mortality

A close friend of mine was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer about 6 months ago. We moved from where she lives in Vermont just after her diagnosis. I have not been in contact with her as much as I could have been or should have been. I use the excuse that I don't want to bother her but we all know that when we are in crisis, a phone call from a friend can be the connection we are longing for.

When I do talk with her she seems to be moving through her grief as well as any of us would. She has days she is "ready" and days she grieves. She has a strong spirituality and calls this a gift...a belief in a hereafter. I am reminded of my mother's final words to me, "I'm not afraid."

Do I have that belief?Do you have that belief?

Blessings-Penny

same Guy

Last Sunday a family I did not recognize came into the pew ahead of us at Church. They were smiling, pleasant, well dressed. After a few minutes of settling in ,the little boy-maybe age 6- turned to his dad and pointed to the statue of Jesus at the altar. "That's the same Guy we have at our church, isn't it? ...He's in different colored clothes but it's the same Guy!" he said excitedly.

His dad assured him it was the "same Guy" and the child sat quietly and pondered that.. I wondered what he had been taught about differing religions, different denominations.

Out of the mouths of babes---"It's the same Guy."

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all come to the awareness that it is the "same Guy" and quit our bickering over who has the right God, who has the right interpretations? What time and money could be saved and spent on taking care of God's kingdom and God's people.

Blessings-Penny

taking responsibility

As we were walking to our car Sunday morning in the garage parking, a man called to us. "Are you the owners of Bailey?...I think I owe you a deep apology. It was my dogs who got out of their crates and came after her.  I am so sorry." He asked about her health, had she been hurt and apologized again and again.

I was so touched. He could have easily ignored us. He could have easily said nothing. But here was a man who stepped forward, acknowledged that his dogs had at the very least frightened me, my husband and our dog. And took total responsibility for the encounter. No excuses, no rationalization.

In this day and age this man's actions of acknowledging the problem and taking responsibility seem so unique. So very often we hear about and have experience with people who only want to deny any wrongdoing or shift the blame to someone else. Here was a moral and ethical man who had learned to accept his responsibility and learned to say, "I am sorry." It made all the difference in how I think of the incident and of him.

Am I able to accept responsibility for my part of troublesome encounters? Am I able to say "I'm so sorry?"
Have I taught my children this lesson as well as I should have?
Am I as moral and ethical as I think I am? It really does become a spiritual matter.
Blessings-Penny

nightmares

My husband awakened me last night because I was screaming in my sleep. When I awakened I recalled the nightmare-someone was trying to break into our apartment-I could see the door handle turning-I wanted to yell "help-help" but I couldn't get the scream out. 

In attempting to get a sense of where that dream came from, the only thing I can relate it to is an incident in a parking garage a few days ago when 2 pit bull dogs got out of their car and came after my dog (and me). I yelled for help many times until someone came. Neither my dog nor me was harmed-clearly they were not attack dogs- but I did not know that during the incident.

If that incident was the trigger for the nightmare, I am surprised. Clearly the incident impacted me more than I realized. I tend to have a strong denial system for unpleasant things. What other things in my life do I deny and yet they remain in my unconscious and cause anxiety and fear?

What things in your life do you minimize and deny? Do they cause you anxiety and fear? Can you talk with someone about them?
Can you remember Christ is with you in all of it?
Blessings-Penny

little moments

One night recently I took my dog for her last outing before bedtime. I walked through the apartment building's lower garage level and was stopped by a woman who said, "I got your note. Thank you." As the conversation continued I realized she was the woman whose baby died of SIDS last month. She lives on our floor but I had never really met her. When the baby died I slipped a note of condolence under her door.

We talked for several minutes and I was moved by her own grief, confusion and grief for the tears of her 9 year old daughter. I strongly suggested she get counseling for all of them. I told her that not pushing for my family to get counseling after the death of my daughter was the biggest mistake I made in our grieving. Finding a safe place to express feelings of sadness and guilt, which are all part of normal grieving, is one of the most healing things one can do in any crisis or trauma...whether that be death, divorce, any loss.

Those thoughts have remained with me for days. Probably because it is all still part of my grieving---all these years later. The grief is still a part of me. I move on in my life but my daughter is never far from my thoughts and love.

God helps me heal and lets me hold onto the love and memories.
Blessings-Penny

Cut offs

Recently my son "uninvited" us for Thanksgiving. Apparently he had not discussed the family plans with his wife before extending us the spur of the moment invitation. My response to being "uninvited" was mixed. None of it good-hurt, sad, angry. The invitation meant we would have stayed with them and though they have a large home, his wife's parents would have been there also. His wife thought 2 more adults was too many.

As I said, I was hurt, sad, angry. My initial instincts included " In the future, we will visit when we damn well please"..."they can just wait for me to contact them"---followed by all kinds of other comments ---in my head---that expressed my anger and disappointment. In further reflection---and prayer---I realized how immature much of that was. It is ok to acknowledge being hurt and angry but to cut off communiucation leads only to more disappointment and anger. Emotional cut offs are weapons as destructive as IEDs. They devastate relationships and families.

Today ask God to help you heal any emotional cut offs you are a part of. If someone else has cut you off, be courageous and ask why. If you have cut some else off, work on healing the relationship. Think about the relief you will feel when the healing begins.

Blessings-Penny

Trust

How does a parent determine how much to share with their children or teenagers? How much should be shared about financial problems? How much should be shared about the parent's behavior or misbehavior as a teenager? How much should be shared about the parents' relationship issues---reasons for divorce ? How much do we share about our time challenged by addiction?

At a recent family gathering of an extended, blended family I became aware of some things that had not been shared -what some people knew and others did not-how angry perspectives had shaped acceptance or rejection of a new family member.  We all have a right to privacy and certainly these days there is often tmi (as the kids say--too much information) but when do secrets become weapons and when does a secret-later revealed-become an issue of trust?

These are serious  issues for prayerful consideration. We ask God to be with us as we carefully share what is helpful-what is loving-and we leave the rest in God's hands. The rest is between God and us.

Today we pray for an awareness of God with us as we share carefully and build trust within our loving relationships.

Blessings-Penny