Lots of discussions of fear with several friends over the last few days---fear for a family member returning from treatment, fear of attending a first recovery meeting, fear of something but not certain what. All of these fears create incredible anxiety.
How does one move from fear to peace? How does one let go of the fear? To use the last blog, how does one unpack the fear from the backpack we haul around?
We have just celebrated Christmas...Christ coming into our lives. O Come O Come Emanuel> Have we missed Christmas? Have we missed what this means in our lives?
Christ coming into our lives means He is with us. He is with us in our fear. Can we move from the crib of Bethlehem to the cross? That is the Big Picture! Christ coming into our lives means He is with us and He has forgiven us...that is THE promise
Can we place our fears at the foot of the cross? Can we really believe in His promises to be with us? It takes a shift. It takes being "intentional" in our prayer life. It takes frequent daily quick prayers---"Help me here to remember You are with me."
As the New Year begins can we live into the promises of Christ? Can we know at some level that the fear does not disappear instantly but as we live into His promise to be with us, we move into the peace beyond all understanding.
I pray that for you and for me.
Happy Blessed New Year!
Penny
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
unpack the backpack
Our sermon at church Sunday talked about "unloading our backpack" of things that interfere with our relationship with God. I wondered how to unload the sadness I feel at this time of year when it is the birthdate of my daughter who died at age 12. After some prayer, some meditation, some consolation from friends and family, what I have come to realize is that I can work on "unpacking" the gloom. The gloom is what interferes with my relationship with God, my feeling of comfort at this wonderful mystery of His birth, of focus on what His birth means in my salvation.
And to my great surprise and pleasure, this "unpacking" of my gloom has made a real difference in the last few days. I can still feel some sadness but I don't feel surrounded by the gloom. How have I unpacked it? I have prayed for the Spirit to help me place this gloom at the foot of the cross. I actually picture the gloom there at the foot of the cross.
I pray that if there is something in your backpack that interferes with your relationship with Christ, you, too, can place it at the foot of the cross. Christ's birth is the beginning of the miracle of His promises. It begins now!
Can you begin to live into those miracles? Ocome Ocome Emmanuel. Christ with us.
Blessings-Penny
And to my great surprise and pleasure, this "unpacking" of my gloom has made a real difference in the last few days. I can still feel some sadness but I don't feel surrounded by the gloom. How have I unpacked it? I have prayed for the Spirit to help me place this gloom at the foot of the cross. I actually picture the gloom there at the foot of the cross.
I pray that if there is something in your backpack that interferes with your relationship with Christ, you, too, can place it at the foot of the cross. Christ's birth is the beginning of the miracle of His promises. It begins now!
Can you begin to live into those miracles? Ocome Ocome Emmanuel. Christ with us.
Blessings-Penny
Saturday, December 21, 2013
compulsion
I've been told it is more difficult to be in recovery from an eating disorder than substance abuse. What I know is that the compulsive nature of the diseases seems similar. Also the lying and the hiding and the shame and the guilt seem similar. A young friend in treatment for her eating problems hides the food she is supposed to eat. Her family dynamics remain is disarray. It's a mess and it will be a challenge for the rest of her life.
My addiction is also a challenge and will be for the rest of my life. But the good news is I can make choices about it. Early in my recovery I read, "If there is something in your life you don't like, you can change it." What a thought! It's not easy to make the choices to change. I don't do recovery "perfectly" by some people's standards. But the choices I make eliminate the lying, the hiding, the shame and the guilt.
I place my recovery in my relationship with God. If I would move back into the addiction, into its compulsion, I would move away from my relationship with God. The peace that I gain from the choices He helps me make is worth more than any fancy drink or high I might get. No more compulsion. No more lying, hiding, shame, or guilt. No more family disarray.
But I am challenged at times. I pray. I make recovery a part of my daily prayer life. I ask God to be with me.
If you are challenged today, pray. Know that small steps, small choices are all part of your recovery. Know God is with you. Know He is there in the darkness.
Blessings-Penny
My addiction is also a challenge and will be for the rest of my life. But the good news is I can make choices about it. Early in my recovery I read, "If there is something in your life you don't like, you can change it." What a thought! It's not easy to make the choices to change. I don't do recovery "perfectly" by some people's standards. But the choices I make eliminate the lying, the hiding, the shame and the guilt.
I place my recovery in my relationship with God. If I would move back into the addiction, into its compulsion, I would move away from my relationship with God. The peace that I gain from the choices He helps me make is worth more than any fancy drink or high I might get. No more compulsion. No more lying, hiding, shame, or guilt. No more family disarray.
But I am challenged at times. I pray. I make recovery a part of my daily prayer life. I ask God to be with me.
If you are challenged today, pray. Know that small steps, small choices are all part of your recovery. Know God is with you. Know He is there in the darkness.
Blessings-Penny
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
another gift
I caught a rerun of the tv comedy "Frasier" yesterday. Frasier was at a wake and though there were great laugh lines, the sentence that touched me was when he was talking with the widow. He said, "I really don't understand why your husband died...but I have come to understand that we cannot focus on death during our lives....We need to focus on the joys and surprises."
That thought stayed with me all day. The Christmas holidays have a "settled sorrow" for me as December 22 is the date of my late daughter's birth---the daughter who died in a traffic accident at age 12. So though I try to get into the holiday spirit, there is a sadness underneath.
And then this morning my first email was from a woman who had heard me on Relevant Radio. She was asking for advice regarding her daughter. She is concerned about her daughter's drinking. Her email was such a gift. "We focus on the joy and surprises." Someone is searching and they found me! What a joy and surprise!
Are you missing someone this holiday? Is there a sadness? Is there also a joy and surprise you can see?
Can you thank God for that joy?
My email is pnnyhsr2012@gmail.com I would love to hear from you.
Blessings-Penny
That thought stayed with me all day. The Christmas holidays have a "settled sorrow" for me as December 22 is the date of my late daughter's birth---the daughter who died in a traffic accident at age 12. So though I try to get into the holiday spirit, there is a sadness underneath.
And then this morning my first email was from a woman who had heard me on Relevant Radio. She was asking for advice regarding her daughter. She is concerned about her daughter's drinking. Her email was such a gift. "We focus on the joy and surprises." Someone is searching and they found me! What a joy and surprise!
Are you missing someone this holiday? Is there a sadness? Is there also a joy and surprise you can see?
Can you thank God for that joy?
My email is pnnyhsr2012@gmail.com I would love to hear from you.
Blessings-Penny
Friday, December 13, 2013
Prepared
On Relevant Radio yesterday morning, we talked about preparing our recovery for the holidays. We talked about having a plan to avoid a SLIP. In recovery terms a slip is drinking or drugging when you are working on maintaining abstinence. I also like thinking of a SLIP as Sobriety Lost Its Priority. And that is often what happens during the holidays. If we don't have a plan, if we don't make recovery the priority, an offer of a drink or drug catches us off guard.
In addition to the drugs and alcohol any of our challenges can catch us off guard without a plan. During the holidays old memories can move us into a deep sense of sadness and even depression. Family gatherings can trigger old anger and resentments that can lead to broken relationships.
A couple of practical tips I have learned over the years, may be of help.
If drugs and alcohol are the issues think through the risks. Before a party or a family gathering, drink a couple of glasses of water. You won't reach for the beer or wine or champagne out of thirst. Pray. Ask God to remind you He is there with you. Eat a piece of fruit or a sandwich before you go. Pray. Is there someone who will attend the function also, who knows you are working on sobriety? Ask them to connect with you a couple of times during the party or gathering. Have your sponsor's number on your speed dial. Excuse yourself to the bathroom and call them. Pray.
And there's always the great complete sentence, "No, thank you." (these tips work for over-eating too) "No. I'm not able to attend this year."
And there is the other recovery acronym---HALT. Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
Without a plan for our emotions, we also can have a recurrence of the old anger that leads to outbursts. We can have a sadness that feels overwhelming. Pray. God promises He is with you in the darkness. Reaching out to someone else is a wonderful plan for dealing with these emotions. Mother Theresa says, "Never think that a small action done to your neighbor is not worth much. It is not how much we do that is pleasing to God, but how much love we put into the doing."
Sean, the radio interviewer also asked, "But what if someone does drink or drug? How do they not become hopeless?" Mother Theresa also says, "Give yourself fully to God, who will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in God's love than in your weakness." If there is a relapse in drinking or drugging or emotions, we remember to trust in God's love---more than our weakness. We pray, we meditate. We ask Him to give us the strength to return to self help meetings, to call our sponsor, to examine the "plan" and where it didn't work.
A Catholic priest, Martin Coist (I think), said, "It is not the falling that is the worst but rather staying on the ground." We don't have to stay on the ground. Christ is there is pick us up with His hand of forgiveness.
Do you have a plan? Is God part of that plan? Are you taking time in Advent to pray quietly to remember God is with you?
Blessings
In addition to the drugs and alcohol any of our challenges can catch us off guard without a plan. During the holidays old memories can move us into a deep sense of sadness and even depression. Family gatherings can trigger old anger and resentments that can lead to broken relationships.
A couple of practical tips I have learned over the years, may be of help.
If drugs and alcohol are the issues think through the risks. Before a party or a family gathering, drink a couple of glasses of water. You won't reach for the beer or wine or champagne out of thirst. Pray. Ask God to remind you He is there with you. Eat a piece of fruit or a sandwich before you go. Pray. Is there someone who will attend the function also, who knows you are working on sobriety? Ask them to connect with you a couple of times during the party or gathering. Have your sponsor's number on your speed dial. Excuse yourself to the bathroom and call them. Pray.
And there's always the great complete sentence, "No, thank you." (these tips work for over-eating too) "No. I'm not able to attend this year."
And there is the other recovery acronym---HALT. Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
Without a plan for our emotions, we also can have a recurrence of the old anger that leads to outbursts. We can have a sadness that feels overwhelming. Pray. God promises He is with you in the darkness. Reaching out to someone else is a wonderful plan for dealing with these emotions. Mother Theresa says, "Never think that a small action done to your neighbor is not worth much. It is not how much we do that is pleasing to God, but how much love we put into the doing."
Sean, the radio interviewer also asked, "But what if someone does drink or drug? How do they not become hopeless?" Mother Theresa also says, "Give yourself fully to God, who will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in God's love than in your weakness." If there is a relapse in drinking or drugging or emotions, we remember to trust in God's love---more than our weakness. We pray, we meditate. We ask Him to give us the strength to return to self help meetings, to call our sponsor, to examine the "plan" and where it didn't work.
A Catholic priest, Martin Coist (I think), said, "It is not the falling that is the worst but rather staying on the ground." We don't have to stay on the ground. Christ is there is pick us up with His hand of forgiveness.
Do you have a plan? Is God part of that plan? Are you taking time in Advent to pray quietly to remember God is with you?
Blessings
Monday, December 9, 2013
Gifts
The newspaper and tv are packed with gift ideas. So much so that I just get turned off to the idea of giving. So much commercialism and consumerism. And then there are editorials and articles about giving of one's time to help in the community or in the family.
We were the recipients of a beautiful gift of time from family members last night. They called and said they'd like to take us to a Christmas light display in an area of the city we are not familiar with. (We are new to this city and driving at night to new places is a bit intimidating-especially after 13 years in very rural America.) So we packed into their large SUV, Mom driving, Grandad in the front passenger seat, Baby Joe, Jeremy (baby's dad) and me in the back seat. This outing was to show us the lights and to hopefully delight Baby Joe with this Christmas adventure.
As one might expect, the baby fell asleep in the car seat as we drove to the display. We grown ups- oohed and aaahed-and the baby slept peacefully.
But the even larger gift was to watch Jeremy as Baby Joe fell asleep. As Baby Joe's eyes grew heavy, Jeremy softly stroked his cheek and then cradled his head lovingly in his hand. He clearly cherishes this child.
These moments of silence, the gentleness, the expression of love were a true gift of Advent. In Advent we are to be still and watch for Christ's presence in our daily lives.
Where are the quiet signs of Christ's love in your day?
Blessings-Penny
We were the recipients of a beautiful gift of time from family members last night. They called and said they'd like to take us to a Christmas light display in an area of the city we are not familiar with. (We are new to this city and driving at night to new places is a bit intimidating-especially after 13 years in very rural America.) So we packed into their large SUV, Mom driving, Grandad in the front passenger seat, Baby Joe, Jeremy (baby's dad) and me in the back seat. This outing was to show us the lights and to hopefully delight Baby Joe with this Christmas adventure.
As one might expect, the baby fell asleep in the car seat as we drove to the display. We grown ups- oohed and aaahed-and the baby slept peacefully.
But the even larger gift was to watch Jeremy as Baby Joe fell asleep. As Baby Joe's eyes grew heavy, Jeremy softly stroked his cheek and then cradled his head lovingly in his hand. He clearly cherishes this child.
These moments of silence, the gentleness, the expression of love were a true gift of Advent. In Advent we are to be still and watch for Christ's presence in our daily lives.
Where are the quiet signs of Christ's love in your day?
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Missing Karen
We went out for dinner last night. I ordered a Cobb salad. When Karen and I had lunch together I often ordered a Cobb salad at our favorite restaurant in Vermont. There was conversation on what the salad included and how good it was---every time. I missed Karen last night. I also missed her when we went to a Cirque de Soleil performance last week. Karen and her husband and Joe and I went to Montreal to see Cirque de Soleil. I miss her frequent emails.
A few nights ago I was out with friends and one friend recounted a funny story about her mother ordering a ukelele at age 82. Her mother, who had some musical talent, wanted to learn to play the ukelele. The friend's mother had died recently and we all laughed warmly at this fond memory.
Two days ago a card arrived in the mail. I thought it was our first Christmas card. But no. It was a card and and obituary from a friend whose brother had died recently. I have known this friend for many years but rarely has the conversation been about her brothers and sisters. Her brother was a priest and the obituary notices were several. I read the stories of his life with real interest and gained a deeper sense of my friend, her family and this gentle man.
As I think about Karen and these family members who have died this year, I am touched by the meaning each of them had in the lives of their families and friends. These warm memories honor these dear people. We bring their histories into our present moment.
At Christmas we bring the past into our present moment. We bring Christ's birth into our present. In Advent we prepare for that birth by quiet prayer, by silence.
Do you have some time today for quiet prayer, for silence to think about the meaning of Christ's birth in your life?
Blessings-Penny
A few nights ago I was out with friends and one friend recounted a funny story about her mother ordering a ukelele at age 82. Her mother, who had some musical talent, wanted to learn to play the ukelele. The friend's mother had died recently and we all laughed warmly at this fond memory.
Two days ago a card arrived in the mail. I thought it was our first Christmas card. But no. It was a card and and obituary from a friend whose brother had died recently. I have known this friend for many years but rarely has the conversation been about her brothers and sisters. Her brother was a priest and the obituary notices were several. I read the stories of his life with real interest and gained a deeper sense of my friend, her family and this gentle man.
As I think about Karen and these family members who have died this year, I am touched by the meaning each of them had in the lives of their families and friends. These warm memories honor these dear people. We bring their histories into our present moment.
At Christmas we bring the past into our present moment. We bring Christ's birth into our present. In Advent we prepare for that birth by quiet prayer, by silence.
Do you have some time today for quiet prayer, for silence to think about the meaning of Christ's birth in your life?
Blessings-Penny
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