comics

Sometimes the newspaper comics are funny.
Sometimes they hit the nose on the head politically.
Sometimes they are even spiritual.

On Christmas morning "Mallard Fillmore," a usually political cartoon with a bite that is not my political lean, touched me. The cartoon quoted a scripture by Isaiah. "Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."

As many of you know, my daughter who died accidentally at age 12, was born on December 22. So Christmas time is full of memories...her birth, bringing her home from the hospital on Christmas Eve, later birthday parties etc. I remember the first year following her death in June. I made it through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day without falling apart but by New Years Eve my defenses were down and I couldn't stop crying.

I know many of you have had losses in your lives this year, losses of parents, of children, of health, of finances. This thoughtful time of year can make those losses excrutiatingly painful. As New Years approaches reflecting on the past year makes the loss so real. What is coming in the next year? How will I cope?

It is crucial to remember we are not alone in our sadness, in our loss and grief. Emmanuel--God with us."He has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows." His promise. Our reason for hope.

Blessings-Penny

Glory

Christmas Day-hymns of Gloria, Joy, Peace, Promise.
A saint's phrase from the middle ages---"the Glory of God is in man (woman, child) fully alive!"
Are you fully alive? What would that mean for you?

Merry Christmas Day!
Blessings-Penny

Gifts

Last minute gifts...the perfect gift...save on gifts.  These are all ads we are hearing over and over these last days before Christmas.

And yet we know we already have the perfect gift...the gift of recovery. Again it really doesn't matter what we are "recovering" from. We all have parts of our lives we would like to change. And in recovery we all have the freedom to change. As we talked about in the last blog, this freedom to change is a gift from God.

This gift is meant to be used every day. Unfortunately sometimes we open this gift of recovery and then tuck it neatly in a drawer or hang it in a closet. We don't use the gift. We even neglect to thank the Giver. Thank you notes seem to be a thing of the past. Do I remember to thank God every day for this gift of recovery? Do I whisper a morning prayer of thanks?

My recovery isn't "perfect" by some standards. But my addiction no longer controls my life. I have freedom  from the fear, anxiety, guilt and shame that comes with active addiction. Recovery for many of us is not a one time decision and happily ever after. It remains a daily gift that I must open and use.

You, the readers of this blog are part of that gift for me. Thanks to each of you, the readers, for being part of my recovery...for being a part of the conversation...for listening!Thinking about this blog, talking to my husband (my muse) about it, writing it are all parts of this gift of recovery God has given to me.

I thank God daily for this gift.  I live into God's promise that He is always with me. I pray you know that peace.

Merry Christmas!

Penny

Awareness and Focus

We are in the process of moving. It's just a local move but I find myself under alot of stress. I promised myself it would not be such a big deal this time. But a move is a move. We are doing much of the packing and taking the boxes to the new place ourselves. And, of course, I have a plan for every day. The problem arises (the stress) when my plan does not go as I planned. Things happen. The rug cleaner's machine breaks, the handyman can't fix the leak under the sink, and worst of all---my husband wants me to help with a project in the garage---a project that takes 2 hours!! It can make a woman want to drink!!

Fortunately, all this is happening in a very sacred time of year. And several weeks ago I promised myself I would focus on my patience---or lack thereof--- during this Advent season. What is so amazing to me when I become aware of my impatience---of how much I want the day to go as I had planned---is how much control I have with this impatience. When I feel myself getting tense, when I want to say something sarcastic or caustic, I have a choice. Rather than letting the tension build, I can have a conversation with myself. "How important is it that things go exactly your way this very minute, Penny?....So the carpet isn't dry for an extra day? You can work in the kitchen tomorrow---no carpet there....So you need to help Joe out here. The dishes can wait another day." If I have an awareness of what my body is telling me about my tension and stress, I have a real choice about what I do with that tension.

It works the same way with recovery. In early recovery, if I became aware of when my body began to crave a drink...when my thoughts began to tell me I wanted a drink...I had a choice. But I really had to be aware and focus on what I wanted to do instead. One of the thoughts I would repeat to myself was from a book I had read, "If there is something you don't like about your life, you can change it.' What a powerful message!

Yes, I am powerless over alcohol (and my feelings of impatience) but I am not powerless over what I do about them. I have a choice. I can change.  And if I pray, and if I ask God to be with me in increasing my awareness and my focus, He gives me that power. I don't do it myself. It is one of the great gifts God gives me.

It is one of the most beautiful presents I receive  in this Christmas Season.

I pray you receive this great gift. Peace.

Blessings-Penny

Stress

Received an email from a young mother today who was answering a question for me. In the email she recounted all the things she has to accomplish before Christmas Day--and then in-laws arriving the day after Christmas. It seemed the "joy" of Christmas was difficult for her to appreciate.

Another family member with teenagers seems equally stressed with Christmas preparations plus her full time job and working on a masters degree.

I stopped by a local store to pick up a gift and was amazed at the lines of people with armloads of items. None of them looked very happy. (I, in fact, was very happy as I had identified a great gift for someone special. Now granted it is not going to reach him by Christmas...but is that the end of the world? I'll let them know. It really is ok. They know I love them and wish them joy and peace.)

It just seems to me we all need to step back and take a look at the stress we create for ourselves.What are the things we absolutely HAVE to accomplish and what are the ones that bring stress and we bring upon ourselves? The people who love us do not want to be the cause of such stress.

So my prayer for each of you is that you take a deep breath. Spend a few minutes looking at the miracle of life going on around you. Think of Christ's birth. What does He want for your life---right now...today?

Joy and Peace.

Penny

holy dayspirit

There are some of us who find it difficult to get in to the holiday spirit. Memories arise that bring back sad feelings. There is music that reminds us of a happier time. And there is the grief of missing someone who has died recently or even long ago.

At dinner with friends the other night someone said their favorite Christmas movie was "It's a Wonderful Life." They asked if it was mine. I said, "No....The scene where Jimmy Stewart, the father, comes home drunk reminds me too much of Christmases at my house growing up,"... the anxiety, the fear. Someone else said I must not be a very forgiving person. I responded that I work on  forgiveness but it doesn't erase the memory. I know in my heart I miss my father and wish we had been closer. We missed so much.When I watched that movie it made me sad. So I don't watch it!

I remember the first Christmas after my daughter died. I knew it would be painful. Shortly after Thanksgiving I was at a tea for the elderly given by an organization I belonged to. The first Christmas carols of the season came over the music system.  I still remember the sadness that overwhelmed me.

It is now many years since my daughter died but I still have difficulty getting into a really festive mood. I enjoy Christmas. I enjoy the real meaning of Christmas. I feel a peace when I focus on Christ's birth. The sadness I feel at not having Merry Pat is a solitary sadness. It is something no one else can really feel. I finally realize that. It is helpful to have others remember her. It is helpful to talk about her. But the sadness is really my own.

It is helpful for me to find a few minutes each day to focus on the holy words of the season---Peace-Hope-Joy. I take time to ask myself, "what does Christ's birth mean in my life today?"

Is there forgiveness I need to work on? I am forgiven so I must forgive.

What does Christ's birth mean in your life today?

Peace-joy-hope-forgiveness--that is the holy day spirit

Blessings-Penny

holiday cheer

The number of advertisements for liquor, special cocktails, and festive gatherings certainly shine a light on how treacherous the holidays are for people in recovery. Though there aren't ads for cocaine or drugs we know the holidays are an excuse for extra celebrations with those also.

What is a recovering person to do?? How are we to celebrate? Do we feel denied and left out?

I remember my first Christmas in recovery. I had about 9 months of recovery... a neighborhood party, --a tray of champagne looked so festive and inviting. I took a glass and within a month my addiction was off and running.

Confronting those issues and having a plan is essential.  One part of the plan is to avoid the parties. Unfortunately we can feel angry when we can't join friends and family. An alternative to skipping the festivities is to go but with the intention of truly being there to be with those we love---not with the intention of "how much can I drink--or what are they going to have that I can get buzzed on?" Take your own non-alcohol drink if that is possible,

Remember the acronym--HALT--don't get too Hungry-Angry-Lonely-or Tired. Say it to yourself over and over!

Also remember --a SLIP--is when Sobriety-Lost-Its-Priority

These acronyms can seem trite but can be reminders when situations are tight.

Have someone at the gathering be your buddy..someone who knows this might be a difficult gathering for you and will check in with you during the evening.

If you enter the holidays without a plan, it is like going onto the ocean in a raft without supplies. You are doomed to have a shipwreck.

And most importantly, take a few minutes to pray before you leave. Ask God to be with you during the evening or event. Ask Him to remind you He is right there. He wants your happiness to be in the joy of recovery. The joy of recovery is knowing you can maintain this wonderful new feeling of freedom...this never having to feel the guilt and shame of addiction. You have the choice and God promises to be with you. He really does!!

Joy to the World!

Blessings-Penny

little things

The newspaper, the internet, the stores---it seems the season is all about the shopping, the spending, the finding the right gift.

But the real gifts are the little things---the little things we receive and the little things we give....the time we give.  And as I review the last weeks, the little things that mean the most are about time... connection. The grand kids came by and spent extra time---asked about what was going on in our lives---not just chatting about their lives. Another grandson from out of town called and told me all about his paramedic training. How fun to hear him so excited! Our grown son who lives in town stopped by just to chat---no special dinner, nothing needed fixing---just stopped by. We met with a church administrator who asked us to do some workshops about grief and recovery. It felt like he recognized we had something to offer. What a treat! I wrote Christmas cards and realized that even though I enjoy writing and receiving cards, there are a few people I just want to talk with...people I want to know more details of what is going on in their lives. So I'll pick up the phone a few times this week and talk and listen.

It really is about the little things---the listening and the talking---the taking the time. Those are the real gifts.

Will you take the time this week to give the gift of your time and connection? With whom? When?

Blessings-Penny

the difference in the conversation

I am so very saddened by the clear racism that exists in this country. Whether one agrees or disagrees with the grand jury findings in New York and Ferguson, it is clear that black men are very often treated differently than white men when confronted by the police. I say this for many reasons but one that saddens me greatly is the conversation black parents feel they must have with their black sons. It is is different from the one I had with my white sons.

The conversation that I had when giving advice about talking with police was something like,"If you get pulled over for speeding, don't answer back,,,don't argue...,just say 'Yes, Sir...No, Sir." Black parents also have to give the admonition that young black men are treated differently...often not given the benefit of the doubt...often roughed up and arrested for minor offenses...

Way too often there is a difference. Can we begin to have a conversation that acknowledges that difference?

I have never used this blog for political opinion but I believe this conversation is one we must raise. It is an issue of social justice---not politics. If nothing else we each need to reflect and pray about how we continue to have prejudice in our own lives. How do we act and feel about our co-workers or neighbors who may be racially or ethnically different? Do we treat them equally? What jokes do we laugh at? What words are allowed in our homes?

I realize this blog is read by persons from countries other than the United States. Sadly our racial prejudice is not a secret---and I believe it exits in all countries. We all have a personal responsibility in this.

The cultural change begins with each of us----and it is part of our recovery.

I pray we begin the conversation in our own hearts, in our families and our social networks--not in anger but in peace.

Blessings-Penny