regrets

In the monthly Grief Group we facilitate there was an active discussion of the regrets we all have connected with our grief. Much of the discussion focused on things we wish we had said, things we wished we hadn't said, time we wish we had spent. One young mother wished she had paid attention to her daughter's symptoms earlier. An older gentlemen lamented so many missed opportunities to share feelings with his siblings as their parents died.  A middle aged woman said about her mother's death,"She could be very difficult.I should have been more patient. I didn't know she was going to die so soon."

People in recovery have regrets too. Things we wish we had said, things we wish we hadn't said, time we wish we had spent. Acknowledging those regrets is part of recovery. It is grief work.

And what do we do with all those regrets? We acknowledge them. We share them with someone who is non-judgmental and trustworthy. As in the grief work associated with death, we consider who we were when all this happened. Where did we learn to act the way we did? We take responsibility for our behavior with a gracious understanding of our backgrounds, our feelings, and our imperfections.

And we learn from these regrets. What can we do differently now with those we love? Can we pick up the phone and say I love you? Can we apologize for a cross word? Can we spend time?--play a game?--listen?

Can we place our regrets in our relationship with God? Do we know we are forgiven in His eyes? Do we know if we open the fist that is holding on to  these regrets that God will take our open hand and lead us to peace?

Blessings-Penny