Joe and I facilitate a grief group at our church. It's been going on for almost 2 years and often the conversation expands into discussions of the member's relationships with the person for whom they are grieving. Monday night a young woman was talking about the death of her mother 2 years ago. The first thing she said was, "I don't miss the fighting. I miss the good times but I don't miss the fighting. ...we fought all the time...we butted heads....we were so much alike." Then she shared something that troubled me. "And that's how my 10 year old daughter and I are...We fight all the time,"
This disclosure troubled me because it highlighted the unhealthy relationship pattern that she is in. She communicates and relates to these important people by fighting. My sense is no one enjoys that kind of relationship. I wonder when she dies if her daughter will say, "I don't miss the fighting."
We all learn communication patterns from our homes. Sometimes it makes us smile when we hear ourselves say something our parents said. It's important to take a look at and to listen to our communication and relationships. Are we duplicating some of the things we heard and did from home? Are those patterns healthy? Are they the ways we want our children to copy and maybe to remember when we are not with them?
God, help me to hear the way I talk and listen to my children and loved ones. Is it a loving manner in which they feel treasured?
Blessings-Penny
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