Forgiveness

A syndicated editorial in yesterday's paper by David Brooks gave some useful thoughts on forgiveness. Brooks is talking about how we respond as a society when someone in public life is found to have "sinned" or made a gross error. Since I'm focusing on forgiveness this Lent, I'd like to share those thoughts. But the caveat is I will emphasize the points I find useful. I think we can use some of his points to look at our own patterns of forgiveness.

Brooks says as a society we respond with a"coliseum culture leaving no  place for mercy." To me that also resonates with how I respond when the person who has "sinned" or made an error (or hurt me) is someone I don't like  or someone I disagree with. I sometimes want them to be humiliated or at least embarrassed. Not very merciful!!

 Brooks says there are steps to forgiving.
First he says forgiveness is not an act: it's an attitude. The forgiving person is strong enough to give away that anger and resentment. The forgiving person makes the first move, resists the urge for retaliation and creates a welcoming place for for the offender.

Next the forgiving person asks the hard questions of the longer term character of the person in question. Is he or she a good person at their core? What will it take to rebuild the trust? We don't have to lower our standards but we do have to look at the broad and deep context of the person and situation.

Third Brooks indicates the offending person has to be self critical. That may work in a situation with a public figure, but in my personal life a person who has offended me may not think what they did was wrong. They may not feel the need to be self critical. I believe in that case, I need to become self critical. Do I feel like a victim? What makes it necessary for me to hold on to that role? What would it be like if I gave up the victim role? (I'll share a bit more on this in the next blog.)

Fourth is a time of reconciliation. Brooks says the parties "bend toward each other." Not an embrace initially but a bending. Trust is not immediate but there is a healing of relationship. He says, "Good people are stronger when given a second chance" and the offended person is "uplifted when they offer kindness."

When I think of offering kindness to someone who has hurt me, it is uplifting. It releases a tension and an anger.

Since I truly believe a major trigger for relapse is the anger we hold, I pray we each can ask God to help us focus on forgiveness in our day today. Pray for an "attitude" of forgiveness. Feel the release of the anger. Feel the peace.

Blessings-Penny