Up early this morning and out with new boxer "puppy." She's a year old, adopted from a seemingly nice family but she's afraid of her own shadow. I laugh that as a retired psychiatric nurse I now have a new three year mental health project. She's very sweet. We were out early on the golf course behind our house (I'll probably get in trouble for that). The moon was full setting over the mountains...not a cloud in the sky....absolutely picture postcard beautiful.
I am thankful....for all of God's creation. No matter where I live in this vast country, there are places and times that take my breath away.
And there are people who take my breath away....people doing loving, amazing things...people doing loving, quiet things.
Yes, a Happy Thanksgiving.
Blessings-Penny
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Friday, November 20, 2015
loneliness
A popular doctor/tv personality/columnist recently had an article about substance abuse and addiction. One of the components he identified as primary as a person slides into addiction is loneliness. It made me think about the issues I identify as components of addiction in Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God. The components I identify are highlighted as STIGMA-S=self image;T=traditional roles; I=ineffective communication; G=grief and loss/guilt and shame; M=medical issues; A=anger and abuse.
As I thought about loneliness as a component of addiction I agreed that it is a factor in every one of the STIGMA issues. If we have a negative image of ourselves, we withdraw and are lonely. If our traditional roles control our lives and frustrate us, we are isolated and lonely. If our communication with others is not open, honest and intimate, we withhold our true feelings and are lonely. Grief and loss/guilt and shame are probably the loneliest feelings in the world. Medical issues include depression, anxiety and all mental health issues that make us feel like we don't belong. And anger and abuse lead us to lies and lonely, secret lives.
This loneliness is one reason self help groups work in moving people into recovery. It fills a void to talk with people, to connect with people who are struggling with the same issues we are. We feel less alone--less lonely.
And remember---as emphasized in my book Filling the God-shaped Void --"There is a God-shaped void in the heart of every man (woman) which cannot be filled by any created thing, only by God the creator made known through Jesus Christ." I truly believe that. The loneliness in our soul that we try to fill with booze and drugs and other compulsive behaviors, can only truly be filled in our relationship with God.
We are not alone. You are not alone.
Blessings-Penny
As I thought about loneliness as a component of addiction I agreed that it is a factor in every one of the STIGMA issues. If we have a negative image of ourselves, we withdraw and are lonely. If our traditional roles control our lives and frustrate us, we are isolated and lonely. If our communication with others is not open, honest and intimate, we withhold our true feelings and are lonely. Grief and loss/guilt and shame are probably the loneliest feelings in the world. Medical issues include depression, anxiety and all mental health issues that make us feel like we don't belong. And anger and abuse lead us to lies and lonely, secret lives.
This loneliness is one reason self help groups work in moving people into recovery. It fills a void to talk with people, to connect with people who are struggling with the same issues we are. We feel less alone--less lonely.
And remember---as emphasized in my book Filling the God-shaped Void --"There is a God-shaped void in the heart of every man (woman) which cannot be filled by any created thing, only by God the creator made known through Jesus Christ." I truly believe that. The loneliness in our soul that we try to fill with booze and drugs and other compulsive behaviors, can only truly be filled in our relationship with God.
We are not alone. You are not alone.
Blessings-Penny
Monday, November 16, 2015
anonymous or public?
Alcoholics Anonymous has had a tradition that a person in recovery within their program needs to refrain from acknowledging publicly that they are in recovery within that program. Such a person may speak publicly about their addiction and recovery but should not identify themselves as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. It seems to me that generally recovering people honor that tradition and I am always a bit surprised when that tradition is broken.
However there is a movement in the recovering community to encourage people to publicly acknowledge their addiction and recovery. And in many ways that seems very healthy to me. If we really believe it is a disease---a disease that is not caused by being weak and having a lack of self control---a disease that has a medical and spiritual component---then why should it be such a secret? Keeping THE secret of addiction only adds to its stigma. Addiction is a disease with a progression that can lead to death AND it can be put in remission with treatment. That is very good news for people with this disease. Keeping the opportunity for remission a secret seems like a cop out to me.
I realize acknowledging this disease is not always easy. A friend at dinner the other night spoke of her daughter's recovery saying, "She doesn't talk to me about it." When I recently was asked to do a women's retreat on recovery (based on my book), I hesitated. The retreat group would be women in the new church we attend. Do I really want to talk about my own addiction and recovery? Do I want them to know? Will they think of me differently?
When we stand up and acknowledge this disease publicly we take a risk. When we stand up and acknowledge this disease AND recovery, we give hope.
When we place this disease and recovery within our relationship with God, we are safe.
Blessings-Penny
However there is a movement in the recovering community to encourage people to publicly acknowledge their addiction and recovery. And in many ways that seems very healthy to me. If we really believe it is a disease---a disease that is not caused by being weak and having a lack of self control---a disease that has a medical and spiritual component---then why should it be such a secret? Keeping THE secret of addiction only adds to its stigma. Addiction is a disease with a progression that can lead to death AND it can be put in remission with treatment. That is very good news for people with this disease. Keeping the opportunity for remission a secret seems like a cop out to me.
I realize acknowledging this disease is not always easy. A friend at dinner the other night spoke of her daughter's recovery saying, "She doesn't talk to me about it." When I recently was asked to do a women's retreat on recovery (based on my book), I hesitated. The retreat group would be women in the new church we attend. Do I really want to talk about my own addiction and recovery? Do I want them to know? Will they think of me differently?
When we stand up and acknowledge this disease publicly we take a risk. When we stand up and acknowledge this disease AND recovery, we give hope.
When we place this disease and recovery within our relationship with God, we are safe.
Blessings-Penny
Monday, November 9, 2015
It's everywhere!
We had lunch yesterday with new friends. We talked about the usual things--work, families, interests. Meeting new people and finding common themes in our lives is one of the pleasures of moving to a new city. And once again the struggles with drug addiction were a common theme.
Our new friends, Jennifer and Carl, are in their second marriages. Jennifer's adult son died of alcoholism. He was home alone, drank too much, passed out, choked on his own vomit and died. Carl's daughter married a drug addict, became one herself; her husband shot himself'; the daughter got into recovery and is now a addictions counselor. Our new friends raised her son--their grandson. It's everywhere!
My husband's sister was raising her grandson, son of an addict, when she died last summer. It's everywhere!
As I mentioned in a recent blog, 5 of the 6 people in our monthly grief group acknowledged being impacted by addiction-either their own or a family member. It's everywhere!
Recently the newspaper reported that in New Hampshire, the most important political topic in these primary election races is the issue of drug addiction---prescription drugs, alcohol, heroin. Not ISIS, not the economy; not a candidates life story, Addiction! It's everywhere!
Those of us who acknowledge addiction/alcoholism as being an issue in our lives are the fortunate ones. At least we acknowledge it. Whether it be our own struggle or the struggle of someone we love, with acknowledgement comes the opportunity to make choices. The choices can be difficult. Sometimes we have to make the recovery choice over and over---the struggle continues.
Are we thankful for that choice? Every day do we thank God for the opportunity to do the "loving thing?"---make the loving choice---the loving choice for ourselves and for those we love?
Blessings--Penny
Our new friends, Jennifer and Carl, are in their second marriages. Jennifer's adult son died of alcoholism. He was home alone, drank too much, passed out, choked on his own vomit and died. Carl's daughter married a drug addict, became one herself; her husband shot himself'; the daughter got into recovery and is now a addictions counselor. Our new friends raised her son--their grandson. It's everywhere!
My husband's sister was raising her grandson, son of an addict, when she died last summer. It's everywhere!
As I mentioned in a recent blog, 5 of the 6 people in our monthly grief group acknowledged being impacted by addiction-either their own or a family member. It's everywhere!
Recently the newspaper reported that in New Hampshire, the most important political topic in these primary election races is the issue of drug addiction---prescription drugs, alcohol, heroin. Not ISIS, not the economy; not a candidates life story, Addiction! It's everywhere!
Those of us who acknowledge addiction/alcoholism as being an issue in our lives are the fortunate ones. At least we acknowledge it. Whether it be our own struggle or the struggle of someone we love, with acknowledgement comes the opportunity to make choices. The choices can be difficult. Sometimes we have to make the recovery choice over and over---the struggle continues.
Are we thankful for that choice? Every day do we thank God for the opportunity to do the "loving thing?"---make the loving choice---the loving choice for ourselves and for those we love?
Blessings--Penny
Friday, November 6, 2015
"Who tells you who you are?"
A small group of women were at our grief group this week. The conversation centered on the sense of depression one woman expressed in relation to her grief. She acknowledged she had often felt this depression before her mother died and now it seemed even more intense. She sees a psychiatrist and is on medication but the depression is always there. "I just want to stay home and stay in bed...." She also expressed a sense of not being a good mother because she doesn't take her son to multiple activities---- "like the other women at work tell me I should do...I should give him a chance to try things and let him choose....He comes to the children's group here at church and sings in the children's choir."
Another young mother identified similar issues. "I feel like I'm not doing enough activity for my son....Other mothers do so much more. I wonder how they do it....I feel like I'm not a good mother."
Comparing ourselves to others, feeling like we don't measure up seems to be part of the "human condition." We all seem to do it even though at some level we know other people do the same thing...and may feel they don't measure up to us in some way.
At another level we know we "should" understand that we measure up in God's eyes. He tells us who we are. We are loved and cherished and belong to Him.. We are his children and He loves us more than we love our own children. He knows our struggles---He feels our sadness. He takes our hand. But when depression and grief and guilt surround us, it is very difficult to hold on to the promise of His love.
How do we that---how do we hold on to that promise? We live into it. We pray every day for the peace that comes with that promise. We pray for the wholeness that comes with that promise.
Every day He tells us who we are.
Blessings-Penny
Another young mother identified similar issues. "I feel like I'm not doing enough activity for my son....Other mothers do so much more. I wonder how they do it....I feel like I'm not a good mother."
Comparing ourselves to others, feeling like we don't measure up seems to be part of the "human condition." We all seem to do it even though at some level we know other people do the same thing...and may feel they don't measure up to us in some way.
At another level we know we "should" understand that we measure up in God's eyes. He tells us who we are. We are loved and cherished and belong to Him.. We are his children and He loves us more than we love our own children. He knows our struggles---He feels our sadness. He takes our hand. But when depression and grief and guilt surround us, it is very difficult to hold on to the promise of His love.
How do we that---how do we hold on to that promise? We live into it. We pray every day for the peace that comes with that promise. We pray for the wholeness that comes with that promise.
Every day He tells us who we are.
Blessings-Penny
Monday, November 2, 2015
joy of recovery
We went to a piano concert the other day. It was lovely--familiar pieces from Broadway to pop to classical. During the concert the pianist shared with the audience that he was celebrating 4 years of recovery. His sponsor was in the audience. He spoke of the joy of recovery, of doors that have opened, of the miracle of his recovery. He smiled and laughed as he talked. Clearly he loves his new life.
I was reminded of a tv commercial about quitting smoking. For years the commercial has shown a woman who is in the process of quitting. She eats apples, takes a walk, hugs her son. A more recent version of the commercial shows a man sitting at a table with a huge grin on his face. He enthusiastically says, "I love being a non-smoker!" A real pleasure in his new life.
That's what recovery is meant to be--a real pleasure---a real love of a new life. Unfortunately when one is still drinking or drugging, the thought of not drinking or drugging often feels like giving up too much---too much fun, too much relaxation, too much.......just too much. The reality is when one chooses to stop letting the addiction control one's life, it is not just eating apples and going for walks; the new life is full of love, and huge grins and miracles and joy and open doors.
The closing prayer on Sunday..."O God, you have called your servants to ventures of which we cannot see the ending, by paths as yet untrodden, through perils unknown. Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go, but only that your hand is leading us and your love supporting ."
Blessings-Penny
I was reminded of a tv commercial about quitting smoking. For years the commercial has shown a woman who is in the process of quitting. She eats apples, takes a walk, hugs her son. A more recent version of the commercial shows a man sitting at a table with a huge grin on his face. He enthusiastically says, "I love being a non-smoker!" A real pleasure in his new life.
That's what recovery is meant to be--a real pleasure---a real love of a new life. Unfortunately when one is still drinking or drugging, the thought of not drinking or drugging often feels like giving up too much---too much fun, too much relaxation, too much.......just too much. The reality is when one chooses to stop letting the addiction control one's life, it is not just eating apples and going for walks; the new life is full of love, and huge grins and miracles and joy and open doors.
The closing prayer on Sunday..."O God, you have called your servants to ventures of which we cannot see the ending, by paths as yet untrodden, through perils unknown. Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go, but only that your hand is leading us and your love supporting ."
Blessings-Penny
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