stigma

Yesterday I gave a workshop at the church we have been attending for about 18 months. The material was based on my book Broken by Addiction Blessed by God.  It seemed essential that I share some of my own story since it is threaded through the book and is part of the journey of recovery in the book. However most of the women that I know at the church and who were signed up for the workshop do not know I am a recovering alcoholic.

I felt very vulnerable---once again. The stigma of being a woman alcoholic is alive and well!---and it's not just in my head. There is still a strong stigma to be a woman alcoholic or to having anything close to labeled a mental illness. Just read the newspapers or headlines of the papers in the rack as you wait to check out groceries. Tsk-tsk!The women at the workshop showed no signs of judgment and the day focused primarily on the human issues of self image, traditional roles, ineffective communication, grief and loss, medical issues, and anger and abuse. But when any of us put our personal story out there, we are vulnerable.

And yet---when we put our personal story out there, there is a chance someone will connect with it; someone will identify a similar situation; someone will find an opening, however small, to consider making a change in their own life; someone will find hope. There is a chance for "the kingdom of God to break through."

That risk is "living into the promises of God." He does not judge. He forgives.

Do you risk sharing your story? Do you hope to touch someone in their pain?

Blessings-Penny

bullies

This year's political process is embarrassing. What on earth have we come to as a nation? I generally refrain from political comments on this blog---but I really am deeply disturbed. All this "liar, liar, pants on fire" rhetoric is frightening. What must other nations think of us!! We must be the laughing stock! What happened to the belief that disagreement on the issues is valid but one respects the others right to that disagreement? When did we come to shouting and belligerance as THE way of communicating difference? What have we come to as an electorate that we see this as ok---that we encourage it!?

What message are we allowing to be sent to our children and young people? ---that this kind of name calling is a way to leadership?

A columnist recently said that what we need is a candidate whose priority is repairing the fabric of our nation. We need a healing.

Amen!!!!

Blessings--Penny

Spring!!

Birds chirping awakened me this morning! It's warm enough to sleep with the window slightly open and there was our first sign of spring. When we lived in Vermont the first sign of spring was when the brook outside our bedroom began to thaw. Sure enough the sound of rushing water would awaken me to the first sign of spring. What a gift that was after our long, cold, dark winter!

And then as I stood at the sink making my morning coffee I noticed the buds on the flowering plum tree outside that window. Another welcome gift though winters here in Nevada are sunny and gentle.

This world truly is amazing---the east coast is having a "polar vortex" of snow, wind and sub zero temps. And here in the west we have record breaking warmth. Truly the vastness of this country is stunning.

Do I remember to thank God for the little things (really not so little)--for birds and buds and thawing streams? Do you?

Blessings-Penny

neurotic?

I've moved alot in my lifetime. Some of the later moves have been my choice and most of the earlier ones had to do with my father's and first husband's careers. It's been over 22 major moves from state to state---some have been repeat moves to a particular state (like to Virginia a number of times)---some additional ones within a state--- but also to every major geographical area in the U. S. plus England.

I think I am done ---but one is never quite certain with me!

What got me thinking again about the moves was a recent article about finding spirituality in walking and traveling. Well, I walk for exercise and I do find it a time for lots of reflection. I think I find some spirituality in my moves also---maybe not what is defined by most people as spirituality but walking, traveling and moving could be defined as searching. Searching for new experiences, new things to consider, new ways to explore ideas. The article said that walking and traveling are ways to meet new people, examine life from different perspectives and cultures.

That certainly has been true of my moves and my walking. Living in new geographical areas has certainly taught me that people in the U. S. differ signficantly in their views of many important things---city people, rural people, people who move, people who have lived in one place most of their lives---differ in politics, religion, entertainment, even family life. Not one better or worse---just different. In my moves I get to search the differences and the similarities.

Even walking gives me an opportunity to examine the landscapes of the different geographical areas---understand the geology, evolution and survival. Searching. Walking the dog gives me interactions with people I would not otherwise have. People stop to talk---share their experiences, search for commonalities.

What I like in the article about walking (moving) and spirituality is that it said I'm not neurotic. That's a reassurance. I'm certain many of my friends think I'm a bit neurotic with all these moves. I know the kids wonder about mom at times. But the article said that all this movement is searching. Knowing there is more below the surface of this world---or maybe above the surface. It reminded me of the title of my book Filling the God-Shaped Void---"There is a God-Shaped void in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing; only by God the creator made known through Jesus Christ." (Pascal)

My void? my search?---your void? your search?

Blessings-Penny

anger and confrontation

I was reviewing a catalog of community courses offered at our state university and found one entitled "Neutralizing Verbal Attacks." Part of the description talked about ways to stay calm ..."reduce the anxiety you feel during verbal confrontations and preventing your response from damaging the relationship."

A number of recent "verbal confrontations" came to mind. I thought of a friend who recently described a confrontation. I had been concerned at how her response had apparently escalated the conversation. And I was reminded of my own response to someone who angered me and how I escalated the encounter---risking damaging the relationship.

And then there was another incident of someone else who had angered me and how I remained cool in the conversation.  But I felt I really didn't express the angry feelings I was experiencing. I sort of wanted her to "know" I was angry by my coolness. I wanted her to ask me why I was angry.

Expressing anger is often a tough dilemma. It is a fine line between having the "right" to express our feelings and the risk of "damaging the relationship." Of course the expression of anger is often accompanied by a tone of accusation which certainly doesn't help the situation. In honesty, for me my anger is often tied into my "need" to control a situation. If someone isn't doing something in a manner I consider safe/helpful/considerate I have a tendency to "correct" them in what they consider an angry/controlling tone. And all I was trying to do was be helpful!!!

Oh my what a long way still to go!!!

This Lent I will work towards "metanoia"---not just giving up something but a change--a turning around of this anger---of this need for control.

How would that look?

Anything you'd really like to change, to focus on this Lent?

I will pray daily---probably many times a day---to reach for Christ in this.

Blessings-Penny

Am I that closed?

Recently I had a conversation with a woman going through what she considers to be a devastating break up of her family. One member of the family is choosing to move and not leave a forwarding address. The woman I was speaking with considers this a selfish, spoiled act that will leave her and other family members alone and distraught. I have to wonder what is "the rest of the story."

But since I don't know "the rest of the story" I attempted to give support for her sadness and anger. When any of us feel betrayed in a relationship we often get sad which then becomes anger.And we shut down. We close up. We take a position and we do not budge.We simply cannot look at the other person's needs.

Also when someone we love has been betrayed we often close down. We feel betrayed. We take their side and up the ante on the anger. In an effort to support, we feed into their closed position.

In betrayal we find it next to impossible to forgive---or move anywhere close to forgiveness. And yet Christ tells us we must forgive 70 times 7. Really? Forgive someone who has betrayed me or someone I love. Yep. That's what we are to do. We are to "go to them and reconcile."

If I can't do that--yet-- can I begin to pray to be more open? In a sermon on forgiveness I recently heard a priest talk about forgiveness in those terms.."maybe not yet, maybe not now but begin to pray to be open to the thought of forgiveness." Since I can't change him or change what is happening, what attitude am I to take? What will bring some peace to my heart?

Where in my life am I closed? When have I been unable to forgive? Where can I pray to change my attitude?

Blessings-Penny