A woman's path to sustained recovery

Though the process of recovery is never easy, some women seem to move through the journey with less pain than others. Why? What makes the difference? Here we will talk about how that happens for each of us. We will talk about how women heal in mutually empowering realtionships with themselves, with others and with God.

Monday, December 29, 2014

comics

Sometimes the newspaper comics are funny.
Sometimes they hit the nose on the head politically.
Sometimes they are even spiritual.

On Christmas morning "Mallard Fillmore," a usually political cartoon with a bite that is not my political lean, touched me. The cartoon quoted a scripture by Isaiah. "Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."

As many of you know, my daughter who died accidentally at age 12, was born on December 22. So Christmas time is full of memories...her birth, bringing her home from the hospital on Christmas Eve, later birthday parties etc. I remember the first year following her death in June. I made it through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day without falling apart but by New Years Eve my defenses were down and I couldn't stop crying.

I know many of you have had losses in your lives this year, losses of parents, of children, of health, of finances. This thoughtful time of year can make those losses excrutiatingly painful. As New Years approaches reflecting on the past year makes the loss so real. What is coming in the next year? How will I cope?

It is crucial to remember we are not alone in our sadness, in our loss and grief. Emmanuel--God with us."He has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows." His promise. Our reason for hope.

Blessings-Penny




Thursday, December 25, 2014

Glory

Christmas Day-hymns of Gloria, Joy, Peace, Promise.
A saint's phrase from the middle ages---"the Glory of God is in man (woman, child) fully alive!"
Are you fully alive? What would that mean for you?

Merry Christmas Day!
Blessings-Penny

Monday, December 22, 2014

Gifts

Last minute gifts...the perfect gift...save on gifts.  These are all ads we are hearing over and over these last days before Christmas.

And yet we know we already have the perfect gift...the gift of recovery. Again it really doesn't matter what we are "recovering" from. We all have parts of our lives we would like to change. And in recovery we all have the freedom to change. As we talked about in the last blog, this freedom to change is a gift from God.

This gift is meant to be used every day. Unfortunately sometimes we open this gift of recovery and then tuck it neatly in a drawer or hang it in a closet. We don't use the gift. We even neglect to thank the Giver. Thank you notes seem to be a thing of the past. Do I remember to thank God every day for this gift of recovery? Do I whisper a morning prayer of thanks?

My recovery isn't "perfect" by some standards. But my addiction no longer controls my life. I have freedom  from the fear, anxiety, guilt and shame that comes with active addiction. Recovery for many of us is not a one time decision and happily ever after. It remains a daily gift that I must open and use.

You, the readers of this blog are part of that gift for me. Thanks to each of you, the readers, for being part of my recovery...for being a part of the conversation...for listening!Thinking about this blog, talking to my husband (my muse) about it, writing it are all parts of this gift of recovery God has given to me.

I thank God daily for this gift.  I live into God's promise that He is always with me. I pray you know that peace.

Merry Christmas!

Penny

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Awareness and Focus

We are in the process of moving. It's just a local move but I find myself under alot of stress. I promised myself it would not be such a big deal this time. But a move is a move. We are doing much of the packing and taking the boxes to the new place ourselves. And, of course, I have a plan for every day. The problem arises (the stress) when my plan does not go as I planned. Things happen. The rug cleaner's machine breaks, the handyman can't fix the leak under the sink, and worst of all---my husband wants me to help with a project in the garage---a project that takes 2 hours!! It can make a woman want to drink!!

Fortunately, all this is happening in a very sacred time of year. And several weeks ago I promised myself I would focus on my patience---or lack thereof--- during this Advent season. What is so amazing to me when I become aware of my impatience---of how much I want the day to go as I had planned---is how much control I have with this impatience. When I feel myself getting tense, when I want to say something sarcastic or caustic, I have a choice. Rather than letting the tension build, I can have a conversation with myself. "How important is it that things go exactly your way this very minute, Penny?....So the carpet isn't dry for an extra day? You can work in the kitchen tomorrow---no carpet there....So you need to help Joe out here. The dishes can wait another day." If I have an awareness of what my body is telling me about my tension and stress, I have a real choice about what I do with that tension.

It works the same way with recovery. In early recovery, if I became aware of when my body began to crave a drink...when my thoughts began to tell me I wanted a drink...I had a choice. But I really had to be aware and focus on what I wanted to do instead. One of the thoughts I would repeat to myself was from a book I had read, "If there is something you don't like about your life, you can change it.' What a powerful message!

Yes, I am powerless over alcohol (and my feelings of impatience) but I am not powerless over what I do about them. I have a choice. I can change.  And if I pray, and if I ask God to be with me in increasing my awareness and my focus, He gives me that power. I don't do it myself. It is one of the great gifts God gives me.

It is one of the most beautiful presents I receive  in this Christmas Season.

I pray you receive this great gift. Peace.

Blessings-Penny


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Stress

Received an email from a young mother today who was answering a question for me. In the email she recounted all the things she has to accomplish before Christmas Day--and then in-laws arriving the day after Christmas. It seemed the "joy" of Christmas was difficult for her to appreciate.

Another family member with teenagers seems equally stressed with Christmas preparations plus her full time job and working on a masters degree.

I stopped by a local store to pick up a gift and was amazed at the lines of people with armloads of items. None of them looked very happy. (I, in fact, was very happy as I had identified a great gift for someone special. Now granted it is not going to reach him by Christmas...but is that the end of the world? I'll let them know. It really is ok. They know I love them and wish them joy and peace.)

It just seems to me we all need to step back and take a look at the stress we create for ourselves.What are the things we absolutely HAVE to accomplish and what are the ones that bring stress and we bring upon ourselves? The people who love us do not want to be the cause of such stress.

So my prayer for each of you is that you take a deep breath. Spend a few minutes looking at the miracle of life going on around you. Think of Christ's birth. What does He want for your life---right now...today?

Joy and Peace.

Penny

Monday, December 15, 2014

holy dayspirit

There are some of us who find it difficult to get in to the holiday spirit. Memories arise that bring back sad feelings. There is music that reminds us of a happier time. And there is the grief of missing someone who has died recently or even long ago.

At dinner with friends the other night someone said their favorite Christmas movie was "It's a Wonderful Life." They asked if it was mine. I said, "No....The scene where Jimmy Stewart, the father, comes home drunk reminds me too much of Christmases at my house growing up,"... the anxiety, the fear. Someone else said I must not be a very forgiving person. I responded that I work on  forgiveness but it doesn't erase the memory. I know in my heart I miss my father and wish we had been closer. We missed so much.When I watched that movie it made me sad. So I don't watch it!

I remember the first Christmas after my daughter died. I knew it would be painful. Shortly after Thanksgiving I was at a tea for the elderly given by an organization I belonged to. The first Christmas carols of the season came over the music system.  I still remember the sadness that overwhelmed me.

It is now many years since my daughter died but I still have difficulty getting into a really festive mood. I enjoy Christmas. I enjoy the real meaning of Christmas. I feel a peace when I focus on Christ's birth. The sadness I feel at not having Merry Pat is a solitary sadness. It is something no one else can really feel. I finally realize that. It is helpful to have others remember her. It is helpful to talk about her. But the sadness is really my own.

It is helpful for me to find a few minutes each day to focus on the holy words of the season---Peace-Hope-Joy. I take time to ask myself, "what does Christ's birth mean in my life today?"

Is there forgiveness I need to work on? I am forgiven so I must forgive.

What does Christ's birth mean in your life today?

Peace-joy-hope-forgiveness--that is the holy day spirit

Blessings-Penny

Friday, December 12, 2014

holiday cheer

The number of advertisements for liquor, special cocktails, and festive gatherings certainly shine a light on how treacherous the holidays are for people in recovery. Though there aren't ads for cocaine or drugs we know the holidays are an excuse for extra celebrations with those also.

What is a recovering person to do?? How are we to celebrate? Do we feel denied and left out?

I remember my first Christmas in recovery. I had about 9 months of recovery... a neighborhood party, --a tray of champagne looked so festive and inviting. I took a glass and within a month my addiction was off and running.

Confronting those issues and having a plan is essential.  One part of the plan is to avoid the parties. Unfortunately we can feel angry when we can't join friends and family. An alternative to skipping the festivities is to go but with the intention of truly being there to be with those we love---not with the intention of "how much can I drink--or what are they going to have that I can get buzzed on?" Take your own non-alcohol drink if that is possible,

Remember the acronym--HALT--don't get too Hungry-Angry-Lonely-or Tired. Say it to yourself over and over!

Also remember --a SLIP--is when Sobriety-Lost-Its-Priority

These acronyms can seem trite but can be reminders when situations are tight.

Have someone at the gathering be your buddy..someone who knows this might be a difficult gathering for you and will check in with you during the evening.

If you enter the holidays without a plan, it is like going onto the ocean in a raft without supplies. You are doomed to have a shipwreck.

And most importantly, take a few minutes to pray before you leave. Ask God to be with you during the evening or event. Ask Him to remind you He is right there. He wants your happiness to be in the joy of recovery. The joy of recovery is knowing you can maintain this wonderful new feeling of freedom...this never having to feel the guilt and shame of addiction. You have the choice and God promises to be with you. He really does!!

Joy to the World!

Blessings-Penny

Sunday, December 7, 2014

little things

The newspaper, the internet, the stores---it seems the season is all about the shopping, the spending, the finding the right gift.

But the real gifts are the little things---the little things we receive and the little things we give....the time we give.  And as I review the last weeks, the little things that mean the most are about time... connection. The grand kids came by and spent extra time---asked about what was going on in our lives---not just chatting about their lives. Another grandson from out of town called and told me all about his paramedic training. How fun to hear him so excited! Our grown son who lives in town stopped by just to chat---no special dinner, nothing needed fixing---just stopped by. We met with a church administrator who asked us to do some workshops about grief and recovery. It felt like he recognized we had something to offer. What a treat! I wrote Christmas cards and realized that even though I enjoy writing and receiving cards, there are a few people I just want to talk with...people I want to know more details of what is going on in their lives. So I'll pick up the phone a few times this week and talk and listen.

It really is about the little things---the listening and the talking---the taking the time. Those are the real gifts.

Will you take the time this week to give the gift of your time and connection? With whom? When?

Blessings-Penny

Thursday, December 4, 2014

the difference in the conversation

I am so very saddened by the clear racism that exists in this country. Whether one agrees or disagrees with the grand jury findings in New York and Ferguson, it is clear that black men are very often treated differently than white men when confronted by the police. I say this for many reasons but one that saddens me greatly is the conversation black parents feel they must have with their black sons. It is is different from the one I had with my white sons.

The conversation that I had when giving advice about talking with police was something like,"If you get pulled over for speeding, don't answer back,,,don't argue...,just say 'Yes, Sir...No, Sir." Black parents also have to give the admonition that young black men are treated differently...often not given the benefit of the doubt...often roughed up and arrested for minor offenses...

Way too often there is a difference. Can we begin to have a conversation that acknowledges that difference?

I have never used this blog for political opinion but I believe this conversation is one we must raise. It is an issue of social justice---not politics. If nothing else we each need to reflect and pray about how we continue to have prejudice in our own lives. How do we act and feel about our co-workers or neighbors who may be racially or ethnically different? Do we treat them equally? What jokes do we laugh at? What words are allowed in our homes?

I realize this blog is read by persons from countries other than the United States. Sadly our racial prejudice is not a secret---and I believe it exits in all countries. We all have a personal responsibility in this.

The cultural change begins with each of us----and it is part of our recovery.

I pray we begin the conversation in our own hearts, in our families and our social networks--not in anger but in peace.

Blessings-Penny




Sunday, November 30, 2014

Warning--"cyber" Monday

This is my annual advertisement---which is a bit difficult for me to do. But if I didn't hope my books would be supportive, why did I write them??

As you are considering gifts for those you love, I would like you to consider the two books associated with this blog.  Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God-a woman's path to sustained recovery is appropriate for women and families who have issues of addiction. Specific issues of women's recovery are discussed, ultimately encouraging women to acknowledge that long term  recovery is sustained in their relationship with God.  And Filling the God-Shaped Void-a book of daily meditations is appropriate for all of us who seek daily reminders of living a life of recovery...or simply living the life God wants for each of us.

You can read more about each book on amazon.com. They can be ordered there or on liguori.com.

More importantly on this first Sunday of Advent, let us spend the next weeks considering what Christ's birth means in our daily lives---NOW!

Blessings---Penny

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving and....

I'm cooking turkey and dressing and salads and vegetables for our family gathering here tomorrow. Others will bring additional goodies. It will be a good day. We are thankful for so much. For those of you from countries other than the U.S., you probably know of our Thanksgiving Day---the day we stop to remember the first settlers of our country and say thanks for all we have. We have so much---and yet we complain so much.

I say a special thanks to each of you who check into this blog---either regularly or irregularly. Knowing you are reading it helps me pay extra attention to my days---what might I write about that might have meaning for me and for someone else?

Also there were 2 articles in today's newspaper that caught my attention. One was focused on genome research and though it was not specifically about addiction, it did mention the interaction of brain chemicals that are sensitive and get screwed up in addiction. There is a strong physical component to addiction---a good chance some of it is inherited. The other article was about gambling and the effort to use "harm reduction" rather than absolute abstinence in the treatment. Both ideas are so very important as we address the issue of addiction in our families and communities.

We are thankful for research and progress in the treatment of addictions. There is hope.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Blessings--Penny

Sunday, November 23, 2014

easier said than done

About a year ago I shared concerns about the daughter of a friend. The daughter had been binging and purging and had recently cut herself on purpose. These behaviors had apparently been going on for some time but family had not recognized them. She was hospitalized at that time and has been in and out of treatment centers since then.

More recently she totaled her car, stole oxycotin from her parents' medicine cabinet and this week was arrested for driving a car under the influence (of marijuana). We can see a pattern here but the family is again having difficulty naming it and dealing with it.They are trying the tough love approach but that is difficult with a young woman over 21.

One of the therapists told the mother, "This is your daughter's problem-not yours." On an intellectual level that is true and a valid therapeutic approach. But on an emotional level that is so difficult to take into one's heart. "This is my child...always and forever." As parents we want to spare our children pain, to hold and comfort. And at some level this daughter will always be her child...no matter what age and no matter what well-intentioned therapists say.

I pray these parents can enact the "tough" part of tough love and also continue to demonstrate the "love" that will always be there for "child."

I pray these parents know they are held by God who knows their problem is also His problem-that they are His children forever.

Blessings-Penny

Thursday, November 20, 2014

another sleepless night

My sleep disorder showed up again last night. The night becomes one of being awake for at least two hours. I'm not certain what triggers the awake period but I sure do fret about things during that time. And I don't have much to fret about!

But last night I thought about and prayed for people I know who do have alot to fret about. One person is someone I don't even know. I saw her 2 days ago as I sat in our car and waited for my husband. We were in a very bad part of town. My husband was counseling a cocaine addict at the addict's apartment--in itself not a very good thing to do--but my husband reaches out when the need is there. Anyway, I was people watching and saw this young family climb into an old, beat up Ford truck. Father, mother, a little boy about 4 years old, a little girl about 3 years old and a baby in the mother's arms. Now we had an old beat up Ford truck like that one and there were only two seat belts. Which makes me pretty sure this truck had no seat belts for the children, and no car seats.

Last night I thought about and prayed for the struggles this family has.  Seat belts and car seats are probably not their first concern. Food on the table is probably the first priority. It is so easy not to see the struggles so many people have.

I wonder if that young mother and father have sleepless nights. What do they fret about? How about my many friends who are caretakers of their loved ones who are ill? What are their sleepless nights like? Do they trust in God's love? Do they know that how very dark it is, He holds them?

Do I trust? Do you trust?

Blessings-Penny

Sunday, November 16, 2014

a quote

"Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. Invite one to stay."  Maya Angelou

I would also say 'hope and anxiety cannot occupy the same space.' It seems to me so many people organize their lives around their anxiety--do I have enough money? do I have the right job? do I have the right clothes? do I have the right car? do I have the right house? will I get the right grade? will I get into the right school? We create our own anxiety and then our lives revolve around reducing that anxiety.

What if we started each day with a prayer that we invite "hope" to stay with us that day? ...hope that I make the choices that reduce my anxiety and fear that day... hope that I make the "loving" choices for myself and my family that day.

How would hope look in your life when it replaces fear and anxiety?

Blessings-Penny


Thursday, November 13, 2014

Communication---again

I know I blog about communication rather frequently but the issue of our problems communicating seem to come up so often.

A few days ago I was on a hike in some pretty spectacular Red Rocks just outside Las Vegas. The group I was with knew each other and one woman inquired about a trip of the wife of one of the other hikers. The husband responded saying something like, "I really don't know. She probably told me but I don't listen very well." Everyone laughed but when he repeated that comment about another question regarding his wife later in the day, I really began to wonder.

Later that weekend I was with another group and one wife complained to her husband that he had put away washed fruit left over from breakfast in the container with unwashed fruit. She said to him, in a very sarcastic voice within earshot of everyone in the room, "So now we have washed and unwashed fruit in the same container."

Now granted we all need to be able to express a better way to do things---AND---there are loving ways to do that.

Do I take time to hear myself and my tone of voice? Do I listen and speak in a loving way? Do I do that with my family?

Blessings-Penny

Thursday, November 6, 2014

power and choices

We attended a lecture last evening that focused on developmental stages. The presenter made the point that we have no choice about the fact that we proceed from infancy, to adulthood, to what he called elder status. Ongoing development is the reality of our lives. He also made the point that when we reach elder status our American culture does not do a good job of honoring that stage. Culture and we,as individuals, try to hold on to adulthood. His point was that again, we, as individuals need to accept the inevitability of that development and enjoy and honor the stage of elder status.

During the question and answer session one man asked,"When do you know it's time to accept that you have moved into the elder status?"
The presenter responded, "When you say to yourself, 'I don't have to do that anymore.' "
We don't have power over whether we move in to elder status but we do have choices how we enjoy and honor that stage.

This response reminded me of the power and choices we have in recovery. Yes, recovery is very very hard, but when we finally "get" that we "don't have to do this anymore," we really begin to move into recovery. We begin to realize the drug is powerful but we are not powerless over our choices and decisions. "We don't have to do that anymore."

We always have choices. Do we ask God daily to lead us in those choices?

Blessings-Penny

Monday, November 3, 2014

struggles

Why is recovery so difficult for some people?? Access to the drug of choice is certainly one issue.
Two people I recently met are sure struggling with access issues. One is a man in his middle life. He is a cocaine addict ---lives in a rough part of town--his dealer comes to his apartment door and asks if he wants a bag. He lives where he does because the rent is cheap and he can walk to work. He does sidewalk portraits in the tourist area---no real boss to report to. But when told of a cocaine anonymous meeting a couple of blocks from home, he chooses to say he has to work. The meeting is early evening---his works until midnight. Choices...priorities..."if nothing changes, nothing changes."

The other person struggling with access is a young woman. She is currently living at home because of serious mental health issues. The family really didn't think drugs were a problem so when the dad had recent surgery and was given a prescription for oxycodon, the 60 pills were left in the parents' bathroom. When dad went to take his prescribed dosage, 4 pills were still in the bottle. The young woman was taken to the emergency room and admitted to a psyc unit for a few days. The therapist said this woman "just doesn't want to feel anything." Just a reminder that young people often access drugs from their parents medicine cabinet. They even have parties called "pharm parties" where they pool their drugs.

I remember my early recovery and access to liquor. We had a pretty large assortment of spirits and  wine which I accessed earlier and earlier in the day. I finally told my husband we had to put them in a foot locker with a padlock---and don't tell me where the key is. There was simply no way I was able to not drink with access so readily available. The compulsion, the disease was too powerful.

Access is part of the struggle with recovery. Making choices that minimize that access are vital. Making a commitment to recovery is one of those choices...for addicts and their families.

Are you committed to recovery? Do you renew that commitment each day? Do your choices reflect that commitment? Each morning do you ask God to give you the strength and courage to make the recovery choices?

Blessings-Penny

Thursday, October 30, 2014

"texture of life"

"Women are delicate and patient observers, they hold their nose close, as it were, to the texture of life." This is a quote from a book review I recently read that struck me as poetic and true. No offense to the men who read this blog. I believe some men also are "patient observers" but I do believe very often women and men see the world from different perspectives. Men tend to be problem solvers and "get things done." Women tend to be more likely to observe nuances and relationships. We need both! And, of course, those tendencies are observed in careers we choose.

But putting aside all those politically correct issues, I love the thought of "holding their nose close...to the texture of life"... no matter who we are.

Am I a "delicate and patient observer?" Today can I slow down and "observe the texture of life?" What might that reveal? Would it help me to know a friend a little better? Would it help in my recovery?

Thank you, God, for this beautiful "texture of life."

Blessings-Penny

Saturday, October 25, 2014

"I get distracted.."

I talked with "Nancy" this morning. "Nancy" is the woman I talked about in "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God." She has had a long struggle with addiction and has been in recovery for about 15 years. It has not been a perfect recovery by self-help standards but her addiction no longer controls her life.
One major component of "Nancy's" recovery is her growth in spirituality. She prays daily--many times a day. Sometime it is casual, as in, "Let's sit down her, Jesus, and rest a bit," when her lung disease catches up with her. And sometimes it is more planned.

Today "Nancy" said, "I get concerned about my prayers. Sometimes I start praying for someone and then I get distracted and think about their problem and why I am praying for them. I get concerned God doesn't think I'm serious about my prayer. Maybe He quits listening when I get distracted."

I assured "Nancy" that God hears all her prayers. He hears all of our prayers. Her recovery is an absolute example of His hearing her prayers.

Is your recovery, from whatever is troubling you, an example of His hearing your prayers---even when you get distracted? Is your recovery not "perfect" but moving toward a resolution?

Blessings-Penny


Thursday, October 23, 2014

little moments--big impact

In the devotion I read yesterday the writer's message was this: Very often when we meet or even see a famous person, say an important political figure or a movie star or a rock star, we remember that event in great detail. We remember what they looked like or what they said. We remember how we felt during that encounter. We go over it in our memories and we share it frequently with others.

But often when we make a small, important decision, we hardly notice. We don't remember it or maybe don't even realize it's importance.

I was reminded of a client who talked of a rather momentary decision she made that truly changed her marriage. For weeks we had been talking about the poor communication between her and her husband. She was in early recovery from alcoholism and he seemed to be watching her intensely for a slip. His confrontations led to her response of defensiveness and tears.  One morning he accused her of slurring her words the night before and wondering if she was hiding a bottle in the house. Rather than become defensive she responded by simply acknowledging his concerns and stating clearly that she was not hiding a bottle. Though she was disturbed by his accusations, she chose to not react in her usual way.

Did she see this decision as significant? Not really. She downplayed it when sharing it with me. Yet it was the beginning of a very significant shift for her. She began to understand the power she had to lead the conversations and communication with her husband and indeed in many of her interactions.

Today is there a small decision I will make that will change the way I interact; that will give me the sense of power I have with my communication? Will I notice that decision?

Will I ask God to give me the grace to notice?

Blessings-Penny

Saturday, October 18, 2014

unrest

I am reading a book entitled The Holy Longing   by R. Rolheiser. I've just started it but it touches me...probably because the author talks about the restlessness, a longing, a hunger, an ache that lies in the center of the human experience, a desire and a delicious hope.  He says that spirituality is ultimately what we do with that desire and hope.

The way this author talks about spirituality fits with what I said in my book Filling the God-Shaped Void. The restlessness and longing that Rolheiser identifies as part of the human experience is the void we often are attempting to fill with the addictions and behaviors that cause great pain in our lives and the lives of those we love. He says there is the fire within us and what we do with that fire, how we channel it, is our spirituality.

Some people tend to dismiss the idea of spirituality because to them it has a religious connotation. Rolheiser defines spirituality much more broadly---at least to begin with.

Naming the restlessness, the longing, the ache, the desire, the hope makes it more than a void. Naming it gives us some choices in our behaviors and how we deal with it.

Do you sense a void, a restlessness, a desire, a hope? How do you deal with it? Would you call that your spirituality?

Blessings-Penny


Sunday, October 12, 2014

Yesterday my friend called. Her husband, age 58 now, was diagnosed with  early onset Alzheimer's disease a few years ago. They have been through such sadness as they struggle to cope with the deterioration of his mental abilities. She and I don't get to talk often so her call was a real gift.

Her journey has been one of working through the grief process and I wish she had time to record it. I believe others would gain hope and strength from it. She now says things like, "I am not as angry as I was. I just know this is now my world and I will be changed by it...I already am...I take time for myself...I work out...I paint a little... and I have accepted a Stephan minister (-a spiritual counselor). I never would have done that a couple of years ago."

There is nothing she can change about the disease. But she has changed some of her behaviors and her perspective has changed. I believe she has opened her clutched fist and let God take hold of her hand.

Those of us with the disease of addictions cannot change the disease but we have such an opportunity to change our behaviors---and our perspective. Can we open our clutched fists and let God take our hand?

Blessings---Penny

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

authentic

We have been attending a new group at our church and have met some good people. By "good" I mean people who want their lives to reflect God's call to them. We talk about how difficult it is to even know what that call is. Is it God's call or is it my self interest that calls me to act in a certain way?

One of the participants, a woman we will call Corinne, talked of a struggle she has with forgiving a relative for comments the relative continues to make which are critical and hurtful. Of course many suggestions were given to Corinne. She should stand up for herself. She should "help" the relative gain an awareness of her behavior, etc. etc. Though the group was very sincere in providing feedback, the thing that struck me about the conversation was how authentic Corinne was. She readily acknowledged she would have difficulty confronting the behavior. She laughed easily and often., She took responsibility for how long it has taken her to even acknowledge the hurt she has experienced because of the relative's comments.

In other interactions with us Corinne displays this same authenticity. She greets us warmly. She asked if another presenter had offended us with some comments. She is never defensive. She is so very easy to be with. Her behavior is warm and caring. She reflects God's call to be loving.

Am I authentic? Am I easy to be with? Do I reflect God's call? Can I do better with that today?

Blessings-Penny

Friday, October 3, 2014

existential anxiety

Two people I care about, people who are in very different spots in their lives, have expressed similar sadness recently. One is a young woman moving into adulthood. The other is an "old guy" moving into a quieter time of his life. Both say with a sense of desperation, "I don't know where I fit in this world." The younger woman expresses this with a suicidal kind of angst. The older man is  more angry that this should continue to trouble him at this age and stage.

I think that most of us have at least fleeting questions of where "we fit in this world" especially at times of decisions, change and stages in our lives. But I think that most of us just sort of bump along and really don't spend much time considering "our fit." We make decisions without much concern of our place in the world. We try to hang on to what we have or grasp at what we think we need.

But the desperation with which my two friends struggle gives me pause. Their struggle seems noble --worth considering. Their hands seem empty and open...searching and reaching for compassion and consolation.  And then there was this quote in my morning reading, "That is also the reason why it is always the people with empty hands, the hungry and thirsty, and the confused who are called blessed... After all, it is usually only empty hands that are outstretched. And outstretched hands are the only ones God can clasp."

Are my hands empty so God can clasp them---or are they closed tightly trying to hold on to what I think I possess? Your hands?

Blessings-Penny

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

daily miracles

Yesterday I visited my friend who has been so very sick---the person I wrote about when the communication among her doctors, other health professionals and her family was so fragmented. When she was moved to a a facility for rehabilitation about 3 weeks ago I honestly wondered if she would ever get well enough to return home. Well, last week she walked to the end of her corridor; she can sit in a wheelchair 4 hours per day; she has showered 3 times. All those things are with assistance but they are miraculous! As sick as she was/is she has accomplished so much---truly a miracle done with God's grace.

And at home my sunflowers are on their last legs; drooping, shriveled; but all day they are visited by sparrows and finches who are delighting in their seeds. The birds hang upside down to get at the seeds. It is such fun to watch. Flowers I would normally cut down are still being enjoyed in this miracle of nature.

Each day new miracles. What are the miracles you see each day? Your recovery? Someone you love making the new steps of recovery? God'd grace all around us.

Blessings-Penny


Thursday, September 25, 2014

delight

A few "blogs" ago I wrote about managing expectations and being disappointed that my son had not phoned me before leaving on a 3 week hike...and then he had to leave the hike because of his son's illness...which, of course, put things back in perspective. He is a wonderful father who prioritized his son's welfare over a "bucket list" pleasure for himself. The fact he had forgotten to call me seemed very minor when viewed in light of the events that occurred.

We live about 250 miles from my son and yesterday he appeared at my door. Well to be honest he had called the day before so it wasn't a total surprise, but nonetheless the visit was totally unexpected and a real delight. A real joy. And several days before, his son, the one who had been ill ( a serious MERSA infection during Marine Corps training) called to wish me a happy birthday. Now how can a mother/grandmother have greater pleasures than unexpected calls and visits??!!

So today, can you call or visit someone you care about---unexpectedly? They will feel loved.
"Love one another."

Blessings-Penny

Friday, September 19, 2014

feeling safe

We have had lots of interaction with nurses, doctors and related health professionals over the past year. Some has been directly between my husband or myself for our own health issues and some with relatives going through some very serious problems. Unfortunately many of the interactions have been less than satisfactory.

One problem over and over seems to be lack of communication but another problem is a sense that the person really was not confident in the procedure or information they were giving us. However this week we had a wonderful example of a group of nurses who were very experienced and gave a sense that they knew what they were doing. These were nurses who assisted in an outpatient procedure for my husband. First there were the registration  nurses who knew him from previous procedures at that hospital. They remembered him which gave a sense of familiarity plus the education was thorough. The day of the procedure, the critical care nurses who prepared him for the procedure and took care of him following it were efficient, friendly, personal and clearly knew what they were doing. These nurses had a high level of certification which means they were experienced and had demonstrated they knew their stuff through rigorous testing.

The bottom line was he felt safe. There is a gift in placing your life in the hands of people are professional and confident in their own abilities. That confidence was evident in the way they performed their technical skills plus in the way they communicated with each other and with us.

Are you confident in the profession or job you have? Do you continue to gain education and experience? Do you make the people around you feel safe? If that job is being a parent, do you continue to grow and learn as your children grow, learn and present different challenges? Does your family feel safe?

As my husband was wheeled into the procedure room, I kissed him and reminded him of what he often reminds me, "Whether I live or whether I die, I am with God," (St. Paul) That is the ultimate place of feeling safe.


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

"managing expectations" and recovery

In talking with a friend about the blog on "managing expectations," she reminded me of how pertinent that topic is to recovery...recovery from anything. All too often as a person comes out of treatment there are expectations by the recovering person and the family that lead to great disappointment...to fear...to anger...to sadness. Coming out of treatment almost everyone expects to be the person who "makes it," to be the person who never drinks or drugs again, to be the person who the desire to drink or drug is taken away... to be the person who no longer is critical, who is now the "perfect" husband and father. Too often the "expectations" are way, way too idealistic.

Though relapse is not inevitable and some people are blessed enough to have the desire taken away, much more frequently there are relapses,...or the recovering person struggles with recovery,.. or is cranky...and still does alot of those annoying habits that we blamed on his or her selfishness when drinking.

We all need to manage our expectations of recovery...any recovery.

This lovely person with whom I had this discussion reminded me also of one way to manage expectations. She reminded me of Psalm 103...here are some phrases that touch me:
"He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases
...The Lord is merciful and loving-slow to anger and full of constant love
He does not keep rebuking:He is not angry forever
...He knows what we are made of and remembers that we are dust."

I am reminded that I manage my expectations of myself and others through the gift of God's grace.
I forgive because I am forgiven.

Blessings-Penny

Friday, September 12, 2014

more on those "expectations"

I've been giving more thought on "managing our expectations." As I said last time, I think managing our expectations decreases our stress and is a good thing. However I also think managing our expectations of others can sometimes lead to alot of stuffed disappointment and anger.

I expected a phone call from my son before he headed out on a 2 week hike in the Sierra Nevada mountains. I wanted to hear his plans and excitement. I wanted to get the web site to monitor his GPS. I wanted to tell him to be safe. When I contacted his wife on the day before I thought he was to leave, he had already left. I was disappointed but in my head gave alot of excuses--"he was busy packing...he had alot on his mind." My husband said, "Don't you get tired of giving excuses for other people?"

Whoa! Yes, I do. Along with "managing my expectations" I need to acknowledge my hurt and disappointment. Otherwise it just sits in there as an irritant. Years ago in a counseling class, I learned the concept of not stuffing our emotional garbage in a bag that we save up and then tend to dump at inappropriate times. I'm not one to dump very often but I do let it seep out. Just as destructive. Not a good thing!

I also need to remember that I pray God forgives the times I disappointment him. I hope He "manages His expectations" of me. I pray He isn't stuffing my garbage in a bag waiting to dump it on me.

How about you?

Blessings-Penny


Saturday, September 6, 2014

managing expectations

We just returned from a 2 day trip up to middle Nevada. The purpose of the trip was to ride the Nevada Railroad train called the "Star Gazer." It was advertised as "seeing the stars like you have never seen them before." We were excited. More on that later.

As a side trip we decided to first visit Great Basin National Park...a "glorious expanse of mountains and desert." When we talked with the park ranger, she informed us the mountain view road that is the "treasure" of the park was being regraveled and would not be open for a few hours. Even if we chose to go, the new gravel might slow the drive significantly...and though the views were lovely, some of the overlooks were better than others. As we asked questions and tried to read between the lines of what she was telling us, she said she was trying to "manage our expectations." After further consideration and watching and listening to other visitor's questions, it became clear that this national park is a "glorious" place for hikers, bikers, motorcyclists, and off road enthusiasts. Not so much for us!

We then drove to the town of Ely where the Star Gazer train resides. Our expectations were high. We expected a rural sky in the wide open spaces where we would see the night sky absolutely covered in stars. Not so much! A beautiful moon outshined the Milky Way and though there were some lovely stars, the scene in no way matched the brilliant starlit skies over Galway Bay in Ireland, western Montana or Vermont skies ---skies we have had the blessed miracle to enjoy. As Ranger Sandra had said we needed to "manage our expectations" about this train ride that we had so been looking forward to.

So we laughed about the reality. We took great pleasure in the drives up and back---wide open spaces, beautiful rock formations, dry river beds that clearly formed some of the spectacular scenery and made us wonder how and what happened to that river. We talked about the need to "manage our expectations" in so many areas of our lives---what we expect of ourselves and each other, what we expect of our children, what we expect of our decision to live here in Las Vegas, what we expect of our church community.

Where in your life might you need to "manage your expectations?"--I pray it will lead you to less stress, more laughter.

Blessings-Penny

Monday, September 1, 2014

procrastination

I'm not much of a procrastinator. I like getting projects completed. I don't like the stress I create for myself when I wait for the last minute. However, I don't like scheduling or ordering stuff on the phone and even less on the computer. There's just something---maybe I am concerned I'll get it wrong. I often let it niggle at me for days at a time.

But yesterday I went ahead and scheduled and cancelled 2 things that aren't really even "due" for a month. Boy, do I feel like a load is off today. I'm smiling and so pleased with myself...really over nothing! But it's a wonderful feeling and I'll take it.

Is there something you'd like to complete today that would decrease your stress, give you a sense of accomplishment ---even if it's small? Go ahead---do it!!

Blessings-Penny

Thursday, August 28, 2014

"better man"

One member of our family, my stepson's mother-in-law, has been hospitalized in an intensive care unit for 8 days. Her condition is critical from surgery for a compressed disc. She also has an endocrine complication which put her in a crisis state., I have been with her for 3 days during the day. Her husband, daughter (pregnant) and son-in-law (my stepson-Doug) come in early mornings, late afternoons and evenings. Her daughter and Doug are teachers and this is the first week of school. It is mandatory they be at their jobs. They have a 2 year old. They are so stressed they cannot be at the hospital 24 hours a day. I have been at the hospital as much to relieve their stress as any function I might have with their mother.

We are aware that this stress has caused many conversations between them and struggles of who can or should take off work to be at the hospital, who picks up their 2 year old, how long should they stay at the hospital in the evening, how can they relieve the stress on the pregnancy. Last evening Doug phoned us with many thanks for my presence at the hospital and also to say he would take today off to be there. When his dad asked him how he had reached the decision to be the one to take the day off, he replied, "I'm trying to be a better man, Dad."

Doug went through a horrific divorce a number of years ago. There were many accusations about the kind of husband he had been. He was devastated. (Of course as his parents, we think he is and always has been wonderful; but we also know that no one ever really knows what goes on in a marriage) So his comment of "I'm trying to be a better man" touched us deeply.

 It is proof we can all work to be better. It is proof we can all change our decisions and therefore our behaviors. We can all be "better" men and women.

Is there a place today to make a better decision, to change an old behavior. Where? What?
Pray for the awareness and courage and humility to be "better."
Blessings-Penny




Friday, August 22, 2014

all we have is today

The old saying that "all we have is today" hit home once again. My niece's house was nearly destroyed yesterday. A huge limb from a  neighbor's maple tree broke through their roof during a midwest thunderstorm. Their attic is destroyed and most of the plaster walls throughout their 105 old Victorian home are cracked. Miraculously my niece's family was not hurt.

Of course in today's chaotic, violent world, it is easy to say "well, it's only a house...Other people are killed raped, violated in today's tragic world." But my niece and family are devastated. Insurance says, "It was an act of God---no coverage." What are they to do? Their world is changed.

Again-I need to remember to enjoy what I have each day...to know it can go away in a flash.
Do we stop each day and thank God for the gifts we have? I spend way too much time thinking about new adventures and future plans.

Stop today---right now---and thank God---for recovery---for a roof---for food---for a sound mind---for family.

Blessings-Penny

Saturday, August 16, 2014

ooops!

We have new car insurance. To obtain a reduction in the rate for safe driving, the company offers a monitor which attaches to the steering column. The monitor observes the driver's driving practices which fall into 5 "events." If the driver does not accumulate a certain number of these "events", he or she receives a reduction in the insurance rate.

The 5 events include:
Rapid acceleration
Driving between 12 a.m. and 4 a.m.
Excessive speed
Hard braking
Cornering

The driver can review his or her own "events' on the company's web site.
Since I am the only driver in our family, I am the person "monitored."
Well. guess what! I, who consider myself a very safe driver, have accumulated  a number of "events." My "events" fall into 2 categories---"Rapid acceleration" and "hard braking." Though I am a bit annoyed to be called out on those patterns, I also am a bit amused. After all "rapid acceleration" and "hard braking" kind of define my life patterns. I do accelerate rapidly into new adventures which then often requires some "hard braking." Maybe that should be the epitaph on my gravestone... "Rapid acceleration--hard braking."

(In fact, I think this monitor would be very helpful for new teenage drivers!)

What would be an appropriate epitaph on your gravestone? Think about it.

Blessings-Penny

Monday, August 11, 2014

sunflower

Today there is one lone sunflower blooming atop a six foot plant in my back yard. In the spring I threw a package of sunflower seeds into a planter. The irrigation system in the yard is programmed for desert planting so these seeds have not received much water. But now, probably 3 months later, several seeds have germinated and are loaded with sunflower buds.

It really is a miracle. From this one package of seeds---without any tending at all---comes these healthy, vigorous plants. When they all bloom it will be such a show. I understand why successful gardeners tend their plants so lovingly.

It's good to stop and watch these miracles. I remember a young man who so lovingly talked of the miracle of watching his infant daughter grow. He simply was overwhelmed of the miracle of it all.

Can you stop today and be amazed at one miracle around you?  your child? a flower? the huge moon?
Where did that miracle come from?

Blessings-Penny

Thursday, August 7, 2014

"Man's Search for Meaning"

I am reading Victor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning."  It's a book we should all probably read every 10 years. The story is of how he survived  his experience as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps.
But even more than that it is how he found meaning in that horrific experience ---how he survived day after day of beatings, near starvation, inhuman living conditions, frostbite, and brutal working conditions.

 I'm going to quote a number of sentences which strike me as pertinent for all of us:
"The greatest task for any person is to find meaning in his or her life. There are three possible sources for meaning: in work (doing something significant), in love (caring for another person) and in courage during difficult time."

"You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you feel and do about what happens to you."

The first quote reminds me of how important it is to choose a vocation or career that means something to you---that you see as significant. How many people get up every day dreading to go to work? I once heard a Marine General say, "If you can't get up every day and say 'Gee I get to go to work today, you are in the wrong business." I don't know many people who are able to say that. But I do know alot of people who drink and drug because they are bored---they find no significance in their work. They are bored in their relationships and they don't have the courage to do something different.

You can control what you feel and what you do in what happens to you. There was another quote in a different book that changed my life.  It said, "If there is something you don't like about your life, you can change it." I looked up from that book and made the decision to do something about my drinking. It changed my life.

Is there a decision today that will help you find meaning in your life? Think about it. Pray about it.

Blessings-Penny


Thursday, July 31, 2014

phone calls

Two phone calls came early yesterday morning. One was very good news. A young male family member had achieved an incredible goal towards entering an elite unit of the military. The elimination process has been physically beyond belief. He now enters the final three months of training from which he could still be eliminated. Though I am a believer in diplomacy before fighting, I am so pleased for him---for the confidence he is gaining--- for the learning that with focus and comittment he can accomplish more than he dared dream.

The second phone call, however, was alarming. Another family member, a young woman, has been readmitted to an inpatient facility for her eating disorder and suicidal thoughts.. Her vital signs were frighteningly low. I fear this struggle will be life long. Her family suffers. She suffers.

Two phone calls. My husband used a baseball analogy. One was a fast ball that our young man hit out of the park. The other was a series of pitches that sank so fast, she couldn't hit them no matter what.

Then our morning meditation said this, "This one comforting thought constantly recurs: the faithfulness of God, enfolding us and drawing us near to him, never ends. There is not a moment...when that faithfulness can be interrupted." I am reminded it is the faithfulness of God that keeps me enfolded in his arms---not anything I do---it is his faithfulness. I pray, somehow, my family feels this. You, also.

Blessings-Penny

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Secrets, Confidentiality and "the bind"

I am once again reminded of how very important confidentiality is. A close relative recently shared some thoughts on her feelings and concerns about another close family member. She is concerned that this family may "fall apart" because of the stress and tension. The family is not dealing with the stress in a healthy manner. Though the family under stress has shared some of the issues with me, the "new information" has not been shared with me directly.

In some ways this is a real bind for me. On one hand I'd like to let the family know I am concerned about these particular issues and offer my support. Secrets are a big part of the communication dynamics of this whole extended family. On the other hand it is certainly their right to maintain their privacy about these concerns.

And ultimately I would not betray the confidence of the family member who shared her concerns. Though she did not swear me to secrecy, I am certain she told me this in confidence.

In my years as a therapist I am aware of how destructive sharing something told in confidence can be. It can feel like a betrayal. Years of "not talking" can result and whole family "cut offs" can occur.

This week was simply a reminder. I pray I will always remember to honor the "story" and remember it is not mine to tell.

Blessings-Penny

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Family

There was another family gathering last weekend---the other side of the family. Having watched this family grow over many years, it is amazing the stories that lie within--- the children born and died, the marriages and divorces, the health and illness, the careers succeeded and failed. It is every family's story. There are some real heroes in this family---parents of a child born with incredibly devastating birth defects who is now 16 years old and entering high school; the military men whose total service is over 80 years, the wives and children who have supported them, the teachers, the nurses, the ministers.

There is one uncle I worry about particularly. He is now a "senior" though he hates to admit it. He has always been a bachelor and is now very alone. His health is good but he has no one to depend on. He has lived in Hawaii for many years--owned his own business which consumed his days and nights. And now there is no  one. When I suggested he get a medical alert bracelet in case he becomes ill or has a fall, his response was, "I have no one to put on a back up call list." He is so very aware of his aloneness. No one should ever be that alone.

How about your family? Are you wonderfully aware of their successes and failures? Do you step back and enjoy the blessings? Is there someone you are concerned about?

What can you do?

Blessings-Penny

Thursday, July 17, 2014

hot desert winds

About 10 months ago we moved to Las Vegas---the desert. I had watched the temperatures here for several years and knew it got hot in the summer. I just didn't quite understand what over 100 degrees all summer means. Wow! At first in June the warm sun felt good. In fact I got a nice tan from my morning walks.

Then July arrived. I think it has been over 100---sometimes up to 110--for most of July. Of course it's mostly a "dry" heat, as the locals say, but 110 is still 110. I now swim rather than walk. Last night, after dark, I sat on our deck for a few minutes. There was a breeze and it was the first time I have felt a real night time, hot desert breeze. It was like I was engulfed by a hair dryer on low heat. So I've decided I need an "attitude adjustment." I need to look at this new experience of desert heat and hot desert winds as a part of our life adventure. After all that's what my husband and I seek in all this moving around---new experiences, new adventures. We had Chicago and the cold, snowy winds off Lake Michigan. We had Montana and the blizzards.We had the winters of Vermont with temps often below zero. Now this!!

Do you have a new experience, a new adventure that is a bit more than anticipated? Is recovery an adventure than is a bit more than anticipated? Can we thank God for all new experiences and pray we learn how we are to be within this life He offers?

Blessings-Penny

Saturday, July 12, 2014

welcome

We called two relatives this week to see if we could visit them in a couple of months. The visit will take us half way across the country so seeing both families is very important. The call to the first family was greeted with, "Let me see if we are free that weekend. I know I have a couple of things that month."Further conversation indicated our relative was very pleased we are coming and they would get right back with us...which they did and they are free to have us visit.
The conversation with the other relative was different. "Oh that's great. We love spending time with you. Of course we will make it work." This relative and family are equally as busy as family number one.

Guess where we feel more welcome? It really is amazing how a slight difference in word and tone can make such a difference.

It makes me think again of the parable of the prodigal son. After years of squandering his father's money and living a life of debauchery, the prodigal son decides (with some fear and trepidation) to return to his father's house. As he comes down the road, the father is looking for him and greets him with enthusiasm, love and welcoming. In fact the father throws a party for him.

Isn't that the way we hope we are greeted when we "return to the Father's house?" Do we believe it?

Have you made someone feel welcomed and loved by your words and tone today? That is how we live out our faith.

Blessings-Penny

Monday, July 7, 2014

"hardest thing I've ever done"

My grandson has entered an  extremely tough component of military training---one of those "special forces' types of units. He is still in the pre-qualification part. His dad reports that he says, "it's the hardest thing" he's ever done. I certainly believe it. The physical extremes to which they are pushed sound like torture.

It got me wondering, what's the "hardest thing" I've ever done? Physically---I can't say I've ever "tortured" myself. I used to jog 3 miles a day. Now I walk. Mentally---the doctoral program at Rush University was the "hardest" thing I've done mentally. Emotionally---acknowledging I am an alcoholic was the "hardest." Spiritually---accepting the death of my daughter and continuing to believe and grow in my faith remains "hard" at times.

My son tells his son that he needs to continue the training. If his body gives out that is one thing, but he doesn't want to give up and in 5 years regret that he didn't push a bit harder.

Good advice. Are there "hard" things we have given up on that if we had pushed a bit harder we would now look at as success? Does it change how we confront "hard" things? What about our recovery? Do we give up when it gets hard? Can we push a bit harder and get through the tough times?

Do we know God is with us through the successes and the times we don't push so hard? Do we feel that Presence?

Blessings-Penny



Wednesday, July 2, 2014

marinated cucumbers

This time of late spring to early summer is always bitter sweet for me. My 12 year old daughter was killed in a traffic accident on June 22 many years ago. The memories never go away and sometimes they are so acute, they make me catch my breath.

My husband and I are always watching our diets in hopes a losing a few pounds. We rarely are successful in meeting our diet goals but we keep trying. A few days ago, I decided to make us a snack of sliced cucumbers drizzled with Italian salad dressing. It was a snack I often prepared for my daughter who at 12 years old was trying to manage her pre-teen slight weight gain. As I prepared this snack for us a few days ago I was taken back to the kitchen in Montgomery, Alabama where I would slice the cucumbers and fix the dressing, while waiting for my daughter to return from school. I could almost feel myself there again but this time with such a sense of loss, I felt tears come to my eyes.

The death of a loved one changes one's life forever. Friends and family offered comfort and love at the time of her death and  friends and family let me know they too, even now, remember her and the time of her death. It is an incredible support and comfort to know I am not alone is this. It is a shared grief.

Remember to share the grief if someone you know has an "anniversary" of a death. Never worry that you might be causing them more pain by remembering with them. Trust me---they are remembering. Don't let them grieve alone.

Blessings-Penny

Thursday, June 26, 2014

"He gets him"

We traveled to Virginia over the weekend to see family and friends. A very quick trip for all the time on the airplane but so worth it to see children and grandchildren. Adult children busy, busy, busy taking care of their careers, their family and their fun. Wonderful to see the grandchildren all doing well, making good choices, maturing as gentle. loving, caring young adults.

Then we spent an evening with a friend of my husband's. Mike is a friend of about 20 years who 5 years ago started a middle school for kids from a very poor and rough neighborhood in Richmond, VA. The school is doing very well with its focus on preparing these kids for successful further education and responsible citizenship. Mike works his butt off to make the school work. We talked about that for quite a while.

Then we talked about both Mike's and my husband's passion for "the gospel." In the old days, I thought "the gospel" meant Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Fortunately I have come to learn "the gospel" means that through Christ's redemption of us we are assured and promised God's forgiveness and love. We can trust He is always with us---no matter what.  As Mike and my husband talked about this mutual passion, their commitment to getting this message to those of us who didn't learn it that way, I watched Mike listen to my husband. I saw a look of love, of interest, of admiration, of "getting" what my husband was saying and who he is. I felt a real surge of love for Mike. It is such a joy to see someone love the someone you love. One of the most precious moments of the trip.

Do you have moments like this? Moments of joy? I hope so.

Blessings-Penny

Thursday, June 19, 2014

"No"

Still working toward this "peace" thing. Today I was reminded of one of my favorite feminist sentences." 'No' is a complete sentence." Of course that is appropriate for both men and women---all of us who try to do too much and find ourselves tired, angry and stressed. "No."

Way, way too often when someone asks us to do something for them that is very inconvenient for us, or loan them something we don't want to loan them, or support a cause we don't believe in, we are able to say "no" but then feel we have to explain why we are saying "no." Way way too often I go on and on with my explanation that then become excuses.

"No" is a complete sentence. That is all I have to say. I did it today. It ended the conversation. I didn't have to make an excuse. I reduced my stress by taking control. (Or course I felt a little guilty but I'll work on that too.)

Are you able to say "no" when the request will add to your stress, fatigue and anger?
Pray for the peace that your relationship with God can bring. He is walking with you on the road.

Blessings-Penny

Monday, June 16, 2014

Stress again-anger related

In the blog on mindfulness I talked about the recommendation by the Cleveland Clinic lecturer to spend a few minutes a day on clearing our minds focusing on the moment. This was recommended related to that lecturer's interest in prevention of brain diseases and health for caregivers in the such diseases as Alzheimer's Diseases, Parkinson's Disease and frontal lobe stroke. In today's newspaper is another article recommending the same type of stress reduction. This time the focus was for women with heart disease-especially disease of the small coronary arteries.

A small part of this article mentioned that one of the primary stressors causing this type of heart disease is anger. Unfortunately the article did not expand on the role of anger in creating stress and leading to heart disease but it certainly caught my attention. It caught my attention because I believe anger is such a part of women's addiction. I believe unresolved anger causes a kind of chronic anxiety and tension. And the bad news is some of us deal with that anger by drinking and drugs. And the further bad news is that we learn that the drinking and drugs relieves the anger and stress----at the beginning. Sadly for many the reality is that the drinking and drugging causes its own anxiety, stress and self anger, and self hatred. It becomes the cycle of addiction. Relapse after relapse is so often connected with unidentified and unresolved anger.

 Issues related to this continuing spiral of anger and addiction often include the issues of abuse-physical, sexual, emotional. When we are finally able to acknowledge the anger, we have the chance to work through it, to identify what happened, to name the feelings. The anger may return as we continue to "work it through" but we have the opportunity to "write the end of the story."(Read the chapter on "Anger and Abuse" in "Broken by Addiction-Blessed by God.") I also believe this issue of anger is primary in men's addiction. Issues of men's sexual abuse remains a huge, often undisclosed problem in their disease of addiction and relapse.

Again, I truly believe this issue of anger keeps so many trapped in addiction---and leads to other chronic physical and emotional illnesses.

Pay attention to the messages your body gives you. Your body messages are a gift. Are you holding tension in your shoulders, your jaw, your mouth, your legs? Could it be related to anger? Tense it up---release it. Find a few minutes to sit-focus on the moment--release.

Find Peace.
Blessings-Penny

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Peace

I've been working on this mindfulness theory a bit. Each evening I go out on the deck and sit for a few minutes and work on meditation or a "mantra." The Serenity Prayer" I mentioned in the last blog seems a bit wordy for these sessions so I've changed the mantra to "Peace." One word. It seems to calm me---pushes the clutter in my brain to the side.

The pope recently said "Peacemaking calls for courage much more so than warfare. It calls for courage to say yes to encounter and no to conflict." Those words certainly apply to our daily conflicts in family, at work, in our stressful days. It takes courage to go to a family member, maybe someone we have resented for years,  and say, "Can we work through this?"

I am so very touched when I look at the map on the "statistics" page of this blog and see who reads this. If only we could get the leaders in Russia and the Ukraine and the U.S., and all the nations, to really believe that peace takes more courage than conflict. If only we could get ourselves to have the courage to approach that person in our family or at work and say, "Can we work through this?" Those words can lead to Peace.

Blessings-Penny

Thursday, June 5, 2014

mindfulness

There is a great deal more to Las Vegas than casinos and heat. The Cleveland Clinic, major health center in the midwest, has an incredible health center here dealing primarily with diseases of the brain. It offers weekly lectures for the public focusing on keeping healthy. Yesterday's lecture was on holistic health---eating well, exercise and meditation. Most of us have the basics of fruits, vegetables, workouts, and reducing stress.

The presenter made a point related to stress that resonated with an important point in recovery and for everyone looking to improve their focus. Her point was that our thoughts create the stress in our lives. How we view a situation, what we think, is what creates the stress. Her additional point was that our thoughts are circular. Today 90% of what occupies our thoughts is what we thought about yesterday. We think the same thoughts over and over! And so often those thoughts are negative-mistakes we made, things we wish we had said or done differently. Over and over and over.

The suggestion the presenter made was mindfulness. The mindfulness can be yoga, meditation, repeating  mantra, tai chi, etc. etc. All of that makes sense and is a way to be in the moment... a way to keep the recurring thoughts from upsetting our well being.

A calming mantra known to many of us seems to fit this idea of  mindfulness.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Notice who we are asking for help. When we are saying this "mantra," this prayer, we are in this moment.
Can we sit quietly and say this prayer for 10 minutes each day? Might it help? Worth a try!

Blessings-Penny

Sunday, June 1, 2014

together

We've had a lovely weekend. One of my husband's son and family came across country for a visit. Another son and family live here in the city too. A daughter lives in the midwest and was not able to be here so it wasn't "perfect."  We did lot of things together and had some times of sitting and talking in quieter groups. Then last night we had dinner together at a restaurant. We were in a large booth with a fair amount of noise around---but we were together. There was my husband, the dad, his two sons, their children (not all of them but a grand representation), wives. I looked around and felt such pleasure at the warmth, the laughter, the one son rubbing his dad's back, the grand kids joking and teasing grand dad.

It has been a long and sometimes difficult journey. Not all his kids and grand kids could be there. But it was a moment of intimacy and warmth. It's difficult to create those. They just happen and they are a gift. Sometimes when I watch other large families laughing and joking together, I feel a real pang of envy. I feel left out. But last night I was "in" and I treasured it.

Are you able to treasure the moments? Or do you wait for it to be "perfect" and miss the best it can be?
Do you thank God for the moments?

Blessings---Penny

Monday, May 26, 2014

hope

"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope you have." This is a from the scripture reading of yesterday. It touched me at a spiritual level as well as a recovery level.

Do I have an answer for the reason I have hope? Do you? Do people know you have hope? How do they know that?

What is the reason I have hope? For me it is a faith in God...a faith that He cares about my every day life and that in some way He is involved. I don't understand how. There are days I'm really not sure. But I trust He walks with me in it. It is not a perfect life but He is in it with me...in the good and the bad and happy and the sad.  That gives me hope.

"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope you have."
Wow!

Blessings-Penny

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Memorial Day

This Monday is the day we honor the military service men and women who have given their lives for our country's freedom. The service and sacrifice of these persons in the military is staggering. It is "giving their lives" whether they die in the line of duty or live their lives giving that service.

My former father in law, my former husband, and my two sons were/are all career military-Navy and Marines....110 years of service. My grandson is now a Marine and training in reconnaissance. We watched a television documentary of their training on Netflix the other night. If you want to honor the military by having a little insight into their sacrifice, you may want to watch this. It is on Netflix; under television documentary and then under "Surviving the Cut." There are a number of other training films on that site but this is the one about Marine Recon.

I watch this and wonder, "What would I be willing to put this much work, effort and commitment into? Is there anything in my life, I would work that hard for?" I believe we all make sacrifices and work very hard in our own lives to support our political freedoms.

And there is such a freedom in recovery. Freedom from a demon that controls and undermines our ability to be the person God wants us to be. Are you working on your freedom from that demon today? How? Are you "Surviving the Cut?"

Blessings-Penny

Sunday, May 18, 2014

power of words

In both my books, "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God- a woman's path to sustained recovery" and Filling the God-Shaped Void-a book of daily meditations" I emphasize the power of words. The words we use in talking with others have powerful effects on them and the words we hear about us have a powerful effect on who we come to believe we are. I grew up being told I needed to do things "perfectly." Attempts at sewing were never good enough...seams were ripped again and again.  Attempts at cooking were often thrown in the trash. The words that accompanied those attempts were not necessarily mean but certainly left the impression that my domestic abilities were sadly lacking. Unfortunately those messages translated to my entire sense of not being at all creative. I knew I was smart enough---I could get good grades, but I certainly wasn't creative.

Recently I heard a story that re-emphasizes this power of words.  One of my favorite successful humorous writers is Erma Bombeck. She wanted to be a writer and enrolled at a midwest state university in journalism. She submitted many articles for the school newspaper and never had one published. She was encouraged to change majors. Instead she changed universities and wrote a humorous essay for a class assignment. The professor said to her, "You can write!" Later at the height of her success as a humorous writer she was syndicated in over 900 newspapers.

I, too, was fortunate enough to have a professor/mentor in graduate school who, after I completed an oral presentation intersecting several theories into one visual grid, said, "Penny, you are so creative." These were clearly powerful words in my professional life---personal life too.

I repeat this theme because I believe it is so very, very important. Listen to how you talk to your children, your spouse, your friends, your co-workers. Is there a difference? Would you speak to your friends the way you speak to your children?

Do you speak in loving words to those you love? You are so powerful.

Blessings-Penny

Friday, May 16, 2014

forces of nature

Forces of nature-laws of nature-miracles. How does it all work???
This week we went to Zion National Park in Utah. What a spectacular place. Millions of years in formation. Apparently millions of years ago it was a desert larger than the Sahara Desert  The formations we now see took millions of years wind and water and shifting earth.

Then we returned home to watch the fires in California. Again the wind forming "fireacanes" Literally small tornadoes and hurricanes formed within the fires from the heat and wind. My son and family live in San Marcos and were evacuated... the forces of nature touching their lives.

How is God involved in all of these forces of nature? How is He involved in my daily life? How is He involved in the accidental death of my daughter...how is He involved in my grandson's broken neck that did NOT leave him paralyzed?

How is He involved in recovery? My recovery---your recovery? Miracles.
Blessings-Penny


Saturday, May 10, 2014

simple things

Our son and family were here for dinner last night. We sat on the deck after dinner and brought a large cardboard container out there for our 20 month old grandson to play in. Well, play he did! The container was on its side, so he could walk in and out and pull the "doors" closed. He would close himself in; we would call his name and in a moment he would come bursting out with the most delighted smile and laughter. Then he would do a little happy dance with all of us laughing and clapping with him.

Simple things.  No need for expensive toys. An evening that was just as much fun-just as much a maker of memories for us as any expensive Las Vegas show. Life is not about accumulating "stuff." Cardboard boxes are enough for a beautiful evening.

What are some of your happiest childhood memories? I would guess some are of simple times. What was your happiest summer? Can you recapture some of that this summer for yourself?

That is all part of this gift of recovery. Now that you have some sense of the peace that comes with recovery, gift yourself with some simple pleasures.


Blessings-Penny

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Transformed

During this Easter Season I continue to moved be by the number of times the gospels and other meditations speak of the apostles and disciples not recognizing Christ after He was risen. I remember my grand daughter asking me once, "How did Jesus walk through the wall into the Upper Room when He appeared to the apostles?" It was an innocent, child's question but certainly one that might have entered all of our thoughts at some time. How and who was Christ after the Resurrection? Would I have recognized Him?

One of the thoughts this leads me to is, "Do I  recognize Christ in the people around me?" Is that one of the messages I am to take from these gospels and readings? We are taught that Christ is in every person. Do we believe that? Do we see that? Do we treat every single person as though he or she has Christ? Do we treat are co-worker as we would treat Christ? Do we treat our children as we would Christ?  Do we treat our spouses as we would Christ?

Do we treat ourselves like that? If relapse is a challenge for us, do we remind ourselves that Christ is in us? That He is there holding us?

Blessings-Penny

Saturday, May 3, 2014

"This is a terrible disease."

Yes, it is. Self help is correct. It is "cunning, baffling and powerful." It is also insidious---sly. The "terrible disease" is a quote of a woman whose husband stays in a chronic relapse. It may well cost him his life and it is also costing her and her children their lives---their lives of peace.The constant anxiety of "what now?...what should I do?...what next?...if only I had some idea of what will happen?" Lives lived in that kind of anxiety  create their own terrible diseases.

And then there is the mother who says, "I'm worried about Madeline's (her adult daughter) drinking. I've been aware of it recently when we are together. She arrives having had a few. I can tell....It keeps me awake at night."  I encourage the mother to do a "soft intervention." Use "I" statements--"Madeline, this is what I have seen"  Be specific--give concrete examples. Say things like, "I'm concerned or I'm alarmed." No blaming...no judging. Just this is what I've seen.

Of course it is scary to "confront." But if we saw saw a mole changing color or growing on our loved one, we wouldn't hesitate to say we are concerned. We'd probably march them right to the doctor. If we believe addiction is a disease or affliction or behavior or whatever, we must do the same. It is terrible and the consequences are terrible. We intervene or confront out of love. It is the loving thing to do. There might not be a change immediately but, trust me, the message is heard. It was those kinds of "soft interventions" by people who cared for me that I ultimately heard and moved me to recovery.

You can do the same. It is a terrible disease.
Blessings---Penny

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

prejudice

In the past several weeks and days evidence of prejudice have been the headlines. Though the statements made by the 2 older white men who have made those headlines have been absolutely over the top, blatant and stupid, I am aware there are statements of prejudice that creep into our own thoughts and daily conversations. We like to think we have no prejudice but way, way too often it is there. It is there in so many ways---who we choose as our friends, what we think as we look at the news, who we vote for, what we think as we drive through a tough neighborhood.

Society is changing. Opportunity is changing. But prejudice remains a very blatant reality in our society and in our personal lives. I think of a song from the musical "South Pacific." "You've got to be taught to be afraid of people whose eyes are oddly made. You've got to be taught to be afraid of people whose skin is a different shade. You've got to be carefully taught."

What can you do today, in your personal life, to be aware of your prejudice? To get to know someone who has a different skin color from you? To not allow prejudice in your home?---no ethnic jokes, no use of prejudicial language---having an honest conversation about these headlines.

Recovery is a broad topic. How about recovery from our personal prejudices?
Christ came to save ALL of us. Every single one of us is His child. What a thought in this season of Easter!

Blessings-Penny

Friday, April 25, 2014

sleep

For those of you who check this spot every few days, I apologize for the gap between posts lately. I know your lives proceed quite well without these thoughts, but I greatly appreciate your check ins. Of course I have an excuse but please know I miss connecting with you even if it is virtual.

My husband has been challenged by some serious cardiac issues since early March. Finally he had a pacemaker/defibrillator implanted on Tuesday. Unfortunately what is usually a pretty uncomplicated procedure was complicated by a problem with his major vein. It has been a long 3 days of procedure and recovery to say nothing of a stressful 6 weeks waiting for the surgery. We have not slept well since early March.

Last night we slept 10 hours. What a gift! He breaks into song every once in a while---a common occurrence when he is feeling good. I am not constantly checking if he is breathing. Again-sleep is such a gift. Do you get enough? How can you work into a little more sleep-to take care of yourself?

On a different note-a week ago, I visited a friend who was completing a 30 day inpatient program for substance abuse. She is a person who really struggles with alcoholism and the last binge almost killed her. Her attitude was concerning. She was looking forward to discharge but said, though she planned to attend self help 3 times per week when she returned home, her first weekend she was going directly out of town for family business and she looked forward to a period without meetings. On one hand I understand this but I also know slips happen when Sobriety Loses Its Priority. I also believe the acronym "Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired."

Are you getting enough sleep? Do thoughts of a drink or drug gain a spot in your thinking when you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired,: when you are missing meetings?

Take care of yourself. Know God is with you in all of this. He is looking for you. Take a minute to be open to His Presence.
Blessings-Penny

Friday, April 18, 2014

Mercy

I have what I think could be called a sleep disorder. About 6-8 times per month I awaken after about 6 hours of sleep and am awake for 2 hours. This has gone on for years. My dad had the same problem and got addicted to some pretty powerful sleep medications. Thus I won't take any meds for this. But that means I can toss and turn and accomplish nothing several nights a month.

One such night was last night. I tossed and turned and managed to work myself into a pretty unsettling place. For whatever reason I focused on many of my mistakes as a mother, a wife, a nurse, a friend etc. over my lifetime. That made for a bad night and a bad morning. I've been struggling with some spiritual issues also---some questions about man's inhumanity to man.

And on this Good Friday, the Holy Spirit stepped in with some words of quiet:
"There are transgressions, lost ideals, acts of cowardice, recriminations. There is a network of evil and the fact of sin makes perfect righteousness (living by God's law) always impossible. But before the cross there is no ultimate condemnation. There is the invitation in seeing the suffering Christ. This is God's love for the whole world." (Weyerman, A.)

"There is more mercy in God than sin in us." (Coffin, S)

Prayers for peace and understanding for each of you.
Blessings-Penny

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Truth

My husband and I were discussing an incident that someone close to us shared. The incident involved a young adult "losing it" when saying goodbye to friends as she left her college dorm at graduation. We wondered if the "losing it" was as loud as reported---"sobs and screaming that could be heard all over the dorm." The person doing the reporting was concerned for the young woman and also for the parent who had been supporting and loving this young woman through many years of depression and an anxiety disorder. The parent had said "it wasn't a big deal" and downplayed the incident when asked about it.

As my husband and I discussed the incident we talked about how each person had their own "truth" in the reporting. They each had their own history with the young woman. They each had their own expectations of her behavior. They each had their own standard of social behavior.

When we as listeners hear different variations on a particular incident or even a particular political perspective, it is important to remember that we all have different ways of evaluating people, places and things. We come from different histories. How do we know the truth?

In the incident above it really isn't important to know "the truth." It is only helpful to remember that each person comes from a different history. We must not say "well he or she must be judging" "or "he or she must be lying." We must not judge.

In this Holy Week as we commemorate the death of Christ, we remember "He is the Truth, the Way and the Light." That's all we really need to know.

Blessings-Penny




Friday, April 11, 2014

forgiveness (part 2)

In reading a bit more about forgiveness there was a discussion of the idea that when we hold  on to anger and resentment, there is a "jagged edge," a barrier between us and God. Maybe that is why anger and resentment causes an anxiety within us...an anxiety we soothe with alcohol/drugs/eating/addictions.

It leads me to think of the many, many women who abuse substances over and over---women who were abused as children and teenagers and adults. Women who hold onto their anger---who don't know how to move past that anger. Moving past that anger does not mean forgetting it; it means acknowledging it happened; we hold the person accountable for their abuse; we try to understand the pressures that shaped the abuser;we give up the desire for revenge. These are all very long processes but in moving into them, we begin to write our own story. The perpetrator no longer has power. We are no longer the victim. We begin to transform our lives. This process of transformation, of which forgiveness is a major component, is the essence of  my first book "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God-a woman's path to sustained recovery." amazon.com

Is there an anger, a jagged edge, that creates a barrier between you and God? What would your life look like if you could move into forgiveness?

Think about your life without that anger.
Blessings-Penny

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

forgiveness

Each year in my Lenten thinking and meditations I work on the word "metamoia"---transform. I can't just "give up" something or "do" something for 6 weeks. I really need to ask God to transform so many of my human weaknesses.

One of the weaknesses I pray to transform is my inability to forgive. So often I think I have forgiven someone who has hurt me and then I find myself being angry all over again---especially when reminded by a particular situation or memory.

A recent Lenten meditation by Andrew M. Weyerman had some beautiful thoughts on this forgiveness thing.
"We often try to bury the past when we need to seek healing from the past...Healing is not possible by repressing the past."  He then quotes the astronaut John Glenn, "I am afraid to forget...What protrudes and does not fit in our past rises to haunt us and makes us spiritually unwell in the present."  Weyerman then continues, "The jagged edges protrude, the spirit is disturbed and the body fatigued...Healing from the past includes the kind of journey into the past where what was not cleanly forgotten is uncovered and experienced. Healing from the past involves opening the spirit to all light....Most of all healing from the past means rediscovering the reality of God's forgiveness of us....Nothing can be made up, redone, erased...Healing from the past then translates into the desire to be transformed by the Spirit into an honest, wise and gentle person."

I pray to forgive and that means owning the hurt I caused.

Is there someone you have difficulty forgiving? Does the "jagged edge protrude" and cause you to be unwell today?

I pray for all of us today.
Blessings-Penny







b

Saturday, April 5, 2014

listen

The theme of this post is a repeat but it keeps going through my mind. In my last blog I mentioned that after my complaints to the health organization, I had felt "heard." The message that repeats itself in my head is this, "To be heard as an adult is like being held as a child." 

That seems like such an important concept that we need to repeat to ourselves often. When someone is talking to us, way, way too often we are guilty of thinking ahead of how we want to respond. We are not truly listening to what they are saying, what it means to them, how are they saying it. We hear the words but not the meaning. 

Take time to ask the second question---"How does that feel for you?...What does that mean for you?...Tell me more about that...I'm not certain I understand how that is for you..."

Practice a new way of "being" in conversation...in relationship.It just seems sooooo important.

Blessings-Penny

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

thanks

Following my husband's recent hospitalization we have had a very difficult time getting a referral and appointment for a critical follow up. We have called the specialist's office many, many times. Each time we receive different directions about what is required for a follow up. "have an XRay----get a referral from your primary physician---have the XRay read---bring it to our office---keep it and bring it to your appt. ---call for an appt.---we will call you with an appt."  Finally in frustration I wrote a letter of complaint to the Vice President of Customer Care for the health care organization.

Well, to my great surprise and satisfaction, within days we received a  call from the specialist's office giving my husband an appointment. He got in the next day. There was also a phone call from the mail order pharmacy he uses that is part of that health care organization and from which we were having difficulty receiving his discharge medications. We now have a direct line to an advocate for that mail order pharmacy.

And today there was a follow up call from the office of the vice president to whom I had written the letter.Wow! I feel heard!!! I had planned to write a letter of thanks and acknowledgement of our satisfaction with the people in the office and the quality of services provided.


My point in this blog is to acknowledge again how important it is for anyone needing health care services to also have an advocate. The systems are just so complicated. If the patient is not feeling well, slightly confused, tired, or depressed they may easily give up trying to negotiate the system.

I also want to emphasize that if I complain, I also need to follow up with thank you when the complaint is addressed.

That goes with complaints to organizations, friends and especially family. If our complaint is heard, even that helps!

What about our complaints to God? Do we feel heard? Do we say thank you?

Blessings-Penny




Thursday, March 27, 2014

you are NOT your disease

I had my monthly radio interview this morning and once again after it was finished I had a flash of what I wish I had said.

The interview was about recovery, repentance, Lent, conversion, changing one's life, "turning around"etc. etc. The interviewer mentioned that his brother had died of alcoholism a few years ago and the interviewer said his brother had "just given up." Towards the end of his life his brother had said, "I am an alcoholic. That is who I am. That is my identity."

What I wish I had said was, "NOOOOOOOOO! Those of us with this diagnosis are soooo much more than that diagnosis!! No one with any disease can let that diagnosis define who they are." Sadly self help reinforces this identity by requiring that we say, "I'm Penny Hauser and I'm an alcoholic" time after time after time. The Steps of self help encourage a person to look further but way too often recovery doesn't last long enough for a person to move into further stages of reconciliation, repentance, forgiveness, and exploration of being so much more.

That "so much more" is that we are beloved children of God. He is the Good Shepard looking for those of us who are lost. He is the father of the Prodigal Son/ Daughter--at the end of the road looking for us. He throws a party when we are found.

You are so much more. Spend a few minutes today to consider what that means. What does it mean to be a beloved child of God? Do you believe it? Faith is a journey.

Blessings-Penny

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Act on it

There were fortune cookies for dessert last night. Mine said, "You will have an amazing idea on a walk tomorrow. Act on it!" I do walk everyday so I'm interested in what "amazing idea" I might have this morning.

Of course I say this with a smile since I really don't live my life according to fortune cookies. However the thought makes me reflect on "amazing ideas" I have acted on. And there have been several. Some have turned out well and some not so much. But that's what taking a risk is about. Really thinking through an idea, weighing the pros and cons, and knowing that some of the pros will work and also some of the cons.

The weighing the pros and cons is the fun part of those "amazing ideas." Living with the cons is the difficult part. At this part of my life I'm less apt to "act on" some of those "amazing ideas" but it is amusing/interesting to reflect on the decisions, the risks, and see where they led me.

I don't have to say, "I wonder what would have happened if..." I did it.  I live with the consequences. It is called taking risks. It is called living. It is called "my life."

Did I consider my relationship with God is those decisions? Not as much as I could have.
Would the decisions have been different? Maybe.

What "amazing ideas" do you have? Will you "act on" them? Is your relationship with God part of those decisions?
Blessings-Penny