"John mentioned his serious childhood illness and the deaths in his family that had contributed to a prolonged 'mix of depression, anger, fear and anxiety...I lived as if I were a clenched fist.' " This was a quote from a magazine article regarding a columnist who had recently died.
I had enjoyed the columnist and was struck that he characterized his life as a "clenched fist." His articles had always seemed so gentle and open. And I was even more surprised at how I identified with his characterization of life as a clenched fist. Sometimes when I'm just sitting watching tv, reading the paper or sitting at this computer, I find my body tense and tight. I have to consciously take myself through some progressive relaxation.
Where does this come from?! I guess some of it comes from my childhood and adulthood! ---dad an alcoholic, mom trying to control all the rest of us, my own alcoholism....Merry Pat's death...my own attempts to control. My own attempts to understand all this...
The only thing that really matters is to understand God's forgiveness...God's forgiveness of me...to let go of the tension and anxiety...the 'mix of depression, anger, fear and anxiety...' to open the clenched fist' of my life...to pray.
What a blessing that would be. What peace.
Would it be a blessing for you to open a clenched fist? Would it feel like forgiveness?
Blessings-Penny
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