A woman's path to sustained recovery

Though the process of recovery is never easy, some women seem to move through the journey with less pain than others. Why? What makes the difference? Here we will talk about how that happens for each of us. We will talk about how women heal in mutually empowering realtionships with themselves, with others and with God.

Monday, February 28, 2011

stress

In the next week I have to do some pretty stressful driving. We have lived in "rural America" for the last 12 years. Our driving is mostly local with little merging onto major freeways---and if we do have to merge there is very little oncoming traffic. But in the next few days I must drive from rural Vermont to Delaware...big city stuff. That kind of stress used to make me crave a drink--or 3 or 4...even just thinking about it could set up a craving. But now being in recovery doesn't make the stress disappear.

So how will I deal with it differently?
I'll tell my spouse how stressed I feel.
I'll ask for his help and understanding. (He doesn't drive because of vision problems.)
I'll do lots of planning with maps and GPS.
I'll give myself plenty of time to make the trip and arrive on time.
I'll schedule the driving in daylight hours.

And I'll remember last week's Old Testament reading that said, "God has my name inscribed in the palm of His hand." I am

How do you handle stress differently now?

Blessings-Penny

Friday, February 25, 2011

sad news

A friend shared some devastating news this week. Her wonderful, 54 year old husband, has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. This beautiful man has been an advanced nurse practitioner, nurse researcher, on an oncology unit at a large research hospital for most of his nursing career. He is one of those gentle men who entered nursing because of his love of people, because he cared-not because there was a recession and he needed a job. He has now lost this job because he cannot do the calculations needed for the medications. He is now at home-losing who he is.

My friend is devasted, of course. She grew up in a home with a mother who was an alcoholic, a father who left. She was deeply affected by all of that. She has had a wonderful 20 year marriage to this beautiful man--and now this. She will cope---she's an ultimate caretaker, as many of us are who had parents with alcoholism. But at times she is ovewhelmed with the stress and stuggles-financial, safety, phsyical care, her employment, their 10 year old daughter. The list is unending. She has no choice but to cope with this disease.

I have the disease of alcoholism. I have some choices. I can choose recovery or I can choose the disease of addiction.

How about you?

Blessings-Penny

Sunday, February 13, 2011

"Lord of the Dance"

At the dinner dance celebration of the Bat Mitzvah I recently attended I was privileged and delighted to observe a family I am only getting to know. They are the aunt and uncle and cousins of the young girl celebrated. The aunt and uncle were high school sweethearts who married young and have had successful careers and have incredibly talented teenagers.

What was such pleasure to watch was their enjoyment of each other. They laugh, they joke. They are intimate, never sarcastic. And then they got up to dance! And could they dance! They danced with each other! They danced with grandparents! They pulled others onto the floor and into their circle! They clearly loved to dance as as expression of their joy.

Later I asked about their clear love of dancing. The mother replied, "I have the radio own when I'm cooking. Often we get dancing around the kitchen." Clearly a way to be in joy with each other.

I thought about one of my favorite hymns that makes me want to dance when I hear it at church;
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun
I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun..
I 'll live in you if you'll live in Me
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He!"

Dance this day as an expression of your joy--your joy in your new life.

Blessings--Penny

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

grief

A recent issue of Time magazine has an article on a "new" way of thinking about grief and loss. The researchers say that there are no real stages of grief--that people just move. When I think of the process of grief and the process of addiction and recovery, I think the stages of grief identified by Kubler-Ross years ago still hold. Those stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Think about your own addiction and recovery.

Did you "deny" there was a problem?
Were you "anry" when someone told you you had to stop drinking or drugging?
Did you "bargain" by thinking "maybe I can only drink/drug on weekends or switch from the hard stuff to beer or I'll just do marijuana not cocaine."
Did you get "depressed" when you had to stop? or maybe just sad?
Have you moved into an "acceptance" that recovery is your new life? your new normal?

Isn't acceptance the essence of the Serenity Prayer? "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

The Times article doesn't mention spirituality or God as part of the "moving on." Seems to me they miss the most important part of moving on---an acceptance of a new relationship with God.

Blessings-Penny

Friday, February 4, 2011

the tallit

Recently I attended a Bat Mitzvah. This is a Jewish service that welcomes a young woman (age 13) into her religion as a "daughter of the Commandment." I was deeply touched by the richness of the service, the committment of the Jewish particpants to the history of their peoples. Abby, the girl being honored, read and chanted in Yiddish giving her promise to keep the Mitzvos that all Jewish women are required to keep. Her father prayed that she would always be proud to be Jewish.

At the close of the service Abby was given a "tallit." This is a prayer shawl with fringes at the four corners. "The tallit is said to allow you to feel enclosed or sheltered by God."

When do you feel enclosed or sheltered by God?"

Blessings-Penny