A woman's path to sustained recovery

Though the process of recovery is never easy, some women seem to move through the journey with less pain than others. Why? What makes the difference? Here we will talk about how that happens for each of us. We will talk about how women heal in mutually empowering realtionships with themselves, with others and with God.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

prejudice

In the past several weeks and days evidence of prejudice have been the headlines. Though the statements made by the 2 older white men who have made those headlines have been absolutely over the top, blatant and stupid, I am aware there are statements of prejudice that creep into our own thoughts and daily conversations. We like to think we have no prejudice but way, way too often it is there. It is there in so many ways---who we choose as our friends, what we think as we look at the news, who we vote for, what we think as we drive through a tough neighborhood.

Society is changing. Opportunity is changing. But prejudice remains a very blatant reality in our society and in our personal lives. I think of a song from the musical "South Pacific." "You've got to be taught to be afraid of people whose eyes are oddly made. You've got to be taught to be afraid of people whose skin is a different shade. You've got to be carefully taught."

What can you do today, in your personal life, to be aware of your prejudice? To get to know someone who has a different skin color from you? To not allow prejudice in your home?---no ethnic jokes, no use of prejudicial language---having an honest conversation about these headlines.

Recovery is a broad topic. How about recovery from our personal prejudices?
Christ came to save ALL of us. Every single one of us is His child. What a thought in this season of Easter!

Blessings-Penny

Friday, April 25, 2014

sleep

For those of you who check this spot every few days, I apologize for the gap between posts lately. I know your lives proceed quite well without these thoughts, but I greatly appreciate your check ins. Of course I have an excuse but please know I miss connecting with you even if it is virtual.

My husband has been challenged by some serious cardiac issues since early March. Finally he had a pacemaker/defibrillator implanted on Tuesday. Unfortunately what is usually a pretty uncomplicated procedure was complicated by a problem with his major vein. It has been a long 3 days of procedure and recovery to say nothing of a stressful 6 weeks waiting for the surgery. We have not slept well since early March.

Last night we slept 10 hours. What a gift! He breaks into song every once in a while---a common occurrence when he is feeling good. I am not constantly checking if he is breathing. Again-sleep is such a gift. Do you get enough? How can you work into a little more sleep-to take care of yourself?

On a different note-a week ago, I visited a friend who was completing a 30 day inpatient program for substance abuse. She is a person who really struggles with alcoholism and the last binge almost killed her. Her attitude was concerning. She was looking forward to discharge but said, though she planned to attend self help 3 times per week when she returned home, her first weekend she was going directly out of town for family business and she looked forward to a period without meetings. On one hand I understand this but I also know slips happen when Sobriety Loses Its Priority. I also believe the acronym "Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired."

Are you getting enough sleep? Do thoughts of a drink or drug gain a spot in your thinking when you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired,: when you are missing meetings?

Take care of yourself. Know God is with you in all of this. He is looking for you. Take a minute to be open to His Presence.
Blessings-Penny

Friday, April 18, 2014

Mercy

I have what I think could be called a sleep disorder. About 6-8 times per month I awaken after about 6 hours of sleep and am awake for 2 hours. This has gone on for years. My dad had the same problem and got addicted to some pretty powerful sleep medications. Thus I won't take any meds for this. But that means I can toss and turn and accomplish nothing several nights a month.

One such night was last night. I tossed and turned and managed to work myself into a pretty unsettling place. For whatever reason I focused on many of my mistakes as a mother, a wife, a nurse, a friend etc. over my lifetime. That made for a bad night and a bad morning. I've been struggling with some spiritual issues also---some questions about man's inhumanity to man.

And on this Good Friday, the Holy Spirit stepped in with some words of quiet:
"There are transgressions, lost ideals, acts of cowardice, recriminations. There is a network of evil and the fact of sin makes perfect righteousness (living by God's law) always impossible. But before the cross there is no ultimate condemnation. There is the invitation in seeing the suffering Christ. This is God's love for the whole world." (Weyerman, A.)

"There is more mercy in God than sin in us." (Coffin, S)

Prayers for peace and understanding for each of you.
Blessings-Penny

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Truth

My husband and I were discussing an incident that someone close to us shared. The incident involved a young adult "losing it" when saying goodbye to friends as she left her college dorm at graduation. We wondered if the "losing it" was as loud as reported---"sobs and screaming that could be heard all over the dorm." The person doing the reporting was concerned for the young woman and also for the parent who had been supporting and loving this young woman through many years of depression and an anxiety disorder. The parent had said "it wasn't a big deal" and downplayed the incident when asked about it.

As my husband and I discussed the incident we talked about how each person had their own "truth" in the reporting. They each had their own history with the young woman. They each had their own expectations of her behavior. They each had their own standard of social behavior.

When we as listeners hear different variations on a particular incident or even a particular political perspective, it is important to remember that we all have different ways of evaluating people, places and things. We come from different histories. How do we know the truth?

In the incident above it really isn't important to know "the truth." It is only helpful to remember that each person comes from a different history. We must not say "well he or she must be judging" "or "he or she must be lying." We must not judge.

In this Holy Week as we commemorate the death of Christ, we remember "He is the Truth, the Way and the Light." That's all we really need to know.

Blessings-Penny




Friday, April 11, 2014

forgiveness (part 2)

In reading a bit more about forgiveness there was a discussion of the idea that when we hold  on to anger and resentment, there is a "jagged edge," a barrier between us and God. Maybe that is why anger and resentment causes an anxiety within us...an anxiety we soothe with alcohol/drugs/eating/addictions.

It leads me to think of the many, many women who abuse substances over and over---women who were abused as children and teenagers and adults. Women who hold onto their anger---who don't know how to move past that anger. Moving past that anger does not mean forgetting it; it means acknowledging it happened; we hold the person accountable for their abuse; we try to understand the pressures that shaped the abuser;we give up the desire for revenge. These are all very long processes but in moving into them, we begin to write our own story. The perpetrator no longer has power. We are no longer the victim. We begin to transform our lives. This process of transformation, of which forgiveness is a major component, is the essence of  my first book "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God-a woman's path to sustained recovery." amazon.com

Is there an anger, a jagged edge, that creates a barrier between you and God? What would your life look like if you could move into forgiveness?

Think about your life without that anger.
Blessings-Penny

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

forgiveness

Each year in my Lenten thinking and meditations I work on the word "metamoia"---transform. I can't just "give up" something or "do" something for 6 weeks. I really need to ask God to transform so many of my human weaknesses.

One of the weaknesses I pray to transform is my inability to forgive. So often I think I have forgiven someone who has hurt me and then I find myself being angry all over again---especially when reminded by a particular situation or memory.

A recent Lenten meditation by Andrew M. Weyerman had some beautiful thoughts on this forgiveness thing.
"We often try to bury the past when we need to seek healing from the past...Healing is not possible by repressing the past."  He then quotes the astronaut John Glenn, "I am afraid to forget...What protrudes and does not fit in our past rises to haunt us and makes us spiritually unwell in the present."  Weyerman then continues, "The jagged edges protrude, the spirit is disturbed and the body fatigued...Healing from the past includes the kind of journey into the past where what was not cleanly forgotten is uncovered and experienced. Healing from the past involves opening the spirit to all light....Most of all healing from the past means rediscovering the reality of God's forgiveness of us....Nothing can be made up, redone, erased...Healing from the past then translates into the desire to be transformed by the Spirit into an honest, wise and gentle person."

I pray to forgive and that means owning the hurt I caused.

Is there someone you have difficulty forgiving? Does the "jagged edge protrude" and cause you to be unwell today?

I pray for all of us today.
Blessings-Penny







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Saturday, April 5, 2014

listen

The theme of this post is a repeat but it keeps going through my mind. In my last blog I mentioned that after my complaints to the health organization, I had felt "heard." The message that repeats itself in my head is this, "To be heard as an adult is like being held as a child." 

That seems like such an important concept that we need to repeat to ourselves often. When someone is talking to us, way, way too often we are guilty of thinking ahead of how we want to respond. We are not truly listening to what they are saying, what it means to them, how are they saying it. We hear the words but not the meaning. 

Take time to ask the second question---"How does that feel for you?...What does that mean for you?...Tell me more about that...I'm not certain I understand how that is for you..."

Practice a new way of "being" in conversation...in relationship.It just seems sooooo important.

Blessings-Penny

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

thanks

Following my husband's recent hospitalization we have had a very difficult time getting a referral and appointment for a critical follow up. We have called the specialist's office many, many times. Each time we receive different directions about what is required for a follow up. "have an XRay----get a referral from your primary physician---have the XRay read---bring it to our office---keep it and bring it to your appt. ---call for an appt.---we will call you with an appt."  Finally in frustration I wrote a letter of complaint to the Vice President of Customer Care for the health care organization.

Well, to my great surprise and satisfaction, within days we received a  call from the specialist's office giving my husband an appointment. He got in the next day. There was also a phone call from the mail order pharmacy he uses that is part of that health care organization and from which we were having difficulty receiving his discharge medications. We now have a direct line to an advocate for that mail order pharmacy.

And today there was a follow up call from the office of the vice president to whom I had written the letter.Wow! I feel heard!!! I had planned to write a letter of thanks and acknowledgement of our satisfaction with the people in the office and the quality of services provided.


My point in this blog is to acknowledge again how important it is for anyone needing health care services to also have an advocate. The systems are just so complicated. If the patient is not feeling well, slightly confused, tired, or depressed they may easily give up trying to negotiate the system.

I also want to emphasize that if I complain, I also need to follow up with thank you when the complaint is addressed.

That goes with complaints to organizations, friends and especially family. If our complaint is heard, even that helps!

What about our complaints to God? Do we feel heard? Do we say thank you?

Blessings-Penny