There are some of us who find it difficult to get in to the holiday spirit. Memories arise that bring back sad feelings. There is music that reminds us of a happier time. And there is the grief of missing someone who has died recently or even long ago.
At dinner with friends the other night someone said their favorite Christmas movie was "It's a Wonderful Life." They asked if it was mine. I said, "No....The scene where Jimmy Stewart, the father, comes home drunk reminds me too much of Christmases at my house growing up,"... the anxiety, the fear. Someone else said I must not be a very forgiving person. I responded that I work on forgiveness but it doesn't erase the memory. I know in my heart I miss my father and wish we had been closer. We missed so much.When I watched that movie it made me sad. So I don't watch it!
I remember the first Christmas after my daughter died. I knew it would be painful. Shortly after Thanksgiving I was at a tea for the elderly given by an organization I belonged to. The first Christmas carols of the season came over the music system. I still remember the sadness that overwhelmed me.
It is now many years since my daughter died but I still have difficulty getting into a really festive mood. I enjoy Christmas. I enjoy the real meaning of Christmas. I feel a peace when I focus on Christ's birth. The sadness I feel at not having Merry Pat is a solitary sadness. It is something no one else can really feel. I finally realize that. It is helpful to have others remember her. It is helpful to talk about her. But the sadness is really my own.
It is helpful for me to find a few minutes each day to focus on the holy words of the season---Peace-Hope-Joy. I take time to ask myself, "what does Christ's birth mean in my life today?"
Is there forgiveness I need to work on? I am forgiven so I must forgive.
What does Christ's birth mean in your life today?
Peace-joy-hope-forgiveness--that is the holy day spirit
Blessings-Penny
No comments:
Post a Comment