I was reviewing a catalog of community courses offered at our state university and found one entitled "Neutralizing Verbal Attacks." Part of the description talked about ways to stay calm ..."reduce the anxiety you feel during verbal confrontations and preventing your response from damaging the relationship."
A number of recent "verbal confrontations" came to mind. I thought of a friend who recently described a confrontation. I had been concerned at how her response had apparently escalated the conversation. And I was reminded of my own response to someone who angered me and how I escalated the encounter---risking damaging the relationship.
And then there was another incident of someone else who had angered me and how I remained cool in the conversation. But I felt I really didn't express the angry feelings I was experiencing. I sort of wanted her to "know" I was angry by my coolness. I wanted her to ask me why I was angry.
Expressing anger is often a tough dilemma. It is a fine line between having the "right" to express our feelings and the risk of "damaging the relationship." Of course the expression of anger is often accompanied by a tone of accusation which certainly doesn't help the situation. In honesty, for me my anger is often tied into my "need" to control a situation. If someone isn't doing something in a manner I consider safe/helpful/considerate I have a tendency to "correct" them in what they consider an angry/controlling tone. And all I was trying to do was be helpful!!!
Oh my what a long way still to go!!!
This Lent I will work towards "metanoia"---not just giving up something but a change--a turning around of this anger---of this need for control.
How would that look?
Anything you'd really like to change, to focus on this Lent?
I will pray daily---probably many times a day---to reach for Christ in this.
Blessings-Penny
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