Unique connection

Just because children grow up does not distance us from the love, care, concern and fear for our children.

 I have a grandson who just turned 18. During the past year he has been clear he wants to join the Marine Corps. It is a family tradition. He does well in school but is not certain of a career choice. His parents thought they had talked him in to delaying the military choice and to attend a local college for one year. When he attended college orientation last week he texted his dad and said, "I don't want to go." During a family conversation that evening he announced he is joining the Marine Corps. His dad (a Marine Corps officer) is supportive...not thrilled but says he is 18 and can make his own decisions. His mother is very very upset. And unfortunately her "upset" comes out as anger. Sadly, the tension created in this situation is palpable.

Helping our children grow up and take responsibility for their decisions---when we want something else for them---is incredibly difficult. We have the hindsight of all the decisions we made that didn't turn out so well. We want to save them the pain. We want to maintain our control. We think we know best.

Another friend shared an essay her adult son had written about a recent kayaking trip with his family. He had his young son's kayak connected securely by a rope letting him feel some independence, yet pulling him along when the child became tired. "If I paddle harder, I can make it easier for him." That's what we as parents think we can do. If we make the decisions, it will be easier for them. Not always. At some point, we "know" their decision is not the one we would make, but it is their unique decision.

The writer of the kayaking essay continues in reflection at one point--""My family was always there, sometimes in front, sometimes behind, but the connection to the kayak in front of me was mine, and unique."

How do we let them know the connection is always there-and the connection is theirs and can be unique?

About all I know to do is pray. Pray quietly. Pray that God will be with all of us as we venture on this new course. Pray I will say do and do "the loving thing." Pray my grandson will know the rope is never broken.

Blessings-Penny