anxiety

As I wrote in my last blog, one of my New Year's resolutions is to work on letting go of my anxiety. When I become aware of the anxiety I hold in my body, I am surprised. My life is pretty calm-so where does this anxiety come from? Without getting too analytical I think it is a lifetime of absorbing stress from around me; it is also the messages I heard from others that then became the messages I still give myself. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and the message was:
"Don't upset him...don't make too much noise." We walked on egg shells. My body was tense.

There was also the subtle message that one must be perfect, do things perfectly. As a child it was a message meant to keep me on the straight and narrow but it got translated in my head to "if you make a mistake, if you are wrong, you are bad." My body was tense and if I made a mistake I was "bad."

Though I became aware of all this many years ago, I still find my body tense and my need to be "perfect" causing anxiety in my daily life. How do I let go of all this? After all, this anxiety is a part of my challenge with alcoholism. I found early on that a good shot of bourbon (or 2 or 3 or 4) relieved the anxiety. I let go of the bourbon but I still have a surprising amount of tenseness in my body.

In this New Year I will work on placing this anxiety in my relationship with God. When I become aware of the tenseness, I will take a deep breath and remind myself, I am no longer that child in a chaotic home. I no longer need to be "perfect." I am a child of God. I live in God's creation where I am safe.

That is the message of Christmas and of the Epiphany. Christ came to be "manifest"-to be "present"-in my life. Let go of the tenseness. Breathe Christ into that space.

Is this an area that might move you into a safer place?

Blessings-Penny