Glory

In Christmas hymns we have sung "Gloria, Gloria-glory to God in the highest." What is "the Glory of God?" An ancient bishop said, "The glory of God is the human being fully alive."
Are you "fully alive?" What would that mean in your life---to be" fully alive?"
How would being "fully alive" for you reflect God's glory?

Blessings-Penny

Christmas Decorations

The media is reporting that some people and businesses are taking down their Christmas decorations in Newtown. The town is in such pain bright lights and celebration do not seem appropriate. However I read an unrelated story yesterday about a family who buried their very young father on December 20 a few years ago. The mother was encouraged to not "bother" with Christmas. Her response was, "We will celebrate it! It celebrates God becoming human....I need to celebrate that reality. It gives me hope that my John shares God's joy forever."

Let us pray the parents and families of those precious children have a moment, a glimmer that the children are sharing God's joy forever.

Blessings-Penny

Horror

There simply are no words for the horror that happened today in Connecticut.
Let us keep those parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters in our prayers. Their lives are forever changed.
And let us keep the shooter and his family in our prayers too. Forgiveness is so very hard to understand but "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" is what we are taught.

Blessings-Penny

Freedom

We saw the movie "Flight" the other day. It's a movie about a plane crash and a pilot who has a BIG problem with alcohol and drugs. There is a good scene depicting him at an AA meeting that he walks out of. But to me, the most important scene is the final one. He is is prison after acknowledging his use of drugs and alcohol the day of the flight. He is leading an AA meeting and he says, "As crazy as it sounds, I am more free sitting in here with you guys because I am finally free of the addiction and control and power the drugs had over me." Those might not be his exact words but they are certainly the sentiment he was giving.

Remember those first days, weeks, months of recovery-how free it felt to not be controlled by the addiction?? You smiled more. You walked with a lighter step.

 You are powerless over the drugs but you are not powerless over your life and your choices.

What a gift this recovery is!! Thank God!
Blessings-Penny

new book

My new book, Filling the God-shaped Void-a book of daily meditations was published this week. My "author copies" arrived in a box without much fanfare.  And it is all such a surprise. I do not consider myself an author. Though I had wanted to write about my work with substance abusing women and what I believe is essential for recovery (which I did in Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God), I really had no plan for any further writing. This latest book flowed from this blog and the encouragement of a friend who saw it as useful support for all of us challenged by life's anxieties and losses.

Besides anxieties and losses life has such unexpected gifts and surprises; the gift of the friend's encouragement; the gift of my husband whose voice of strong faith is in the Sunday meditations of the book; the gift of Karen who edits and "messes around" with my awkward sentences; the gift of the Holy Spirit who must have been right here in all of this! The surprise that all of this really happened-out of nowhere-and at my age!

In this season of Advent, can we acknowledge the great gifts we have already received? What are those gifts
in your life that do not have a price tag, that cannot be purchased, that give you joy and peace? What surprises might occur if you are open?

Blessings-Penny

Fractured Families

I've spoken with several friends since Thanksgiving who shared sad incidents of fractured families... a  father who didn't come to the family gathering... a teenager who felt ordered to spend Thanksgivng with this or that parent depending on the divorce agreement. These family splits become more noticeable during the holidays when our society pretends "all is calm." The friend whose father did not come said she cried all day Monday.

What do we do when our feelings are hurt? When we feel we have no control in a situation? It is so easy to get angry, to be overwhelmed with sadness. How do we begin to recognize that we have no control over others but we do have control over how we respond?

We begin to acknowledge our part in the situation. What is this about? I try to remind myself "all behavior has meaning." What is the meaning of this other person's behavior? What is the meaning of my behavior-of my response?

Am I able to begin to forgive? Can I begin to forgive the rejection? Can I remind myself that I am forgiven-forgiven by God's grace-and that because I am forgiven I can begin to forgive others.

A wonderful process this forgiveness-as we move toward Advent.

Blessings-Penny

Blessings

This is the time of year we are encouraged to consider the many blessings in our lives. And we do have such abundant blessings. Each of us needs to truly pause in a some quiet place to  consider our blessings and thank God for them.

And what about those for whom daily life is a struggle-for those who lost someone dear to them this year-the first holidays without them---for those who live on the street ---for those who lost a job---for those who care for a  sick loved one day in and day out-- for those who had some recovery time and then had a SLIP (Sobriety Lost Its Priority).

We thank God for all we are blessed with and humbly pray for those who struggle---that they feels God's presence---that they have a glimpse of His promise to always be with them. It makes all the difference!

Blessings-Penny

Hurtful words

Someone I care about looked troubled. I asked what was wrong. She shared with me that her grandchild had said that she, the grandchild, hesitated to introduce her new boyfriend to my friend because she, the grandmother, was "crazy." This friend had struggled with addictions for many years and her behavior had been out of bounds during that time. However she has been in recovery for many years and the grandchild has not experienced any of the addictive behavior.

What to do? Talk with the family member who clearly tells the old stories? Talk with the grand daughter about the comment? Let it go?

I encouraged her to talk with the grand daughter. Ask if she was kidding or serious. Ask how she experiences my friend. Listen!!! Share how much she loves the grand daughter and wants a relationship built on their time together.

Generally we don't do well when we stuff our feelings. It takes courage and grace to work through old issues and pain. It feels like a risk to address the issues. All we can do is express our feelings, regrets and desire for  new life and new relationships.

We pray for grace and for the Spirit to be with us.

Blessings-Penny

Law and Gospel

My husband and I often talk about the difference between living by the law and living by the gospel. I fear that for much of my life I have lived by the law...rules that kept me in bounds but didn't offer much joy. To live by the gospel means that because God loves me, I do the loving thing in the relationships and roles of my life. What a difference.

My husband was asked to read a novel written by a friend, a novel in which a young woman avoids pre-marital sex because it is against the teaching of her church. What if we taught that we avoid pre-marital sex because through God's love of us we have learned what honoring each other means, what cherishing the relationship means. 

In what circumstances in my life can I choose to do the loving thing  because I know of God's love for me?

Blessings-Penny

election

Tomorrow is election day here in the U.S. I clarify that because some viewers of this site are from outside of the U.S. It is a very close race for the presidency and our state of Missouri has a nasty contest for state senator. I have very specific choices for both of those offices and will be up late tomorrow watching the returns.

And then I watch the news of fighting and deaths involved with politics in other regions of the world.
How I am so fortunate to live in the United States-free to disagree? free to not be herded to a refugee camp?  free to not fear rape or beatings related to my politics?

We are so blessed. How can we be so ungrateful? How can we fight so bitterly among ourselves? How can we be better citizens--of our nation---of our world?

How? Say a prayer of thanksgiving to God! VOTE!!!!
Blessings-Penny

mortality

A close friend of mine was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer about 6 months ago. We moved from where she lives in Vermont just after her diagnosis. I have not been in contact with her as much as I could have been or should have been. I use the excuse that I don't want to bother her but we all know that when we are in crisis, a phone call from a friend can be the connection we are longing for.

When I do talk with her she seems to be moving through her grief as well as any of us would. She has days she is "ready" and days she grieves. She has a strong spirituality and calls this a gift...a belief in a hereafter. I am reminded of my mother's final words to me, "I'm not afraid."

Do I have that belief?Do you have that belief?

Blessings-Penny

same Guy

Last Sunday a family I did not recognize came into the pew ahead of us at Church. They were smiling, pleasant, well dressed. After a few minutes of settling in ,the little boy-maybe age 6- turned to his dad and pointed to the statue of Jesus at the altar. "That's the same Guy we have at our church, isn't it? ...He's in different colored clothes but it's the same Guy!" he said excitedly.

His dad assured him it was the "same Guy" and the child sat quietly and pondered that.. I wondered what he had been taught about differing religions, different denominations.

Out of the mouths of babes---"It's the same Guy."

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all come to the awareness that it is the "same Guy" and quit our bickering over who has the right God, who has the right interpretations? What time and money could be saved and spent on taking care of God's kingdom and God's people.

Blessings-Penny

taking responsibility

As we were walking to our car Sunday morning in the garage parking, a man called to us. "Are you the owners of Bailey?...I think I owe you a deep apology. It was my dogs who got out of their crates and came after her.  I am so sorry." He asked about her health, had she been hurt and apologized again and again.

I was so touched. He could have easily ignored us. He could have easily said nothing. But here was a man who stepped forward, acknowledged that his dogs had at the very least frightened me, my husband and our dog. And took total responsibility for the encounter. No excuses, no rationalization.

In this day and age this man's actions of acknowledging the problem and taking responsibility seem so unique. So very often we hear about and have experience with people who only want to deny any wrongdoing or shift the blame to someone else. Here was a moral and ethical man who had learned to accept his responsibility and learned to say, "I am sorry." It made all the difference in how I think of the incident and of him.

Am I able to accept responsibility for my part of troublesome encounters? Am I able to say "I'm so sorry?"
Have I taught my children this lesson as well as I should have?
Am I as moral and ethical as I think I am? It really does become a spiritual matter.
Blessings-Penny

nightmares

My husband awakened me last night because I was screaming in my sleep. When I awakened I recalled the nightmare-someone was trying to break into our apartment-I could see the door handle turning-I wanted to yell "help-help" but I couldn't get the scream out. 

In attempting to get a sense of where that dream came from, the only thing I can relate it to is an incident in a parking garage a few days ago when 2 pit bull dogs got out of their car and came after my dog (and me). I yelled for help many times until someone came. Neither my dog nor me was harmed-clearly they were not attack dogs- but I did not know that during the incident.

If that incident was the trigger for the nightmare, I am surprised. Clearly the incident impacted me more than I realized. I tend to have a strong denial system for unpleasant things. What other things in my life do I deny and yet they remain in my unconscious and cause anxiety and fear?

What things in your life do you minimize and deny? Do they cause you anxiety and fear? Can you talk with someone about them?
Can you remember Christ is with you in all of it?
Blessings-Penny

little moments

One night recently I took my dog for her last outing before bedtime. I walked through the apartment building's lower garage level and was stopped by a woman who said, "I got your note. Thank you." As the conversation continued I realized she was the woman whose baby died of SIDS last month. She lives on our floor but I had never really met her. When the baby died I slipped a note of condolence under her door.

We talked for several minutes and I was moved by her own grief, confusion and grief for the tears of her 9 year old daughter. I strongly suggested she get counseling for all of them. I told her that not pushing for my family to get counseling after the death of my daughter was the biggest mistake I made in our grieving. Finding a safe place to express feelings of sadness and guilt, which are all part of normal grieving, is one of the most healing things one can do in any crisis or trauma...whether that be death, divorce, any loss.

Those thoughts have remained with me for days. Probably because it is all still part of my grieving---all these years later. The grief is still a part of me. I move on in my life but my daughter is never far from my thoughts and love.

God helps me heal and lets me hold onto the love and memories.
Blessings-Penny

Cut offs

Recently my son "uninvited" us for Thanksgiving. Apparently he had not discussed the family plans with his wife before extending us the spur of the moment invitation. My response to being "uninvited" was mixed. None of it good-hurt, sad, angry. The invitation meant we would have stayed with them and though they have a large home, his wife's parents would have been there also. His wife thought 2 more adults was too many.

As I said, I was hurt, sad, angry. My initial instincts included " In the future, we will visit when we damn well please"..."they can just wait for me to contact them"---followed by all kinds of other comments ---in my head---that expressed my anger and disappointment. In further reflection---and prayer---I realized how immature much of that was. It is ok to acknowledge being hurt and angry but to cut off communiucation leads only to more disappointment and anger. Emotional cut offs are weapons as destructive as IEDs. They devastate relationships and families.

Today ask God to help you heal any emotional cut offs you are a part of. If someone else has cut you off, be courageous and ask why. If you have cut some else off, work on healing the relationship. Think about the relief you will feel when the healing begins.

Blessings-Penny

Trust

How does a parent determine how much to share with their children or teenagers? How much should be shared about financial problems? How much should be shared about the parent's behavior or misbehavior as a teenager? How much should be shared about the parents' relationship issues---reasons for divorce ? How much do we share about our time challenged by addiction?

At a recent family gathering of an extended, blended family I became aware of some things that had not been shared -what some people knew and others did not-how angry perspectives had shaped acceptance or rejection of a new family member.  We all have a right to privacy and certainly these days there is often tmi (as the kids say--too much information) but when do secrets become weapons and when does a secret-later revealed-become an issue of trust?

These are serious  issues for prayerful consideration. We ask God to be with us as we carefully share what is helpful-what is loving-and we leave the rest in God's hands. The rest is between God and us.

Today we pray for an awareness of God with us as we share carefully and build trust within our loving relationships.

Blessings-Penny

your story

I recently finished a book by Frank Delaney entitled The Last Story Teller. I've never been too captivated by "storytellers" but found the background and the story itself very interesting. What captured my attention most was this paragraph.
"Every legend and all mythologies exist to teach us how to run our days. In kind fashion. A loving way. But there's no story, no matter how ancient, as important as one's own. So if we are to live good lives, we have to tell our own story. In a good way."

 I think of my book "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God-a woman's path to sustained recovery" as my own story woven into an approach to long term recovery-a way to run my day. I think it is useful and healing to "tell our story" ---even if I only tell it to myself. How did I arrive in this place? Who was involved and important? How were they involved and important? What choices did I make that impacted where I am today? Is there something I want to 're-decide?'

Can you tell your story in a kind way...in a loving way?

Blessings-Penny

skipping

Walking in downtown St. Louis the other day I watched a mother and daughter cross the street. The daughter was about 8 years old and holding her mother's hand. About halfway across the street the child looked up at her mother and broke into a skip. She smiled and looked so filled with delight. I wondered what the mother had said or what thought had entered the child's head.

When did you last feel like breaking into a skip? When did you last say something that might have filled someone with delight- so they felt like breaking into a skip? To feel like skipping we have to feel "light"-unburdened. Can you lift someone's burden today? Can you give up some of your own burden?

 God shares our burden-He promises. Take time to remember that today. Give it to Him. He would love to see you skip.

Blessings-Penny

Decisions

Within the last month both of my sons have declined major opportunities in their careers. Their decisions to decline those opportunities are based on what is best for their children. In declining those opportunities they have essentially ended their military careers and will retire. One will retire this month, the other sometime later. I am so impressed. For each of them the opportunities offered were things they would have enjoyed d and would have been capstones to their careers.

One son said it was really no decision. It would have meant transferring to another state and leaving his family where they are-no decision. The other son wrestled more-his decision would have meant a family move and with a daughter in high school and a wife with deep family roots where they are- he decided "no."

How do you make decisions? Who do you consider in the process? How do you talk with them? do you pray for God's guidance?

During the time my sons had to make their decisions, I told them I prayed they could feel God's presence with them, that they would be guided by His grace, that they would feel His peace whatever they decided.

I am so very proud of them-no matter their decisions.

Blessings-Penny

Issac

Much is being said about Hurricane Issac landing on the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. It is also the aniversary of "Tropical Storm Irene" landing in Vermont. We were trapped on our mountain for 3 weeks. Thousands of people lost everything. The landscape was devastated.

And yet this morning, as Issac approaches our new home in St. Louis, I walked in the park by the Arch at sunrise. The clouds were just above the horizon and that small sliver of sky was a brilliant pink. It even reflected onto the silver Arch. Color and beauty and majesty were overwhelming for just a few minutes.

Nature shows us the "power and the glory..."--in the good times and the bad. I can make no sense of it but I pray to be aware-acutely aware.

What might you be more aware of today?

Blessings-Penny

noise

There is highway repair outside our apartment. The work requires installation of large metal coverings over the roadbed when traffic is allowed through the work area. Those metal coverings are secured rather loosely and when trucks cross those coverings, it sounds like thunder...over and over and over.About 4 a.m. that noise awakens me and I have great difficulty getting back to sleep. I become frustrated, annoyed and agitated which makes sleep impossible.

My husband, who sleeps through the whole thing, suggests I think of the noise simply as background noise...something that is there but not really very important. It's like the worries that annoy and agitate us at night---thoughts and worries that are there but that we really can't do anything about---certainly not at 4 a.m.

How do we do that? How do we put the thoughts and worries at 4 a.m. as "background noise?"
We do it by placing those worries in God's hands. We say a quiet prayer that we sense His presence and His desire to hold those worries, that noise, so we can rest and our minds be quiet. He takes away the thunder and we receive His peace. 

What worries, what noise in your life needs to be placed in the background? Today can you place those worries in God's hands knowing He is with you?
Blessings-Penny

Life

We watched a movie the other night about a father and son who were writers. The movie is named "Flynn", I think. It's pretty good -not great. But it had a line I liked. The father (Robert DeNiro) said to the son, who was working in a homeless shelter, "I know what you are doing here. You're gathering experiences. All life is gathering experiences."

Isn't that true? If we are aware of each those experiences; if we think about them, consider them as part of a larger picture, isn't that really what life is? But how often do we do that? Do we really stop each day and consider the moments, the conversations, as the real essence of our lives?

Do we stop and thank God for the gift of those experiences? Do we ask God to help us make the most of those experiences, to help us shape our lives in His grace?

Blessings-Penny

Rest

"How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward." Spanish proverb.
This proverb was in our newspaper's comic strip and I smiled. In our very busy society we rarely give ourselves permission to "do nothing and rest afterwards." It is a concept difficult to even imagine. For most of us being busy equates with being important. Even retirees take delight in saying things like, "I'm so busy I don't know how I had time to work."

My prayer for you today is that you "do nothing and then rest afterward." In that rest thank God for the peace that He gives. The rest is His gift.

Blessings-Penny

What worked?

There was a newspaper column the other day which talked about creating successful experiences in our lives. It had a number of suggestions such as clearly defining the goal, framing the goal in words that were measureable (such as in 2 weeks I will complete my resume). One of the suggestions said something, "Think about a time in your life that you had a goal and were successful. What were you doing at that time that made a difference? What was going on that made that work?"

I thought about recovery and I thought about relapse. What is it like when I was successful? What specifically am I doing then? What messages are in in my head?

Then yesterday there was a sermon at church that gave me one answer. The message of the sermon was that for all time God has been there. He has promised from the Old Testament through the birth, life, death and resurrection of Christ that He is with us. He has always been there and He wil always be with us.

Do we remember that as we set goals and plans and pray for recovery that leads us to peace? Do we remember the one thing we can always count on---that God has promised He is always with us? Do we trust that? What difference does that make? Does that promise make it work?

Blessings-Penny

cohesive

We saw a remarkable movie the other day...Beasts of the Southern Wild. Great acting, fabulous cinematography, unique story. In one of the scenes a boat captain (sort of) tells a little girl he wants to be "cohesive." She repeats, "I want to be cohesive." The little girl lives in unimaginable poverty and a chaotic home and community. She wants to be "cohesive" probably without knowing what that means.

Wouldn't we all like to be cohesive---sort of "have it all together?" I know I've spent way too much time and energy trying to look like I'm cohesive while living with a great deal of anxiety and feeling like I need to control. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be cohesive? To feel it all fits together?

What do I need to do to be cohesive? What do I need to let go of?
How do I place this in God's loving hands?

How do you?
Blessings-Penny

the next question

Today another example of an opportunity for connection by asking "the next question." We were at a doctor's office and the technician , John, was checking my husband's vision before we saw the doctor. The usual pleasantries had transpired and as the brief session was ending, my husband asked "the next question." It was something like, "So how are you doing...or... how is your life going?" And for the next few minutes, John shared his joy in learning how to play the guitar. He told us about his 3 hour practices, his focus, his hopes, his dreams. John became more than the technician. It felt like we "knew" him at a diffferent level. He wouldn't become our lifelong friend, probably, but we shared a few important moments.

As we left the examining room, my husband said, "It's just about asking the next question."

When we go to appointments we are usually focused on our own needs, our own concerns, our own questions. Can we take the time to ask people "the next question?" If not at appointments how about asking the next question to people we work with, and our own families? Do we want to connect at a deeper level? Do we take responsibility for doing that---asking that next question? It is a way to show we care.
Blessings-Penny

pleasure

Saturday was hot, hot, hot again here in the midwest. In the afternoon we were a bit restless and Joe, my husband, wondered out loud where we might get a milk shake. My very practical nature thought he meant after dinner. After all one "shouldn't" spoil one's appetite for dinner. However we thought it through and knew we could get one at the nearby fast food drive through. So out we went in our sloppy clothes, drove through the drive thru 3 blocks away and had the delicious treat of vanilla and chocolate milk shakes --not long before dinner.They were sooo good.

It was such fun to "just do it."

When have you treated yourself to a delight, spur of the moment? Do you talk yourself out of it more often than not? Do the "should's" or "shouldn'ts" take the delicious moments away?

Enjoy. Have pleasure. That is part of God's plan!
Blessings-Penny

more moments

Last week was truly a week of "moments." A close friend, a young, dynamic woman physician, was in a head on collision on a rural road during a thunderstorm. A young man in a new pick up truck was adjusting his seat and ran right into her. There was no place for her to pull off as the hill to her right came down to the road. As she sat in the car she had excrutiating pain in her neck. A woman two cars back came up to her and said, "Sit absolutley still. I will hold your neck until the ambulance arrives." Later XRays showed she had a broken C2 vertebrae. That's the one known as the "Christopher Reeves" vertebrae. If she had moved and the broken vertebrae had cut her spinal cord, she would have been paralyzed from the neck down. Angels? Moments that change our lives.
The tragedy in Colorado is another "moment." Why? How?
There are no answers in the human scheme of things.
All I know is that I am safe in God's love...and so are all the people I love and those I don't even know.

Do you step back from "moments" and consider your safety in God's love?

Blessings-Penny

another moment

I had not heard from Helen for several months. I had sent an email during our move-no response. Helen is my friend whose husband has early onset Alzheimer's disease. They are both in their fifties...professionals, nurses, athletic,  a 12 year old adopted daughter. Their situation defines "tragedy." Yesterday Helen called. It was fairly early in the morning. I cannot tell you what a relief, what joy it was to hear her voice. No miracle has occurred. Their lives are still incredibly stressful. But to hear her voice, to be reassured they are not drowning gave me a bit of peace.

Is there someone who would love to hear from you today? Would a call from you give them some peace? Making that is call is your gift to them.

Blessings-Penny

more about moments

An article I read this week said, "these sweet, funny little moments...how the little moments are the most tremendous prayers." Isn't that wonderful...to think of these moments as prayer. They speak to my relationship with God-something He has given me- a moment-and I treasure back to Him in prayer.

What moment today is a "tremendous prayer?"

Blessings-Penny

moments

As we left church last week the priest, a mssionary from Kenya, said to each of us, "Have good moments." It struck me, "Yes, that is what we should hope for---good moments." Very few days are "good" all day but they are filled with "good moments"...moments we should pay attention to, be grateful for. Too often we pass by those "good moments"--moments someone smiles at us, moments when someone calls unexpectedly, moments when the sun sets as a red fireball.

Did you have some good moments yesterday? What were they? Did you notice and apprciate them? Did you thank God for them?
Blessings-Penny

Book

I just finished reading Contents May Have Shifted. It's a good summer read-funny, sad, insightful. The style is unique and a little hard to get into but worth the time and effort.I connected with the writer's restlessnes and though at times I thought she was trying too hard to be profound, there were several times I smiled in agreement. At one point she said something like "A question loses it power when it has only one answer."  My take on that is a 'question loses its interest when it only has one answer.'

Listen to the questions you ask and are asked today. Do they have more than one answer? Are you open to the discussion? Think of the energy we waste when we have to defend the "right" answer.

Dear God, let me be more open, less controlling, more interested.
Blessings-Penny

Life is better

After church on Sunday we stopped for brunch at a newly opened restaurant across from the church. We were the only patrons and after a delicious breakfast, the owner chef came over to chat. During the conversation he mentioned being in recovery and went on to talk about what a difference it has made in his life. He's been sober 25 months. He acknowledged he easily could be one of the homeless people who come into the neighborhood for the meals provided at local churches. When we asked how he stays sober even in an environment that serves liquor, he smiled and had several comments. He pointed to his wife who was standing nearby, "She keeps an eye on me..." He said, "I'm not stupid. I see how much better my life is..." And then he said, very seriously, "My 4 year old daughter will never need to know me as I was then."

I was particularly touched by his last comment. Sometimes those working in the profession says things like, "You have to get sober for yourself...you can't get sober for anyone else." I think that's not quite true. I think especially in early recovery you can be motivated to move into recovery because of another person. Then, hopefully, you figure out, "I am not stupid...life really is better without it...people I love will know me without it"

If today you continue to struggle with an addiction, whatever that might be, or something you really want to change about yourself, can you be motivated by the love of someone else...and then figure out " life really is better?!"

(by the way, the brunch entree was fried bread pudding with strawberry syrup and whipped cream-life is better!!!)

Blessings-Penny

Pleasant surprise

Sometimes a day starts quietly. We planned an "exploratory" trip to the nearby Farmer's Market with no great expectations. What a wonderful surprise! Stall after stall of beautiful vegetables, fruit, chicken, fish... the prices less than the regular supermarket I have been frequenting. Customers with bags and bags of groceries doing their weekly shopping.

There's just something about a Farmer's Market that is so appealing. Maybe it's the freshness. Maybe it's the looks of pleasure on the shoppers' faces.

What unexpected pleasure have you had in the last few days? Did it make you smile?

Blessings-Penny

With Father's Day just past my thoughts have focused on the "fathers" in my life. My dad certainly had a strong impact on who I am, what I have done in my life. Some of it good, some of it not quite so much. He did foster my sense of play, the risks I seem willing to take. My sons are both fathers-incredible fathers---willing to put their children and families first in their decision making. Their father, my former husband, gives me much credit for what good men they have turned out to be; however, I also give him great credit. After all, they are both career Marine Corps officers just like their dad. Neither of them are nurses!

And then there is "Our Father who art in heaven..." No matter what demonination or religion we are, there is generally a Father figure in the theology. How do we see Him? What impact does He have on our daily lives? Do we take risks based on our relationship with Him?Do we make decisions based on our relationship with Him?

Did we think of Him on Father's Day?
Blessings-Penny

Fragile

I have continued to think about the baseball player I talked about in the last blog. The title of that article talks about the "fragile" recovery of this ball player. As I have thought about it, all of us are fragile. Our very lives are fragile. Our life circumstances can change in the blink of an eye. It is this fragileness that creates our anxieties, our sleepless nights. We make plans. We try to prepare for uncertainty. But all we really know...
all we can really count on...is that God is with us. God will hold us through it all. That is His promise.That really is all we need to know.

Do you believe that promise?

Blessings-Penny

struggle

There is a recent article in a Sports Illustrated regarding a major league baseball player who has been struggling with addiction for many years. He has great talent, makes lots of money, has a beautiful family. And yet. he continues to relapse. His wife says after a number of cycles of recovery/relapse, they realized "something was missing" from their lives and his recovery. They now consider themselves "born again" Christians and work to have a continuing dialogue with the Holy Spirit. And yet he has had further relapses. That is the way addiction works. Even when one has moved into a relationship with God there can be times the addiction, the evil, rears its terrible head. That is life-that is addiction-that is recovery.

What does one do? I certainly don't have the answer but I do know that a person in recovery must always put their recovery first. It must be THE priority. There can't be returns to the people/places and things that are part of that past addiction. Instead there have to be safe people/places and things. Safe, as in a new life with prayerful relationship with God..Safe, as in people who know about the addiction and won't offer to buy "just one." Places where the drugs/alcohol will not be available. Places where you stop and ask God to be with you-over and over and over.

It seems to me this baseball player is going to have a tough time. He continues to be with people and places that do not understand and are a set up. It is not those people's fault. It is his response-ability, just as it is our response-ability, to make other choices about who and where he hangs out; where, with God's help, we make the recovery decision-not the "fun" decision.

He has less than 6 months clean time. I hope I see another article in one year, two years, three years that talk of his continued recovery.

No matter what your struggle, What choices will you make today that are recovery choices? Have you talked with God about those choices today?
Blessings-Penny

This is probably of little significance (and of no spiritual significance!) but I find it quite interesting. We moved to St. Louis about a month ago from Vermont. In Vermont we were filling the gas tank on our Toyota Camry about every 10 days for between $40-$50 dollars per refill...so at least $150 per month.  We filled the tank after our arrival here in St. Louis on a Sunday 3 weeks ago. Today-more than 3 weeks later-we still have over half a tank full from that fill. Now granted, we are unpacking and not venturing to too many events but I find the reduction in consumption really rather amazing. We certainly have been to church, new doctors, Target, grocery (1 mile away), and other errands.

I guess my thoughts about it range from what a mnageable city St. Louis is to what a diverse life style between rural locations and city life. We are a country of such incredible differences. No wonder we have difficulty governing!!

Do we honor the way each other lives or do we always put ourselves and our needs first? "One country...under God..."
Blessings-Penny

Yikes

Dear Friends
I've written a couple of posts recently but do not see them published here. Wonder what I'm doing wrong! Also there have been some great responses from the last couple of months (waiting to be moderated) that I only now see.

First we have arrived here safely in St. Louis and are enjoying city life. However getting settled in our small apt. is a challenge. I am certain "all will be well" in a few weeks. 

Probably the most meaningful moments we have spent were with a friend whose son has been in the ICU at a major hospital for over 30 days. It is a horror story of surgery after surgery. Our friend is the patient's father and has stayed with him during the entire hospitalization. What a story of caregiving and committment. A real inspiration during my moments of frustration!

To the persons who commented on the blog, I am so sorry I haven't personally responded. I will trry to respond personally soon but in the meantime... in response to your questions-yes, I was addicted to alcohol -and yes, God saved my life. It was not until I understood that only God could sustain my recovery that I really entered recovery. My book, "Broken by Addiction, Blessed by God- a woman's path to sustained recovery" talks a bit about my own recovery and alot about the women I worked with for 30 years in the field of addictions...what I learned from them about recovery and about God's miracles. The book is available on amazon.com.
Also I have a new book of daily meditations coming out in the fall. It is entitled-"Filling the God-shaped Void" and gives thoughts and musings about how we try to fill the void in our lives with things and stuff and work-and the only thing that can fill that void is God in Jesus Christ-a quote from a French philospher- Blaise Pascal.

How am I trying to fill the God-shaped void today? Shopping-drinking?-drugging?-busyness? Can I stop for a few minutes and focus on God's gifts to me-the quiet and stillness I let into my life.

Blessings-Penny

always a mom

We just returned from a wonderful Christmas cruise on the Danube River-midevil towns, cathedrals, castles, Christmas markets. It really was lovely.

When we returned home there was a message to call my younger son. He had some "good news" to share. Of course, I called immediately. His good news was that to his great surprise, he had received a promotion-a promotion he had been told not to expect because of an earlier disagreement with a superior where he had "spoken truth to power." And for me, this was the greatest part of the trip!! As parents we all want our children, no matter what age, to be treated with respect and to receive the rewards of their work. My son had been devasted when the consequences of his earlier communication had stalled his career and I believe I suffered as much as he did. And now to have all of that removed from his earlier path is absolutely fabulous.what a gift!

We can spend lots of money on trips and bling and stuff but our greatest plesures and happiness come from the love shared with our families.

Isn't that part of the message of the Christmas season, the Advent waiting and listening-the gifts of family are surely part of the grace we receive.

Blessings-Penny

Risk

We arrived in St. Louis about 2 weeks ago with household items delivered about 5 days later. All is going well though I had times I wondered if all the "stuff" would fit in our very downsized apt. It seems to be working out. Instead of looking out at our lovely Vermont brook as I write this, I am overlooking Busch Stadium, multiple freeways and railroad yards. After 13 years in very rural America, in some ways, it feels like we have reentered civilization. St. Louis feels like the center of the hub. We live across the street from the Arch-a wonderful reminder of the move westward, the geopgraphy of our country and the current vibrancy of this city. I feel a link with the first settlers who left from here to explore the west. A wonderful book about Lewis and Clark's first adventure out west is entitled Undaunted Courage. A very interesting read. What risk-nothing known about what was "out there."

What in your life requires "undaunted courage?" What do you want to explore? Will you take the risk?
(Now that most boxes are unpacked, I plan to post more regularly on this blog.--thanks for hanging in during the gap,)
Blessings-Penny

Who?

During this extra week in Vermont it has been a gift to spend a little more time with people who are special to me...the friend with the staggering diagnosis, the group of women with whom I meet, the friend who is a beautiful role model of patience and love and committment in her role of caregiver. There is an ache in my heart as I think of not sitting with them, sharing and laughing. Of course there is email but the intimacy of touch will be missing.

If you knew you would be leaving next week, who would you spend time with? What makes them important to you? Tell them!

Blessings-Penny

stress relief

Last week our move was delayed by one week. Our buyers got in "appraisal hell" with the house they are selling. All seems to be resolved now but it has required a huge amount of rescheduling. When I called our moving company to reschedule I expected to get alot of "heat." Per the contract with them we were on the edge of a penalty for late rescheduling.

Instead of "heat" what I heard was, "Oh that must create alot of stress for you...It happens all the time...We are flexible...Do you know when you might want to reschedule...No, you don't have to decide right this minute...Talk it over and call me back." What a difference their attitude made in relieving my stress and anxiety!

If only we each could understand the power we have to relieve stress in others' lives!

Today, in what interaction can you be "flexible" and relieve the stress in someone's life? Your co-worker, your spouse, your kids??

Blessings-Penny

staggered

I belong to a small group of women who meet monthly to deeply listen to each other. We share our challenges, joys, dreams. We don't try to solve each others' problems-just deeply listen. Yesterday one of the women shared a diagnosis of a gravely serious illness. I am still staggered by the enormity of her diagnosis. AND I am staggered by the intimacy and connection that filled the room was palpable. Another woman in the group called the group a "vessel"-a container in which we hold each other. Another said we are "daughters of the house-sisters."

I hope each of you has the honor, the blessing of belonging to a group like this...a place where you are loved and held in the best of times and the worst of times.

I also hope you feel God holding you in the best of times and the worst of times.

Blessings-Penny

truth

My friend, Karen, a very prolific author just wrote something on her blog which I love. She quotes Lauren Bacall---"The highest kite we can fly is the truth within us."
By the way check out Karen on Amazon.com. She has written many books-all somewhat spiritual with a strong feminist voice. She also has a blog entitled Sophia Serve.

Does your kite of truth fly high??

Blessings-Penny

dumpster

As I recently mentioned we are moving. We've been in this house 8 years and like everyone we have accumulated way too much stuff. So we have been discarding rather ferociously. If "it" hasn't been used in 2 years, it goes to the church rummage sale, the Salvation Army or a large dumpster we have rented. I am embarassed at the amount of stuff-about 8 carloads to church and Salvation Army-- and the dumpster is almost full. And then yesterday I saw the man who helps with our lawn "dumpster diving"-literally in the dumpster pulling out things we saw as trash.

What is wrong here?? We are certainly part of the 99%-probably more like the 50%-- but we have so much stuff and others are hungry and struggling.

And in all of this, my publisher sent a copy of the cover for my new book. The title of the book is "Filling the God-shaped Void." The cover is a beautiful yellow dahlia with a deep yellow center.

That is what we all do-we try to fill the "God-shaped void"-the emptiness that is part of the human condition-with stuff.

How else do we fill that void? Work, drugs, alcohol, ---name your strategy. Can you work towards filling it with knowing God's love for you?
Blessings-Penny

bittersweet

Since we have begun to tell people that we are moving from Vermont to St. Louis the response has been somewhat amazing to us. Friends, neighbors, acquaintance have said how much they will miss us. Parties are being organized. Invitations to dinner extended. Requests for one last this or that of things we have done in the 10 years we have lived here.

The amazing part is that we really have not been aware that people noticed what we were doing. We just did what seemed to fit with what we have been given to share.

My point is not to brag about the response to our leaving but to remind all of us to tell people how much we appreciate what they are doing---when they are doing it!! It would have meant alot to hear some of these compliments in the middle of the process. That means with our families, with our neighbors, with our friends and even those we don't know so well. Tell them how much you appreciate their efforts. Don't let it slide. Even the very smallest thank you is treasured.

Who can you remember to thank today? It will make a real difference!
Blessings-Penny

Easter and Spring break

Such contrasts this week. Here in Vermont Killington ski resort had 20 inches of new snow! Other places Easter has flowers and baby chicks.

Easter is a very sacred time for me...full of hope and peace. It was the one holiday celebrated without alcohol and tension in my childhood home. We laughed and loved and celebrated the new life promised us by Christ's resurrection.

In this week's Time magazine is a great article of hope and peace..."Rethinking Heaven" by Jon Meacham. It frames heaven as not some far off place up in the sky, but as the life we live here by being with others in the pain of this broken world---which leads to the coming together of God's space and our space.

It's worth reading and considering.
What difference might "rethinking heaven" make in your daily life?

Blessings=Penny

The big "redecide"

How do we make decisions? During the last 2 weeks a buyer for our house (which was on the market 2 years ago but has been off the market for 18 months!) has come forth. We really had redecided to stay here (Vermont) after removing the house from the market 18 months ago. But we have "re-decided" to sell and move to my husband's hometown of St. Louis.

So how does one "re-decide?" I'd like to be able to say it was a clear, rational process and in some ways it was. We had thought it all through and made plans 2 years ago so it wasn't a new idea. Suddenly all those plans came back and made alot of sense. Suddenly there was a sense of excitement and adventure. Suddenly practically and spiritually it seemed to come together. We didn't write it all down, but we did look at the pros and cons pretty strategically. We looked at it economically and at what touched our hearts. We are going!We can all "re-decide."

In something I recently read it asked, "Are you open to being surprised by the day?"
I sure am!

Are you??
Blessings-Penny

love

I don't get to see my two sons together very often. They are both active duty Marines and live on separate coasts. But last weekend we were together. How wonderful! How amazing! How deep the connection! I watched them build a ramp on a deck for 2 new puppies who can't manage the steps. What humor and laughter! We sat on the deck watching the puppies and talking-deep, intimate, important talks and light, frivolous chatter.

There is a connection between mothers and sons that can never be broken. We have had our differences and struggles at times but we have worked to heal. We have all grown and the connection gives me a profound joy. It is the ultimate gift of love.

Are there people in your life with whom there has been disconnection? Do you work and pray daily for healing? I pray you know that love.

Blessings-Penny

Listen

There was a great line in the book I am reading. "I'm not learning much if I am the one doing the talking." And then an article about Hilary Clinton in "More" magazine quoted her as saying that a difference between men and women who have become politically powerful is "...generally... I think most women...tend to be better listners."

How are your listening skills? Do they make you powerful in your personal and professional life?

Blessings-Penny

joyfully

I was recently complaining about a task I "had" to do. It was a task I considered a charitable thing to do. My husband asked, "Are you doing this with joy?" He paused and then continued, "If you can't do it with joy, you really shouldn't be doing it." That really stopped me in my tracks. He was absolutely right. If I can't do my tasks with joy, especially the things I choose to volunteer, I shouldn't be doing them at all.

I have been thinking about the "joy" in alot of other tasks that I sometimes consider a burden. Shouldn't I cook with "joy?" I am so blessed to have food. Shouldn't I do laundry with "joy?" I am so blessed to have electricity and a washing machine. Shouldn't I clean the bathroom with "joy?" I am so blessed to have running water and an inside toilet.

I am so blessed.Are you?

Blessings-Penny

missing someone

My husband does educational groups at our church. One group is weekly on Sunday morning and it focuses on the readings for the liturgy of that day. This Lent he is conducting a group based on the petitions of the Lord's Prayer. He begins each group with a prayer and then takes an informal assessment of who is there and who is missing. He always reminds us to "pay attention to who is missing. If they miss more than 2 meetings give them a call. If we don't, we have the risk of losing them." Sometimes newcomers to the group laugh quietly when he says, "Who are we missing?" People generally aren't used to being missed. When he next sees a "missing person" he gently inquires about their absence in a concerned way.We all like to know we are missed.

In any group where we are trying to make change, whether it be spiritual or physical or emotional, it is helpful to "miss people," to inquire and call if they are missing several times. It makes a difference.

Who have you noticed is missing?--at a recovery meeting? at church? Will you call?
Are you missing?

Blessings-Penny

Pride

I am aware that pride is listed as a sin but is just a little bit of pride ok? Both my sons are in the active duty military, both having served multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. Their separations from their families have been frequent and incredibly stressful for all. The older son has returned to California, remains in the military and has settled back in with his family. The younger son has returned to his family's home in Virginia but now has been told he must move to Georgia. That would mean uprooting 4 kids ( all teenagers) from school and upending their place of security.

Monday morning my son told the person in charge of the orders that he will not move. Now that is a decision that will probably mean he has to retire from the military. When the military says "You go" there isn't much negotiation.

My pride comes from my son's decision to place his family as his first priority. He is a talented young man and can probably find a reasonable job-even in this economy. What I am proud of is his ability to place his family's needs first. He certainly could have decided to go to Georgia by himself and see them on 4 day weekends; but he says he has been away much too much and "everyone I love" is in Virginia. He loves the military-he loves his family more. What a wonderful example to his children about family and priorities. This is how children learn.

Are we able to make decisions that are not "all about me?" Do we make decisions taking in considerations about what's best for everyone, what's best for my recovery?

Blessings-Penny

March 1

It's March 1 and the book is about ready for the publisher. Writing this book has been a marvelous experience. For 4 months I have focused on scripture, what it means as devotion and what it means in my daily life. Does it make a difference in my sense of God's presence in my life? Does it make a difference in how I interact with others? Does it make a difference in how I face the demons in my life-what ever that demon might be?

When I have finally submitted all those 52 weekly chapters will I keep this focus on God in my life as a priority; or will I slip back into a more casual relationship-more just fitting it into the other stuff?

I sense the writing of this book as God's gift to me. How do I keep this gift alive?

How do you keep god's presence alive in your life-in your recovery?

Blessings-Penny

book

I have not been posting as much as I would like to. My new book, "Filling the God-shaped Void-a book of daily meditations" was due yesterday. I hope to really have it complete by March 1 but it is consuming most of my writing time.

But I have been thinking of this writing and musing over a couple of things. One is a couple of newspaper articles on child rearing.Since I feel being a good parent is absolutely one of the priorities in life, I'm always interested in the latest trends. One article reviewed a book written by a woman who had lived in France. She was struck by the better behavior of French children than her American children. After talking and observing many French families, she determined that the better behavior of French children was due to the firmer limits that French children have. Parents speak in firmer tones when setting limits. French children have only one snack per day-at 4 pm. The American writer mused, "Are we afraid to make our children unhappy?"It all made sense to me. When I raised my children we certainly had firm schedules and things like good behavior in restaurants or a church was an understood requirement. However I also have been supportive of the newer generations more "at ease" approach to parenting-children included in more gatherings, schedules more flexible.

It is all so very important and I wonder how we find the right balance? It is certainly worth ongoing conversation.
Blessings-Penny

Blessings-Penny

relapse and recovery

A recent article by a physician involved with the recovery of doctors who abuse drugs and alcohol had an interesting idea. This doctor who was in charge of this physicians' recovery program said that their success and minimal relapse rates indicated that relapse is not necessarily a part of the disease of addiction. He maintained that the physicinas enrolled in their program relapsed at a far lesser rate than the average recovering program. Monitoring, drug urines and support were essential parts of their program.

The reduced relapse rate for those physicians is certainly admirable. However I wonder how applicable that is for the average recovering person. After all look at the incentive for recovery for the physician. If he does not relapse, if he moves into sustained recovery, he returns to a lucrative job, probably a family ready to stand by him (after all they have alot to lose if they don't)and a supportive network.

What does the average person in recovery have? Often the average person has lost a job, has no housing, no transportation, no skills and a probation system that is looking for him or her to screw up.

It seems to me for the average person to sustain recovery it would take the same things physicians have- a job, a home,a supportive network. As the very least, the average person working towards recovery needs to feel their lives are important enoughto save. They need to have enough self esteem to know they are worth saving. They need to know they can change and things in their environment can change. They need to have a spiritual connection that promises them they are loved.

How are we ever going to get there?

Blessings-Penny

Being pleased

Chistopher Hitchens wrote an article, his final one, in Vanity Fair recently that has great advice for all of us. He was talking about Charles Dickens and Dickens' respect for childhood. The part that spoke to me was Hitchens' suggestion, through his analysis of Dickens, that we all "hang onto our childhood." His perspective was that if we do that we are more apt to be generous in spirit,to have a "freshness and gentleness and a capacity to be pleased."

Isn't that a beautiful phrase-"a capacity to be pleased?" Do you still get pleased at things or is your more general attitude one of criticism and judgment? Criticism and judgment are easy patterns to slide into. After all there is alot to be critical of in today's culture. But Dickens delighted in birthday parties, being lavish about them and celebrating that we were "unborn and now we are launched."

Do you still "have a capacity to be pleased? Do you still delight in lavish birthdays? Wouldn't it be wonderful if friends described you as "gentle and fresh?"

Blessings-Penny

good health

Joe and I have had a real tangle with the flu virus this week. He wound up going by ambulance to the ER after fainting and such terrible weakness that he couldn't get up. A few days later I had the same flu and fainting feeling but didn't go down.

A bout like this and feeling so badly for several days makes one extremely grateful for good health.When we have good health days-physically, emotionally and spiritually-we need to remember what a gift good health is. We need to cherish it, make a resolution to take care of it, and define ways we are going to do that.

How will you protect your good health-physically, emotionally and spiritually? Today?
Blessings-Penny

windows

A member of our extended family died recently and I have been talking with his wife frequently. She is grieving and wrestling with all the different emotions associated with her loss. At one point she said she has been telling friends, "He died with grace." I was surprised to hear her use the term grace. I was in the room with her as he drew his last breaths and it was a peaceful death. But this was a man who one might say was "larger than life." He was a successful salesman with all the accompanying bravado and exhuberance of that profession.

And then the widow said, "I wonder why I use the term grace. That's not in my usual vocabulary. It must come from something I learned in bible school a long time ago. Maybe it's something I need to pay attention to."

The words we use can give us a window into our innermost thoughts. If we pay attention to those words, they might tell us of beliefs we hold, things we've learned that we have lost, ideas we once thought important.

Any words that catch you by surprise? Even if they are not your words are there words that touch you-words like peace and gentleness and honesty and grace? Blessings-Penny

thankful

We visited a friend in the hospital yesterday who usually travels out of Vermont to warm places January-March. He really dislikes the cold and what he describes as the dark, raw days. This year he cannot travel and he is miserable.

As we left the hospital and returned home I noted the temperature was 8 degrees above 0. It had warmed up from 8 degrees below 0 at dawn! Yeah it was cold!

But then I sat at the dining roon table to do a little writing and a little daydreaming out the window. First a fox ran across the field from one woods to another. His fur was thick and his tail fluffy. He wasn't minding the cold. And then as sunset came the alpenglow was on the mountain. Alpenglow occurs on sunny winter days as the sun sets and reflects its pink color on the mountain snow. It is mystical-a wonder.

Yes, we could complain of the winter cold or we can delight in its unique gifts.

Do you complain of your circumstances or note and take pleasure in your gifts? Both are genuine human responses. One just seems more pleasureable.

Blessings-Penny

Epiphany

Last sunday I attended a church service which celebrated Epiphany-the day the Wise Men arrived at the manger and offered their gifts to the Christ Child.In reality they probably arrived after the Child was out of the manger because the Wise Men had to travel from so far.But that is beside the point.

The minister invited the children at the service to come forward for a few moments of discussion. She pointed to the manger figures and asked the children, "Who was at the manger?" The usual responses of "Mary...Joseph...the shepherds" were given and then one little girl said, "I was there." Isn't that just about the sweetest thing you have heard? "I was there." A parent or maybe a grandparent had helped this child have an image of her presence at the birth of Christ...her presence at the birthday party.

At Christmas did you have an image of yourself at Christ's birthday party? What might that have felt like? Would a sense of being there make a difference in what you do today? You are there-every day.

Blessings-Penny

Denial

We visited a friend in the hospital yesterday. He had fallen the day after Christmas and broken several vertebrae and a bone in his "neck." His blood alcohol level was
.18. His wife's was .09. He is also now being teated for alcohol withdrawal. I suggested she and I have coffee in the cafeteria.

We have socialized with this couple for several years and my husband and I have commented to ourselves about their alcohol consumption from time to time. But they are very physically active and there were no other signs that alarmed us.

However when I suggested to the wife that her husband has a problem and that she might need to look at her drinking also, she became very defensive. "Well he says he has a problem but that doesn't mean I have to quit. I'm not going to give up my 2 in the evening." When I suggested that it would be extremely difficult for him to quit or even cut back signficantly if she continued to drink in the house or in front of him, she became even more entrenched in her right to drink. "It's how I cope...I look forward to it all day...it wouldn't be fair."

At that point we moved on to another subject. I was not surprised at her reaction. It just reminded me of how powerful this addiction is. I do not know if the wife is an alcoholic but I do know when someones defends their right to drink to the detriment of someone they love, there is a problem.

It was a powerful reminder to me of where I had been in the past and where I do not want to be again. That is a miserable hole to be in.

Do you remember how bad it was? How wonderful it is to be out of that dark hole and up into the light! We never have to be there again!
Blessings-Penny

Happy New Year

There has been much review in the local newspaper this week about out area's response to the devastation of Tropical Storm Irene. Certainly it was the biggest new's story of our region and the response of individual citizens, the local and federal government and neighboring states has been phenomenal.

There is a new saying or phrase that captures the local efforts and I think it can be applied to our own lives. The saying is VTx2...Vermont times two. The efforts to rebuild are taking twice the effort we thought. Local bridges, roads, rivers and streams need repair that is twice as strong, twice as profound. Part of that is because the infrastructure was old and collapsing before the storm and part of that is because we don't know what climate change will bring in the future. We need to work twice as hard to prevent future devastation.

Doesn't that sound like our lives-especially in recovery? We need twice the effort especially if relapse has been part of our recovery pattern.The old stuff doesn't work and we don't know what the future will bring in triggers, stress etc. etc.

On this New Year's Day think about, make a plan of how you might double your efforts of recovery. How can it be twice as strong?

Happy New Year! and Blessings-Penny