"texture of life"

"Women are delicate and patient observers, they hold their nose close, as it were, to the texture of life." This is a quote from a book review I recently read that struck me as poetic and true. No offense to the men who read this blog. I believe some men also are "patient observers" but I do believe very often women and men see the world from different perspectives. Men tend to be problem solvers and "get things done." Women tend to be more likely to observe nuances and relationships. We need both! And, of course, those tendencies are observed in careers we choose.

But putting aside all those politically correct issues, I love the thought of "holding their nose close...to the texture of life"... no matter who we are.

Am I a "delicate and patient observer?" Today can I slow down and "observe the texture of life?" What might that reveal? Would it help me to know a friend a little better? Would it help in my recovery?

Thank you, God, for this beautiful "texture of life."

Blessings-Penny

"I get distracted.."

I talked with "Nancy" this morning. "Nancy" is the woman I talked about in "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God." She has had a long struggle with addiction and has been in recovery for about 15 years. It has not been a perfect recovery by self-help standards but her addiction no longer controls her life.
One major component of "Nancy's" recovery is her growth in spirituality. She prays daily--many times a day. Sometime it is casual, as in, "Let's sit down her, Jesus, and rest a bit," when her lung disease catches up with her. And sometimes it is more planned.

Today "Nancy" said, "I get concerned about my prayers. Sometimes I start praying for someone and then I get distracted and think about their problem and why I am praying for them. I get concerned God doesn't think I'm serious about my prayer. Maybe He quits listening when I get distracted."

I assured "Nancy" that God hears all her prayers. He hears all of our prayers. Her recovery is an absolute example of His hearing her prayers.

Is your recovery, from whatever is troubling you, an example of His hearing your prayers---even when you get distracted? Is your recovery not "perfect" but moving toward a resolution?

Blessings-Penny

little moments--big impact

In the devotion I read yesterday the writer's message was this: Very often when we meet or even see a famous person, say an important political figure or a movie star or a rock star, we remember that event in great detail. We remember what they looked like or what they said. We remember how we felt during that encounter. We go over it in our memories and we share it frequently with others.

But often when we make a small, important decision, we hardly notice. We don't remember it or maybe don't even realize it's importance.

I was reminded of a client who talked of a rather momentary decision she made that truly changed her marriage. For weeks we had been talking about the poor communication between her and her husband. She was in early recovery from alcoholism and he seemed to be watching her intensely for a slip. His confrontations led to her response of defensiveness and tears.  One morning he accused her of slurring her words the night before and wondering if she was hiding a bottle in the house. Rather than become defensive she responded by simply acknowledging his concerns and stating clearly that she was not hiding a bottle. Though she was disturbed by his accusations, she chose to not react in her usual way.

Did she see this decision as significant? Not really. She downplayed it when sharing it with me. Yet it was the beginning of a very significant shift for her. She began to understand the power she had to lead the conversations and communication with her husband and indeed in many of her interactions.

Today is there a small decision I will make that will change the way I interact; that will give me the sense of power I have with my communication? Will I notice that decision?

Will I ask God to give me the grace to notice?

Blessings-Penny

unrest

I am reading a book entitled The Holy Longing   by R. Rolheiser. I've just started it but it touches me...probably because the author talks about the restlessness, a longing, a hunger, an ache that lies in the center of the human experience, a desire and a delicious hope.  He says that spirituality is ultimately what we do with that desire and hope.

The way this author talks about spirituality fits with what I said in my book Filling the God-Shaped Void. The restlessness and longing that Rolheiser identifies as part of the human experience is the void we often are attempting to fill with the addictions and behaviors that cause great pain in our lives and the lives of those we love. He says there is the fire within us and what we do with that fire, how we channel it, is our spirituality.

Some people tend to dismiss the idea of spirituality because to them it has a religious connotation. Rolheiser defines spirituality much more broadly---at least to begin with.

Naming the restlessness, the longing, the ache, the desire, the hope makes it more than a void. Naming it gives us some choices in our behaviors and how we deal with it.

Do you sense a void, a restlessness, a desire, a hope? How do you deal with it? Would you call that your spirituality?

Blessings-Penny

Yesterday my friend called. Her husband, age 58 now, was diagnosed with  early onset Alzheimer's disease a few years ago. They have been through such sadness as they struggle to cope with the deterioration of his mental abilities. She and I don't get to talk often so her call was a real gift.

Her journey has been one of working through the grief process and I wish she had time to record it. I believe others would gain hope and strength from it. She now says things like, "I am not as angry as I was. I just know this is now my world and I will be changed by it...I already am...I take time for myself...I work out...I paint a little... and I have accepted a Stephan minister (-a spiritual counselor). I never would have done that a couple of years ago."

There is nothing she can change about the disease. But she has changed some of her behaviors and her perspective has changed. I believe she has opened her clutched fist and let God take hold of her hand.

Those of us with the disease of addictions cannot change the disease but we have such an opportunity to change our behaviors---and our perspective. Can we open our clutched fists and let God take our hand?

Blessings---Penny

authentic

We have been attending a new group at our church and have met some good people. By "good" I mean people who want their lives to reflect God's call to them. We talk about how difficult it is to even know what that call is. Is it God's call or is it my self interest that calls me to act in a certain way?

One of the participants, a woman we will call Corinne, talked of a struggle she has with forgiving a relative for comments the relative continues to make which are critical and hurtful. Of course many suggestions were given to Corinne. She should stand up for herself. She should "help" the relative gain an awareness of her behavior, etc. etc. Though the group was very sincere in providing feedback, the thing that struck me about the conversation was how authentic Corinne was. She readily acknowledged she would have difficulty confronting the behavior. She laughed easily and often., She took responsibility for how long it has taken her to even acknowledge the hurt she has experienced because of the relative's comments.

In other interactions with us Corinne displays this same authenticity. She greets us warmly. She asked if another presenter had offended us with some comments. She is never defensive. She is so very easy to be with. Her behavior is warm and caring. She reflects God's call to be loving.

Am I authentic? Am I easy to be with? Do I reflect God's call? Can I do better with that today?

Blessings-Penny

existential anxiety

Two people I care about, people who are in very different spots in their lives, have expressed similar sadness recently. One is a young woman moving into adulthood. The other is an "old guy" moving into a quieter time of his life. Both say with a sense of desperation, "I don't know where I fit in this world." The younger woman expresses this with a suicidal kind of angst. The older man is  more angry that this should continue to trouble him at this age and stage.

I think that most of us have at least fleeting questions of where "we fit in this world" especially at times of decisions, change and stages in our lives. But I think that most of us just sort of bump along and really don't spend much time considering "our fit." We make decisions without much concern of our place in the world. We try to hang on to what we have or grasp at what we think we need.

But the desperation with which my two friends struggle gives me pause. Their struggle seems noble --worth considering. Their hands seem empty and open...searching and reaching for compassion and consolation.  And then there was this quote in my morning reading, "That is also the reason why it is always the people with empty hands, the hungry and thirsty, and the confused who are called blessed... After all, it is usually only empty hands that are outstretched. And outstretched hands are the only ones God can clasp."

Are my hands empty so God can clasp them---or are they closed tightly trying to hold on to what I think I possess? Your hands?

Blessings-Penny