We are in the process of moving. It's just a local move but I find myself under alot of stress. I promised myself it would not be such a big deal this time. But a move is a move. We are doing much of the packing and taking the boxes to the new place ourselves. And, of course, I have a plan for every day. The problem arises (the stress) when my plan does not go as I planned. Things happen. The rug cleaner's machine breaks, the handyman can't fix the leak under the sink, and worst of all---my husband wants me to help with a project in the garage---a project that takes 2 hours!! It can make a woman want to drink!!
Fortunately, all this is happening in a very sacred time of year. And several weeks ago I promised myself I would focus on my patience---or lack thereof--- during this Advent season. What is so amazing to me when I become aware of my impatience---of how much I want the day to go as I had planned---is how much control I have with this impatience. When I feel myself getting tense, when I want to say something sarcastic or caustic, I have a choice. Rather than letting the tension build, I can have a conversation with myself. "How important is it that things go exactly your way this very minute, Penny?....So the carpet isn't dry for an extra day? You can work in the kitchen tomorrow---no carpet there....So you need to help Joe out here. The dishes can wait another day." If I have an awareness of what my body is telling me about my tension and stress, I have a real choice about what I do with that tension.
It works the same way with recovery. In early recovery, if I became aware of when my body began to crave a drink...when my thoughts began to tell me I wanted a drink...I had a choice. But I really had to be aware and focus on what I wanted to do instead. One of the thoughts I would repeat to myself was from a book I had read, "If there is something you don't like about your life, you can change it.' What a powerful message!
Yes, I am powerless over alcohol (and my feelings of impatience) but I am not powerless over what I do about them. I have a choice. I can change. And if I pray, and if I ask God to be with me in increasing my awareness and my focus, He gives me that power. I don't do it myself. It is one of the great gifts God gives me.
It is one of the most beautiful presents I receive in this Christmas Season.
I pray you receive this great gift. Peace.
Blessings-Penny
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