one out of three

As I have mentioned before two of my friends and I meet for coffee once a month just to talk. The goal is to talk about the important things that are going on in our lives. We don't offer advice. We don't counsel. We just listen. We do this because we each believe that it is so important just to be heard---to have someone who cares enough just to listen.

Saturday our conversation centered around our families of origin. The conversation started around concerns for one of our grown children and our own parenting practices. The conversation then moved to how we were parented. One friend talked about the perspective that we all tell ourselves stories in our heads---stories based on how we see (or saw) things---stories that might not be based in fact ---stories that other people might see very differently.

The other friend talked about her family of origin with such love. She talked about loving parents--a father who worked 2 jobs to make ends meet--a mother who stayed home with the 5 sisters and wouldn't let them buy the food stamp lunch card they were eligible for because it was a different color from the regular one---"She didn't want us to feel different...I didn't know we were poor until much later...a 3 bedroom 1 bath house with 5 girls and 2 parents....Everyone in the neighborhood was the same so we didn't feel poor...They all just did the best they could with what they had."

Myself and the other friend listened with genuine envy. We each came from troubled, rather chaotic families---alcohol, early death of one parent, siblings with major problems. However each of us knew we were deeply loved and would never be abandoned.

The three of us are confronted with many of the same issues now....jobs, retirement, communication, relationships, financial. The friend from the loving home frames her perspectives in "we/they are doing the best they can with what they have." The other friend and myself seem to be not as accepting---we seem to want to "do something"--fix it.

Is it the difference in the homes we were raised in?---the problems that always seemed to need fixing?
One family out of three was "healthy?" That seems about right--maybe a little high??

Today I will ask God to help me "do the best I can with what I have."
Blessings-Penny