I have been asked to speak (briefly) at the local chapter of Compassionate Friends for their annual candle lighting ceremony. Compassionate Friends is a nationwide support group for parents whose children have died. Sadly I am a member---no longer an active member but I belong. The candle lighting ceremony is an event to remember and honor the children.
Preparing a few remarks has led me to reread the book The Return of Courage. I want to speak about courage---the courage these parents have to get up in the morning. When your reason for living---your child---has died, there can seem no reason to get up. It takes courage to put your feet on the floor knowing there were be overwhelming sadness. It takes courage to face well meaning others who want to be supportive but often say things that stab your heart. It takes courage to come to a candle lighting event that stirs memories...to face your grief head on.
One of the themes of this book is that each act of courage defines our personality. Each act of courage gives us freedom in our own destiny. As Victor Frankel said, it is not so much the events which occur in our lives but what we do with those events that shape who we are.
Who do we want to be? How do we use the events of our lives---death, divorce, addiction, financial struggles---to create our own meaning?
Can we take time to ask ourselves these questions? Can we ask God to give us the grace, the courage to rediscover for ourselves the person He wants us to be?
Dear God, let me honor my daughter by the way I live my life.
Blessings-Penny
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