you are NOT your disease

I had my monthly radio interview this morning and once again after it was finished I had a flash of what I wish I had said.

The interview was about recovery, repentance, Lent, conversion, changing one's life, "turning around"etc. etc. The interviewer mentioned that his brother had died of alcoholism a few years ago and the interviewer said his brother had "just given up." Towards the end of his life his brother had said, "I am an alcoholic. That is who I am. That is my identity."

What I wish I had said was, "NOOOOOOOOO! Those of us with this diagnosis are soooo much more than that diagnosis!! No one with any disease can let that diagnosis define who they are." Sadly self help reinforces this identity by requiring that we say, "I'm Penny Hauser and I'm an alcoholic" time after time after time. The Steps of self help encourage a person to look further but way too often recovery doesn't last long enough for a person to move into further stages of reconciliation, repentance, forgiveness, and exploration of being so much more.

That "so much more" is that we are beloved children of God. He is the Good Shepard looking for those of us who are lost. He is the father of the Prodigal Son/ Daughter--at the end of the road looking for us. He throws a party when we are found.

You are so much more. Spend a few minutes today to consider what that means. What does it mean to be a beloved child of God? Do you believe it? Faith is a journey.

Blessings-Penny

Act on it

There were fortune cookies for dessert last night. Mine said, "You will have an amazing idea on a walk tomorrow. Act on it!" I do walk everyday so I'm interested in what "amazing idea" I might have this morning.

Of course I say this with a smile since I really don't live my life according to fortune cookies. However the thought makes me reflect on "amazing ideas" I have acted on. And there have been several. Some have turned out well and some not so much. But that's what taking a risk is about. Really thinking through an idea, weighing the pros and cons, and knowing that some of the pros will work and also some of the cons.

The weighing the pros and cons is the fun part of those "amazing ideas." Living with the cons is the difficult part. At this part of my life I'm less apt to "act on" some of those "amazing ideas" but it is amusing/interesting to reflect on the decisions, the risks, and see where they led me.

I don't have to say, "I wonder what would have happened if..." I did it.  I live with the consequences. It is called taking risks. It is called living. It is called "my life."

Did I consider my relationship with God is those decisions? Not as much as I could have.
Would the decisions have been different? Maybe.

What "amazing ideas" do you have? Will you "act on" them? Is your relationship with God part of those decisions?
Blessings-Penny

helping others

The woman who cuts my hair phoned me in tears the other night. I was her first appointment the next morning and her request was could I pick her up and bring her to the salon in the morning. That afternoon her car had been repossessed. When I picked her up the next morning, she was sobbing and said her lights had been turned off the night before. 

No matter what country we live in we are aware of the people who live on the margins of our societies---people who provide our everyday services and barely manage to hang on---barely manage to pay their bills---barely manage to not be among the homeless. They are often the statistics we read about in the newspapers or watch on the evening news. Until they ride in our cars and we hear their sobs, their desperation,  they are just that---on our margins. They don't have names. 

I would guess my beautician has mild mental health issues and has struggled for many years. Her crisis has been magnified by some of her government benefits being cut---our incredibly broken politics. But she works seven days a week and attempts to be independent.

How are we supposed to help? Some would say these marginalized people are lazy---they need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Do people who say that ever really hear the stories and the pain?

Those of us in recovery know many people who are living on the margins. 

Scripture tells us the beggar at the gate "would gladly have eaten his fill of the scraps that fell from the rich man's table."

We have a responsibility to the needy. We have a covenant that binds us together.

Can you respond today?---in some way.

Blessings-Penny

miracles

Notes from 2 spouses of persons with active alcoholism---alcoholism that is/was creating unimaginable stress and anxiety for their families. Each of them reported that their spouses have again been through treatment and are now in active recovery. One spouse talked of a commitment hospitalization because the person with alcoholism talked of suicide. That person with alcoholism is now in a group therapy setting 3 times a week and self help once a week. The family is beginning individual and family counseling.

The other spouse talked of the person with alcoholism receiving the sacrament of healing (used to be Last Rites) with the family and priest and truly having a transformational shift in thoughts, emotions and behavior.

Those of us with families who struggle with addiction know the trauma these families have been experiencing. Kids who live with this trauma day in and day out can experience all kinds of mental health issues-not unlike a form of PTSD. We all know how tenuous recovery can be. We also know the miracles that can occur.

I pray they remember they are held in God's loving arms.
Please pray for them.

Blessings-Penny

advocate

During my husband's recent hospitalization, the words of my daughter-in-law, Tammy, kept repeating in my head. "Everyone who is in the hospital these days needs a patient advocate." Tammy is a former ICU nurse with many years of hospital experience including two situations as a family member and advocate during her parents' hospitalizations. My husband's hospitalization had moments of real fear plus days of "routine" care. There were any number of times I spoke up, "No, you will not restrain him. Jeremy and I will hold his arms and calm him."..."He needs careful supervision tonight. (first night I left)"..."Wouldn't it be helpful to take him off the oxygen and see how he responds before we talk about discharge." None of these issues is rocket science or complicated nursing care. They simply seem to me to be practical, safety issues-clear to anyone who is observant.

I am a retired nurse---however, I am a psychiatric nurse and the joke in my family to anyone who asks me about a medical issue is, "Penny can only ask how you feel about it." This is very close to the truth. Med surg is not my forte. I am a strong supporter of the profession of nursing and nurses. Sadly the state of hospitals these days is all about the money and nursing positions are often the first to go in budget decisions. Two year nurses, traveling nurses and nurses from differing cultures all make the experience level and competency very different on different floors, different shifts and different days.

This blog is simply to underscore Tammy's wise words, "Anyone who is in the hospital these days needs a patient advocate."

Take time to be that advocate for someone you love. You are holding them as you would want to be held--as God holds you.

Blessings-Penny

love

This may be disjointed. I am tired but I want to share a beautiful picture from my yesterday.
My husband, Joe, was admitted to a local hospital emergency room at 4:30 a.m. yesterday for severe shortness of breath. It was a very long day with him experiencing several episodes of breathing difficulties. His adult son, Jeremy,  whom he adores, arrived to be with us in the mid afternoon. Finally at about 7 p.m. Joe was moved to an ICU room where he could be closely monitored. Very soon after arriving at that room he experienced a breathing crisis in which his blood gases reached critical levels. He was frightened, anxious, agitated. on the edge of panic and slightly disoriented. He couldn't breathe and felt like he was drowning. His son and I looked at each other and said, "We could lose him." Fortunately a very professional respiratory therapist intervened and got him on the correct breathing machine. His symptoms decreased in about 2 hours. But it was an incredibly frightening, helpless 2 hours.

The beautiful picture of love that I witnessed was Jeremy saying goodnight to his dad around midnight. Jeremy's eyes filled with tears as he approached his dad's bed. He leaned down to hug him and then placed his head on his dad's chest. His dad put his arms around him. I did not hear the words of love shared between them and I didn't need to.

Do you have someone who would treasure a deep, intimate expression of your love? Can you ask God to give you the opportunity to express that love while you can?

Blessings-Penny