those of us in recovery. Relapse happens when we forget the pain.

When I forget the guilt and shame I felt the morning after a night of heavy drinking; when I forget the arguments triggered by my drinking; when I forget the shame that I drove drunk with children in the car--then I am moving toward relapse. Now I'm not talking of wallowing in shame and remorse but I am talking about relapse being a process with many places where we can turn it around. And one place we can turn it around is when the memories of the "fun" of drinking start creeping in. When I think "maybe it wasn't so bad" or "I need it to get through this"--that is when the relapse process is beginning. That is when I need to remember the pain.

That is when I ask God to be remind me that He is with me in this; that with His help I can remember the pain and make different choices. I have a new life.

Blessings-Penny

here

Barbara Brown Taylor in "An Altar in the World" says, "When someone asks us where we want to be in our lives, the last thing that occurs to us is to look down at our feet and say, "Here, I guess, since this is where I am."

This is a interesting quote for me. At first blush I think of my wanderlust. I'm often thinking of the next part of the adventure. I'm used to moving frequently and become excited at the thought of new places and new activities. But "where do I want to be" in my life has such a broader significance. Where do I want to be physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally?

Physically I am here in this beautiful place. And recently I (we) have made a decision that we will remain here in thanksgiving and peace. Emotionally, spiritually and relationally I am also here in thanksgiving and peace. AND there is unlimitied potential for growth and new adventures in those areas.

Where do you want to be in your life-physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally? Isn't that a fascinating question?

Blessings-Penny

Again-anger

Again violence-Columbine-Virginia Tech-now Arizona. Once again a feeling of deep sorrow. Once again powerless. But not powerless in our own lives! Not powerless to keep the angry, destructive, violent rhetoric out of our own lives. We have power to alter the way we speak when we are angry...to our children, to our spouses, to the clerk in the store. If we just pay attention to the words and the tone we use, we set an example to our family and to those who hear us...at the mall, at the grocery store, in the restaurant. Our daughters learn how to speak with friends and acquaintances as they hear us speak to them. One only has to visit a grandaughter to become very aware of that phenomena.

Speaking in loving ways also decreases the internal anger we feel. It is healthy for us. It is a way to take care of ourselves. It is a way we decrease the violence.

A recent meditation-"Prevent us from speaking in any way that hurts another." We have power to change ourselves.

Listen to yourself these next few days.

Blessings-Penny

colors in life

I recently read an article about Elizabeth Warren, the administration's person appointed to clean up some of the nations's finanacial mess. She is an incredibly accomplished woman who was a Harvard Law Professor until her Washington appointment.At the close of the article there was a paragraph in which she talked about splurging on a pair of shoes. She was quoted as saying, "I want to live my life with color...people who can't enjoy their money are missing the colors of life."

I'd like to amend that a bit. People who can't enjoy their recovery are missing the colors of life. If you are sober and clean and saving some money, splurge a little! Treat yourself to something special---a new sweater, a new hairdo, a pair of shoes. Live your new life this new year with color!!

Happy New Year!! Penny