our response-ability

Recently I have listened to two women friends talk about problems they have encountered with their health care systems. One is my friend Lee, who fell and has multiple serious problems from that fall. She returned last week for follow up to clinics at the county hospital where she was hospitalized and treated. In the orthopedic clinic there were approximately 120 chairs for the approximately 200 patients in the waiting room at the clinic. Each of these persons was an orthopedic patient-no family members allowed in that area. My friend, Lee, now also has atrial fibrillation, a serious cardiac complication of her fall. She had rented her own wheel chair. She said if she had not had her own wheel chair, there would have been no way she could have waited for her appointment.What about the others?

Another friend has been recently diagnosed with Lyme disease. For years she has complained to her primary physician of various symptoms which honestly appear in many popular discussions of Lyme disease. Though multiple tests were done, not once was a blood test for Lyme disease run. Many times the friend left the doctor's office feeling they were telling her she was just being neurotic. This friend now has lesions in her brain because of the progression of the disease. Fortunately she recently changed doctors. The new physician tentatively diagnosed the Lyme disease within 10 minutes of listeneing to her symptoms.She's reluctant to tell the first physician that he missed the diagnosis.

My point in sharing both of these scenarios is to restate my firm belief that we, as women, must speak up when these situations occur. By an overwhelming percentage it is women who make the health care decisions for themselves and our families. When we see these situations where a phone call, letter of email might get the attention of a manager, supervisor or the physician themselves, it is mandatory that we be assertive and take the time, and maybe the risk, to bring it to the appropriate person's attention. Lee will make that phone call or write that letter. After all she is a nurse and understands that a good nurse manager or clinic manager could remedy the inadequate number of chairs fairly easily. My friend with the undiagnosed Lyme disease is reluctant to notify the original physician that he totally missed the diagnosis, allowing the disease to progress to a devastating level. We live in a small town and she is reluctant to make waves. But if we, as customers of this health care system, don't bring issues to the attention of appropriate people, how will it ever get fixed!?

What health care issue leaves you underserved? How do you think it might be fixed?
Who should you notify? Does it have to do with your recovery?
You are the expert on yourself! You have an ability to respond--"response-ability."
If you identify an issue, suggest a different remedy, maybe someone else won't have to suffer your frustration. Finding your voice is part of recovery.
Blessings-Penny

guilt?

On June 3 I shared the episode of the fall of my friend, Lee, when she was meeting me in Los Angeles. For a couple of weeks her progress has been good. But when I spoke with her a few days ago, the news was alarming. Lee has developed atrial fibrillation (a very rapid heartbeat). She cannot walk 5 feet without severe shortness of breath. Her cardiologist has said the precipitating factor was probably the fall. I do not know how that works from a physiological perspective but I know it must be very frightening and discouraging. Of course they are doing all the medical appropriate procedures but because her jaw remains wired shut from the broken jaw, she cannot have some interventions.

I must tell you that my "guilt factor" has returned. After all she was meeting me at the station when she fell as a favor to me. One thing I find interesting in all of this has to do with "gender differences" in response to my guilt. When I relate this story to women, they respond in empathy for my friend and understanding of why I feel some guilt. When I share the story with men, they understand the seriousness of the fall and the medical consequences. However, to the last one they do not understand my guilt. I have received responses like, "That's the most neurotic thing I've ever heard you say" said somewhat in jest or "You are not responsible. If we are responsible for our own selves, that's the best we can expect."

I do not believe either the women's responses or man's responses is the "right" response. I'm just amazed at the clear differences! It's important to listen to each other. We learn.

Is there some "guilt" you hold onto?
Would there be any benefit in talking that through with a person of the other gender?
Do you listen to men in group settings and honestly explore how they see situations differently? It's worthwhile, I find.

Blessings-Penny

reach out

An email from a woman I consider a fairly new friend touched me deeply this morning.
It said, "This month of June must be a poignant time for you. I will especially keep you in prayer." This month is the anniversary of my daughter's death. Her accident occured many years ago but as any parent who has lost a child will tell you, the memory never leaves. Though the intensity of the pain lessens (one could not live in that pain forever), the anniversary of her death recreates a visceral nausea and a stab in my heart. Of course it also reminds me of her laughter, her beauty, her faith.

This very loving new friend took the risk to share her concern and empathy with me. Few friends or family take that risk. I am certain they feel they are sparing me the memory but I promise you the memory is always there-every single day of my life.

I encourage you to take the risk of offering a thought, a prayer, a blessing to someone you know who is experiencing a loss or the memory of a loss. I promise you they have not forgotten that loss. Knowing you remember their pain, that you have loving memories of that person or experience is the connection and intimacy which we all long for.

Who might you phone today to say you have a loving memory of someone they have lost?
What friend has lost their job? Pick up the phone and tell them you are praying for them.
Has someone relapsed in their addiction? Will you risk telling them you miss them?

Blessings-Penny

lessons learned

My husband's adult son is a school administrator in a large western city. He is responsible for curriculum and "empowerment" for a struggling school system. He recently was interviewed for the city newspaper. The following quote in the printed article is a testimony to the deep impact of the role modeling by his father---a testimony to the values and beliefs the son absorbed from watching and listening to his dad's profound example.

"A soft-spoken native of Illinois, Hauser is the son of a Lutheran minister who would leave the Sunday dinner table to 'minister to his flock.' Hauser views his role as having a similar calling, one in which he meshes school with neighborhoods."

No lectures, no "shoulds", just a quiet example of belief and values that moved into the core of the man the son has become.

If your child was interviewed what might he/she say about what he/she has learned from you?
Do your children see the beliefs and values of recovery reflected in your new life?
Do they see a new spirituality? A new way of being?

Blessings--Penny

yearning

As mentioned in other blogs, I love this word "yearning." It so captures my sense of searching. In a recent Commonweal magazine I read a quote from a book review which says, " Our yearning for God is the force for moving ahead. The yearning itself is a gift." (Gateway to Resurrection)

To sense the yearning for God as a force for moving us ahead-as something positive- is a wonderful reframing of that word. Not a negative feeling of something missing, but a gift in itself.

How does the yearning for God fit into your spirituality?
Is it a force that moves you ahead?
How does that look in your life? In your recovery?

Blessings-Penny

angels?

Recently I was vacationing in California-hence no postings from me the past 2 weeks. Sorry about that!
During that visit a college friend,Lee, was to pick me and my husband up at Los Angeles Union Train Station around 11 a.m. on a Sunday morning. She was a few minutes late, unusual for her, when I heard my name called over the public address system. Security personnel took me to my friend. She had tripped over a speed bump while walking into the station. Her lip was split wide open, bleeding profusely. By the time I got to her, station personnel were attending to her and within a couple of minutes, the LA County Paramedics arrived. In a real demonstration of caring and problem solving, the paramedics assessed my friend, determined she needed to go to the ER, placed her and me in the ambulance, one of them picked up her car and followed the ambulance, picked up my husband who was sitting in the train station waiting room unaware of the situation, picked up our luggage and took us all to LA County Hospital ER.

As the day progressed and we remained in the ER, Lee was evaluated with MRI, Cat Scan, Xray etc. It was determined her jaw was broken in 2 places and she had a cracked elbow requiring a metal plate and screws. She would be admitted when a bed was available. As it turned out that was 36 hours later.

During the long afternoon and evening of this assessment my husband waited patiently in the waiting room. And during the long afteroon and evening the caring (and incredibly handsome) paramedics returned to check on Lee as they made additional "runs" with other patients to the ER. (About the only smiles of that day came from Lee and me making comments about the movie star looks of these two incredible men.)I did mention in their presence our mounting concern about getting Lee's car back to Santa Monica in the dark given we are Vermonters, not used to LA freeways.

ANYWAY-about 8 p.m. these 2 paramedics returned again! Tyler (we're on a first name basis by now) says, "Ok we've checked with our supervisor and one of us is going to drive Lee's car to Santa Monica and the other will follow in the ambulance to drive both of us back. We can take your husband or you (meaning me) or both. But we are going to at least solve the problem of getting the car to Santa Monica." The tension in my body simply flowed out.

At just this moment Lee's son arrives from his home in central California. So my husband and I leave with the paramedics. They bring Lee's car to the ER door, drive us to Santa Monica, ambulance following, luggage and all, get us into Lee's house which is very very dark, turn off the alarm system, and make certain we feel safe.

Now I am not certain I have ever believed in angels but I must acknowledge that after the time with those 2 paramedics I am moving in that direction. I have never been treated with such a combination of gentleness, thoroughness, humor, and genuine concern by a health professional...by someone who just appeared in my life. We were cared for and cared about. We were held safely and touched. Just like the picture that hung above my bed as a child...the one of the guardian angel sheltering two children crossing a bridge in a storm.

Lee is home after a 6 day hospital stay. Her jaw is immobilized with braces, her elbow pinned. We can't talk on the phone and she can't email but I send her a note frequently and pray for her recovery many, many times a day. Please say a prayer for her too.

Do you have angels in your life?
Are they there frequently or mostly in times of crisis?
Do they touch your recovery?
Did someone extend a hand which led you to recovery? Was she an angel?
Remember recovery is a gift. From where?
I'd love to hear your experiences.



Blessings-Penny